Destiny Awaits
by Midnight Seductress
Summary: After Twilight. When Alice leaves to find her future, Bella makes a her a promise that will change everything.
1. Chapter One

**An: This story begins on the day of Bella's eighteenth birthday party, and will eventually be Bella/Jasper. The rating is currently T, but will change to M when we get to the lemons. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think.**

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, any of its characters and settings, and make no money from this. _

Chapter One

My birthday. Eighteen. A whole year older than Edward. How much older would I have to get before he let me become like him? Would he wait until I was old, until I had wrinkles and grey hair? I just felt depressed, when I should have felt happy. I knew that Alice I made a big deal of it, I was pretty sure that she had organised a party. She'd been acting strangely all week.

Edward, of course, was thrilled. He had no intentions of ever letting me become what he thought of as a soulless monster. In his eyes, every birthday was a gift, the longer he could hear my heart beating, the better. I knew that one day I'd bring him around to my way of thinking. Alice had seen it, seen a vision of us together, arm in arm, ghostly pale with butterscotch eyes. I couldn't wait.

I pulled up outside the Cullen's, knowing that the rumbling engine of my truck would have let them know I was on my way, even before I had turned down the drive. I took a deep breath, and tried to prepare myself, already beginning to feel nervous at the thought of all the attention which would shortly be on me.

Alice was pulling open the door of my truck even before I'd had time to notice she'd left the house. "Happy birthday!" she screeched, pulling me out of the truck and into a hug, so hard it made me gasp for breath. "Come on, get on my back, I want to talk to you before you go in." She whispered, right next to my ear.

I obliged immediately, anything to keep from going into the house and being lavished with gifts and attention. I closed my eyes against the sight of trees rushing past us as we sped into the forest, the wind whipped through my hair and chafed my cheeks. This was just like Alice, impulsive and giddy.

I'd barely had time to wonder what was going on when we came to an abrupt halt in the middle of a small clearing. Alice let me off her back but didn't turn to face me. I started to worry. "What's happened?" I hated the edge of fear in my voice, but I couldn't help but think that something bad was happening.

"It's not what's happened... but what's going to." She explained haltingly, wringing her hands. She turned to face me, and as I took in her face I calmed down. I felt more curious than afraid now. She looked sad, but at the same time excited.

"I'm leaving, just for a while. I had a vision last night, more than one, I've been having them for a while. There's so much more in my future than I ever realised, and I have to go out and meet it. I saw a man, a vampire. We were mated."

"But Alice, what about Jasper, you love him, he loves you. You could stay with him, with all of us. Aren't you happy?" I babbled, bewildered. I could hardly understand what she was saying, it just didn't fit. Carlisle and Esme, Rosalie and Emmet, me and Edward, and _Alice and Jasper_. That's just how it was, how it was always going to be.

"I'm happy, but I could be so much happier. Things between Jasper and I have been getting steadily worse for years, and since we met you, it's become harder and harder. He struggles with this life so much, and I'm sick, sick to the heart of me, of trying to rein him in. Trying to stop him from slipping. The strain's just become too much and I can't do it anymore." She said, I could see the truth of what she said in her eyes, and it hurt me to know that I had caused them such pain.

"I'm sorry, it was stupid of me, selfish. I make it so much harder for him. I can stop coming to the house, that will make it easier for him. You can't just leave Alice. It would hurt them all so much."

"No Bella, you're a part of this family now, they'll need you, when I'm gone, you'll help hold them together, I've seen it. Even if we'd never met you, this would have happened, it would just have taken longer for me to see that Jasper just isn't my destiny. Daniel is more than I had ever hoped for, he's the man I've seen, he'll make me happier than I thought I could be. You'll like him, they all will eventually." She said. She was smiling now, love shining from her face. Whether it was for us, or for the man she had yet to really meet, I didn't know.

I knew that I had no chance of persuading her to change her mind, no one did. She was going to leave. I felt the beginnings of tears build up in my eyes and spill over onto my cheeks.

"When...when are you going?" I choked out. "I'll miss you so much, you're my best friend Alice, my sister."

She looked away from me then, but reached out and took my hand. "As soon as I get you back to the house."

"Now? Have you already packed? Have you said goodbye? What do Carlisle and Esme think? Is Jasper ok?" I scrambled for words, scrubbing at the tears on my cheeks.

"I've got everything I need in the car." She said, then stared at my face for what seemed like hours, but could only have been second. "No one else knows... I couldn't tell them, it's taken everything I have to keep Edward from finding out. They wouldn't understand, and I don't know if I could leave if they asked me not to go, not all of them."

I stared at her, trying to understand what she was saying. "But how...? How can you leave without saying goodbye? Even if you speak to no one else, you owe Jasper an explanation. He deserves that at least."

"I can't, if he knew he'd follow me. He'd kill Daniel once I found him. It's better this way, a clean break. I hoped... I wanted you to tell him, to explain things. Make them all understand why I had to go. You understand, don't you Bella?" She was pleading with me now, and I knew that this was hurting her too, I knew there would be tears on her face to match my own if she could make them.

"I... understand why you have to go, I wish you didn't, but I get it, I do. And I'll tell them." I reached out and hugged her as tightly as I could, knowing it wouldn't hurt her.

"Jasper will need you, Bella, I need you to promise me you'll be there for him. And tell him that he'll be happy again. I've seen him, smiling, laughing, even. This is the right thing for him too, though it won't seem that way for a while." She hugged me back, almost painfully.

"I'll try my best, I promise. How long will you be gone?" The tears had stopped now, this was inevitable, and if Alice was right, and I'd never known her to be wrong, it was for the best.

"I don't know, a few months at least. I'll call as often as I can though. I'll miss you, most of all. Take care of them for me. And try to keep yourself safe." She laughed out the last part, though it sounded more like a sob.

"I will." I said quietly, already thinking about the task ahead of me, how hard it would be to tell them. Even harder to keep my promise. How could I be there for a vampire, that not only disliked me, but wanted more than anything, to feed from me? I knew that my presence caused him pain, made his throat burn for my blood. This was true for all of the Cullen's, but it wasn't anywhere near as bad for them as it was for him. It had been worse for Edward, in the beginning, but he had gotten used to me now.

"We better get back, they'll already be wondering what's going on. I'll drop you by the door, and I'll be gone by the time they realise what's happened."

Once again I climbed onto her back, but with a heavier heart. I didn't notice the speed this time, I was too focused on Jasper, and the fact that very soon, I would tell him something that would break his heart.


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

I walked as slowly as I could to the front door of the house that before now, I had always wanted to be in. Today I was tempted to run back to my truck and drive away. Maybe if I didn't tell them where she was going, Alice would have to stay. But before I had chance to tell her that I wouldn't do it, I heard the deep purr of a car leaving the garage and shooting off down the drive. I couldn't quite make myself turn round and watch her go, knowing it would just make me cry again. She'd told me I had to be strong for all of them.

My hands were clammy with nerves, so I wiped them on the sides of the skirt that had been a gift from Alice last week. Alice. I'd told her I understood, but I didn't, not really. How could she leave her family, and a man who loved her more than anything in the world, just on the off chance that there was something better? What if she never found this Daniel, it was possible that she had been wrong, or that she would do something wrong that would lead to her not finding him. My thoughts swirled in my head, and I found it hard to focus on any of them.

Instead I thought of Jasper. The first thing I would have to do, was take him aside and explain everything to him. I would tell him everything that Alice had said to me. I steadied my resolve and took the last step to the door, which was flung open even before my hand had reached out to knock.

Edward pulled me into the room and swept me into a kiss "Happy Birthday" he whispered silkily, before setting me down. My eyes scanned the room and met Jasper's, he was the farthest away from me, as always. He stared at me frowning, it didn't surprise me. With his gift, he would be feeling all my swirling emotions. Emotions that didn't belong at a birthday party.

Everyone was looking at me worriedly now. I could imagine what a mess I looked, with my puffy red eyes, and windswept hair. Well they'd just have to wonder for a while longer. I smiled apologetically at Edward as he tugged me round to face him properly. Slipping my hand from his, I walked over to Jasper. Edward, of course followed close behind me, but said nothing.

It was now or never, and though never seemed like the easier option, it wouldn't fair to everyone else. "Jasper?" I whispered, my voice sounding ridiculously feeble. "Could I speak to you outside please?"

"What's going on Bella?" Edward asked, his voice almost a growl now. "There's no need to go outside, you can speak to Jasper in here." He'd left the 'where it's safe' unsaid, but we all knew he meant it.

"I'll explain later Edward. Jasper? Please?" His face showed his confusion, but no reluctance, and I was thankful for that at least.

Jasper stepped out through the open patio doors and into the garden, and held his hand out, to help me do the same. I managed a smile, surprised and pleased that he had offered his hand. I made it through the doorway without tripping, and heard Edward growl as he followed me out. Jasper dropped my hand immediately.

"I'd like to talk to him _alone_ please Edward." I told him, as firmly as I could manage, I knew he wouldn't like it, but I would explain everything to him soon.

Edward stared at my face for a second, and then turned to glare at Jasper. After a moment his face evened out, and I assumed that he had found from Jasper's thoughts, that he wasn't likely to lose control. He pulled me to his chest and gave me quick peck on the lips. "Don't be long. You've got a cake and presents waiting inside."

I hadn't thought about the party for what seemed like hours now. It seemed trivial compared to the news I had to break. As soon as Edward stepped back into the house I started walking across the grass in the direction of a huge boulder that looked like a good place to sit. I could feel, rather than hear Jasper following me. Sitting down on the very edge of the rock, I saw Jasper sit as far from me as possible.

"I don't know where to start." I began helplessly. How could I sit here and break his heart? "I need you to try and stay calm, and try not to get angry with me."

I knew that if he lost it with me so close, it wouldn't end well.

"What is it Bella?" He snapped. "What's going on? Where's Alice?"

"She's gone." I whispered. Jasper was on me before I could blink. He pulled me up against him, gripping my arms and shook me.

"What do you mean, she's gone? Gone where?" He growled.

"Calm Jasper, remember, just let me go and I'll explain everything." I fought down my fear, knowing it would only add to his mood. I could already feel that my arms would be badly bruised, and was thankful that I had chosen to wear a long sleeved top. If Edward saw them he'd kill Jasper.

He growled low in his throat, and gripped tighter for a second, before he let go and took a step back. He stared at me, wide eyed with his fists clenched tightly at his sides.

"She left. She had a vision of another vampire, she said that he is her destiny. I'm so sorry. She said that you'll be happy again, and that everything will be ok. That this was what was best for both of you." I couldn't bear to meet his eyes as I told him his wife, the woman he'd had by his side for decades had left him to find another man. Finally I managed to raise my eyes to his.

Disbelief showed clearly on his face, but after a moment of staring into my eyes and seeing the truth in them, his face was contorted by grief. I felt it sweep over me in waves so strong they almost knocked me to the floor.

"Alice..." he groaned, before he fell to his knees at my feet. His shoulders shook with sobs, though he made no sound. I'd never seen anyone look so broken, and felt my own tears make their way down my cheeks.

I kneeled down next to him and wrapped my arms around his shaking form. He collapsed against me and wrapped his arms tightly around my waist, he head against my chest. "Why?" He sobbed. "How...?"

"She said she had to. She... she told me that you two had been having problems for years, and that you weren't right for each other anymore. She thinks that her leaving is the best thing for both of you. She told me she'll call soon." I didn't know what to say to make him ok. Waves of his sadness, loss, and worst of all, his total desolation hit me.

I stroked his hair as I rocked him. "You'll be ok Jasper, I know it hurts but you're not alone, we love you, your family loves you." I wondered if he'd ever really be okay again, as he clung to me as if I was the only think keeping him afloat.

"Jasper, come on, we need to go inside, we need to tell the others." I said gently.

"Please" he whispered, clinging tighter. His solid arms were beginning to hurt as they pressed into the tops of my hips, and I tried to wriggle out of his grasp.

"NO!" It was Edward, and he ran over to us so fast that he seemed blurred. He grabbed Jasper by the back of his neck and yanked him upright. Jasper, unwilling, or unable to let go of me yet, dragged me up with him.

"Get off her!" Edward yelled furiously. It was clear that he was trying to decide whether or not to risk hitting him while he still held me.

"Edward he's not hurting me." I lied. "Alice left. He's upset, calm down!" Hearing her name made him whimper and nuzzle the side of my head like a tired puppy.

"Just help me get him inside?" I asked Edward, hoping he would be able to stifle his need to protect me long enough to look after his brother.

Edward face tightened as he watched Jasper, but he let go of him, as I turned him around to face the house. By this point, all of the Cullen's had come outside. Rosalie was whispering furiously to Emmet, while Esme sobbed into Carlisle's chest.

Just then, just for a second, I wanted to kill Alice. How could she leave me to tell her family she'd basically run away. Why had she left me to pick up the pieces? Was it even something I could do? Or would she come back to find that her family had fallen apart?


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

It was clear that the rest of the family had heard me tell Edward that Alice had gone, but they needed to know why. It was difficult to think clearly with Jasper's emotions raging out of control, thickening the air. With Edwards help, I got him over to the couch.

Jasper sunk down with me, still not letting go, and nuzzled my shoulder. I was beginning to think his mind had shut itself down, up until an hour ago, I was pretty sure that he hated me. I opened my mouth to speak, to explain what had happened, but my words got caught on a sob. I knew it weren't my own feelings, but Jaspers, that were causing such pain.

I was sad that Alice was gone, and I would miss her, but when she came back she would still be my friend, my sister. For Jasper, things wouldn't go back to normal. I tried to put myself in his place. How would I feel if it was Edward that had snuck away? The mere thought of it had a lump rising in my throat.

I found Edwards concerned gaze, and held my hand out to him, tugging him down to sit on my other side. Then, with one hand rubbing Jaspers back, and the other holding tightly to Edwards, I told them all why Alice had gone.

"Why couldn't she tell us? We would have understood." Esme pleaded, her face stricken.

"She thought you might try to get her to stay, and that Jasper would follow her." I whispered, knowing that if Jasper chose to, he could hear me. I didn't tell that how Alice had felt choked by Jasper, or that helping him overcome his desire for Human blood had finally become too much for her. That was nobody's business but theirs, it was bad enough that I knew about it.

"Is she going to come back?" Carlisle asked, his words were calm, but his eyes were sad.

"In a few months, when she's found him. I think she'll be bringing him back with her." Suddenly, Jaspers arms tightened as he growled, and I felt a pop in my side, followed by a sharp pain.

By the time I'd gasped Jasper was already on the other side of the room. Edward and Emmet had him pressed against the wall, each gripping one of his arms. Jasper snarled and thrashed, trying to get loose, and I felt a trickle of fear creep over me.

Carlisle took my arm and gently led me to his study. "I'll need to take a look at that." He told me, pointing to my left side where pain bloomed. "It sounded like he cracked it, come on, hop up on the desk."

I'd had cracked ribs before, but I remembered it hurting more then. Perhaps it was more difficult to feel physical pain, while I could feel so much of Jaspers mental anguish. I wondered vaguely how far away I would have to get to stop feeling everything he felt.

Carlisle pushed my shirt up a few inches to give him access to my newest injury. "Christ Bella, why didn't you say something before?"

I propped myself up on my elbows, grunting at the intensified pain, and followed Carlisle's eyes. Bruises were already darkening across my waist, my pale skin making them look much worse than they felt. He looked horrified.

"He didn't do it on purpose. He's broken, he's not thinking straight. It's not as bad as it looks, honestly." I told him watching as he moved his fingers along each rib, and shook his head at an almost perfect handprint, discolouring the skin of my hip.

"That doesn't make it ok." He told my firmly as he straightened my shirt. "Nothing broken I don't think, just be careful for a few days, to be on the safe side. Do you want me to tape them up?"

I shook my head, and then a thought occurred "Do I smell like Alice?" I asked.

He inhaled slowly, and then smiled. "Yes, her scents all over you, I suppose that's why Jaspers turned to you."

"Alice made me promise I'd look after him. What can I do? He just seems to be getting worse."

"Bella, he's not safe right now. He could snap. Alice shouldn't have asked you to make a promise you can't keep."

"He won't hurt me. Alice said she's seen how things will turn out, and that we'll all be ok."

Carlisle's face softened, "He already has hurt you. I don't think he's really in control of himself. His mind has shut itself down, so that he can cope. There's not much any of us can do for him until he becomes rational again."

We walked back to the living room, the sounds of Jaspers struggles seeming horribly loud in the silence of the room. A soon as I stepped through the door his head snapped towards me, and he began to thrash more violently. He bared his teeth and tried to bite Emmet.

"Take Bella home please" Edward shouted, looking past me to Carlisle.

"I'm not going anywhere." I fought down my own fear and tried to block out Jasper's desperation. "I'm pretty sure Alice would have told me if he was going to rip me to pieces."

Edward pursed his lips for half a second, and then released his breath slowly. "Alright."

I took a hesitant step towards Jasper. I believed what I'd told Edward, Alice wouldn't have asked me to help him, if there was a chance that he would hurt me. That couldn't stop the anxiety I felt as I walked over to the crazed vampire.

I took another two steps, breathing slowly, trying to make myself feel calm. I noticed that the closer I got, the less Jasper struggled. I stopped just out of his reach. "Jasper... I need you to calm down; do you think you can do that?"

He stopped, unnaturally still and whimpered. It was the most heartbreaking sound I'd ever heard. Tentatively, I reached my hand up to his face, willing it not to shake. I heard Edward breathe in sharply, and said a silent thank you to him, knowing how hard it was for him to stand and watch me do something he deemed dangerous.

The moment my hand touched Jaspers cheek he turned his face into it and rubbed his nose against my palm. His whimpers turned into a quiet purr, and all the pain and loneliness radiating from him grew a little less strong. I heard Esme let out a sigh of relief from somewhere behind me.

"Ok Jasper, I'm going to sit down, and you can come with me, but you have to be gentle. I'm breakable, do you understand?" I didn't hold out much hope of getting an answer, but he turned to look me in the eye, which I took as a yes.

Emmett let go of the arm he was holding and Edward slackened his hold a little. I smiled encouragingly at Jasper and took his hand. He followed me back to the couch, and stood next to me looking lost after I sat down. "It's ok" I told him placing a pillow on my lap. As soon as Edward had completely released him, he lay down on the couch and rested his head on the pillow. I stroked his silky hair, and again he made the little purring noise.

Edward sat on the arm of the sofa and rubbed the back of my neck, I leaned against his cool hand and sighed. "I need to call Charlie."

Esme smiled nervously. "Alice already did, she called him last night and asked him if you could stay for the weekend, he's not expecting you back until Sunday night."

"So she knew what this would do to him before she left." I murmured, I loved her but I couldn't believe she could be so selfish. "What can we do?" I asked them "How do we fix him?"

"I think he just needs time. He'll be back to normal as soon as his mind can cope with what's going on. The mind of a vampire is very different to the mind of a human, we process things much more quickly. If you were in Jaspers position, Bella, you might be like this for weeks, but for him it could be just a few hours." Carlisle told them. "The best we can do for him is to try not to push him, and help him when he lets us."

I looked down at the head resting in my lap. If I didn't know any better I'd think he was sleeping. His features were slack and he was still, only moving to press his nose into my shirt every so often. What he would do when her scent faded, I didn't know.


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

It was dark out now, no one had bothered to turn on any lights, but the room was lit with the pale glow of a crescent moon.

Jasper had stayed mostly quiet, the only time he'd made a fuss had been when I'd tried to get up to get something to eat. I'd ended up eating a plate of toast over his head, when it had become clear that I wouldn't be leaving the sofa anytime soon without a struggle.

Edward stood behind me rubbing my shoulders, and I could feel my eyes getting heavy as it relaxed me. I was tired and I wanted a shower, and a 'human moment'. We couldn't feel Jaspers emotions any more, and took that as a sign that he was feeling at least a little better. Maybe he would be ok on his own for a while.

Esme glided over. "Bella, you need to sleep." She said kindly. "I'll look after him, why don't you run upstairs and grab a shower, I think you have some clean clothes in Edwards's room."

I tried sliding out from under Jaspers head, in the hopes that he wouldn't notice. Ridiculous really, as he was a vampire I realised as his arms tightened a little. For about an hour now he'd had one arm behind me, stroking the exposed skin of my back between my shirt and skirt. I didn't mind at all, it was nice, but I was glad that Edward couldn't see. I doubted he would let that slide.

Time for a different tack. "Jasper, I need to get up." He lifted his head about an inch and looked up at me. "I want to go and take a shower, but I promise I'll come right back. Esme will stay with you while I'm gone. Is that ok?"

He eased himself up into a sitting position, and I felt a trickle of panic from him. I reached over and squeezed his hand. "I won't be long."

I got up carefully and stepped back as Esme took my place. He leaned against her shoulder as she rubbed his back and spoke to him with words too quiet for my inferior ears to hear. I stretched and felt my sore ribs protest, but managed not wince.

Edwards's bathroom was beautiful, all pale marble with a thick cream carpet. I spared a longing glance at the huge tub, before stripping and stepping into the shower. The heat and pressure of the water made me feel better almost instantly. I got cleaned up as quickly as I could, washing my hair and sponging the mud from my ankles.

Smothering a yawn I turned off the water and reached for a fluffy white towel. Everything in this house was utterly perfect, and I was pretty sure that if it were possible, I'd never leave again. After drying off I wrapped the towel tightly around myself and stepped out into Edwards's room.

I was unprepared for what awaited me. Jasper was crouched on the floor beside the open door, and the moment I was through it he shot up and wrapped his arms around me, pulling my back against his chest. His cold skin against my still heated flesh surprised a gasp out of me.

Esme sat on the couch opposite us, clearly trying not laugh. I supposed I looked a bit comical. I flushed with embarrassment and felt my heart thrumming in my chest. Feeling exposed and nervous I tried to pull away.

Jasper, no doubt feeling my discomfort, pressed his icy lips to the base of my neck and purred. "Not really helping" I squeaked.

Esme couldn't help but giggle, but she took pity on my and helped me disentangle myself. He didn't fight Esme as he had his brothers, but she still had a hard time getting him across the room to sit on the couch with her. "I'd get dressed quickly if I were you sweetheart, I've got a feeling he won't stay here long."

Already laid out on the desk were my favourite PJs. I scooped them up and hurried back into the bathroom, careful to lock the door. Not that it would stop him if he escaped Esme's tender clutches.

I don't think I'd ever dressed as quickly. Once I was decent I glanced into the mirror. The vest top I was wearing displayed the bruises on my upper arms from Jaspers earlier loss of control. They were nowhere near as bad as the ones on my stomach, and they barely hurt, but I knew Edward would react badly if he saw them.

Back in the bedroom I opened Edwards's closet and pulled a shirt out from the bottom, it would have to do to keep my arms covered.

"The boys have gone out for a quick hunt and Edward's left me to guard you." Esme said with a sigh. "Though I think we both know you're in no danger tonight."

I smiled, glad that at least one person could see that Jasper had no desire to hurt me. He'd just had his face right against my neck, and he hadn't tried anything. It seemed clear to me, and now Esme, that his mind was too occupied by other things.

I yawned again and tried to hide it, but Esme caught it and chuckled. "Come on Jasper, Bella needs her sleep. She'll still be here in the morning." She pulled him to his feet, but he was back at my side in half a second.

"Please?" He rasped, his voice the opposite of its usual velvet smoothness. His eyes begged me as much as his words did. I took the fact that he had spoken as a good sign, it had to mean that he was coming back to himself.

Esme hovered close to us. "It's ok, he can stay. If you made him leave he'd just come running back up as soon as you turned your back." I didn't mind really. It made a nice change for me to be able to help one of the Cullens instead of the other way around.

"You need to sleep Bella." Esme said. I think she was trying to be stern, but she only sounded loving. I couldn't help but smile.

"I will, I'll go to sleep and he can just sit with me or something." I shrugged and headed over to the couch, already wishing it was a bed. As I expected Jasper followed half a pace behind. Esme handed me a pillow and thick, soft quilt. I hadn't even seen her leave the room, but that didn't surprise me. Maybe I'd been hanging around with vampires for too long.

She helped me make the couch up into some semblance of a bed and it was obvious that she enjoyed the extra chance to be motherly. "Will you be alright there?" She asked me doubtfully.

"It's fine Esme, honestly. Thank you." I slipped under the cover and sighed contentedly, only now realising how tired I really was.

Jasper leaned down towards me, then stopped, staring. His insecurity washed over me. I'd be glad when he'd gotten back control of his gift. There was no way I could sleep with him looming over me like that, and in any case, you'd have to have a heart of stone to refuse to look on his face.

I lifted the quilt a few inches. "D'you want to get in?"

"Please." He said again.

"Come on then." I smiled at him and felt him relax. He lay behind me on the sofa and curled his arms around me and purred his relief, I felt the rumble of travel through his chest and into mine. It was strangely warming.

Esme fussed around us for a moment, tucking in all the edges of the quilt. She kissed my cheek, and leaned over me to kiss Jasper's. The smile she gave us was so full of affection that my chest tightened with emotion.

She settled into the chair at the desk and gazed out of the window.

"You don't have to stay you know."

"I do, I promised Edward that I wouldn't leave you alone with him. Don't give me that look, I know he won't hurt you, but Edward worries. It makes him feel better to know that there's someone here to protect you, if you need it."

I smiled, recognising the truth in her words. Everything I felt from Jasper now only relaxed me further and as my mind drifted I thought about the situation I was in.

I was in my boyfriends bedroom, spooning with his brother, while his 'mother' watched over us to make sure that he didn't rip my throat out.

"Edwards just gonna love this." I mumbled sleepily.

I fell asleep with the sound of Esme's chuckle still sweeping the room.

**An:**** Thanks so much for the kind reviews everyone. Hope you liked this as much. x**


	5. Chapter Five

**An:**** Thanks so much for all the kind reviews, when I got up this morning and found them all in my inbox I had to do a little happy dance. I **_**think**_** I replied to all of you, but if not I'm sorry.**

Chapter Five

_Edward_

I'd hunted quickly, only taking down a single elk. I hadn't wanted to come at all, but was difficult to refuse Esme anything. Running back to the house I leapt up through my window, landing silently on the floor.

I had to bite my teeth together to hold in the growl that threatened to tear its way up my throat. The sight of him wrapped around _my_ Bella sent a white hot shock of rage rippling through me. I stared for a moment, trying to keep control of myself. Esme's thoughts were somewhat predictably, debating whether or not to redecorate Jasper and Alice's room. She was wondering if it would help. I focused on that for a second.

Jaspers thoughts, were more of a mumble, I could only catch the odd word _safe... don't leave...Ally...please...warm... _his eyes were squeezed shut as if he were in pain, and I took some comfort in that. Clearly, Bella wasn't helping him that much, and as soon as he came back to his senses he would leave her alone. She didn't even smell like Alice anymore, so it was only a matter of time.

Even so, right now he was in my room, in my place, with my mate and it wasn't right. I edged towards them, intent on hauling him out of the room so that I could take my rightful place, when I felt a hand on my arm.

"Leave them Edward. He's not going to hurt her. Just let her sleep, and let him heal." Esme's voice wasn't quite the tonic it usually was, but I allowed her to pull me back and press me into the chair she had just left.

I sat stiff and upright in the chair, my eyes never leaving the pair on the couch. "You go out and join the others" I told her. "I'll keep watch."

I saw her smile and shake her head as she left the room. I knew she thought I was being overly cautious. I couldn't understand how they all seemed to think that this was completely normal. Even Bella. In fact, she seemed to be the least bothered by Jaspers strange behaviour.

Had they forgotten how dangerous Jasper was? I'd lost count of the number of times we'd had to physically hold him down to stop him hunting human. Hell, how many times had he had to leave the house while Bella was here, for fear that he wouldn't be able to control himself around her?

And now, suddenly, they all seemed to think that by losing his mind he'd become the epitome of control. Ridiculous. That's what it was. Regardless of anything else, it shouldn't be Bella's job to take care of him. She shouldn't have to deal with him latching onto her all the time. _I shouldn't have to deal with watching it._

Carlisle thought that he'd be back to some semblance of normal by morning, but whether that was the case or not, I wouldn't put up with this for much longer. I listened to Bella's even breathing for a while, when I focused on that I could almost pretend that we were alone.

Tomorrow I'd take her out for the day. Keep her safe, keep her away from him. I could kill Alice. She must have seen this. I would have liked at least a vague warning. I can't believe she managed to keep something this big from me. Must have been luck.

What did she think she was doing anyway? Going half way around the world to find some man she'd probably seen for all of two seconds. I hope she doesn't expect to waltz back in with him, and we'll all accept him just like that.

Bella's light moan caught my attention a few moments later, and I was at her side in less than a second. I could see from this angle that Jaspers hands had slipped under the hem of her shirt, resting on the skin of her stomach. Through the thin cloth I watched the outline of his thumbs move in lazy sweeps at her waist.

The shock of seeing someone else touching the soft skin that should be only mine left me paralysed for a moment. In a flash of possessiveness I ripped her from his arms and into my own.

She stumbled as I held her upright. "Wos goin' on?" She mumbled her voice still laden with sleep.

I looked back at Jasper, prepared for some sort of attack. Earlier he hadn't taken to kindly to be separated from Bella, but he stood facing us his thoughts only showing confusion.

"He was touching you." I spat. "He had his hands up your top."

I watched her mouth form a little moue of surprise as she blushed. Jasper glanced down at his hands and clenched them into fists. "Sorry." He said shortly, and bolted from the room.

Bella still in a fog of sleep stared at the door, baffled. "Come on, you can go back to sleep now I've gotten rid of him." I told her, concealing my pride and pulling her down into my lap.

I felt a twinge of annoyance as she pulled away and walked to the open door, looking between it and me with indecision. "You don't have to look after him. It's not your job."

"Yes it is." She said absently, sweeping her hair out of her eyes and leaving the room. I wondered what she meant.

I trailed after her to Alice and Jaspers room, but she paused outside it and shook her head. "Has he got another room, an office maybe?"

I very nearly said no, but I got the impression that she'd just wander all over the house until she found him. Deciding I'd rather get this over with quickly I took her to Jaspers study at the other end of the house.

She knocked gently and walked into the darkened room. Jasper stood next to the window with his back to us.

Bella reached up and put her hand on his shoulder. "How're you doing?" Why did she even care? As far as I knew they'd never considered each other friends, they'd hardly even soken to each other since their time in Phoenix.

I watched with some satisfaction as he shrugged off her hand. "I'm fine." He told her tightly.

"You shouldn't be on your own." What did she intend to do? Bring him back to my room so he could snuggle between us? Not a chance.

Jasper whirled around, his face livid. "For God's sake Bella! Will you just leave me alone?" He snapped.

Bella flinched away from him and came back to my side, her face betraying the hurt she felt before she had time to hide it behind a curtain of hair.

Jaspers thoughts were clearer now. _How could I be so week...? I'm surprised she could bear to be in the same room with me...I'm pathetic..._ He was angry at himself, not her, but there was no need for me to tell her that.

Back in my room we laid down together, wrapped in each other's arms. This was how things should be. Her sad eyes were so easy to read sometimes that I forgot I couldn't read her mind. She felt inadequate, like she hadn't done a good enough job.

I kissed her gently and pulled her closer so I could hold her while she slept, and she was dreaming again in seconds.

My Bella, I'd keep her safe, she could relax now. It must have been difficult to get to sleep before. She'd have felt awkward, and though she wouldn't have shown it, even to me, afraid. She knew what Jasper was capable of.

She started shivering in her sleep after a while, and she tugged herself away from the coldness of my body.

I didn't want her to be cold, the goose bumps on her arms made me feel guilty. I tucked the quilt around her and took up my place in the chair again. Crushing the thin arms of the chairs to splinters, I only had one thought.

She hadn't felt cold as she'd lain with _him_.

_**An:**_** I was a bit worried about this one, I found it really hard to write from Edwards's perspective (Not something I'll be trying again for a while) and because there's less of the puppyJasper cuteness that you all seem to like so much (more of that to come, I promise) Let me know how you think it turned out. **


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes, were Edward's staring back at me. What was he doing over there? Watching me sleep, when I felt sure we'd curled up together.

"Good morning, beautiful." He said, in that voice that me tingly.

I didn't feel beautiful this morning, I felt like I'd had all of five minutes sleep. "Morning." I yawned rolling onto my back.

My sides protested as I sat up and looked in the mirror across the room. I didn't look quite as bad as I felt, but my hair seemed to have taken on a life of its own in the night and tied its self into knots.

Maybe I should just go back to sleep. I couldn't quite summon up the energy to get cleaned up and dressed.

Just as I was about to sink back down onto the couch Edward took the decision out of my hands, and started combing through my hair.

Now this I liked. I could get used to this quite easily. I settled back and relaxed into the soothing sensation. My mind drifted to the night before and I felt something tighten in my belly as I thought of Jaspers words. It seemed I wasn't really helping him. I was back to being a nuisance, and he'd swatted me away with his harsh words as easily as he might have swatted a fly.

Well I could leave him alone. I would. There was no need to force my company on someone who clearly didn't want it. I tried not to think about the fact that what he'd said had hurt me. I knew he thought I wasn't good enough, and he was probably angry at me for being the one to comfort him.

Though that was his fault really, wasn't it? He was the one who'd kept coming back to me. He sought me out, not the other way around. So maybe he was angry at me for letting him.

"Why don't you get dressed and I'll make you some breakfast." Oh, so he'd finished. I hadn't noticed. I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck to kiss him.

He smiled as I pulled away and brought his mouth back down to mine for another kiss. Just a little more heated, a little longer than he usually allowed. When I opened my eyes again he was gone.

I got ready for the day with a smile on my face. Edward had knocked all less happy thoughts from my head.

Downstairs I took in what I'd hardly noticed the night before. The room was all decked out in silver and lilac balloons and streamers. What could only be my birthday cake sat in the middle of the huge dining table, with crystal glasses and china plates. A small pile of presents sat at the opposite end.

It could only have been Alice. No one else would have gone to this much trouble.

I turned away from it and headed to the kitchen where I found Edward and Esme having a whispered debate.

"She's not eating them. I'll make her something if you won't. Eggs, she likes eggs." Since when had he been bothered about what I ate?

"Alice said she likes them, I bought them specially." Esme was pouting now.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, wandering into the room.

"Esme insists on killing you with sugary confections that have no nutritional value whatsoever." Edward said. His face was so earnest I couldn't hold in my giggle.

"I like sugar. What have we got?" I poked my head into the open cupboard and saw a box of Lucky Charms. "Ohh, I haven't eaten these in years!" I squealed reaching up to grab them.

Edward tried to take them off me but I held them behind my back. "You need to eat something better than them. They're no good for you. Let me make you breakfast. Please. How about breakfast in bed?"

"Nope. I'm already up. Nothing compares to lucky charms, they were my favourite when I was little. Thank you Esme." I had to hug her, this was one present that I really didn't mind getting in the least.

"See Edward." She sent him a triumphant smirk. "Mother knows best."

Edward disappeared into the living room in a huff. He was used to getting his own way.

Esme got me a bowl and spoon as I got the milk, the only thing in their fridge. She wiped down the work tops as I ate. I was surprised at how normal it felt. Domestic and homely, something my mother never was. It made a nice change, I decided, as Esme threw the cloth she'd been using into the sink.

"Is Jasper still upstairs?" She asked innocently. I knew that anyone who'd been in the house must have heard that little confrontation last night.

Taking my empty bowl to the sink I answered carefully. "I wouldn't know. He left Edwards room last night and I haven't seen him today."

"He didn't mean it you know. He's just feeling bad. Why don't you go and speak to him?" Esme asked, more cajoled really. I knew she hated conflict of any kind. "Edward said that last night, you told him it was your job. What did you mean?"

Sighing, I remembered what Alice had asked of me. I'd be a pretty bad friend if I gave up now. "She asked me to look after him. She's seen that he'll be ok if I do."

Esme's face lit up in a brilliant smile. "I knew it. Carlisle said he might never get over it, but I told him he would." She came over and hugged me, a little harder than was necessary. When she looked at me though, she frowned.

"I know it's not really your place, and that Alice had no right to ask, but you will try won't you? I can't bear to see him in so much pain."

I'd already pretty much resolved to try again, and I agreed, it was just too hard to see him hurting. "Of course I'll try. I'll go and see him as soon as I've washed this." I felt like a bit of a coward, playing for time like that, but it was hard not to think about his face as he'd shouted at me.

"Nonsense." Esme said briskly, whipping the bowl out of my hands. She had it washed, dried and on its way back to the cupboard before I'd even had time to think of a protest. "Off you go. No use putting it off. Just... be gentle with him."

I knew exactly what she meant, but it didn't stop the laugh that bubbled up in my throat. Esme looked at me worriedly for a moment before she caught on, and joined me in a giggle. Yes, I would have to remember to be gentle with the almost invincible vampire.

I sobered as I reached the top of the stairs and hesitated. _Come on Bella, you made a promise. _I sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

I rapped on the door of his study three times and waited. No answer. I knocked again, "Can I come in?" again there was no answer. As I pushed open the door I had half a second to hope he wasn't there before I saw him.

Jasper was sitting on his desk with his back against the wall, one knee pulled up to his chest, one foot trailing down to the floor. He didn't look at me as he spoke. "I don't remember inviting you in."

I shrugged and closed the door behind me. He had much better control of himself now, but I could still feel a little trickle of pain coming from him. I couldn't begin to imagine how much more he was holding inside.

I hopped up onto the desk next to him without breaking anything. It was a minor triumph, but it made me feel more positive.

"I don't need to be coddled Bella, nor do I want it."

"Who said anything about coddling? Maybe I just felt like some company." I told him. I knew he'd see through the lie strait away. I had never sought him out before, for anything.

"I heard Esme send you up here, Vampire, you know..." He drawled.

"I was coming anyway." I told him easily, it was mainly true.

Finally he lifted his eyes to mine. "Why's that?" There was very little curiosity in his voice, but I answered him any way.

"I felt like sitting in the dark and being miserable, obviously." The corner of his lip twitched the tiniest bit. I took it as a good sign.

"I didn't want you to be hurting up here all by yourself. Does my being here bother you?"

"I'm not hungry!" He snapped, misunderstanding.

"That's good, but it's not quite what I meant." I inched closer until we were sitting thigh to thigh and shoulder to shoulder. I waited for him to push me away, but I felt him relax against my side, and I smiled.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, and I found myself surprised at how easy that was. He was a strangely calming person even when he wasn't using his gift.

"I... I mean... Thank you... for last night."

His words were hesitant, and forced, like it cost him something to say them, but they touched me all the same. "You're welcome."

I watched him turn to face me a little. "And I wanted to explain... it wasn't the way... I mean, it... Look I wasn't feeling you up alright?" I swear if he could have blushed he would have. His stuttering was actually kind of cute.

I'd forgotten all about that. I bit my lip and tried not to laugh, ending up snorting instead.

Jasper scowled. "I just didn't want you to think I was taking advantage of you after... after you'd taken care of me."

I smiled and laid my head on his shoulder. "I'd forgotten all about that. Edward overreacts sometimes, you probably know that better than I do."

Emmett interrupted us by bounding into the room, closely followed by Edward. Jasper tensed at my side.

"Party time Bells!" Emmett crowed, pulling me to my feet and spinning me in a circle. "Esme says you have to come and open your presents and blow out your candles before Carlisle goes to work."

I groaned. I'd hoped that all that would be forgotten in light of more recent developments. "Ok, ok, fine."

"You comin' down?" He boomed at Jasper, who only scowled. "Ah, did we interrupt you trying to feel her up again?"

I slapped at Emmett, knowing I wouldn't hurt him. "He didn't! And if he doesn't want to come down he doesn't have to. Now get downstairs."

"Yes Ma'am." Emmett laughed, hoisting me up onto his shoulders he ran from the room and down the stairs. "One birthday girl, as requested." He said dumping me onto the couch.

I pushed my hair out of my eyes and glared at him. "I can walk, you know."

Emmett grinned. "Not without falling down."

I tried to stay mad, really I did, but in the end I had to smile.

Edward followed us a minute later, and the little gathering wasn't nearly as bad as I'd feared.

Carlisle and Esme gave me to tickets to see Swan Lake in Seattle in a month's time. Emmett had already installed a new stereo in my truck from him, Rosalie and Jasper, though I had a pretty good idea that he had been the driving force behind it.

Edward gave me cell phone, which he said was also from Alice. I didn't like getting such expensive gifts, but I was pleased with them, especially the tickets to the ballet.

Esme made me stand at the head of the table while they all sang happy birthday, it was mortifying, but kind of nice. She'd made the cake herself, and it was beautiful and delicious. So yummy looking, that Emmett had decided to try it.

"Yurrrrgh! How can you eat that shit?" He grimaced.

"Language Emmett!" Esme chastised.

I grinned. "Mmmmmm, it's gorgeous."

After a round of thank you's and hugs and far too much cake I wandered upstairs with my presents. I put the already charged cell into my pocket and the tickets carefully into my bag, and left the room thinking about lunch.

And bumped straight into a rock hard chest. Jasper steadied me before I could fall and frowned.

"Edward said I hurt you." He stated, and I saw his eyes flit across all my exposed skin.

"It's nothing." I told him stepping away and wrapping my arms around my middle.

His gaze moved to my waist and I cursed myself for the stupid move that had given me away.

His arm snaked out, knocking my out of the way as he lifted my shirt a few inches. I saw his eyes widen a fraction before he turned his back to me.

"That's not nothing." He muttered. "You shouldn't be around me. I'm a monster."

I tugged my shirt back down angrily. I was sick of being told what was safe for me. "Funny." I snapped "You look like an angel."

He turned back to face me, a small smile on his face. "Never heard that one before."

I shrugged, calmed down by his sudden change of mood.

"Edward's right, you have absolutely no self preservation instincts at all. You call me an angel when I'm the last person in the house you should be alone with. Volatile, Alice used to say. I could snap at any moment."

He was only a few inches from me, his face shadowed and his eyes dark. But as he talked about how dangerous the situation was, I couldn't find it in me to be afraid.

"You won't though, will you?" I breathed. "If you were going to hurt me you would have done it last night, there were plenty of chances."

"I did hurt you Bella."

"Not really. Not like you could have. You weren't even in control of yourself, you tried to bite Emmett, but you never tried to bite me."

"So what, you think that because for one night, while my mind was on other things and I didn't bite you, that you're safe? That's not really how it works."

"Well what about now? What about when we were in your study? Are you thirsty? Do you want to drink from me?"

He frowned, and I could see he was thinking. "I... I suppose I don't really. The burn's not as bad as it was before. Huh... you might be right, you still smell delicious, but it's manageable. Maybe I just got used to you." A slow smile spread across his face.

I grinned at him. "I do tend to grow on people."

My pocket vibrated, and then beeped. It took a few seconds for me to realise what was going on, and pull my new phone out. I fumbled with it and pressed a few wrong buttons, before I managed to get to the inbox.

I had one new message. From a number I recognized.

"Alice."

**An:**** How'd you like it? Let me know. X**

**For my next trick, I will be attempting Jaspers point of view, wish me luck!**


	7. Chapter Seven

**An: 100 reviews!!! Squeal!!! Happy Birthday Becca xx, here it is, as promised.**

Chapter Seven

"Alice"

As soon as she spoke I froze. Her eyes scanned the message and then my face, before she stuffed the phone back into her pocket.

It was obvious that she didn't know what to do. I fought to stay standing, my legs were numb, and I didn't know how much longer I could expect them to hold me up. I could almost feel myself shutting down, falling back into the place I had been last night.

"What does it say?" The words sounded forced and brittle, even to my own ears.

Bella looked worriedly at me, I wondered what could be so bad. Nothing Alice had to say could hurt me as badly as her desertion had.

"Not much. She's in South America. She says she's sorry, and she loves us all." I felt myself nod, then slide down the wall.

Bella didn't hesitate to crouch beside me and hold me. I was glad, I thought I might just fall apart if someone didn't hold me together.

Had I made Alice's life so unbearable that she had to get away from me? Was I so difficult to love? She had held me together for more than half a century. She held me to this family. What was I supposed to do without her?

The loneliness in my chest gnawed at me. In over one hundred and sixty years of existence, I'd never felt so lost.

"You're not alone." Bella whispered. How did she know what I'd been thinking? "You have your family, we all love you."

I pulled her into my lap and clutched her to me. The heat of her body soaked into me and relieved some of the ache in my chest.

"You're safe." She murmured.

_Safe and warm... safe and warm... safe and warm..._ It became a mantra, holding off the crashing waves of grief just enough to let me think. Just enough to realise I wasn't feeling only my pain, but hers too.

What was hurting her? I didn't think I was holding her too tight, but I didn't have much experience to go on. It took a lot of effort to release her, to convince myself that she wouldn't run away if I let go. I let my arms fall to my sides and she continued to rub my back for another seventeen seconds before she pulled back.

Unshed tears glistened in her eyes as she gave me a tremulous smile. I struggled to find my voice, when all I really wanted to do was burry my face in her hair.

"What's the matter... have I hurt you again?"

She shook her head and swallowed. "I hate that you're hurting." She mumbled after a moment.

It shocked me speechless. Could she actually care about _me_? Was there a chance that she was here with me, not out of a sense of duty, or because Esme had asked it of her, but because she _wanted_ to be here?

She offered no resistance as I pulled her close again. I tried not to think about how much I had wanted her, no, _needed_ her last night. When she'd told me that Alice was gone, I'd felt the air shatter, and every jagged piece of it had found its way inside me.

Only one thing had stopped me from completely losing it, and that had been Bella. To be fair, I _had_ pretty much lost it, but some shred of sanity had clung to her, and eventually pulled the rest of me with it.

And now here she was again, holding me together. I hadn't thought of Alice at all for a few hours, I'd locked her tightly out of my mind, to prevent me from breaking down. Stupid of me to think that that would work indefinitely. Something was bound to bring her to the forefront of my mind sooner or later.

I found that when I thought of Alice, my feelings consumed me. Every part of my mind focused on her betrayal, how she'd left me with no explanation, no goodbye. How little I must have meant to her.

And when I shut down, Bella became the light at the end of the tunnel. Hope. She told me that I'd be ok, and that I'd be happy again. I doubted it, but it was nice to dream for a while.

Every moment I spent with her took away a little of the weight hanging over me. Every second immersed in her scent made the next one easier to bear.

I knew that without her I would sink, and it frightened me. Was it only yesterday that I'd been annoyed to find she was coming over? Could it really have been such a short time ago I'd resented her for making my hold on control even more tenuous?

Now she strengthened it. Every thread of control I had seemed to link me to her.

This wasn't fair to her though. She might want to help me, but I couldn't expect her to keep hold of me until I was strong enough to stand on my own again. I focused everything I had on her, pushing Alice to the back of my mind.

It was easier than I'd thought, but it hurt. My sigh of relief was echoed by hers, and I gave her one last squeeze before setting her down beside me. That was all the distance I could take right now. She took my hand in her own and ran her thumb over the back it.

"If you need someone to talk to, or just a hug, you call me and I'll come, ok? If I ever find you in a state like this, and you don't ask for help, I'll take it as a personal insult." Her face was stern, but there was the hint of a smile behind it.

I managed a nod as I felt my throat tighten. I hoped she understood how thankful I was, I couldn't find it in me to say the words.

I heard Edwards tread on the stairs and tightened my hold on her hand. _Don't take her away... please._ Begging wasn't beyond me anymore, and I knew he would hear.

I saw him pause at the top of the stairs and look from her to me before joining us. "Esme's been shopping, there's plenty to eat if you want some lunch." He held out his hand to her, showing no sign that he had heard my silent plea.

I understood his reluctance to leave us alone together, he didn't trust me. I still didn't trust myself that much either.

I worked on letting go of her hand, but as she rose, she pulled me with her. "You'll come down?" It wasn't really a question, I knew. "It would please Esme."

Would it please _her_? I hoped so. Edward took one look at our still joined hands and swept away back downstairs, leaving us to follow in his wake.

Bella tugged on my hand in her haste to follow Edward and I concentrated on moving one foot in front of the other.

I hovered behind Bella as she made a sandwich, and sat as close to her as I could while she ate it, all under the watchful gaze of Edward and Esme.

It wasn't very dignified, all this clinging like a child, but I could be dignified later. Right now I just needed to stay sane.

Every few seconds or so, Alice would start creeping back to the surface of my mind. Each time it happened I pressed a little closer to Bella, breathed her in, watched the way she moved, listened to the way she spoke. It was enough to send Alice scurrying back into the dark. For a while.

Bella's presence didn't only bring comfort, it also brought pain. Every time she kissed Edward, I thought of how I had no one to kiss me like that anymore. I told myself I could live without kisses. It would be much harder to live without the love.

Love. It was the emotion she felt most, or at least the one she felt strongest. I'd never noticed it before. Sometimes it covered me like a blanket, soft and safe. Sometimes it crashed into me in waves, and I knew that she was thinking about Edward.

Alice had often sent out those same feelings as she'd looked at me. Once upon a time. How stupid I'd been not to see, not to _feel _the way she had been drifting further from me.

I tried to reach out for Bella, but I couldn't move and everything hurt too much, and everything was too dark.

And then suddenly it wasn't. Her hands were gripping my arms, and I could breathe. She'd come just when I needed her. _Warm and safe..._ Everything would be ok.

Bella chased Alice away again. She didn't ask any questions or say anything at all actually, until I felt almost normal.

"I'm going out with Esme." She said and I felt my panic rising again. "Just into the garden. Would you like to come?"

Yes. I would. Very much. But I needed to practice this whole separation thing. If I didn't, how would I ever learn to cope on my own?

"You go." I croaked. "I'll be fine." She looked at me with concern then nodded and let go of me. It took every ounce of self control I had not to grab hold of her and keep her with me.

As soon as she and Esme were gone Edward loped off to the library. He didn't even spare me a glance, but there was no need, I could feel his hostility well enough.

I counted the seconds. I was alone twenty three seconds before I moved into the living room and another fifteen before I stood by the glass wall. I could see them from here, bathed in week sunlight they sat on the ground weeding roses.

Gardening? That was something Esme always did alone. She always said she needed a bit of time to herself, away from her children.

The thick wall of glass cut me out of their conversation, but I could see the laughter in their eyes from here. I knew Esme already had strong maternal feelings for Bella, and it looked like Bella was welcoming them with open arms.

Bella was wearing gardening gloves that Esme must have bought her in anticipation of this moment. No one in this house needed them.

I watched the pile of weeds between them grow for five minutes before I went out into the garden. I could hear them now. Bella's laughter rang across the garden, and my feet stepped forward of their own accord.

Esme glanced up at me and gave me a quick smile. Bella was telling her some story about Charlie and a tin in the microwave. The closer I got to them, the better I felt. A smile fought its way to my lips as I listened to their giggles, only a few feet from them now.

Bella's head whipped round to face me. "Don't just stand there, there's enough work for three. Or are you scared of getting your hands dirty?" The grin on her face grew as I sunk down next to her and accepted a trowel.

Bella started cutting flowers and laying them in a basket as I poked at the ground. The basket of roses tugged at my memory but I didn't dare try to remember, there were things I didn't want to think about right now.

"Oh" Bella's quiet exclamation drew my attention only half a second before the scent of her blood clawed at my throat. I stopped breathing.

Bella looked between Esme and I with wide eyes, then back at her hand. A thorn had pierced through the material of her gloves and pricked her finger. "Oh" She said again, and clamped her other hand around the injured digit. "I'm sorry, I'll just..." I didn't hear what she was saying as I raced into the house. I found the first aid kit Esme kept in the kitchen, it had only been a prop until Bella showed up.

When I got back outside Esme still hadn't moved, she was tensed with her eyes tightly closed. Bella was struggling to her feet, without the use of her hands, she looked worried but I felt no fear coming from her.

I came to stop next to them and held my breath again, Esme opened her eyes and stared at me as I opened the box and took out and alcohol wipe.

She held her hand out for the box and stepped between me and Bella. I could see it wasn't easy for her. Bella's blood smelled better than any I remembered, and I was pretty sure the same was true for Esme.

"I'd better do that Jasper. You go back into the house." It hurt not to be trusted, but I knew she had reason to doubt my control, I was about to give in when Bella spoke up.

"It's ok Esme. He can do it." She pulled her glove off and held out her hand. Esme tensed again as the smell of blood intensified. She looked doubtful and wavered for a moment before she stepped aside.

I grit my teeth and wiped carefully across the tiny cut. _What a waste. _I wanted so much to suck that finger into my mouth, relieve the ache, taste the sweetness. My hands shook as I stuck a plaster in place, and then the horribly delicious scent almost disappeared.

Esme started breathing again and then pulled me into a hug that would have killed a human. "I can't believe you just did that!" She all but shrieked. "I'm so proud!"

I ducked my head, I wasn't used to praise. I'd always been the weak link in this family. The truth was _I_ couldn't believe I'd just done that.

"I told you that you wouldn't eat me." Bella said. She was positively beaming. "I think that proves it."

"You were better than me." Esme laughed.

"You could have done that." I muttered, embarrassed.

"I don't know, I was finding hard enough not to breathe, let alone do anything else."

"I'm sorry, I should have been more careful." Bella said. "You were both brilliant."

"I'm going to call Carlisle. He won't believe it." Esme grinned and swept back into the house.

Bella waved a flower at me. "For my knight in shining armour." She giggled.

I took the little rose bud, and for the first time in a long time, felt proud of myself.

Bella scooped up the basket and the tools and we ambled back to the house. Esme was in the kitchen rambling into the phone, making the whole thing seem more dramatic than it was. I wondered if I'd ever live it down.

Edward appeared in the doorway, his face tight as he spoke. "Bella, can I see you upstairs for a minute?"

She sent me an easy smile, and followed him. Away from me.

___________________________________________________________________

They'd been at it for almost half an hour now. Apparently, Edward thought gardening was far too dangerous a pastime for Bella.

I sat in the living room with Emmett and Rosalie, all of us trying not to listen as Bella tried to reason with our pig headed brother. The others were pointedly looking away from me. Edwards's argument was, predictably, that I could have killed her.

He'd chosen to overlook the fact, that not only had I _not _hurt her in any way, I'd also tended to her cut.

Bella had repeatedly explained the situation, but he was having none of it.

"Are you actually trying to get yourself killed?" He growled.

"I was _gardening_ for God's sake, not juggling knives! I'm not a child Edward, and I won't have you dictating to me like I am one. Jasper did brilliantly, you should be down there congratulating him, not up here berating me. It was an accident, and everything turned out fine." I'd never heard anyone sound so frustrated.

Edward started wheedling then, he probably realised he'd lost the argument. "I love you Bella, I just worry. I don't like you taking unnecessary risks, I couldn't bear to lose you now."

Rosalie snorted and rolled her eyes. I found myself listened for Bella's answer, half hoping she wouldn't fall for his platitudes.

"I understand that Edward, really I do, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop doing things just because there's the slightest chance I might get hurt." Her tone had softened, but she wasn't giving in.

Emmett pretended to retch. We could just make out the sound of them kissing from down here. At least they didn't have to feel all the lust and frustration pouring off them. Or know how upset Bella got when Edward pushed her away yet again.

I felt a bit selfish, but I was glad. It meant she'd be back down soon. I heard Edward tell her he was going out to hunt again, and then the sound of water running in the bathroom.

I wanted to go up to her, but I understood that she needed time for herself. I went and looked for Esme, hoping she'd gotten over all her maternal pride by now. She could distract me for half an hour.

I found her in the kitchen pouring over a cook book and glaring at a small silver machine. "Oh Jasper, good, you can help me with this."

"What can I do?" I tried not to sound too eager.

"I'm trying to make pasta, but I've never done it before and I think I'll need more than two hands." She looked annoyed, but I knew that she secretly loved having a human to take care of.

I relaxed into the pasta making, it was fiddly and messy, and the first skill I'd found difficult to acquire in a very long time.

After half an hour of failed attempts we finally had a usable batch of tagliatelle. Bella came stumbling into the kitchen and immediately cracked up laughing. I frowned and looked at Esme. She was covered in flour and bits of dough, and I had a good idea that I was in much the same state.

"What on earth have you been doing?" Bella laughed, reaching up to brush some flour from my cheek. The restraint I'd been employing snapped at the contact and I pulled her into a hug. Esme had kept my mind busy, but she couldn't chase away the pain like Bella could.

I felt her tense in my arms for half a second before she hugged me back. It made me realise that grabbing her might not be fair to her and I might be making her feel uncomfortable. I let her go slowly. "Sorry." I mumbled and went to wash my hands.

"I wasn't complaining was I? If you start getting on my nerves I'll let you know." I risked a glance at her face and found her smiling.

"We were making pasta. It wasn't quite as easy as it looked." Esme was smiling too as she brushed herself down.

We finished cooking the meal together, and it was easy to pretend for a while, that we were just a normal family, bumping shoulders over the tomato sauce.

As the night wore on we all gravitated towards the living room and Esme found a movie for us to watch. I didn't pay attention. Esme and Carlisle ignored the movie preferring to whisper to each other with their heads together. Rosalie was curled up in Emmett's lap and Bella sat between Edwards's legs, leaning against him.

I'd never been third wheel before, or seventh, as the case was now. It felt like sitting in a cold draught, and knowing that just beyond it, the room was warm.

All the feelings of love and warmth around me should have made me feel better, but they cut into me like knives until I couldn't take it anymore. I felt all their eyes on me as I fled the room for the solace of my study.

Half an hour later I heard the thunderous tread on the stairs that could only belong to Emmett. He didn't bother to knock, he never had.

"How you doin' bro?" He punched me in the arm and looked around the darkened room. I shrugged; my throat was too tight to speak.

"You're a mess, you know that right?" Again I shrugged. "I hate seeing you like this. Talk to me man."

I appreciated him trying, I really did, but the sympathy in his voice just made everything hurt more. I opened my mouth, but closed it again when I realised I didn't have anything to say.

He shook his head sadly. "D'you want me to get Bella?"

She had said to call for her if I needed to. I nodded, not sure how much longer I'd be able to stay sane on my own.

Emmett turned back when he reached the door. "You did well today. I couldn't have done that." Then he was gone.

Bella didn't waste any time, she was half way up the stairs before Emmett had even finished speaking. She walked in and turned on the light taking in the room before she looked at me.

"You need a shower." She said firmly. "You're covered in mud and flour and god knows what else. I'm not hugging you until you're clean."

"I've got nothing..." I tailed off, what would she think of me if she knew I didn't even dare go into my own room?

She just smiled at me, and I knew that she already understood my problem. She knew how hard it would be to go into that room.

"You can use Edwards's bathroom and I'll get you some clothes and leave them on the bed. Get going."

I followed her instructions, it was easier. Making decisions wasn't on the top of my to-do list. There was nothing on my to-do list now.

The shower was hot but it didn't really warm me so I hurried through it. I dressed without noticing what I wore and hurried back to the study.

I'd been on my own too long already so I didn't wait for her to acknowledge my presence. I hugged her from behind as she perused my shelves. "You have good taste." She told me as she sank back against me.

"You can borrow anything you like the look of. Think of this as your own personal library." Talking seemed natural now, I felt stupid for finding it so hard before.

Bella's chuckle brought a smile to my face. "I can't quite see you as a librarian."

I don't know how long we stood like that, but all too soon she was yawning and Edward was standing in the doorway, waiting to take her off to bed.

"Why don't you two take my room? At least you'll have a bed." I wouldn't be using it, and I didn't like the thought of Bella squashed up on the couch while there was a bed going spare. Edward glared at me, and this time I couldn't see why, surely there was nothing wrong with my suggestion.

Bella turned in my arms and reached up to kiss my cheek. The burn of it pushed away every bad thought in my head. "Thank you." She whispered. "Goodnight."

I took one last deep breath to commit her scent to my memory and let her go.

I stayed in the study and listened to her breathing until it became slow and deep with sleep, then went out into the garden and lay down by the roses to wait for dawn.

**An: I hope I didn't disappoint you with this. Don't forget to review! **


	8. Chapter Eight

**An:**** Thanks for all the brilliant reviews, particularly the epic ones (you guys know who you are) I love you all!**

Chapter Eight

I woke up with warm sunlight spilling over my face. It made a nice change. Edward was picking through some CDs on the other side of the room as I stretched and snuggled back into the downy bed. Before last night I hadn't known they made beds this comfortable.

Edward woke me up a little more with one of his sweet, soft kisses that always left me wanting more.

I showered and dressed in jeans and a T-shirt I'd stolen from Edward as I'd run out of clean shirts and I refused to let Esme do my laundry.

I found a hold all under the bed and filled it with enough of Jaspers clothes to last him a week, I didn't know how long it would be before he could go back into his room. I tried to pick things that looked a little old, instead of any of the new stuff that I thought Alice had likely bought.

I threw in a pair of bruised cow boy boots that I couldn't remember ever seeing him wear. There was a shelf at the top of the closet that I couldn't reach, so I dragged a chair over and climbed up carefully. The shelf was full of hats, belts and the odd scarf, but right at the back I spotted a true prize. A dusty black Stetson that looked like it had seen better days.

I bashed the dust off it and put it on. Glancing in the mirror, ready to be amused I discovered I kind of liked it. I pulled the brim down low over my eyes and grinned. It was a pity his boots were too big for me, I'd have liked them too.

Once I'd dragged the loaded hold-all across to the study and re-adjusted my new hat, I made my way down stairs. I brewed myself a cup of tea in the empty kitchen and listened for the sounds of the rest of the family.

I already knew that Edward was in the study with Carlisle, but I couldn't hear any noise coming from anywhere in the house.

I took my tea outside and wandered across the grass, feeling the dew soak into the bottom of my jeans. I couldn't stop the gasp that escaped my lips as I came in sight of Jasper.

Where Edward had sparkled, Jasper positively shone in the early morning sun. He was lying out by the roses, one arm behind his head, the other twirling the little flower I'd given him yesterday. I'd never seen anything so beautiful.

The others reflected the light in rainbows of colour that made them hard to look at, but Jasper seemed to be lit up from the inside, his skin glowing. I realised I'd stopped moving and was just gawking at him.

I closed my mouth just in time, as he turned his head to face me and a slow smile spread over his face.

I tripped across the ground towards him, more quickly than was wise for me. "Howdy partner." His voice rang with a perfect southern twang, much more pronounced than usual.

I blushed, remembering I still wore the hat I'd liberated from its dusty prison. He raised one eyebrow at me, but didn't move from his position on the ground. I found myself momentarily distracted by the way his dark eyes looked against his glowing face.

I put my free hand on my hip and deliberately looked away from him for a second. "You're not getting this back by the way. I just thought you should know."

"Looks better on you anyway." He said shrugging, the smile still on his face. "Sit down?"

The grass was too damp, so I sat down on his thighs, and grinned at him.

"I wasn't aware I'd turned into a chair." He drawled. Sarcastic Jasper was a big improvement on yesterday.

"Don't want to get wet. You're a big boy, I'm sure you can take it."

He sighed and propped himself up on his elbows. I found my eyes drawn to all the little crescents on his neck and his exposed arms. I'd never noticed them before, but Alice had mentioned them, so I knew vaguely how he had come by them. The strange thing was, they didn't make him any less beautiful. They looked like they belonged there, it was more of a pattern etched onto his skin, than a blemish.

I saw the smile melt away as soon as he noticed what I was looking at, and I felt awful. There was only shame in his face as he stared at the floor.

I ran my hand down his scarred arm, and down to his hand, until I was holding it. "You have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?" I asked. "Scars and all."

He still didn't look at me, but he gave my hand a quick squeeze. "You're not the same person you were then. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

His eyes finally shot up to meet mine. "What do you know about it?" He asked harshly pulling his hand out of mine.

"Enough." I shrugged, I didn't need the details, I didn't know the man he'd been then, and there was no need for me to know him. I was just getting to know the man he'd become.

He slumped back to the ground, and glared at the sky. "You're being stupid. How long have you been out here anyway? Your shirt's soaked."

"All night." He mumbled, I knew he hoped I wouldn't hear.

"All night? You'll catch your death... well maybe not your death." I giggled. It was easy to forget that they weren't susceptible to the same things as me.

I caught Jaspers smile out of the corner of my eye. I was glad I'd pulled him back out of his bad mood.

"I think you should go in and get cleaned up." I told him, though I'd rather he stay out here a bit longer so I could look at him. The sight of him left me warm inside, and I had to wonder how Alice could bear to leave him behind.

___________________________________________________

Jasper joined me in the kitchen while I was buttering my toast. "Thank you for the clothes." He said quietly, coming up behind me to give me a hug I hadn't realised I'd been waiting for all morning.

I turned around to see what he'd chosen to wear. A plain white shirt and tatty old jeans tucked into the boots I secretly loved. It seemed to suit him better than anything I'd seen him in before.

"Where is everybody?" I asked him, I still hadn't seen anything of Esme, Emmett or Rosalie.

"Esme went out about an hour ago, but I don't know where. And Emmett and Rose are a bit tied up right now." As if to punctuate what he'd said, I heard a loud crash followed by a giggle. I ducked my head to hide my blush.

"Well, that leaves me all on my own, so it's your job to entertain me." I thought keeping him busy was a good idea, but I didn't want it to be obvious.

He looked around the room and then back to me. "What do you want to do?"

Another crash sounded above us, this time followed by a moan. "Get out of the house for a start." I laughed.

Jasper grabbed a throw from a box in the hallway and we were gone. We walked to the farthest edge of the garden and sprawled on the blanket.

He was relaxed, maybe not happy, but at least he didn't seem depressed. It was surprisingly easy to be quiet with him there. There wasn't that uncomfortable need to speak that I often felt with Edward.

After about ten minutes with nothing but the birds to listen to, Jasper finally spoke. "Tell me something no one else knows."

It was a difficult question, I wasn't a secretive person. I thought about it for a while and eventually came up with something that was pretty mundane, but something I'd never told anyone else.

"I haven't really got pierced ears." I told him, and saw him frown curiously at the studs I was wearing.

"Magnets." I took one off to show him. "Mom gave me some money to get my ears pierced for my thirteenth birthday, but I chickened out and I was too embarrassed to tell her. Congratulations, you are the only other person besides me that knows."

He smiled and seemed oddly pleased with that. It wasn't like it was a big secret. "You turn, though I don't suppose you've got any secrets left after living for such a long time with such a talented family."

"Well that's where you're wrong." He grinned. "You must promise to keep it a secret though, if Edward or Emmett knew I'd never live it down." He whispered darkly.

I got excited then, expecting to hear some juicy little detail. "Cross my heart."

"I'm absolutely terrified of spiders."

I bit down hard on my lip to keep from laughing, his face was so serious and he even shuddered as he spoke. I felt my shoulders shaking and tears spring to my eyes before I gave in and let the laugh burst out of me. I laughed so hard I could barely breathe. I held my sides and tried to sit up. I only got my laughter under control when I noticed the distinctly injured look on his face.

"I'm sorry... it's just... big strong Vampire... spiders!" I spluttered through the laugh bubbling inside me.

"Oh I'm glad my phobia amuses you." He muttered, but I could see the smile tugging at his lips.

I swallowed hard. "I really am sorry, I shouldn't have laughed. Your secret's safe with me." I grinned up at him. He plucked the hat off my head and put it on his own.

"I don't think you deserve my hat."

"I'll trade you something for it." I offered, I really did like the hat.

"What have you got?" He asked, his eyes scanning me speculatively.

All I could think to give him was the little bracelet tied around my wrist. Mom had given it to me years ago after a summer with Charlie. It was just a leather thong with wooden beads on it symbolising love, friendship and eternity.

Would he think it was stupid? Only one way to find out. "You could have this." My voice sounded horribly nervous as I held out my arm to show him.

He held my wrist and ran a finger reverently along the edge of the leather and over the beads. "Are you sure?" He asked, his voice slightly husky. "It isn't special to you?"

I watched his face, suffused with some emotion I couldn't pick out. "It's special, and I'd like you to have it. It's sort of a friendship bracelet." I shrugged and aimed for nonchalance.

I untied the bracelet and handed it over. He looked carefully at the beads and smiled up at me, then tied it to his own arm. I hadn't expected him to wear it, and was surprised at how much it pleased me.

He lay back on the blanket and held out an arm for me to join him. Thoughts of Edward held me back, he wouldn't like this. Edward wasn't here though, and it wasn't really as if I would be doing anything wrong. I curled into Jaspers side and put my head on his chest.

I felt his arm wrap around me, holding me to him. "We should have made friends sooner." I mumbled. It was nice being out here with him, I couldn't believe what I'd been missing.

He didn't reply, just clutched me a little tighter. It was weird really, Alice, up until now, had been the best friend I'd ever had. Jasper had easily surpassed her, with him I didn't need to put any effort in, conversations seemed to begin and end naturally, and everything was easy. The affection I felt for him was strong and growing every day.

We lay quietly in the sun for a while before we heard the purr of a car engine. I sat up and squinted through the sunlight. "Esme." Jasper told me, helping me up.

Inside the house we found Esme loading a picnic basket with food and blankets. I felt a little thrill of anticipation knowing whatever she had planned included me.

"We're going up to the baseball field." She smiled brightly at us and raised an eyebrow at my hat. "I thought we could have a picnic, and play a few games. We haven't been out in weather this good for months."

"I think I'll stay here Esme." Jasper said quietly from behind me.

"Oh please come Jasper, it would be good to get out." Esme pleaded, I wondered what sort of resistance Jasper had to her. Edward caved almost immediately whenever Esme asked something of him.

I could tell he was wavering and tried to give him a bit of a push myself. "Come on Jasper, It'll be more fun if you come." I tried a pout, well aware that I wasn't particularly good at it.

He pursed his lips together then made a show of sighing and shaking his head. "How can I refuse the requests of two lovely ladies?" He said mournfully.

Esme smiled softly at him. "Go and tell Emmett and Rose would you?"

He sniggered as he mounted the stairs and I smiled at his retreating back. I went to the study to collect Edward and Carlisle, and found them pouring over maps, planning a hunting trip. They were in a good mood and seemed as eager as Esme to get out in the sun.

We drove most of the way squashed into Carlisle's car as it was the only one with strongly tinted windows.

The moment the car stopped Emmett dashed of ahead of us, leaving Edward to carry me and the others to grab blankets and baskets.

The clearing seemed to have grown since the last time I'd been there. My eyes scanned the edges, looking for the place I'd first met James, Victoria and Laurent. I couldn't pick it out, all the trees looked the same.

Edward gave me hand a squeeze as he set me down, and I wondered if he knew what I was looking for.

Emmett came running back for Rosalie and swept her up into his arms, spinning her round fast enough to look like a blur to me.

I helped Esme lay the blankets on the ground and sat down beside her. Carlisle came over and held his hand out to Esme. "Emmett thinks he can beat us in a piggy back race." He told her.

"Maybe later, I don't feel like it right now." I could tell he was disappointed, he had a poorly hidden competitive streak.

"Bella then? You won't make me have to forfeit will you?" His movie star grin gave him the unfair advantage, and convinced me to join in.

"I should probably warn you that high speeds make me travel sick." I laughed taking his outstretched hand.

Emmett frowned as he saw us approaching. "Oi! That's cheating!" He called. "Bella's as light as a feather!"

Rosalie smacked him across the back of the head. "Are you saying I'm fat?" If looks could kill there would be nothing left of Emmett.

"No, sweetie, no, I would never say that, you're skinny, hardly anything to you at all." He amended quickly, Carlisle and I were both laughing at him. Even Rosalie had a smile on her face.

"How much did you bet him we would win?" She asked her husband.

"Five thousand dollars" He all but whispered, already cringing.

Rosalie glared at him. "Are we going to win?" She asked darkly.

"Of course." Emmet was grinning now.

"Want to double the stakes _Dad?" _Emmet looked worried again as Rosalie spoke, he wasn't as confident as he made out.

"What do you think Bella? Can you cope with the speed?" He looked down at me hopefully. He really wanted to win.

"I think we can take them." I grinned. If I was sick, well, I'd have a Doctor on hand to take care of me.

"Ten thousand it is then!" Carlisle crowed. The thought of that much money made me queasier than the thought of the speed did.

Edward ran over to give me a kiss for luck, and I heard him whispering to Carlisle about being careful not to drop me. It was agreed that he would stand as umpire, and we were to run to the other end of the clearing and back to his side.

I climbed nervously onto Carlisle's back, and watched with some envy as Rosalie hoped lightly onto her husband's.

"Get ready." Carlisle whispered, and I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. What had possessed me to agree to this?

"Go." Edwards's voice was barely above a whisper, but the four of us shot away from it so fast that I thought I might just have left my stomach behind.

Carlisle's movements were smooth, but I had to close my eyes against the force of the air whipping past us. I was desperate to look and see where Emmett and Rosalie were, but I didn't think I could without being blinded.

I knew we'd reached the halfway point when Carlisle whipped around, for a moment I thought he might drop me as I slid sideways, but he altered his grip on my knees without missing half a pace. I couldn't imagine Emmett had a hope of out stripping him.

As we slowed to a stop I opened my eyes and looked around. We had over shot Edward by about twenty feet, Emmett and Rosalie had stopped next to him. "Did we win?" I gasped. I hoped we had, I wasn't up for doing that again.

Edward and Emmett were both grinning at me and I had a pretty good idea why, my hair, from what bits of it I could see, resembled a bird's nest. Rosalie, of course, looked like she'd just walked out of a salon.

Carlisle strode over to the others without letting me down. "Well?" He asked Edward.

Edwards smile widened as he paused for effect. Emmett thumped him on the back. "The winners... by three tenths of a second... are... Bella and Carlisle!"

"I want a rematch!" Emmett demanded as Carlisle moved me from his back and onto his shoulders in half a second. I felt like a little girl again, on top of the world.

"Aww, are you a sore loser?" I taunted. He chased us back to Esme and Jasper, whining about cheating all the way.

"Rose will have my neck for this later you know." He grumbled as we sat down.

Carlisle sprawled out next to Esme and kissed her before turning back to Emmett. "I believe you owe me some money, son."

Emmett reached for a back pack and pulled out a huge stack of bills. "Why would you bring all that cash for a picnic?" I asked.

"My boys love to gamble." Esme told me, smiling fondly at Carlisle.

Carlisle counted the money he'd been given and held out half to me. "What? No, I'm not taking that, you did all the work, and you were the one who made the bet."

"If you don't take it how will you bet on the other games?" He asked. I knew that the money was probably just a drop in a very vast ocean to them, but five thousand dollars was a huge amount to me. I shook my head firmly.

Edward sat down next to me and gave me his crooked smile. "Take it Bella, if you really don't want it, just bet badly, and he can win it back."

Carlisle was still holding out the bundle of cash, and I took it reluctantly. If I didn't lose it, I'd just make sure to leave it at their house later.

Esme handed me a hair brush and a few pins, so I made quick work of getting my unruly hair piled up out of my way. I helped myself to a bottle of lemonade and an apple out of one of the baskets and made my way over to Jasper.

He was sitting on the other side of Esme, and as far as I knew he hadn't said a word or moved since we'd arrived. I bumped my shoulder against his and smiled up at him. He looked down at me, with the ghost of a smile on his lips and said "well done."

Everyone but Jasper, Esme and I left to get ready for the next race. They'd decided to cross the field walking on their hands. It was quite a sight. Emmet looked wobbly, Edward and Carlisle seemed as stable as they were upright, and Rosalie looked like a gymnast, her toes pointing perfectly towards the sky.

I stared down at the cash in my hands. Maybe this would be fun. "One thousand on Rosalie." I said before I could change my mind, counting out the money and putting it in the middle of the blanket.

Esme grinned. "I'll take that bet." She pulled out some cash of her own and dumped it on top of mine. "A grand on Edward."

"Jasper?" I asked.

"I didn't bring any money." He shrugged. Not wanting him to be left out, I quickly counted out half of my cash and handed it to him.

"I want you to play."

"Ok." I watched him assess the group waiting to take off. "One thousand on Carlisle."

Esme clapped her hands together, and shouted "Go!"

It was a lot more fun to watch, than to be one of the people speeding across the ground. I found myself biting my lip and sitting up to get a better view. It was pretty even until the time came for them to turn and head back.

Emmett went too far and had to fight to stay on his hands, while Rosalie pulled ahead of the others by executing a perfect turn on one hand. She was already back on her feet by the time Edward and Carlisle got to us. Emmet came in last, a few seconds after them.

I scooped up my winnings, thrilled. Rosalie gave me a curious look, but quickly looked away from me to taunt her husband.

I turned out to be a pretty good judge, and by the time the last race started, I had ten thousand dollars in my hands. Esme and I had ganged up on Jasper and managed to convince him to join in for the last game.

He had teamed up with Rosalie for a wheel barrow race against Carlisle and Edward.

I put all my money down. "Jasper and Rose." I said confidently.

Emmett scraped together the same amount and added it to the pile. "My money's on Edward and Carlisle." He told us.

"Same for me." Esme said, adding her own cash to the pile.

"Emmett?" I asked. "Won't Rose be annoyed at you for betting against her?"

"She'll be more pissed if I lose all the money." He said shaking his head, but he didn't look too worried.

Seconds later, they were off, racing across the grass tinted orange by the setting sun.

Jasper and Rosalie beat them back to us by what couldn't have been more than half a second. "Yes!" I shrieked jumping up to hug them. Rosalie was so surprised she didn't even move, but I was in such a good mood I didn't care.

Edward spoke at the exact same moment as Rosalie. "You bet against me?"

Emmett immediately began apologising, whereas I just smiled. "I won didn't I?"

__________________________________________________

I really didn't want to leave, and felt especially bad about leaving Jasper, but I knew Esme would take good care of him. I gave him an extra long hug, and my new phone number before I left. I made him promise to call if he needed to talk.

I drove home in my old truck, and felt particularly lonely. I'd become so used to being surrounded by the Cullen's that it was as if I'd never been on my own before.

Edward would be at my house soon, and I consoled myself with that thought as I pulled into the driveway.

Charlie welcomed me back in his usual quiet way, but I could see that he was pleased to have me back under his roof.

"Did you have a good time?" He asked me as I dumped my bag at the bottom of the stairs.

"It was great." I said smiling as I noticed that the house was remarkably as clean as I'd left it. "We went for a picnic today."

"How's Alice?" He kept his eyes on the TV as he spoke. I suspected he had a bit of a crush on her, the thought made me cringe.

"She's fine... she just left actually, she's gone to spend some time with her biological family in South America." I hated lying to him, but I could hardly tell him the truth.

"Oh?" He turned to face me now. "How long will she be gone?"

"She'll be going to school there I think, she said she'd be away for a few months." Charlie looked a little startled, but turned back to the TV.

"I think I'll get an early night, I'm pretty tired after all that fresh air." I made my way up to the bathroom and took a long hot shower. I hadn't lied about being tired, and I couldn't wait to get into my bed.

Back in my room Edward was already waiting for me and I curled up with him. We didn't talk much, and it wasn't long before I drifted off to sleep, feeling a little disappointed that Jasper hadn't called.

**An: Hope you liked it. Drama coming soon! x**


	9. Chapter Nine

**An: Thank you for all the delicious reviews!**

Chapter Nine

Edward was gone by the time I woke up, so I took my time dressing and made an effort to tame my hair before going downstairs.

Charlie had already left for the station, and I found the creeping loneliness come over me again. I couldn't wait to be at school.

When Edwards Volvo finally pulled up I was waiting at the curb. Jasper and Emmett were sitting in the back. Jasper looked tired but smiled, while Emmet sulked with his arms folded over his chest.

"What's wrong?" I asked already giggling. I'd never seen Emmett in a bad mood before.

He scowled at me and turned to face the window. I saw the corners of Jaspers mouth twitch upwards as I looked to him for an explanation.

"Rosalie took the engine out of his Jeep, and she won't tell him where it is." Jasper sniggered.

"I told you not to bet against her." I laughed, ignoring Edwards's huff.

Jasper had deliberately failed last year as Alice wanted him to spend more time around humans. Emmett had decided to fail too, but he just thought humans were funny, and didn't want to sit around at home while his brothers had all the fun.

We had all chosen our classes carefully, and all of my classes were with at least one of them. I had my own personal guard around the school at all times.

Gym was first this morning, and I almost looked forward to it now. Emmett was usually careful to keep absolutely all sports equipment away from me at all times.

Today he couldn't resist passing me the ball every so often. It made him laugh so hard to see me dodge it instead of catching it, that we actually lost the game.

Math was easily my favourite lesson, as we were all the in the same class. It was easy to understand now that I had three teachers all to myself. The only problem was that I got told of for talking a lot more now. The boys all spoke so quietly that they were never heard, and I always got the blame when I answered them.

Biology had changed very little, Edward and I barley spoke to each other in that class, almost as if we had started a tradition that we were unable to break. I didn't mind, it was nice to just be near him, without having to try and think of things to say, or worrying about sounding like an idiot.

The only part of the day that I didn't enjoy now was lunch. I was often tempted to go and sit with my old friends. The only one of them I missed was Angela, but it was Mike's reproachful gaze that got to me. I thought he must feel like I'd abandoned them when something better came along.

I tried not to think about it too much. After all, when Edward finally came around to the idea of me being a vampire, I wouldn't be able to see them at all, so there wasn't much point in nurturing any friendships outside of the Cullen family.

I sat picking at my fries, squashed between Edward and Jasper, while Emmett shared the joys of Gym lessons with me.

"You should have been there, I'm telling you, you don't know what you're missing." Emmett's shoulders shook with laughter and I scowled at him half heartedly. I could see the funny side now that I was away from the dangerous projectiles known as basket balls.

"The one time she actually caught the ball, she threw it straight into the coach's face." I felt Edward shaking next to me, and saw Jasper trying to suppress a smile.

"Oh that's right, laugh at me. I'm only human you know." I shook my head at the three of them and threw a fry at Emmett. It missed by almost a foot, and only made him laugh harder.

He reached for my plate and scooped up and handful. "Don't you dare!" I shrieked, ducking behind Jasper.

Emmett flung them at Edward instead, and he must not have been paying attention, as they hit their mark. He just stared, baffled, then his eyebrows drew together and he looked like he was concentrating hard on something I couldn't see or hear.

I glanced around the room hoping to pick up on something, and felt Jasper doing the same. Nothing seemed wrong. A few people were staring at our table, but that was nothing new, the Cullen's had always been a curiosity, and I had been welcomed like a minor celebrity in the small town.

Edward brushed himself down and glared at Emmett. He turned to face me and Jasper, and spoke so quietly I had to strain to hear him.

"People are already starting to talk about the two of you." His lips barely moved.

Jasper sat up bit straighter behind me, and moved back a fraction. I had no idea what Edward meant.

"What do you mean?"

"Jessica and Lauren seem to think that you're moving on from me to him." He spoke slowly as if I might be too stupid to understand. I hated when he did that.

Emmett started laughing again, and I couldn't hold back my smile. "You think that's funny?" He sounded appalled.

"It's hardly the end of the world is it? Let them think what they want to." I shrugged.

"I don't like them thinking things like that about you."

"I can give them something else to think about. Come over here and sit on my lap." Emmett grinned beckoning me with a finger.

Edward stood quickly, grabbing my arm and pulling me with him. "She'll do no such thing!" Edward growled. "You're such a child Emmett."

I wriggled out of his grip and sat back down. "Edward it was a joke. Don't get so upset." He was really beginning to annoy me, I didn't know what had gotten into him today. "And just for the record, if I wanted to sit on Emmett's knee I would."

Edward turned and marched from the room. "Well that will really put all the rumours to rest." Emmett said under his breath, no longer smiling.

"Why's he in such a bad mood? Has something happened?"

Jasper was conspicuously silent. Emmett, never one to keep things to himself filled in the blanks. "He's jealous. Not so long ago, you only had eyes for him, and now you're spending time with all of us. Particularly Jasper."

"That's just stupid, I'm only just really getting to know you all. It doesn't mean I love him any less." I said shaking my head, and planning to spend some time alone with Edward later.

"Look out, here comes Mr Bi-polar now, all smiles." Emmett raised his eyebrows and looked over my shoulder.

Edward sank back into the seat beside me. "I'm sorry. I overreacted." He mumbled.

"It really was just a bit of fun Edward. He didn't mean anything by it, did you?" I looked pointedly at Emmett.

"Well..." He smirked at me and licked his lips. I leaned across the table to cuff him, only succeeding in making him laugh.

Jasper sniggered. "You do realise that everyone is staring far more now than they were earlier?"

I elbowed him as hard as I could without hurting myself. "You can shut up as well, you're just making things worse."

Edward kicked Emmett under the table, and grumbled something, but he was smiling now.

______________________________________________________

The rest of the week passed quickly, and for once I was looking forward to a night in on my own. Everyone was going hunting for the weekend, except Esme, who was staying behind just in case anything happened. I knew I was the real reason she was staying.

I had tried to explain to Edward that I had somehow managed to survive almost eighteen years without a bodyguard, but he just said he wasn't willing to risk it. If anything happened I was to call Esme, and she would be here within five minutes.

I watched TV with Charlie and took a long shower; it was nice not to have a reason to hurry. I felt more relaxed than I had in the longest time as I sprawled on my bed and got stuck into Pride and Prejudice.

Everything was fine until Esme called.

_______________________________________________________

"Bella, Alice called and spoke to Jasper. He's inconsolable, I don't know what to do." Esme sounded frantic, and she was speaking so quickly it was difficult to understand her at all.

"Hey, calm down, I'll be there as soon as I can. I'll tell Charlie...something." I tried to keep my voice level, but her anxiety seemed to be rubbing off on me.

"Please hurry, he'll tear the house apart if we can't calm him down soon, and if he runs off in this state I won't be able to catch him before he does something stupid." Her words sent shivers down my spine, I knew what she meant by something stupid.

I dashed down the stairs stuffing the phone into my pocket. "Charlie? Dad, are you here?"

"In the kitchen Bells."

"I'm going over to the Cullen's, Esme had some bad news and she's on her own."

"She's on her own? Where's everybody else?" He looked suspicious.

"Dr Cullen took the kids on a camping trip but Esme didn't feel up to it." I kept close to the truth as I struggled into a coat.

"Why would she call you?" Clearly, he thought this entire thing was a ruse to sneak out with Edward.

"She doesn't really have any friends in town, and we've gotten pretty close lately." That, at least, was completely true. After what seemed like an age Charlie gave in.

"You'll call in the morning?"

"Of course. Thanks Dad." I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and headed out to my truck.

The drive felt like it took hours as I tried to push the truck beyond its limits, and I almost missed the turning, but finally, finally, I pulled to a stop outside the house.

Taking the keys out of the ignition I noticed my hands were shaking. I was afraid. Jasper would never intentionally hurt me, but that didn't mean he wouldn't do it by accident. How bad was he anyway, if Esme had felt the need to call me after eleven o'clock at night?

This was not the time to become a coward, forcing myself to breathe evenly, I walked carefully towards the open front door. The closer I got, the louder the noises became. At first I could only here bangs and crashes, but once I was in the house I could pick out Esme's pleading and Jaspers snarls. Was he hurting her?

I stumbled up the stairs, unthinkingly following the noises to Jasper and Alice's room. Esme stood just inside the room. The door, frame and pieces of the wall had been ripped out. The bed was no more than twisted metal and mattress stuffing. Hunks of plaster were missing and the huge window was smashed.

In the middle of the unrecognisable room stood Jasper. I watched with horrified fascination as he tore a door from the closet and threw it across the room, where it smashed into a full length mirror, the shards raining down on Esme. I took a step towards her, forgetting for just a second, that she wouldn't be hurt.

The sudden silence in the room was almost deafening. Jaspers frenzy came to an abrupt halt as his head turned towards me. I didn't dare breathe as his pitch black eyes swept over me. The seconds stretched and felt like hours as I waited for him to pounce.

Then everything sped up. Esme launched herself in front of me, as Jasper sprung. He knocked her aside, barrelled into me, and I hit the floor. His weight forced all the air out of my lungs.

Swamped in sudden panic, rational thought eluded me completely, and I tried to push him off me, futilely scratching at his face and neck. He didn't even notice, instead he tore my coat in half, trying to get it off.

My heart pounded in my chest as my lungs screamed for air, until Jasper eased back just enough for me to take a shuddering breath.

He pressed his face against mine and inhaled deeply, from the corner of my eye I could see Esme's horrified face staring down at me. If she tried to help me, it might make him more aggressive, but why wasn't I doing anything? I felt paralysed, I couldn't quite convince myself to move. Not that I thought moving would help at this point.

The dangerous creature above me bore little resemblance to the man I had been laughing with a few hours ago. His eyes showed nothing but hunger, and the growl that rumbled into me was threateningly excited.

One of his hands was fisted in my hair, the other painfully gripping my shoulder. I tried to think of some way to escape but my mind drew a blank.

He let go of me, and for a split second I thought that he had come to his senses, but I was wrong.

He grabbed the collar of my shirt and tugged it down over my shoulder, tearing it and exposing my neck to him.

His cool breath whispered across my skin, leaving a trail of goose bumps. I closed my eyes tightly, waiting for the pain of his bite. It would all be over soon.

My eyes snapped open when I felt his tongue trace a cold wet path along my collar bone and up to the pulse in my throat. His lips pressed against me like a kiss before he sucked on the skin over my vein.

I shuddered violently beneath him, as he teased me like a cat playing with its prey. He lapped at my neck again, and then scraped his teeth along my jaw.

The shock of it helped me find my voice again. "Jasper?" I croaked.

He froze. The room lapsed into total silence once again, none of us breathing. Slowly, Jasper inched back until he was looking at my face. It was immediately clear that he was beginning to understand what was happening.

He flung himself away from me with such speed that I felt it, but didn't see him move. Dazed, I tried to slow down my breathing while Esme fussed over me, I assumed she was checking for any injuries. I'd never been so relieved in my life.

I would have liked to stay on the floor for longer, letting my mind catch up with last few minutes, but it wasn't really safe yet.

As I struggled to sit up against the wall I noticed that absolutely every bit of me hurt, and I was freezing cold. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them and looked warily across the hall into the bedroom.

Jasper sat near the broken windows, his position mimicking mine. "Esme...? D'you think you could get him something to eat, and bring it into the yard?"

"Bella, I don't want to leave you." She wrapped her arms around me. "He might...if he snaps again..."

"If he doesn't eat something he'll snap again anyway." I whispered.

Esme looked torn, but after a few seconds she left. I hoped she wouldn't be long.

I stared across the room, into Jaspers dismayed eyes, I wanted more than anything to go over and hug him, knowing it would make us both feel better.

Shivering, I pulled what was left of my ruined shirt around me, but it didn't do much good, as a pretty big portion of it was on the floor a few feet away.

Jasper was at my side in an instant, surprising me so much that I had to bite back a scream. He stood as far away from me as possible, holding a t-shirt at arm's length.

I took it from him gratefully, but waited until he was back across the room to change. He stood with his back to me, staring out of the empty window frame into the night.

"Thank you." I managed weakly, once I was dressed.

He turned to me quickly, his gaze incredulous. He looked like he was going to say something, but Esme's voice from outside cut him off. He jumped strait ought of the window, landing without a sound.

I scrambled to my feet and walked cautiously towards the window. It would be just like me to survive a vampire attack, only to fall out of a window and die.

Below me Jasper was tearing into a huge elk while Esme held another flailing beast a few feet away. It was sort of like a car crash, horribly disturbing, but you just had to look at it. Eventually I tore my gaze away from the scene outside and left the room.

I was so angry at Alice that I could feel the burn of tears behind my eyes. What could she have said to Jasper to break him so badly? Why had she spoken to him at all? Surely she knew that he was having a hard time getting over her, and he didn't need to be reminded of the fact that she had run away from him.

I went into Jaspers study, the room that had quickly become my favourite, and pulled out my cell. I scrolled through the numbers and found Alice. I hit the call button, wondering if my shaking hands were caused by shock or rage.

"Bella?" She answered timidly, before even a single ring.

"What did you say to him?" I asked, trying to keep my voice level.

"I just apologised, I thought I owed him that much at least. Why? What's wrong?"

I struggled to form a sentence, through all the shouting in my head.

"What's wrong? You broke his heart! Your leaving almost killed him, he couldn't even function at first, and just as he's starting to cope with the fact that his mate of sixty years _deserted_ him, you call and remind him? You don't call here again. Do you understand Alice? If it's important, you call me, and I'll let them know. You don't get to speak to him anymore, you don't get to hurt him like that."

I clamped my mouth shut and tried to control myself, listening to the silence on the other end of the line.

"Promise me Alice. It's not fair on him, it's not fair on any of them." I spoke quietly now, hoping she would answer.

"I...I won't call, I'm sorry...I didn't realise he'd take it so badly. Is he ok now?" Alice was upset, and I found that it pleased me, I loved Alice, but what was happening to this family was all her fault.

"I don't know, I hope so." I frowned, wondering if he'd had enough to drink.

"What do you mean you don't know?" For the first time she sounded worried.

I sighed and climbed up onto the desk to sit down. "He's outside feeding. He hasn't eaten since before you left." I enjoyed her little gasp, maybe she was beginning to realise just how much she had affected him.

"Bella, you really shouldn't be there if he hasn't fed, he could really hurt you."

I laughed mirthlessly. "Really? I never knew."

"Has he hurt you? Has he bitten you? I didn't see anything like that, oh god I'm sorry." She babbled.

"He hasn't bitten me, I wouldn't be talking to you now if he had, would I? I'm fine, but I'm tired, and I want to check on Jasper so I'm going now. I think it would be best if you didn't call for a while. Remember what I said." I heard the edge in my voice, anger, verging on hysteria, and hung up quickly.

I took a few minutes to calm myself down, and to convince myself that I wasn't going to go into shock. Jasper didn't need my crazy emotions on top of whatever else he was feeling.

The house was eerily silent as I walked down the stairs. I was suddenly exhausted, and tempted to get in my truck and drive home to my safe warm bed, but I was pretty sure that I'd only crash into a tree before I got to the end of the drive.

In the kitchen, Jasper stood at the sink like a statue while Esme cleaned blood and fur from him. He looked worse than I'd ever seen him, but the shadows under his eyes weren't as bad, and his irises were a little lighter.

My feelings and thoughts warred with each other. On one hand, Jasper had scared me badly, and I didn't know if it was safe to be near him yet. On the other hand, I badly needed a hug.

The desire for comfort won by a small margin, and I took a slow step forward. Esme turned away from the sink and stared at me.

"Would you like me to take you home?" She looked sad, resigned even, and I didn't understand it.

I shook my head and took another small step.

"I really don't think you're in any condition to drive." She wrung her hands, and looked like she might cry. Did she think I was going to leave and not come back?

I brought my eyes to Jaspers face with some difficulty, and tried not to flinch at the emptiness of his gaze. "Is it... are ok now?" I hated how pathetic I sounded, knowing I would cry soon if I didn't get a hold of myself.

Jaspers face tightened, he nodded once and looked down at the floor.

"Can I come closer? You won't... I mean...would that be too hard for you?" I felt the lump rise in my throat, I was desperate for some sort of contact.

"Why would you want to be anywhere near me?" He said woodenly, still staring at the floor.

I took another step and looked to Esme, hoping she would answer my question. "I think... he's not so thirsty now...it should be ok." She frowned at me, but she seemed to be a bit more at ease now.

That was confirmation enough for me, I practically flew the last six steps towards them and buried my face in Jaspers chest, wrapping my arms around his waist.

Jasper tensed, but I didn't really care what happened now, I just needed the comfort of another body. Infinitely slowly, I felt him relax, and then he wrapped his arms around me.

That pushed me over the edge, the dam broke and I sobbed my relief against his shirt. I don't know how long we stood like that in the kitchen, until Jasper scooped me up and carried me to the couch.

Jasper soothed me, with both his presence and his gift until I stopped crying. When I'd calmed down enough to breathe normally I lifted my head to look up at him.

He was looking at me like I was something special, the awe written clearly across his features had me biting back a giggle.

"So?" I said, as brightly as I could. "How're you feeling?"

His awe gave way to disbelief. "How am _I_ feeling? Bella, I just very nearly killed you, and you want to know how _I'm_ feeling?"

I nodded, and heard Esme chuckling behind me.

"I think you might be in shock." He said reluctantly. "You shouldn't be this calm. You should be terrified."

"You can tell what I'm feeling. Am I scared?" I raised my eyebrows at him.

Jasper frowned and shook his head. "You feel...safe. That's not normal, you're definitely in shock." He tried to ease me off his lap, but I just turned myself around so that I could rest my back against his chest.

"I'm not in shock." I said slowly and deliberately.

Esme handed me a glass with something amber in it. "Drink this, I think it might help."

I sniffed at what I was pretty sure was whisky and wrinkled my nose. "Why do you have this?"

"Carlisle likes to keep it in his study, he says it just belongs there." She smiled. "Drink it, it'll warm you up."

Deciding it would be best to get it over with I downed it in one go. It tasted vile and burnt my throat, but the heat of it chased away the last of my shivers. "Bleeegh. Well that's one drink I won't be trying again in a hurry."

I stood up and straightened my clothes. "Jasper, would you go out and hunt now?" Esme asked him cautiously.

"Yes, of course." He didn't spare either of us a glance as he sprinted out into the night.

"Are you really quite sure you don't want to go home?" Esme looked hopeful.

"Positive. I'm fine really. I know you don't believe me, but I'm not in shock, and I'm thinking clearly, and I don't have concussion or anything like that. You can stop worrying. I'm not going to run away."

Esme pulled me into a hug. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have called you, that was a mistake. I can't believe I put you in danger."

"I don't mind in the least. In fact I'm pleased you called me and everything turned out all right in the end didn't it?" Esme released me and we moved to sit opposite each other on the sofa.

"But things could have been so different." She wasn't going to let it go easily. What was it with this family and hanging on to guilt?

"It could have been much worse, but it wasn't and that's all that matters. Please don't say you shouldn't have called me. Do you have any idea what it's like to be the one that needs protecting all the time? To be the weakest link in the family? It's a big deal to me that you called _me _for help. It's good to feel useful for a change."

"Don't think of yourself as the week link. Since we met you this family has only gotten stronger. I don't think Jasper could have gone on without you, you seemed to know what to do, while the rest of us just sat about staring at him. We all felt his grief, but you were the only one who could do anything about it."

"I will never think of you as a weak link, you're braver than I am. I don't think I would be sitting here now if I was in your place."

I felt tears spring up in my eyes at the praise, and reached forward to hug her again.

When we'd both got our emotions in order she let me go. "Do you need anything? Are you in any pain?" Esme asked, her motherly tendencies back in overdrive.

"A little, maybe some aspirin?" Esme smiled and left the room, retuning seconds later with a few pills and a glass of water. I took the tablets and asked her what Alice and Jasper had talked about.

"I'm not sure, I left the house to give them some privacy, but then I heard Jasper shouting so I went back in to see what was wrong. Oh Bella it broke my heart, he was begging her to come back, pleading again and again. I think in the end she just hung up, and he snapped."

I knew seeing her son in that state must have crushed Esme, and not being able to help him herself would have made it worse.

"I tried to talk him out of it, but the second I said her name he ran upstairs and started tearing the place apart. I just kept picturing how you'd calmed him down last week. I suppose you know everything from there."

"I called Alice while you were outside. She won't be calling here again. I've told her that if she needs to contact any of you she has to call me, and I'll pass on the message. I hope you don't mind."

"No, I don't mind. I don't really want to speak to her at the moment myself, and I dread to think what another call would do to Jasper." Esme sighed and scanned me critically. "You'll be black and blue tomorrow."

"That'll make a nice change." I laughed. Bruised was my usual skin tone anyway.

Esme and I sat talking about fixing up Jaspers room while we waited for him to come back.

"He hasn't gone far, I can still hear him." She told me after seeing me glance at the door for the fifth time. "In fact, I think he's on his way back."

Sure enough, a minute later Jasper walked through the door. He looked faintly surprised to see me. "I'm not going anywhere you big idiot." I sighed. "But I wouldn't mind another hug."

He hadn't gotten himself in a mess this time, and his eyes had gone back to their usual beautiful toffee.

I could see him trying to decide if it was wise to agree with my request, but he gave in and wrapped his arms around me.

"Why don't you use my room?" Esme offered. "I know you're exhausted."

I smiled gratefully, and started towing Jasper up the stairs behind me without a thought.

When we reached the top he let go of my hand and turned towards his study. I didn't want him to leave, I didn't think I could get to sleep on my own.

"Won't you stay with me?" I aimed for light, but sounded a tad desperate.

Again he looked uncertain, but followed me to Esme's room. "Wait in here, I'll be back in a minute." I walked to Edwards's room and found some old shorts to sleep in and took them to the bathroom to change.

Back in Esme's rook I found Jasper leaning against the wall and glaring at the thick carpet. I ignored him and climbed into the huge bed. It was good, but not a comfy as the one he'd ruined.

"Would it be too hard for you to lay with me?"

He looked blankly at me, and as I waited for his answer, it became obvious that I wasn't going to get one.

"Jasper would you please just get over here. I just... I mean I just need...can't you just get in?" I grumbled stumbling over my words.

I really wished he'd speak, but he did come and slip into the bed next to me, and that was enough. I wriggled back against him until he took the hint and held me.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered.

"You're forgiven." I muttered, sleep already dragging at my eyelids.

"You shouldn't forgive me though. I'm not asking to be forgiven." It seemed important to him that I understand that.

"Fine. You're not forgiven, but I'm tired, so I'll be angry tomorrow ok?"

He didn't answer but I felt the faintest pressure on the top of my head like he'd kissed me.

It was only seconds before I fell asleep, and as I slept, I dreamt of him.

**An: I'd just like to say a huge thank you to **_lilquackers77_** and **_Brooke-Whitlock_**, who gave me a massive confidence boost right when I needed it.**


	10. Chapter Ten

**An: Thank you for all the yummy reviews! Extra special thanks to the lovely CellaCullen, for setting up a thread for this fic on twilighted.**

Chapter Ten

Bella stirred in my arms and I tightened my grip. She had dreamt of me last night. Her fear as she'd cried my name had run through me like a blade.

I tried to enjoy my last few moments with her, knowing that when she woke and started thinking clearly, she'd realise what a monster I was and run.

I wouldn't hold it against her, just like I wouldn't fight Edward when he inevitably came home and killed me. If it had been the other way around I would have killed him.

Throughout the night I had sorted through my feelings. I didn't resent Alice for leaving me now. What I'd done last night just proved what a risk I was. It wasn't fair to expect her to put up with that. Really, it was a wonder we'd lasted as long as we had. I understood her need to find someone better.

That didn't change the fact that I still loved her, and would give almost anything to have her back. The only thing I couldn't bear to give up was Bella.

She had quickly become everything to me. All week the house had felt empty without her in it, and school had been a welcome respite from the loneliness I felt at home.

I was well aware that becoming so dependent on her was unnatural, and a bad idea for both of us. I couldn't bring myself to put a stop to it though. I had come to care more for Bella than I did for myself.

I couldn't believe what I had done last night. I had ruined the only good thing I had left in my life, and I had hurt the most important person in it.

All night I had seen the wild, terrified look in her eyes as I'd ripped at her clothes, and heard the thudding of her racing heart. Playing it over and over in my head became a sort of punishment.

From my position behind her I could see the faintly reddened skin along her jaw. I'd done that to her, and I knew that if I'd pressed just a little harder, I'd have drawn blood and she'd be dead.

I pushed away thoughts of her lifeless body. None of what I'd done would matter soon. Edward would kill me, and Bella would be safe and free of nightmares. Emmett would probably help him do it, he loved Bella almost as much as I did, I felt it from him all the time. She was his sister in every way that mattered.

Or maybe I could just leave, if I went far enough away, they would leave me alone. That idea seemed somehow worse. I knew I wouldn't be able to stay away.

The only real chance I had was if she had meant what she said last night, but I doubted that. There was very little chance at all that she would want to be around me. I wondered if this was wrong, curling up with her, even though I knew she wouldn't let me do it if she was awake.

Bella wriggled again, and I felt her starting to get anxious. Her anxiety quickly turned to real fear, and I found myself torn between waking her up, or leaving her to sleep through it. I knew it was selfish, but I wasn't ready to let her go yet, so I focused on trying to calm her down instead.

"Jasper" She whimpered, turning in my arms.

I hated myself and let go of any remaining hope I had of her forgiving me. Her words last night, spoken while she was exhausted and still in shock, meant nothing. Just as I had thought. I didn't blame her in the least.

I smoothed her hair away from her face with the lightest of touches. Her feelings changed abruptly, mixed in with the fear was now a strong surge of love and protectiveness.

It confused me, and I wished I could see into her head.

"Jasper...oh please no...Edward." Her little choking cries were hard to hear, but at least I could understand what she was dreaming about a little better now. Edward was saving her from me. Of course he was, it made perfect, painful, sense.

Her heart kicked up a notch and her feelings grew stronger. It wasn't fair to let her have nightmares just so I could get an extra few minutes of her company.

Slowly, I let go of her and moved to the furthest edge of the bed. I didn't want to frighten her any more than she already was.

"Bella wake up. It's only a dream." I reached out and shook her shoulder lightly.

She groaned and opened her eyes. They locked straight on to mine and widened comically. I prepared myself for her scream, but it never came.

She scrambled across the bed and back into my arms pressing her face against my neck. I was so surprised that it took me a few seconds to respond at all.

Tentatively I wrapped one arm around her and rubbed her back. "I had the most awful dream." She shuddered inching back a tiny bit.

I tensed, the only explanation I could think of, was that she thought the whole night had been a dream. Why else would she still be here?

"Edward was trying to kill you." I don't think anything she'd said at the point could have been more unexpected.

"What?" I asked stupidly.

She sat up, untwisting her t-shirt and yawning. "Edward was trying to kill you, it was horrible, you weren't even fighting back or anything."

"Bella, do you remember what happened last night?" I asked carefully, getting out of bed and moving to a chair on the other side of the room.

"Yes." She smiled. Why was she smiling?

"You remember that I tried to kill you?"

"Yes..." She said slowly. "And I also know my name, and where I am and the year. I'm not in shock, I don't have a concussion and I'd really appreciate it if you stopped looking at me like I've grown a third eye."

"Well there must be something wrong with you. Normal people don't get all snugly with attempted murderers." I couldn't seem to shut up. Why couldn't I just make the most of her willingness to be around me?

"I don't think you tried to murder me, that's not really what happened. You were pretty much starving, and after the phone call you lost it for a while. So when I, the tasty human, walked by, you did what came naturally." She shrugged. "I think what you should be focusing on is the fact that you stopped. That's the most important thing."

I tried to keep a lid on the joy bubbling up inside me. I wasn't completely sure that she was sane, and I didn't want to get my hopes up. I remembered something from the night before. "You said you'd be angry."

"What?" She gaped at me. "Oh, right...erm... oh yeah, you ripped my shirt! I liked that shirt!"

She put her hands on her hips but it didn't make her look in the least bit angry. "You must have hit your head. This just isn't normal. Get dressed and I'll run you over to the hospital."

She flung back the covers and marched over to me faster than I'd ever seen her move before. She took my face in her hands and leaned down to me. "You listen here Jasper Hale. I am not going to run away. It's not because I'm ill, or crazy, or because I don't understand what happened. It's because I love you, and because what happened wasn't your fault. Please don't try to tell me how I should feel, I get enough of that as it is."

She let go of me and rested her hands on my shoulders. "Are we clear?" I nodded mutely. "Good."

I stared at the girl in front of me letting her feelings confirm her words. I couldn't believe that she'd put me in my place so easily. She was hardly formidable, with her messy hair, an old t-shirt of mine and some boxers I assumed she'd found in Edwards room. I couldn't help but notice how enticingly vulnerable her small bare feet were.

Edward was going to have to learn to share if he didn't kill me. There was no way I could give up something as special as Bella.

"Will you at least let me apologise properly?" I felt like I had to do something. What had happened was a big thing, and shouldn't just be swept under the carpet.

"No."

"Bella you're being ridiculous. You can't pretend that what I did didn't frighten you. You can't pretend that it wasn't wrong."

"Fine. You can say sorry for licking me. That was just weird." She grinned down at me, but I suppose she must have seen that I wasn't going to let this go until she'd given me some sort of normal response.

She sighed and perched on the side of the bed. "I'm not trying to pretend anything. Yes, I was scared. I was terrified, is that what you want to hear? I thought I was going to die, but I didn't blame you for one second, because it wasn't really you."

"I remember thinking that it wasn't you above me. It was as if Jasper the man had been locked away somewhere. I called your name and you came back, you fought your way back just in time. So all I really feel is proud of you. You did attack me, but in a way you saved me too."

I turned her words over in my mind. She was right, it had been like that for me. The loss I'd felt was too strong, so I'd just given up and let the monster in me take over. How could she see that? How could she know what had been happening inside me?

"Now, if you still feel like making it up to me, you could get me some breakfast." She had a cheeky little smile on her face.

It was as if she had some weird ability to see everything as it really was, accept it, and move on. Vampires were supposed to have superior minds, and I was still struggling to process everything. It really wasn't fair.

"What would you like to eat?" I was already planning to basically become her slave for as long as she wanted, so I thought I should start practising now.

She shrugged and flopped back down on the bed "Surprise me, but I wouldn't mind some aspirin."

I looked up at her sharply, wondering what hurt, and if it was my fault.

"Headache." She said waving me away and burrowing back into the blankets.

I made a stop in my room on my way downstairs. Esme had already cleared most of the debris into the garden, and I'd heard her call some glaziers a few hours ago. Knowing Esme the house would be perfect again by tonight.

The total happiness on her face as I walked in showed me that she'd heard my conversation with Bella.

I hadn't really thought until then that if Bella hadn't coped with what had happened I would have ruined things for the whole family.

Esme had been just as afraid as I was. She didn't want to let her newest daughter go either. I dreaded to think how angry Carlisle would be when he found out.

"I'm so sorry Esme." The words were heartfelt, and I hoped she knew how much I meant them.

"Don't you ever dare do that to me again." Her smile was still in place but her words were firm. I felt like I was about six years old. "You are going to hunt at least twice a week from now on whether you like it or not."

I gave her my best contrite smile and nodded. She pulled me into a hug, and surrounded me with all the love she felt. It often amazed my how deeply her feelings ran. As far as she was concerned, we were her children, and she loved us all unconditionally.

She came down to the kitchen with me and watched my hunt through the cupboards for something nice to feed Bella. I saw her getting out a tray I'd never seen before, and setting a glass of orange juice on it, along with the bottle of aspirin.

"Did I hurt her again?" I forced myself to ask, Bella's answer hadn't been all that convincing.

"I don't think so, at least not too badly. She just got a bit squashed." Esme was being evasive, but I knew she wouldn't tell me any more than that for fear of upsetting me. I'd get it out of Bella later.

It didn't take me long to realise that we had very little food in the house, and none of it was really suitable for breakfast. The only thing I could find that I was sure she liked was strawberry ice-cream. She had asked for a surprise, so I decided that it would do. She could have something better when she came down.

I ran into the garden and scooped up a few flowers to put on the tray, and when I got back in Esme was already waiting with a little glass vase. She gave me an odd look as I straightened the tray, but I ignored it to think about later.

I took the stairs much more slowly than I wanted to, as speed wasn't particularly conducive to keeping the juice in the glass.

In the bedroom Bella was still in bed propped up against a mound of pillows. I noticed she'd scraped her hair back, and I could smell the faint tang of soap in the air.

Her eyes lit up as she saw the tray, and I was pleased I'd made an effort. "What have I got?" She asked, stretching up to see into the bowl.

I placed the tray carefully on her lap, but didn't let go of it as I sat down. If she tried to balance it and eat at the same time she'd end up with food everywhere.

"You got me ice-cream?" She was clearly fighting down a smile. "For breakfast? You really do know the way to a girls heart."

She did actually look surprisingly happy with my attempts at breakfast. I watched her swallow a few pills and tuck into her frozen treat. It smelled quite nice, but I knew it would taste revolting. Emmett had told me so himself a few days ago. He really needed to stop trying human food.

"So?" I said lightly, "How's your head?"

She took her time with the ice-cream on her spoon, slowly licking it off until the spoon was clean. "Not too bad." She shrugged once it was gone.

"Huh?" What had I asked her? I'd been too busy watching her little pink tongue flicking in and out of her mouth. I looked back up to her eyes, immensely thankful that I couldn't blush.

She had that mischievous smile on her face and I knew she'd caught me staring, and that she'd deliberately distracted me. I raised an eyebrow and watched her blush. This was a whole new side to Bella.

I easily stole the bowl of ice-cream and the spoon from her. "That's not fair. In fact it's cheating, there are rules about using your womanly wiles you know." I shook the spoon at her in mock reproach.

"Womanly wiles?" She laughed. "You are so _old!_"

"That's beside the point. You distracted me on purpose, and I'm not going to let you finish your breakfast until I get an honest answer." She folded her arms across her chest and stared at my disdainfully. "Have you really got a headache? Or is it something else?"

"I have got a bit of a headache, and my back's a bit sore, but other than that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. Now give me back my breakfast before I make you wear it."

I rolled my eyes and handed her the bowl. She quickly finished what was left and climbed out of bed. "That was the best breakfast in bed I've ever had, thank you. I'm going to get dressed, I'll see you downstairs."

I stared after her, and wondered if it wasn't just a little bit pathetic that I missed her already.

__________________________________________________

Bella had just finished a call to Charlie. Apparently, Esme's aunt had died suddenly last night. Esme seemed to find the lie particularly funny for some reason.

"They'll be coming to replace the window soon." She told us, still smiling. "So I thought you two could go into town and choose some paint."

I should have known we'd be asked to join the decorating committee. This wasn't really my area of expertise, but Bella looked positively thrilled, and her enthusiasm soaked into me.

Esme loaned her a jacket and we left quickly. "Shall I drive?" Bella asked as we walked towards the garages.

"Well we won't get much paint on the back of the bike." I grinned.

"Bike?" She'd stopped and spun round to face me.

"I'll show you sometime." I promised, steering her towards her truck.

"I can't believe I never knew you had a bike! How come I've never seen you ride it?" She turned the heating on full as soon as we were inside, but opened the windows, I didn't think I would ever really understand her.

"It's more for pleasure than actually going anywhere. I do use it occasionally though." I wondered why she was interested, high speeds weren't really her thing.

"So. What colour do you want to get? And where are we going to get it?" She kept her eyes entirely on the road, never so much as glancing in my direction as we crawled sedately towards town.

I hadn't really thought that far ahead. "I don't know."

"Which don't you know?" She laughed.

"Both. I've never decorated before, that's more Esme's thing."

"I know where there's a hardware store, you just think about the colour." We were passing more cars now, and I knew we'd be getting out soon. I couldn't wait, I could _walk_ faster than Bella was driving.

"How about black?"

"You can't paint your room black, that's too... well...too much like a vampire actually."

"I don't know if it's slipped your mind, but I am a vampire. Have been for quite some time." My sarcasm was evident, but she just chuckled.

"Yeah, but not like the ones you see on TV." She started rambling. "You know I used to watch Buffy before I moved here. I had a huge crush on Spike, but you guys completely ruined that for me now. I tried to watch it a few weeks ago, but it just made me laugh. Anyway, you need something more cheerful than black." I decided not to bother pointing out that the vampires she saw on TV were fictional.

"Red then? Red's cheerful." She snorted at that suggestion, and I thought that she probably classed that as a vampire colour too. "You choose, I don't care. It's not like I'll be spending much time in there."

"No, you have to choose. Haven't you ever even chosen your own sheets or anything? Surely Esme asks your opinion at least." She eased the truck into a space at the curb. The store we'd pulled up in front of looked distinctly run down to me. Not really a good advert for hardware.

"Alice always chose everything." I muttered. Her head whipped up to face me, worried. "It's fine. I'm fine. Let's go and get some paint."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking." She stuttered as I climbed out of the car.

"Really, it's ok, I'm not going to flip out on you again." I tried my best to sound light for her sake. I wasn't lying, I could cope. It still hurt me very much to think about Alice, but it was getting easier.

Bella scowled at me. "I didn't think you would. I just didn't want to upset you for no reason."

We had been in the store ten full minutes before she spoke again. I had been staring at the tins of paint and wondering what exactly I was supposed to be looking for. "Any ideas yet?" She sighed.

"Not really. I don't know what I'm supposed to be looking for." I couldn't really see what would make one particular colour stand out above any of the others. It was only for the walls after all.

"Fine, I will choose for you, and you'll just have to like it." She didn't mess around, quickly loading me up with several tins, and then walking off towards the checkout with a handful of brushes and rollers.

I didn't look at what colour she had chosen until we were back at the truck. She'd picked blue, several blues actually. I liked blue.

________________________________________________________

When we pulled up at the house the workmen were packing up. Upstairs the door frame had been repaired and the door re-hung. The room was just an empty white box, it looked new. I realised that it didn't remind me of anything at all, not Alice, not my loss of control, nothing. It was just a blank canvas.

Esme and Bella were discussing where exactly to paint, and which shades to use. As I wasn't interested I went out into the yard to make sure that everything had been cleared up properly. The ground was muddy, but clear.

By the time I got back inside Bella was sitting in the kitchen eating a sandwich. I'd privately found it strange that my family liked to watch her eat, but it seemed quite fascinating now.

My view of her was suddenly obstructed by Esme shoving a load of old dust sheets into my hands. "Be a dear and cover the floor will you?" She asked, and I got the feeling she had deliberately distracted me.

Nevertheless I did as she asked and rushed back down, only to be disappointed as Bella had already finished. She was at the front door signing for a delivery while Esme carried in a set of steps.

I watched as Bella stepped out of the way to let two men carry in a huge bed frame, followed by a new mattress. As usual Esme had thought of everything.

As soon as everything was set up and Esme had briefed us on which areas to paint Bella wandered off. I did find this a bit odd as she'd been excited about the redecorating all morning. I was about to go and look for her when she came back in rolling up the sleeves of a shirt which I knew was mine.

"Do you like stealing from me in particular, or are you some sort of kleptomaniac?"

"I'm not stealing, I'm just borrowing it. You can have it back." She said, climbing the steps cautiously.

"But _why_ are you borrowing it?" I made sure to start painting near her, knowing she was bound to fall at some point.

"So I don't get paint on my top." Well that didn't actually make any sense. What was she thinking?

"Bella, the t-shirt you're wearing under that is also mine, and I'm not bothered about you getting paint on it."

"Well I'm bothered. I like it, and I'm keeping it. You wrecked my shirt, so I'm having this one." She turned to stick her tongue out at me, and slipped. I caught her easily, and kept hold of her while her heart slowed down.

Her nose was only an inch in front of mine, and I had the strangest urge to press mine against it. I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath, when I opened them again Bella was looking into them, dazed, with a small smile playing across her lips.

I tried to get a read on her emotions, but they were too confused, and too close to my own, to understand.

The ringing of her phone snapped us both out it, and I hastily put her down, and turned to carry on with my painting.

I listened intently to her conversation with one part of my mind and tried to work out what had just happened with another. She'd looked... _dazzled..._ Edward said she called it. The effect we had on humans. I didn't think I'd ever dazzled anyone before.

I tensed as I heard Edwards voice coming from the phone.

*Hello beautiful*

Bella shook her head as if she was clearing it before she answered. "Hey Edward. Having fun?"

*I'd rather be there with you. What are you doing?*

"Decorating." Bella glanced quickly between Esme and I, and frowned.

I heard Edward chuckle. *What are you decorating?*

She hesitated for half a second, and I felt the room grow tense. Esme was waiting for her answer as intently as I was. "Esme thought it would be a good idea to change Jaspers room a bit, so I came over to help." She chewed her lip waiting for his response.

I couldn't believe she was lying to him. This obviously meant that she didn't intend to tell him about the night before at all.

*You don't have to help Bella. There's no need for you to be there without me. I hope Esme hasn't put you out.*

Bella turned her back to us, I suppose it gave her at least some illusion of privacy. "Don't be stupid Edward. I want to be here. I love spending time with them, and I want to help, it's fun." She sounded like she'd had to explain this to him before.

Did Edward think that she only bothered with the rest of us because of him? I knew that wasn't true, I could feel how much she cared for us all, but I knew it would hurt Esme if she believed that. I took a quick look at her, she did look a bit worried.

*Are you sure Bella? I could come home early if you'd like me to.*

I smiled feeling Bella's irritation. "Edward honestly, I'm having a good time. If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't have come at all. Just enjoy your trip."

*If you're sure. How's Jasper? Has he been behaving himself?* There was an edge to his voice that I didn't like at all, and I was eager to see how Bella handled the question.

With blatant lies, apparently. "He's been fine, haven't really seen that much of him. He's doing a lot better today though I think. It's so nice of you to show your _concern_ for your brother."

*Don't be like that my love. Of course I'm concerned about him, but you are my priority. He should know better than to drape himself all over you all the time. It isn't fair.*

"No, I suppose you're right." I heard Esme give a tiny gasp as Bella's words registered, and I felt my chest constrict painfully. "It _is _deeply inappropriate for one friend to hug another, or to try and find some comfort when they're hurt. What could he have been thinking? I don't know how I've let this go on for so long."

I'm pretty sure something inside me melted with relief at that point. I had truly thought that she had changed her mind and decided that I wasn't a good person to be around. Esme chuckled quietly.

*Bella, you don't underst-*

"I understand perfectly Edward. You're being an idiot. I love you very much, but I also love your family, and I will make my own decisions about when and where I spend time with them. If that includes gardening with Esme, or hell, getting matching tattoos with Carlisle then it will be up to me. Do you understand?" I'd never seen her like this before, she usually gave in to Edward pretty quickly, or at least let him think he'd won. I'd never seen her really standing up for herself. She was magnificent.

*Vampires can't get tattoos.* Edward said petulantly. Bella's anger faded almost entirely away and she giggled. I had to work hard not to start laughing myself.

"That's not really the point."

*I'm sorry. It's just difficult not to worry about you when I'm so far away from you. I love you.* I rolled my eyes at the tone of his voice.

"I love you too. I'll be completely fine, go and catch a mountain lion."

I heard him laughing now, he was confident that the argument had been settled at least somewhat in his favour. *Stay safe. I'll see you tomorrow morning.*

Bella hung up and sighed deeply before she turned around. "I'm guessing you heard every word?"

"Sorry." Esme said. "It's hard not to."

"Are we all in agreement that what happened last night stays between us?"

"If possible, but it's easy to let our thoughts slip around Edward." Esme answered. I was too busy feeling overly pleased to respond.

Bella came over to my side. "If one of us slips and he finds out, you are not to just stand about letting him beat you up. You fight back, take his head off if you have to, we can always stick it back on once he's calmed down." She grinned up at me. I knew she was worried about the dream she'd had.

"Promise." I whispered back.

"And just so you know, you really shouldn't dazzle people like that." So I had dazzled her, she looked amused, but I secretly felt quite proud.

Esme observed us carefully from the other side of the room.

____________________________________________________

Bella had been gone half an hour when Esme came to find me. The room was finished and I really quite liked it. It was peaceful.

I was sorting my clothes into the repaired closet when I heard her knocking on the door. "Come in." Maybe now I'd find out why she'd been acting so strangely around me.

"Could we talk for a while son?" Ah, the motherly smile and calling me son could only mean that she was worried about me. Which I didn't understand, as today was the best I'd felt since long before Alice had left.

"What is it?" I sat down on the edge of the bed and waited for her to join me.

"I was just wondering, how you feel about Bella?" Well that was unexpected.

"I love her. If you're worried about me hurting her, I swear I won't. If I thought that there was any chance of that happening I'd leave." I said firmly, knowing that it was true.

"That's not really what I meant. I already know all that. What I want to know is _how_ you love her."

I didn't really understand where this was going. "She's part of the family, and probably the best friend I've ever had."

"Are you sure there isn't more to it than that?" She was looking at me like she was trying to see inside me.

"What more could there be. I don't think I could love her much more than I do. What is it you're trying to say?"

"I think you might have transferred everything you felt for Alice over to Bella as a way of coping." She said this very carefully, as if she was afraid the words might hurt me.

"Esme, I'm not in love with her." I laughed.

She was clearly pleased with my reaction. "I just had to check. You've gotten so close so quickly, and I didn't want either of you to be hurt."

"There's really no need to worry. Bella belongs to Edward, and I still love Alice."

Esme smiled. "I'll say good night then, I'm going out to hunt. I'll see you in the morning."

I thought carefully about everything Esme had said once I was alone. What I felt for Bella was very different from what I'd felt for Alice.

Bella accepted me for exactly who I was 'scars and all' she said. No one had ever done that before, no one had ever made me feel like I was good enough as I was. The strange thing about it was that it just made me want to be better.

Was it strange that she made me want to be a better man? Did it mean anything? I honestly wasn't sure. I wanted to be near her all the time, but I didn't know if that was just because I liked her company or something more.

Maybe Esme was right, maybe I had just projected all my feelings onto Bella. I decided that the only way I could really be sure was to go and see her, and work out how I felt from there.

I ran all the way.

_______________________________________________

She was sitting up in bed reading when I tapped on the window. She jumped and nearly fell off the bed in her haste to see who it was. Her face lit up in a beautiful smile and she opened the window to let me in.

"Shouldn't you be used to late now visitors now?" I teased, knowing Edward stayed with her almost every night.

"Edward doesn't knock." She shrugged getting back into bed.

I sat down at the foot of the bed and looked at her. She was beautiful, but I had known that for a long time, and it had never inspired any desire in me before. Did it now? I found I wanted to touch her face and feel the warmth of her skin. I didn't know if that meant I had anything beyond familial feelings for her.

I did know one thing for certain though; whatever I felt for her wasn't just a product of my feelings for Alice.

"Did you want something Jasper?" Bella prompted, making me wonder how long I had been staring at her.

"Um... no?" I wracked my brains for some sort of excuse for my being there. I could hardly tell her that I'd come to make sure I wasn't in love with her.

Bella laughed quietly. "Just my company then? You just can't resist my glowing personality can you?"

She'd inadvertently supplied the lie for me. "You got me. Esme went out hunting so I thought I'd pay my favourite human a visit."

Bella stifled a yawn and put her book down next to her bed, she'd read whatever it was so many times that I couldn't read the title from the battered spine.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise how late it was. I'll leave you to get some sleep."

"You could stay?" She offered.

I tried to work out whether she wanted me to stay or if she just felt like she should let offer to be polite. I studied her expression and saw nothing but fatigue.

"Please? I can't sleep very well on my own anymore." She told me shyly as she moved up to the wall and lifted the blankets.

"Well we can't have that can we?" I said happily. I pulled my shoes off and climbed into the bed next to her. She was still wearing my t-shirt, and I felt a strange warmth in my stomach, knowing that something of mine was that close to her. That was just a little bit worrying, I didn't think that it was a normal friend type of thought.

Bella curled into my side and wrapped an arm around me. "D'you want to know something weird?" She muttered, sleep already clouding her voice.

"What?"

"You don't make me cold." She fell asleep with a smile on her face.

There was certainly some danger, that if I wasn't careful, I could very easily fall in love with the girl sleeping in my arms.

**An: Hope you liked it, don't forget to review. Edward POV up next.**


	11. Chapter Eleven

**An: Thank you as always for all the lovely reviews.**

Chapter Eleven

I went home only to grab a quick shower before I ran to Bella's house. The hunting trip had been fun, but I was glad to be back.

I eased Bella's window open, not wanting to wake her, it was only just past dawn. Her scent was strong in the room, but it didn't cover up the fact that Jasper had been there. I fought down my jealousy and moved stealthily towards the bed.

I slipped in beside Bella only to be assaulted by the strength of Jasper's scent intensifying. Why had he been in her bed? If I found out he'd snuck in here I'd kill him. God, it was worse than stalking, something would have to be done about it.

I couldn't really understand why Bella wanted to spend any time with him, and I knew for a fact that she wouldn't invite him into her bed. She wasn't that kind of girl.

Did she even know that he'd been here? Had he come while she was out of the house, or had she been sleeping? I would have to speak to Carlisle about keeping him in the house as much as possible.

I wrapped my arms gently around her and pushed all thoughts of Jasper from my mind. I needed to do something to strengthen our relationship, lately she had been spending less and less time with me, and I didn't like it. I knew she didn't like me protecting her, but there was nothing I could do about that, I wasn't about to let her get hurt.

I'd had plans to take her somewhere last weekend, but Jasper and Esme had claimed her attention, and I hadn't had a chance to ask her. Maybe we could go somewhere today. We could go to our meadow, it was her favourite place, and there was no way she would turn that down.

She made a noise that might of been a giggle as she rolled over, pressing herself closer to me. I loved the feel of her body against mine, and though I wished we could show our love for each other more physically, I knew that it could never happen. It would be far too easy to lose control.

I treasured moments like this, when I was able to be close to her without having to worry about her reaction to it. She often made things much harder by trying to get more than I was able to give.

She laughed again and snuggled closer. Her breathing sped up and her heart rate increased, and I knew she would wake up soon. I released my hold on her and moved back so that we were no longer touching. I didn't want to start the day by having to push her away from me. It would get us off to a bad start.

I wasn't sure she was fully awake yet when she reached one arm out behind her and felt around for something. I took her hand gently in mine and brought it to my lips for a chaste kiss.

"You stayed?" She asked sleepily. What did that mean, had she been dreaming about me? "Jasper?"

I flung myself out of the bed and across the room, disgusted. "Jasper?" I growled at her, watching the surprise flicker in her eyes as she saw who was in her room. She shouldn't have been dreaming about my brother. She should only be dreaming about me.

"Were you dreaming about him?" I was careful to keep my voice even and my face impassive.

"What? No, he was here." She still looked half asleep as she looked around the room as if expecting him to be hiding behind something.

"When was he here?" She looked up at me again, and this time she seemed to notice that I wasn't happy.

"He came over last night, when Esme went out to hunt. I fell asleep, so I guess he left." She sounded annoyed, that was a good sign, she must be finally getting tired of his company. Time to make sure she knew exactly what he had been doing.

"What was he doing in your bed? His scent's all over it. And you." Her reaction was not the one I had foreseen. She blushed and looked away from me again.

"Um... I asked him to stay?"

"You asked him to sleep with you?" I watched her blush deepen and her eyes widen. Typical Bella, getting the wrong idea. Well I wouldn't be the one to tell her that wasn't what I meant.

"What? No, it wasn't like that. I don't like him like that!" She scrambled out of bed and over to me, pressing a quick kiss to my lips. "I love you, I wouldn't do that."

"If you had you'd be dead." I said flatly. "I'm not the only one with control issues."

She looked up at me startled, and I saw that she had a faint red mark along her chin and another on the side of her neck. "Edward I swear you don't have to worry about that."

"What happened?" I asked stroking my finger along the marks.

She gaped at me and put her hand to her throat. "I...don't know. I must have done it in my sleep."

That wasn't exactly plausible, the marks didn't look that fresh. Something had happened while I'd been away, and she wasn't going to tell me. I would be listening more carefully to everyone's thoughts until I found out what it was she didn't want me to know.

This was not the homecoming I'd expected. She was usually so pleased to see me. I needed to get her all to myself. "Can Charlie spare you?"

Her eyes lit up immediately. "He'll be fishing all day. Are we going to your house?" Why did she want to go to my house? Hadn't she only been there yesterday?

"Wouldn't you rather we had some time to ourselves? We could go to the meadow. I thought you'd be getting sick of my house by now. There's nothing special about it."

"I love your house. Honestly, we don't have to do anything special." This wasn't really going quite the way I'd planned. It wasn't fair.

"Don't you want to spend some time alone?" I smiled the smile I knew she liked best. The corners of her lips turned up.

"We're alone now." She whispered inching closer. Her scent was intoxicating and painful as always. I lifted a hand to carefully cup her cheek and kissed the corner of her mouth. As I knew she would, she closed her eyes and turned into the kiss, meeting my lips with her.

The longer we kissed the stronger the desire for her blood grew, and I had to pull away much sooner than I wanted to.

Bella gave me a tight smile and turned away from me to find some clothes. Obviously, I wasn't going to be able to change her mind about going to my house, but I could at least postpone it.

"Can I take you out for breakfast?" She really couldn't say no to that, and I could drag it out for as long as I wanted to.

The smile on her face now was genuine, and I knew I'd got it right this time. "I'd like that. Just let me get dressed and we can go. Has Charlie already left?"

I told her that he had and sat down on her bed to plan out the day. If I took her to Port Angeles it would take longer, plus I could take her around a few shops, maybe even have lunch there too. I just wouldn't tell her where we were going at first so she wouldn't have chance to protest.

She came out of the bathroom dressed and ready to go, I was pleased to see that she had left her hair down, the way I liked it.

"What would you like for breakfast?" I asked as we settled into her truck.

She looked a little distantly out of the window and smiled slowly. "Surprise me."

I really wished I could hear her thoughts at times like this. There was clearly a reason behind that statement and I hated not knowing what it was, but I got the feeling she wouldn't tell me if I asked.

Thankfully, she'd let me drive without too much begging on my part, and she didn't notice that we were heading away from Forks until we were almost in Port Angeles. She must have been very distracted by something. Then again, she was always a little distracted in my presence.

Bella jolted forward in her seat and stared out of the window. "Where are we going?"

"I thought I'd take you into Port Angeles for a change. Then we could go and look around the new book store."

She smiled and sank back to gaze out of the window again. "I didn't know there was a new store. I'd have been by now if I had. I'm getting a bit sick of Wuthering Heights."

"I never thought I'd hear you say that. I thought it was your favourite."

"It is, but I feel like a change." She shrugged.

I parked up outside a smoothie bar I'd noticed about a month ago. Bella looked a bit disappointed, but she'd asked for a surprise and she'd got one, so I wasn't too bothered.

We took a small table near the window and I flicked through the menu, finding the heath boosting juices and handing it to Bella. She wrinkled her nose up at them and turned the page without even really looking.

She seemed less than enthusiastic. I watched her face carefully. Not being able to hear her thoughts was always hard, but she gave away little signs all the time. Her eyes were so expressive that I often forgot I couldn't hear her thoughts.

After a minute or two her eyes widened just a fraction, and a slow smile turned up the corners of her mouth. Obviously I hadn't chosen the wrong place to eat, she'd finally found something she liked the look of.

"What are you having then? I'll go and order."

She licked her lips and smiled up at me. "Frozen strawberry yoghurt."

I take her to the healthiest place in a fifty mile radius, and she picks what's basically ice-cream. For breakfast. Honestly, trying to keep Bella healthy was almost as hard as trying to keep her safe.

At the counter I noticed some little shot pots of wheatgrass and added one to my order. Maybe I could get her to eat at least one beneficial thing.

I set down my purchases in front of her. She looked at the shot and grimaced. "What's that? It looks like pond scum!"

"It's good for you." I told her, and pushed it closer to her.

She picked up the little pot and shuddered before dropping it into her purse. "Emmett can have it." She laughed, tucking into her chosen breakfast.

"Emmett's an idiot." I scowled.

"Cheer up. You know you'll laugh at him later when he chokes on it."

I made an effort to smile and watched her eat. She looked a little distant, like she was remembering something. When she got to her last spoonful her gaze flicked up to my face for half a second and she blushed.

"What?" It was so irritating to have to ask.

Her cheeks reddened even further, but she just shook her head at me, and finished eating.

"Bella tell me. What are you thinking?"

"Honestly, it's nothing." The smile she gave me didn't quite reach her eyes, but I let it go, knowing I'd get no more out of her. "Shall we go then?"

"Of course." I stood and held out my hand to help her up.

The book store was ten minutes away at Bella's usual pace, but I made the walk last twice as long by entertaining her with the thoughts of the people that walked by us.

We separated inside the store, but I listened to her heartbeat at all times to make sure she was ok. Bella came back to me much more quickly than I had anticipated, holding three books.

"What have you got?" I wasn't sure how she'd found one decent book, let alone three. The selection was nowhere near as varied as I'd hoped.

She held up one of the books which didn't look very promising to me. "This looks interesting, but I don't think you'd like it. The others are for Emmett and Jasper."

"There's no need to waste your money on them."

"It's not a waste. I'd like to get them. Look." She showed me the first, a large thick book on art during the Civil War.

"He's probably got that already." I told her, booth hoping to get her to put it back, and to avoid her being upset if it was true.

"He hasn't got it. I've had a good look around his study, and I haven't seen any books similar to this." She said somewhat defiantly.

"Emmett doesn't read." I tried.

"He'll read this. It's called 'How To Get Back On Her Good Side'. Rosalie still hasn't told him where that engine is." She giggled. Even I had to admit that the book was a good idea. He fell out with Rosalie more often than he hunted.

"Fine. Just don't let Rose see you give it to him. I doubt she'd be pleased. She likes to make him figure things out on his own."

She practically skipped her way over to the counter and out of the shop. "Where to now?"

"Home? I want to give them their presents." Hearing her call my house 'home' was both warming and worrying.

"Bella, what is it about our house that makes you like it so much?" I really struggled to understand what was so special about it.

"I like it because you're there." She smiled.

"I'm here now. We could go anywhere, and I'd be there." Did she think that I wanted to go home, so that meant she had to go there to be with me?

Bella giggled. "Not just you. All of you, the whole family." She said patiently.

I helped her up into the truck and ran round to get behind the wheel. "But what is it that you find so enthralling about my family?"

She looked at me like I was particularly stupid. "Do you like your family Edward?"

I nodded, wondering where she was going with this.

"Then why is it so difficult for you to see why I like them? They've become my second family and I love them."

"I see." I didn't really. She was supposed to fear our kind like a normal human. I thought that she was just drawn to me. If I was honest with myself that made me just a little bit jealous. She clearly had no normal instincts at all, it wasn't just something she felt for me.

She pulled out her new book and didn't so much as glance at me for the whole drive home. How was I supposed to fix this? She hated presents and grand gestures. She didn't particularly want to spend any time with me away from the family, and it hurt.

I wished Alice had stayed, she'd know exactly what to do. I sighed loudly and sneaked a look out of the corner of my eye at Bella. She didn't notice. Not so long ago she would have asked me what was wrong. Maybe it didn't mean anything, maybe it was just a good book. Right.

I parked the truck out by the garages and ran round to Bella's door. She shocked me out of my miserable thoughts by pressing a quick, smiling kiss to my lips. "Thank you for taking me to breakfast."

"You're welcome." I smiled back, putting an arm around her waist and leading her into the house. I was probably just overreacting, she had enjoyed herself and she hadn't been deliberately ignoring me.

Before we went in I searched the thoughts in the house, finding only Emmett, Esme and Carlisle inside. That made things easier.

Esme pulled the door open just as we reached it. "Bella!" She exclaimed with pleased surprise.

"Hello Esme. You just can't get rid of me can you?" She stepped straight into Esme's waiting arms. When had they got so close? How had I missed that?

"I wouldn't want to. Have you eaten? I've made cookies, but I don't know if they're alright." Esme clucked herding her off to the kitchen. Ok, so I wouldn't be getting to spend any time with Bella for a while.

"Wait a second, I have a few presents for Emmett first." Bella said, I could hear her already trying to fight a laugh. I settled myself on the sofa, prepared to enjoy myself at my brother's expense.

"Presents?" Emmett shouted, flinging aside the magazine he'd been pretending to read.

Bella laughed at him and came to sit next to me. "Yes, presents. Two presents, but you only get the second if you swallow the first."

Emmett's face screwed up. "Swallow it?" He said cautiously. His mind ran through several disturbing scenarios before Bella took pity on him and handed him the little shot.

"Oh." He actually looked disappointed, I think he'd hoped for something more creative. "What is it?"

"Wheatgrass. Edward says it's good for you. Or good for me at least. I thought you might like to try it." She was almost bouncing in anticipation.

Emmett peeled back the foil lid and took a tentative sniff. "It smells pretty bad, but then again that ice-cream smelled nice and it tasted like shit." He tipped back the thick green liquid and swallowed. "It tastes kinda like squirrel. Really old squirrel."

"Squirrel? Edward, you tried to make me drink squirrel juice!" Bella said angrily, but she had huge smile on her face. She handed over Emmett's real present. "Use it."

He stared at the cover of the book for a moment then broke out into a huge booming laugh. "Only you would think of this Bells." He ruffled her hair up, making her scowl and slap at him. I nearly tore him in half, with all his strength he could have snapped her neck.

"Now, where are those cookies? Don't worry Emmett, we'll save one for you." Emmett wasn't listening, he was already flipping through the book, no doubt trying to find a nonexistent chapter on what to do when your wife has stolen your engine.

I went to look for Carlisle, still listening to Bella and Esme in the kitchen. I found him in his study as usual.

"Can I come in?"

_Of course._

"Where's Jasper?" I asked walking into the room and closing the door. I hoped he was far, far away and wouldn't be coming back soon.

"He's upstairs somewhere." Carlisle answered pushing some paperwork into a file and turning to face me.

I hadn't heard him. I listened carefully now, nothing. "He isn't, he's not near the house at all, and he's out of range."

"Well he can't have gone far, he only went up just before you got here." Carlisle told me. "Did you want him for something?"

"I think he's getting too close to Bella. He was there last night at least until she fell asleep, and his sent was all over her bed this morning."

"Have you spoken to Bella about it?" He didn't seem as troubled by this as I'd hoped.

"Yes, that's part of the problem, she doesn't seem to think there's anything wrong with him latching on to her every chance he gets." I scowled.

_She promised._ "She's helping him, and I don't think we should interfere with that."

"What promise?"

_He doesn't know?_ "Alice asked her to look after Jasper. She said Alice told her there was a vision about Bella helping him get back to normal."

No I didn't know. Bella never mentioned it. "I could kill Alice. She had no right to do that. We all know how slippery Jaspers hold on control is." I couldn't remember the last time I had been this angry, or this relieved. Bella was only spending so much time with Jasper because Alice had asked her to.

"Edward, you've seen Jasper with Bella. His control around her is better than most. Think of what happened in the garden last week. Esme couldn't move for the smell of her blood, and Jasper dressed the cut. I think you have to try to understand that Bella is as safe with him as she is with you." Carlisle's voice was kind but it annoyed me.

I turned to leave, as I opened the door a voice drifted down from upstairs. "...You shouldn't have, thank you." I hadn't heard Jasper come back, but he was upstairs now talking to Bella. I listened for his thoughts again, and again came up with nothing.

"Carlisle, Jasper is upstairs." I said urgently.

"OK. What's the problem?" How could he not understand the problem?

"I can't hear him. He's blocking me completely."

"Edward, calm down, we all block you sometimes." Carlisle smiled.

"No, that's not what I mean, he's not singing, or listing battles, or anything like that. His mind is a complete blank. How can that be?" Had Jasper found a way around my power? If so, what was he trying to hide? Or was my gift failing?

"Nothing at all?" _Strange, that's never happened before. Except with Bella._

"Absolutely nothing." I opened the door again so I could hear what was going on upstairs. They were just looking at the art book.

Carlisle went to the bottom of the stairs and called up to them. "Jasper? Could I see you for a minute?"

"I'll be right back." I heard him tell Bella, before he came bounding down the stairs. He looked happier than I had seen him in years.

Carlisle ushered him into the study and closed the door. He didn't really know what to do from there.

"What are you thinking?" I asked him, getting straight to the point.

He looked a bit bewildered. "Don't you know?"

"No. I can't hear you. What are you doing?"

"Edward, I'm not doing anything. Are you sure you can't hear me?"

"Of course I'm sure, think of a number." He closed his eyes and was evidently thinking of something. Even a humans mind is never quiet, a vampires mind is constantly full of many thoughts at once. I could only hear those closest to the surface. But now there was nothing on the surface. I struggled to latch onto his mind, but it was completely empty, I couldn't even get a flicker.

"Well?" Carlisle asked.

"Nothing."

"What's going on? Why can't you hear me?" I couldn't be sure, but I thought he looked cautiously pleased.

"How should I know? You're the one doing it, this has nothing to do with me." I told him. "Why do you feel the need to hide your thoughts? What are you thinking?"

"I'm not doing anything different. And right now all I'm thinking is how nice it is to have my thoughts be totally my own. It makes a nice change not to have you poking around where you don't belong."

I growled my frustration.

_Can you hear me?_ Carlisle thought. I'd been listening to his thoughts since I'd walked into the house.

"Yes."

"What about the others?"

_I hope Edward keeps bringing Bella here. I wonder where Rosalie is, she's been gone longer..._ Esme

_Dude, how are you supposed to do that if she won't even let you _in_ the bedroom_...? Emmett

Bella was a silent as usual, and now so was Jasper. I could already hear Carlisle drawing parallels.

"I can hear Esme and Emmett." I confirmed. Jasper smile was wide and gloating.

"Well, it's not really a problem, is it?" Carlisle asked after a few seconds of tense silence. "We don't even know if it will last."

Not a problem? I needed to know what he was thinking, or how would I be able to keep Bella safe around him? I hoped it didn't last long. I couldn't wait to tell him I could hear him again, and wipe that stupid smirk off his face.

"Can I go then? Can't keep Bella waiting."

Carlisle waved him off with a smile.

"We have to fix this." I told him once we were alone again.

"Why? Having you able to read our every thought isn't really a good thing for us. If Jasper gets out of it, good for him." _Not that your gift doesn't come in useful._ He added internally.

"What if he slips? We won't know that he can't control himself until it's too late." I had to bring Carlisle around to my way of thinking.

"He's been doing very well Edward, can't you see that? I know you're worried about Bella, but she really is safe with him. I wouldn't let anything happen to her, Esme would have my head if I did." He chuckled.

I left the study, I obviously wasn't going to get any help from Carlisle. Sitting near the stairs I could listen to the conversation upstairs with ease.

"That's good isn't it? I'd hate it if he could tell what I was thinking all the time. I don't know how you all cope with having no privacy all the time." Bella said, I could hear the smile in her voice. It didn't worry me that she didn't want me to be able to hear her thoughts, I wouldn't like anyone to be able to hear mine.

"It's good, but I'll still have to be careful. We don't know what's causing it, he could suddenly start hearing me at any time." Jasper said.

He'd have to be careful? So he was hiding something from me, even if it wasn't his fault I couldn't hear him. More worryingly, whatever he was hiding, Bella seemed like she knew about it.

"Can he still hear Esme?" There was a trace of unease in her words. So Esme knew as well.

"Yes, he can hear everyone but us."

I sought out Esme's thoughts again. She was thinking about her first honeymoon with Carlisle so I quickly tuned out. There was nothing unusual about her thoughts, she often thought about that, it was one of her happiest memories.

Perhaps Esme knew something, but didn't know that it was relevant.

"What time did you leave last night?" Bella asked him. This would be interesting.

"I think it was about six." He said nervously. "I heard Edward coming, and I didn't think you'd want him to find me with you."

"He knew anyway, he said he could smell you." Bella laughed. Was there more to their relationship than I had thought? Jasper had spent the whole night with her, and had left to keep it a secret. I breathed deeply, trying to stay calm enough to stay in my seat.

"Sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"It doesn't matter. It was all perfectly innocent, and he can't be too upset about it or he'd have said something to you." Bella said.

"There's time yet." Jasper muttered. "He won't be happy that we slept together. Why the blush? Has sweet little Bella got a dirty mind?"

"No! Just don't say it like that, it makes it sound like we did more than sleep. What would Edward think if he heard you saying that?" I didn't like the way this conversation was going. "Actually I already know, he told me this morning that you'd have lost control and killed me if we'd done anything." She stumbled over her words, clearly embarrassed to be discussing this with him.

"Huh. Just because he can't control himself doesn't mean I couldn't." That sounded suspiciously like a proposition to me.

"Bella." I shouted. I wanted her down here where I could keep an eye on her. She shouldn't be talking about things like that with him. We barely even spoke about it.

"Coming!" She called down. "Are you coming down?"

"I think it's best if I stay up here for a while. Edward probably heard that whole conversation." Jasper told her.

Bella walked slowly down the stairs, her cheeks still flushed with colour, the scent of her blood stronger and sweeter.

She tried a timid smile. It looked like she was awaiting my reaction to what I'd heard. I smiled at her. Whatever was going on wasn't her fault, and I would deal with Jasper later, she didn't need to worry.

"Come and sit with me love." I held out an arm and waited for her to curl into my side. She relaxed immediately and hurried over to me. Emmett glanced up from his book and grinned at her.

"I see naughty Eddie's given you a hickey. I thought you were a good girl Bella." He waggled his eyebrows and gave me a sly look.

"A hickey?" I looked again at the mark on her neck. It was similar to marks I'd seen on the teenagers at school now I thought about it.

Bella's hand flew to her neck to cover the mark. "It's not a hickey." She babbled. "I did it in my sleep."

"Whatever you say Bella." Emmett laughed, but one look at my face quickly shut him up. _If he didn't do it, who did? I'm sure that's a hickey... shit, sorry Edward...I'll read, yes, where's that chapter about saying sorry..._

I didn't want to hear his thoughts on the subject, but what if he was right? I had tried to convince her once that she could, and should have a normal life without me. Find a human boy, go to college, get married, have children. But the thought of that now tore at me. She had said she didn't want normal, she wanted me, was she changing her mind? I couldn't let that happen, she was mine now, and would be until the day she died.

This must be the secret. Jasper knew that something had happened, and he was keeping it secret for her.

"Bella? Would you like me to take me home?" This was not a request, and she knew it. She stood quickly and walked to the door, carefully avoiding Emmett's eyes.

I drove us only to the end of the drive. I pulled the truck over to side of the path, just off the road. "Have you found someone else?" There was a horrible fluttering in my chest and my jaw was tight.

"No! Edward please believe me, Emmett was wrong. I love you!" She was shaking and clutching at the sides of the seat.

"There is only one thing I'm sure of right now, and it's that you're keeping something from me. I want to know what it is."

"Aren't I allowed secrets anymore? Can't you just trust me? I'm not going to tell you anything Edward, because it has no bearing on you and me." She was trying to be defiant but she looked terrified.

"The fact that you've found some human to suck on your neck has nothing to do with you and me? You don't think that the fact that you've found someone to do the things I can't has no bearing on our relationship?"

"I haven't found anyone else Edward. I understand that there are things we can't do right now, but that doesn't mean I'm looking for someone else to do them with. I love you, and I'll wait as long as I have to, to have all of you." She said softly and I believed her.

"Good." I said, reaching over to take her hand. "You're mine now, and I'm not going to let you go."

She pulled her hand out of mine roughly. "I'm not yours. I don't belong to anyone and I never will. I really truly love you Edward, but I'm still my own person. Please try to remember that."

_______________________________________________

I parked up the truck, helped her out and gave her kiss that I knew she'd still be thinking about when she fell asleep. I didn't say anything though. I'd leave her wondering what I was thinking, just like she always left me.

Running home, faster than I had done in a long time, I tried not to think about Bella. I was half way down the drive when I started picking up on thoughts from in the house. There was one set that particularly interested me.

_He wouldn't hurt her. Everything will be fine, if she just tells him the truth, he wouldn't hold it against her, it wasn't her fault._

I could hear Jasper again. I stopped to listen carefully, sure that he would soon give up Bella's secret. For ten minutes he listed all the reasons I'd never hurt Bella, before he gave up and decided to call her to check that she was ok.

I shot into the house, now that it was clear he wouldn't be giving up anything useful, I could just spoil his day, and keep him from talking to Bella, by telling him I was listening in again.

"Jasper" I called up the stairs. "I can hear you!"

_Fan-fuckin'-tastic. I knew it wouldn't last._

**An: Thank you for all of the brilliant costume ideas, some of them literally made me cry with laughter. I've narrowed it down to my favourites, and put up a poll on my profile, so if you have time, hop over there and vote for your favourite.**


	12. Chapter Twelve

**An: Firstly, thanks for all the review, some of them were especially kind. This would have been up a lot sooner but I had a few unexpected house guests. Also, it's a bit of a filler, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.**

Chapter Twelve

_Bella_

I told Charlie I was tired and went to bed early to wait for Edward. After running off a quick email to Renee I took a long hot shower. Today had started fine, but quickly gone downhill. Mainly because of Emmett, but I couldn't really blame him for picking the wrong time to become observant.

I couldn't tell Edward that Jasper had left the mark on my neck, that could only end one of two ways, and both were bad. He would automatically think that there was something going on between me and Jasper, I was sure the thought had already crossed his mind at some point.

Then I would be forced to tell him what had happened over the weekend, which would only end with me banned from the house, and Jasper in several pieces.

All that would only happen sooner if Esme or Jasper slipped. It was something that was even more likely to happen now that Jasper's thoughts were somehow protected. He could be thinking about the wrong thing when Edward started hearing his thoughts again. _If_ Edward ever started hearing his thoughts again.

I tried not to panic too much. The moment Edward got back into Jaspers mind he'd be gloating about it. I knew he would be feeling incredibly frustrated, and couldn't wait to let Jasper know that his new found privacy had gone.

I wondered if Edward was already waiting in my room. I hoped he wasn't, I really didn't want any more arguments today. I'd had enough of his petty jealousy. I could understand why he was suspicious, I just didn't get why he couldn't cope with me having a few secrets. I'd made it clear that what I wasn't telling him didn't affect him, and that was true.

I spent much longer than I needed to in the bathroom, avoiding Edward. That was new. I used to ache when I was away from him. I'd rush through showers in two minutes flat so that I could spend more time with him. When had everything changed?

Since Alice had left? No, that wasn't right. Our relationship had never really been equal, but it had gotten much worse recently. Things had started going downhill since the ballet studio, he'd been so careful with me since then, which was ok, he had a right to want to keep me safe. I worried about him all the time, even though he was almost invincible.

Stopping me from doing things and going places wasn't ok though.

Before James we'd only just been getting to know each other really, we loved each other fiercely, but we didn't really know each other. Did I know him now? Did he know me?

I realised with a pang that I didn't care. Edward had been the centre of my world, for months now, but he was slipping out of that position. Right now, I'd rather be with Jasper. Or Esme, or Emmett, or anyone else. Someone who wouldn't stifle me. Edward made me feel like I was wrapped in cotton wool.

My life before Forks had been dull sometimes, but at least I'd made my own decisions, and lived with the consequences. Yes, sometimes I fell, sometimes I got hurt, but I didn't care.

I liked having options, and Edward seemed to be stripping me of them one by one. How could we ever really be happy? If he made all the choices all the time, I'd just disappear.

He wouldn't even discuss the fact that I wanted to be a vampire. He expected me to grow old with him while he stayed beautiful and young forever. We'd just end up hating each other.

He didn't trust himself to do more than kiss me, and I wanted more. Did he expect me to wait forever, when he wouldn't even let me _have_ forever?

Nothing was working out the way it should. This wasn't a fairy tale anymore. I'd known that the shiny newness of the relationship wouldn't last forever, but I hadn't expected it to fade way so quickly.

Sometimes things with Edward were utterly perfect, but most of the time, they were difficult. I expected ups and downs, that was normal, but being treated like a princess some of the time, didn't make up for being treated like a prisoner the rest.

The worst thing was that I didn't know how to fix it.

"Bells? Are you ok? You've been in there a long time." Charlie startled me.

"I'm fine." I called through the door. "I'm almost done."

I scooped up my clothes, steadied my nerves, and walked out of the bathroom to my room. I opened the door to find it empty, and felt only profound relief. I shouldn't be feeling that, it couldn't be normal to feel happy that your boyfriend isn't there.

Sitting cross legged on my bed, I waited for him to arrive. We really needed to have a serious talk, I had to make him understand somehow, that things between us needed to change.

I didn't have much experience, or any really apart from Edward, but I knew that this wasn't a healthy relationship. Love shouldn't be this hard. Couldn't Edward see that?

I needed advice, but there was no one I could talk to without Edward over hearing and making a big deal of it. I heard a buzz and a beep come from the pile of clothes in the corner and poked through them until I found my phone.

One new message. **Are you ok? J**

I felt myself relax, and settled onto my bed to thumb a reply. **I'm fine, Edward's letting it go for now. Is he still there? B x**

I waited for a message with a stupid amount of excitement, pressing all the wrong buttons when it came through in my haste to read it.

**I don't think he'll be coming to see you tonight. He can hear me again, so he's busy listening in. x**

The kiss on the end of the message warmed me up as much as the fact that I would be Edward free tonight.

**Why do you think he couldn't hear you before? X**

**I can't be sure, but it could just be that I was trying so hard to keep him out. Then again, he still couldn't hear me when I stopped trying. Who knows x**

After that we started talking about his new book. He told me there was a painting in the book that he had seen painted as a human while he was a soldier. There was a girl in the picture that reminded him of me. I was pleased that he had thought about me as he'd looked through the book.

I was surprised when a glance at my clock showed it was two in the morning. I hadn't realised how late it had gotten. Edward would long ago have stopped talking to me and told me to go to sleep. I wondered if Jasper had forgotten that I needed to sleep, or if he just trusted me to tell him when I got tired.

I was starting to feel the lateness of the hour now, but I couldn't bring myself to say goodnight. The truth was, I was enjoying the easy conversation too much and I didn't want to curl up by myself and go to sleep.

Every time I'd heard the little buzz of phone my stomach had fluttered and I'd felt myself smile. I knew the feeling was because of the sender, not the content of the messages. I refused to dwell too long on that.

**Edward says he's going to break my phone if I don't let you get some rest. Are you tired? X **

Yes, I was tired, but Edward interfering made me defiant. Why was he listening in again? I was tempted to ask Jasper to come over but that would only cause more problems.

**Tell Edward to mind his own business. I'm perfectly able to decide when I need to go to sleep. X**

The reply came slowly this time, and I imagined Edward was arguing with Jasper.

**I've told him. He's not happy, so good luck tomorrow. You haven't answered my question though, are you tired? X **

**A bit. It is quite late x **

**I'm sorry, you should have said earlier. I won't bother you anymore tonight. X **

**Don't you start. I didn't say anything because I wanted to talk to you. X**

**Good night then. Sweet dreams x x x **

**Good night x x x**

I closed the cell and put it on my bedside table, snuggled down under my quilt and closed my eyes. I couldn't sleep.

__________________________________________

When I woke, it wasn't to the sound of my alarm, but to the sound of booming laughter. I prised open one eye and found Emmett sitting in the rocking chair and grinning at me.

"Why would you want a green pig?" He asked.

"Huh?" I struggled up and rubbed my eyes.

"You were just asking for a green pig in your sleep. What were you dreaming about?"

I shrugged and looked at the clock. It was about time to get up, even if I had only had an hour of sleep. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought I'd go to school with you for a change. Jasper and Edward have been arguing for the last two hours and I'm getting a bit sick of it."

Someone must have slipped. "What are they fighting about?"

"You, what else? They were arguing about how much sleep you need of all things! After a while it was all one sided, Edward was just answering Jasper thoughts. When I left they were mostly just growling at each other." Emmett clearly found all this quite funny, but I was worried.

"I'm sorry I'll talk to them." The rest of the family shouldn't have to put up with them arguing because of me.

"Nah, it's funny. You should see the state Edward got into when he noticed Jasper was wearing that bracelet you gave him. He thought Jasper had stolen it!" Emmett broke off into another round of laughter. "I mean, he's been wearing it all week, in full view of you. He'd hardly do that if he'd stolen it would he?"

"And then, get this, Edward starts saying Jasper's stalking you! I had to remind him about all the nights he spent sneaking into your bedroom without you knowing about it. He didn't like me bringing that up."

I tried to tune Emmett out as much as I could while I got my things together and went into the bathroom.

When I'd finished I found my room empty and went downstairs to grab breakfast. Emmett was poking through the cupboards. "What are you looking for? Haven't you learnt your lesson about eating people food yet?"

He rolled his eyes at me and smiled. "One day, I will find something that tastes good. I was going to make you breakfast, but I have no idea what any of this stuff is, or how to make it."

"I usually just grab one of these. But thank you for trying." I laughed, grabbing a cereal bar.

"So. Seeing as I so kindly tried to make you breakfast, don't you think you should let me drive?" He did a very credible puppy dog face, but I wasn't giving in. I hadn't driven my truck to school in weeks.

"Not a chance." I snatched up my keys and ran to the truck, leaving him grumbling behind me.

"Oh come on Bella?" He pouted, making me laugh harder.

"I take it the book isn't working out very well then?"

"Well I said sorry the way the book told me to, and she has let me back in the bedroom, but only to get some clean clothes. Most of the tips in the book involve buying presents." He groused.

"So buy her a present, surely you can think of something she'd like."

"I've got no money."

"Emmett you've got loads of money!" What was he talking about?

"No I haven't. Rose has confiscated all my cards and hidden all the cash. Edward, Esme and Carlisle think it's funny so they won't give me any, and I don't want to ask Jasper for help this soon after Alice leaving." He told me.

"Let's go shopping after school." I offered.

"Did you not hear the part about me having no money?"

"Look in the glove compartment. There's about $30,000 in there I've been trying to get rid of, but they just keep coming back. I'm sure we can find something for Rosalie with that."

Emmett's face lit up. "You are the best little sister ever. I owe you for this."

"You're doing me a favour. A lot of that money was yours to start with anyway." I told him. "Do you know what you want to get her?"

"Jewellery. The book says that will fix pretty much anything, and Rose loves diamonds. Are you sure you don't mind me borrowing that money?"

I sighed. "I'm not lending it to you, I want rid of it. You can have it all."

Emmett just smiled and nodded. He spent most of the drive to school chuckling to himself and messing around with the radio. He was an odd boy. He was so easy to get along with, never trying to second guess me. He just took whatever I said as fact and rolled with it.

As I got out the Volvo screeched to a halt next to me. Edward looked angry. "You didn't tell them you'd decided to ride with me, did you?" I asked Emmett.

"I thought they'd figure it out." He laughed, walking away and leaving me to deal with them.

"Why didn't you wait for me?" Edward asked, not bothering to hide his irritation.

"If you hadn't been so busy arguing with Jasper, Emmett wouldn't have had to come to my house to get away from you. Don't blame me just because you can't keep your anger in check for five minutes." I wasn't going to give him any ground today if I could help it.

"Sorry." He muttered.

"It's not me you should be apologising to. You should say sorry to everyone else your little spat annoyed, and especially to Jasper. It's not like he was being deliberately cruel and keeping me awake."

He pressed his lips together tightly and though I didn't see them move again, or hear him speak, he must have done, because suddenly Jasper was grinning from ear to ear.

The school bell rang, so I pressed a quick kiss to Edwards's lips so that he would know I wasn't too angry with him, and skipped off to join Emmett in the gym.

____________________________________________

Lunch in the cafeteria was a tense affair. Edward hadn't been able to hear Jasper since he'd pulled into the parking lot this morning and it was starting to get to him.

"You are doing something Jasper, and I will find out what it is." Edward growled quietly.

"Whatever you say Edward." Jasper was grinning across the table at him.

"I've got a theory."

"Shut up Emmett, I'm trying to think." Edward was making us all miserable. I couldn't wait to get to art where I could chat to Jasper in peace without Edwards black cloud hanging over me.

"No, go on Emmett, what do you think it is?" Jasper asked.

"Well, I was thinking, Edward can't read Bella's mind, he never has been able to. So maybe if she was a vampire that would be her gift. They have someone in the Volturi that can use their 'shield' to protect others too, but I think she has to be touching them." We were all listening avidly, none more so than me. Could I really have a gift?

"So, if Bella was changed, she might be able project the protection to others, but right now she's just doing it subconsciously, with no control. You're probably protecting Edward too, but we haven't got a way of checking."

The silence seemed to stretch around us as we processed what he was saying. He looked quite pleased with himself. Emmett's theory did fit. So far, Edward had only been unable to hear Jasper while I was nearby.

I looked at Jasper, who was just staring at me, smiling slightly.

Edward was muttering to himself and shaking his head. "No. She wouldn't be able to do that as a human." He said.

"It makes sense Edward." Jasper said calmly. "Before I was changed I had a bit of influence over people, nothing like as strong as I've got now, but it was there. From what you've told me, you were always good at reading people, even if you couldn't actually hear what they were saying. Think about it, Bella will do anything to protect the people she cares about. Everything fits. The only thing that surprises me is that Emmett was the only one to think of it."

Emmett thumped his shoulder, almost knocking him off the bench. "Shut it smartass."

"I don't know." Edward said, getting up. "I'll skip Spanish and head to the hospital to ask Carlisle about it."

"Why?" I asked "It's not a problem is it?"

"Not a problem, no." He sounded distracted. "I'd like to get it cleared up all the same."

He reached down to kiss me and then loped out of the room only just slowly enough to look somewhat human.

The atmosphere improved immediately, and we were laughing and joking in no time. Emmett made me promise that if I ever figured out how to do it, I'd block Edward from his mind too. I think he just wanted to piss him off.

While Emmett and Jasper were busy trying to push each other off the bench without looking too obvious, Angela came over to join us.

"Um hi." She said quietly, giving us a little wave.

"Hi." I smiled up at her, I hadn't spoken to her for ages.

"I was wondering if you'd like to come to my party? I'm having a costume party for my birthday on Saturday and I'd really like it if you came." Had she always been this timid? I guessed she was nervous because of Emmett and Jasper, I forgot that they were intimidating to other people. "Um, you're all welcome of course."

"I'd love to come." I wasn't actually that fond of parties, but the thought of getting the boys into costumes was too good to miss. "You'll come too, right guys?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." Jasper smiled, making her blush. Emmett gave him an evil glare as soon as Angela had said goodbye.

"What did you do that for? You know what Rose is like with costumes." Emmett really looked quite worried.

"What? What's the matter?"

Jasper answered my question, never taking his eyes off Emmett's dismal expression. "The last time we were invited to a costume party was about, what, five years ago now. Rosalie made Emmett go as a medieval Lord. He had the tights and the doublet, and the most ridiculous shoes you've ever seen." He dissolved into laughter.

"Are there pictures? Please tell me someone took a picture." This was something I had to see.

"There aren't any pictures, do you honestly think I would have let anyone take a picture of me looking like that?" He said morosely. "I'd have burnt them by now if there actually were any."

Jasper reigned in his laughter just long enough to tease Emmett some more. "Just think, Rose wasn't even pissed at you then. Imagine what she'll make you wear this time!"

Emmett looked utterly horrified. "Don't worry Emmett, this time tomorrow Rosalie will have forgiven you. If we do a good job tonight, she might even let you choose your own costume." I tried to soothe him, but the look on his face made me wonder if it was a lost cause.

"What's happening tonight?" Jasper asked.

"Bella's taking me shopping, I've got to get something for Rosie." I knew why Emmett was reluctant to answer, he didn't want to rub his relationship in Jaspers face.

"An apology present?" Jasper wasn't stupid.

"Er, yeah, I suppose so."

"I'm I invited on this little shopping spree?" His tone was casual, but hope on his face was so strong that I had to look away.

"Think we can fit him in the truck Bells?" Emmett joked, much more at ease now that he could see Jasper wasn't bothered by his romantic plans.

"Oh, I don't know, it'll be a bit of a squeeze." I tried my best to sound serious, but Jasper had seen right through it, and relaxed. Suddenly, a few hours in Port Angeles looked a whole lot brighter.

________________________________

The only lesson I had alone with Jasper was art. When we'd worked through our schedules, Edward had persuaded me that it would be good to take something creative. He'd tried to convince me to sign up for music with him, but as I couldn't play any instruments, and I knew I had a horrible singing voice, I'd gone for art lessons instead.

At the time I hadn't even known Jasper was taking the class, and had been surprised to find him sitting at the back of the room that first day.

We'd had a table to ourselves and I'd automatically sat as far away from him as the table allowed, remembering the distance he always tried to maintain between us.

For the first three weeks of term we'd spoken very little in the art room, and had stayed as far apart as that first day. Now our stools were almost touching and we spent the double period in comfortable silence or animated chatter.

I was by no means an artist. Whatever I drew was accurate and proportional, but it lacked any life for some reason. Miss Fenwick told me that I didn't put enough passion into my work, she said I had to let my feelings flow onto the paper. I had absolutely no idea how to do that.

I usually spent a good portion of the lesson watching Jasper work. It was much more interesting than trying to work out why everything I drew looked so flat. I'd been entranced watching his progress since the very first lesson as I'd sneaked glances out of the corner of my eye.

His pictures were beautiful, so real you felt like you could just pluck them right off the page, but that wasn't what held my attention. It was the look on his face as he worked.

It was as if everything else fell away the moment charcoal touched paper. He had the look of a small child waking from a good dream. Still just a little bit sleepy and serene, half way between fantasy and reality.

He had never caught me looking, as he was always too absorbed by what he was doing. I usually wasted half an hour trying to decide what to draw with, and how to start, whereas he just picked up whatever was closest and began.

Miss Fenwick wasn't in the room when we arrived, but it wasn't unusual for her to be late. Once or twice she walked in ten minutes before the lesson was due to end, looking surprised to find students in the classroom.

"What do you think about having a shield? You didn't say if you believed it." Jasper asked me.

"I hope Emmett's right." I shrugged.

"Why do you hope so?"

"It would be nice to do something good for you if I can, maybe for the whole family one day."

"Bella, what do you think you've been doing for the last week? You couldn't have done more for me if you'd tried, you've put me back together. I won't pretend that this sudden privacy isn't welcome, but you've already proven you'll do anything for us, for me."

His voice was alive with some emotion I couldn't place, it made me feel sort of happy and teary at the same time. I reached out and took his hand into my lap, unable to find the right words to thank him for understanding what I felt for the whole family.

I started thinking of Edward again, why couldn't he just accept that I loved his family? Why couldn't we ever sit together like this, and just be happy for no real reason at all? Jasper squeezed my hand and I felt a giggle bubble up inside me. I stuck my elbow in his ribs knowing he had done that to cheer me up.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He whispered.

I shook my head. It was between me and Edward, and it should stay that way. Jasper didn't look upset by my reluctance to confide in him the way I knew Edward would have.

I had to stop comparing them, there was no point in it. They were two completely different people, and my relationships with them were poles apart.

I tried to think about how Edward would treat me if we were just friends, but it was impossible to see him that way. What would it be like if Jasper was my boyfriend? That was frighteningly easy to imagine.

It would be just like this, but with kissing. I felt my stomach flutter at the thought, and couldn't stop the image of his lips against mine from springing into my mind. I felt my cheeks flush as I willed myself to think about something else. I could not think about him that way. Ever.

"Your emotions are all over the place today. What's got you all excited?" He laughed.

Thank god he could only read my feelings and not my mind. He would be horrified. I knew my cheeks must be crimson by now as I shook my head and stared down at the desk.

I tried to get myself under control, the little wave of calm Jasper sent my way helped. So I'd thought about what it would be like to kiss him, that wasn't such a big deal. I knew that most of the girls in the school had probably thought about that at some time or another.

So what if I was with his brother, it was ok to look right? It's not like I actually wanted to kiss him. No, that would be wrong, and gross, yeah that would just be weird.

I was so grateful when the teacher finally walked in that I could have hugged her. It took my mind of my less than virtuous thoughts. Jasper finally stopped frowning at me as she began to speak.

"Ok kids, for the next two weeks we're going to be working on a project. I want you to think of something you've seen, and wished you had a camera. Just a little moment in time that you'd like to be able to see again. This will be the first and only time this year that you will be working from memory, and I'd like you to draw or paint the scene exactly as you remember it." I knew immediately what I wanted to paint.

"You can use any medium, but I would like you to remember that we only have two weeks, so don't be too adventurous. You may begin whenever you're ready."

For once, I didn't waste any time. Quickly setting up an easel so that my back would be to the wall, I found a medium sized canvas and secured in place, took out my water colours and began to paint. I usually steered clear of paints because of my clumsiness, but they felt right for this, so I'd just have to be careful. I wanted this picture to be exactly right.

I already had most of the background blocked in when I noticed that Jasper hadn't moved. I'd never seen him hesitate for even a second before.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know where to begin." He said, looking as surprised by that as I was.

"Surely, you can think of something you'd like to be able to see again and again. In all your years and all the places you've been, you must have seen something beautiful."

"I've seen so much that nothing really stands out. That's the problem." He gazed across the room at nothing.

"Why don't you just do a few sketches, it might give you an idea, and it will keep Miss Fenwick off your back." I couldn't wait to get back to my own painting, I had a feeling it would turn out to be my best.

Jasper opened his sketch pad and flipped through the pages. He had never shown me the pictures in it, but I had caught a few glimpses of Alice, and a few other members of the family. I went back to my easel. I understood the look on Jaspers face as he drew now, I felt like the picture was coming right out of me onto the canvas, I liked it.

Two minutes later I saw Jasper walking towards me and quickly stepped around the canvas so that he wouldn't see it. He raised an eyebrow at my reluctance to let him see, it wasn't something I'd done before.

"I'll show you when it's finished. If it turns out as well as I hope it will." I told him, and was glad when he didn't press me for a reason.

"There are no photos so I thought you'd like this." He smiled, handing me a bit of thick paper he'd torn from his pad. On it was a perfect drawing of a sullen looking Emmett all decked out in his medieval finery. It was as good as a photograph, better even.

I bit my lip hard in a useless effort not to laugh too loudly. "Thank you, this has got to be the best blackmail material on earth." I giggled, tears forming in my eyes.

I stuck the picture in my pocket for later and moved swiftly behind my canvas as I saw the teacher heading in our direction. "Mr Hale? This isn't like you, what's the problem?"

"I'm a little stuck for inspiration." He shrugged.

Miss Fenwick smiled. "It'll come to you. You work quickly enough, so it doesn't matter if you don't make a start today. And what's this? Is Miss Swan actually painting something?"

That comment would have irritated me if I hadn't liked the scatterbrained woman so much. "I think I finally found that passion you keep talking about." I smiled.

"I can see that. I think this is going to be magnificent, you must have found your muse at last." With that she wandered off to impart her words of artistic wisdom on Eric.

"Will you at least tell me what it is you're painting?" Jasper as curiously, bored with his own sketching now.

"Nope." It was sort of embarrassing, but if the picture turned out the way I hoped it would, he'd understand why it was an image I'd like to keep. If it turned out badly, he would probably just think I was weird.

"Fine." He huffed, opening his sketch pad again. "What shall I draw? I'll think of something for the project later."

"Draw me a picture that I can put on the wall in my room. It needs brightening up a bit." My hand seemed to fly across the canvas as I spoke, painting the picture of its own accord. I wasn't worried that I was rushing it, I could add the little details later.

Jasper didn't speak again for the rest of the lesson, and I didn't look up until the final bell shrieked through the room.

Jasper wasn't at the table, which was now completely covered in pastel dust. I scanned the room and found him at the front spraying fixer on a large sheet of thick paper. I couldn't wait to see what he had drawn for me.

As I reached him he held out the picture for me to take, looking a little nervous. It was beautiful. In the centre of the page stood a grinning Carlisle with me up on his shoulders, my hair flying about in the breeze. To one side of us was Esme, gazing up at her husband lovingly, a small smile on her face. On her right was Jasper looking up at me with a similar expression, making me realise that he must care about me as much as I cared about him.

Behind us stood Edward, looking worriedly up at me, the expression on his face was so perfect that it made me laugh. Further off in the background Rosalie and Emmett were pushing at each other, but they looked seconds away from kissing.

I half expected the picture to come alive at any moment, the colours were so bright, our faces so alive. I must have been staring at it for quite a while, because eventually Jasper cleared his throat and tried to take it back. "You don't have to put it on your wall, I could do one of just you and Edward." He offered.

"I want it. It's perfect, you couldn't possibly have given me anything I'd like better." I hugged him careful not to crumple my picture. "I think I'll get a frame for it while we're out."

"Emmett will send out a search party if we don't hurry up, he's not really the patient type." He brushed off my compliments and turned towards the door to leave. I hadn't noticed that the classroom had cleared out.

____________________________________________

As soon as I saw Emmett I started laughing, the image of him in tights still fresh in my mind.

"Where've you two been? The bell went fifteen minutes ago. And what are you laughing at?" He growled.

I couldn't speak, so I pulled the paper out of my pocket, showed it him for half a second and stuffed it back in so he wouldn't have chance to get it away from me.

His eyes went straight to Jasper. "You better run Whitlock." He grinned evilly. Jasper just laughed.

"Be a good boy Emmett, there are humans around" I sing-songed.

He groaned. "I'll get you later." He promised.

"If you promise to be a good boy, and not try to kill Jasper, I'll let you drive." I knew he wouldn't pass up a chance to get behind the wheel.

"Scouts honour." He said saluting.

"You were a boy scout?" I couldn't imagine it. I couldn't imagine Emmett ever being small enough to be a boy scout.

"I might have been." He shrugged walking around to the driver side and getting in.

"You were weren't you?" I giggled again, he was like a walking comedy today. "How many badges did you get?"

"All of them." Apparently, this was a very serious subject for him, it wasn't as funny if he wasn't embarrassed so I let it drop and climbed in next to him. Emmett took up a lot of space, and once I got in, there was very little space left for Jasper.

"I could run." He offered.

"Don't be stupid. We can fit." I climbed out again, got Jasper to get in the truck and sat on his knee.

"Buckle up Bells." Emmett yelled over the roar of the engine. Jasper wrapped his arms around my waist in response. Life was good.

Very little was said during the drive, as Emmett felt the need to have the radio on as loud as possible, but it was comfortable. I wasn't sure if Jasper was doing it deliberately or not, but the whole cab seemed to flood with peace and happiness. If only things could stay exactly like this.

Once we were in Port Angeles and out of the truck, Emmett started playing at scaring people we passed in the street. He didn't have to try very hard, his physique alone, had many people crossing the street to avoid our group. The others got growled at if they got close enough.

"Don't make me put copies of that picture all over school Emmett." I threatened as group of boys my age fled the street under Emmett's glare.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Oh yes I would." I stepped quickly behind Jasper and out of his reach.

"Jasper won't be around forever Bella." He huffed. "I'll get you later."

"Who says I won't be around forever?" Jasper smirked. "I'm not going anywhere. Give it your best shot, I bet you can't get past me."

Emmett started circling us, a huge grin on his face. There wasn't much he'd rather do than fight. But people were beginning to stare at us. "Guys? You can play later, we need to get done before all the stores close."

Emmett and Jasper straightened themselves up and smiled sheepishly at the bewildered shoppers nearby. I rolled my eyes at them grabbed their hands and pulled them away from the crowd.

"Where are we going exactly?" I asked Emmett.

"I was hoping you knew of a good place around here. I haven't got a clue where to start." He frowned.

"I buy expensive jewellery all the time Emmett." I muttered sarcastically, looking around at the stores for some inspiration.

"I know of a little jewellers not far away." Jasper told us after a few minutes of us just staring at each other. "I need to go there anyway."

I didn't want to ask why he needed to go, the only reason I could think of involved buying something for Alice, and that didn't seem likely.

We had to walk through a lot of alleys in the rougher part of town to get there and I was reminded of my brush with the four men the night Edward had taken me for dinner. I would have been a little scared if I hadn't have had Emmett and Jasper with me.

We'd been winding away from the front for almost twenty minutes when Jasper stopped us. If he hadn't pointed it out I would have missed it. The shop was tiny, with one small window out front that gave no indication of what we could expect to find inside.

Jasper opened the door and an old fashioned bell tinkled from somewhere above. The man who appeared was smaller than me, with very dark skin, and very white hair. His face was round and his smile welcoming. I liked him already.

"Ah Mister Whitlock, back so soon? And you've brought family, how nice." He showed us into a cluttered sitting room, every surface was covered with little trinkets. I felt like I'd entered the cave of wonders.

"Would the young miss like something to drink?" The old man asked politely, making me wonder if he knew what Jasper and Emmett were. He didn't offer them anything.

"Yes please." I turned to the others as soon as he had left the room. "Does he know?"

"I think so yes. I haven't told him, but there isn't much that gets past him. He has a keen eye." Jasper seemed very at ease here, whereas Emmett looked like he was afraid to break something if he moved.

The old man returned and handed me a tall cold glass of iced tea. "Thank you Mr..."

"You shall call me George little one." He smiled.

His smile was contagious. "Thank you George, it's delicious."

"No rest for the wicked I suppose. Down to business." He turned his eyes on Jasper.

Jasper swallowed a few times. "I'd like to cancel the last piece I asked for, I'll still pay of course." He said tightly.

"There will be no need of payment. I did not start making it. I knew it would not be needed." George said simply. Jasper looked amazed. "What can I do for your brother?"

"Diamonds." Emmett said. "I'm in trouble and I need something pretty, preferably with diamonds."

"I have just the thing." George chuckled and began rummaging about in a draw. He eventually pulled out a very dusty velvet box. This had to be the world's oddest store, there were no display cases, no cash register I could see, nothing that I'd expect to find here.

He opened the box for us all to see. Lying on the black velvet pillow was a diamond necklace. The chain was a slender white gold rope with a single circular diamond hanging from it. It was very beautiful, very classy, and very Rose.

"Perfect." Emmett said gleefully. "What do you think guys? Will that be enough?"

George smiled and closed the box. "It will be enough if you give it to her in the right way."

Emmett nodded enthusiastically and pulled out the wad of notes he had taken from my truck. While he was busy paying, I wandered around the room. On a shelf I found a collection of crystal animals, each no bigger than a sugar cube.

I picked up a little red tiger, perfect in every detail. "No, no, no. You're not ready for that one." George laughed startling me. "This one is yours."

He handed me a swan no bigger than the nail on my little finger, carved from cornflower blue crystal. "It's beautiful." I breathed, holding it on the palm of my hand.

"I think it has been waiting for you."

I smiled up at George. He certainly knew how to make a sale. "How much is it?"

"I told you, little miss, it's yours. It is not mine to sell." He took my hand and closed it carefully around the ornament.

"I can't accept this, please let me give you something for it." I begged, but he silenced me with a look.

"I have a feeling you will be bringing business my way soon enough." He said cryptically. "It has been a pleasure to meet you, but I must get back to work. I trust you can see yourselves out?"

Jasper had to pull me from the room, I was still staring at the place George had stood, trying to think of some way to make him let me pay.

Outside the sky was darkening and the air had turned cold.

"How did you find that place Jazz? That guy is great, I'll go there again next time I'm in trouble." Emmett was completely content now that he had a way of getting back into his wife's good books.

"It was before we moved here, I drove down one day to have a look around and George was standing outside. He invited me in and found me something to give to Alice. I haven't bothered to look anywhere else since then." Jasper told us.

"I liked him. He's a little strange, but he seems like a nice man. He called you Whitlock, was that your name?" I asked.

"Once upon a time." Jasper smiled. "We'd better get back to the front."

"What did he mean when he said I wasn't ready for the tiger? And that I'll be bringing him business soon?"

"I don't know about the tiger, but I expect he thinks Edward is likely to buy you something from there. He does have a knack for knowing things." Jasper said.

"Oh no, please don't tell Edward about that place. I don't want him buying me things." Then I remembered that I still held the delicate little swan, and how likely I was to drop it, or fall with it and crush it. "Could you keep this safe for me?"

Jasper took it from me and looked at it like it was dangerous, but he did tuck it into the pocket on his shirt. "Right Emmett." He said. "Let's go and rent you a yacht for the night. She'd like that wouldn't she?"

______________________________________

I dropped Emmett and Jasper off at the end of the drive and drove home. Charlie would probably be in by now, and he'd be worried.

Charlie was standing by the phone when I got in. "I was just going to call you. Where have you been?"

"I went up to Port Angeles." I told him and went into the kitchen to make a start on dinner. I was suddenly ravenous.

"Were you with Cullen?" He was still wary of me spending time with Edward.

"I went with Emmett Cullen and Jasper Hale. Emmett wanted to get a present for Rosalie."

"Which one's Jasper?"

"He's the tall blonde one, he used to be with Alice." I told him patiently.

"I don't know who you're talking about, I never saw a blonde boy." He was always suspicious of anything I did involving the Cullen's, because he usually thought I was trying to hide the fact that I was with Edward.

"Hang on a minute." I ran out to the truck and took out the picture Jasper had done in art. I unrolled it on the table for Charlie to see.

"Did you do this Bells?" He asked awed.

"No, Jasper did it for me, I'm going to put it up in my room, I bought a frame while I was out." I watched him take in the picture. "That one's Jasper, there's Emmett and Rosalie, you already know Edward, Carlisle and Esme."

"How long have you been friends with that Jasper kid? I haven't heard you mention him before."

"Not long, I didn't spend much time with him before Alice left, but we're good friends now."

"He's a good artist, I'll give him that. When did this happen?" I assumed he was talking about the scene in the picture.

"The weekend before last we all went on a picnic. Carlisle and I won the piggy back race." Charlie didn't seem so suspicious now that he could see that I had, at least at some point, spent time with the whole family.

I made up some sandwiches and handed Charlie his, deciding to take mine upstairs to eat after I'd put the picture up. I struggled upstairs with the huge frame and the plate, feeling quite triumphant when I reached my room without incident.

Edward was sitting on my bed. "Couldn't you have told me you were going out? I've been worried."

No 'did you have fun', or 'hello', straight to telling me off. "Sorry Edward. You could have called me."

"You should have told me. What if something had happened? I wouldn't know where you were."

"Nothing did happen though, and if it had I was with your brothers, I'm pretty sure they can handle anything." I wanted him to go, I was too tired to deal with him right now.

"That's not the point, were supposed to be together. You should have waited until I could take you."

I'd had enough. "I didn't go because I needed anything, I went because I wanted to help Emmett out. This has got to stop Edward, you're suffocating me with all these rules and restrictions."

"I just want to keep you safe." His silky voice and crooked smile weren't going to work this time.

I tried to keep my voice down so that Charlie wouldn't run upstairs. "I need… I need some space Edward. I can't live like this, with you checking up on me all the time. I want you to…"

What did I want? I loved him very much, but I felt trapped. I didn't want to break up with him but I couldn't see another way of making him understand.

"What are you saying Bella?" His voice was low, dangerous.

"Just… give me a week. I need a week to think about things. You have to stay away from the house. I'll see you at school, and if you think you can manage it, we can try being friends." I could feel myself shaking, saying these words felt like tearing myself in two.

Edwards's eyes were almost black, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "And after a week?" He gritted out.

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. I couldn't quite believe what I was saying. "Then we see if there's anything left."

"This is all because of Jasper isn't it?" He was smiling now, it was much more unsettling than his growls.

"This has nothing to do with him at all. Leave him out of it. This is between me and you."

"Leave him out of it? Why are you protecting him? What does he have that I don't? I love you for God's sake Bella. I'd die for you!"

"Edward. This. Is not. About. Jasper. I want you to leave now, I'll see you at school tomorrow."

He glared at me for what felt like forever, then fled through the window without saying anything more. I sat down on my bed and cried until my eyes were dry.

I didn't want to be on my own, and there was only one person that I wanted to see right now. I open my cell and dialed.

"Jasper?"

**An: I know it was long, but there didn't seem to be a good place to stop until now. Hope you liked it, don't forget to review x**


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**An: A heady mix of blackmail and bribery convinced me to put this up, it was going to be longer, but I decided to put up what I've got for now . As always, thank you for the wonderful reviews, hope you enjoy.**

Chapter Thirteen

"Jasper?" I swallowed down a fresh wave of sobs, trying not to sound as pathetic as I felt.

"Bella?" I hadn't done a very good job of hiding my emotions, he already sounded worried.

"Are you... busy?"

His answer made me feel ten times better. "I'll be there in ten minutes. Leave the window open."

I ran into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face to hide the fact that I'd been crying. It didn't really work, it just made my cheeks as red and blotchy as my eyes. Huffing at myself in the mirror and running a brush through my hair, I wondered why I was bothering.

Jasper wouldn't actually care what I looked like, and he'd be able to tell how upset I was before he even got into the room. I realised that I was making an effort because I didn't want him to see me looking a mess. Should I care or was I being stupid?

Back in my room I opened up the new frame and set it out on the bed ready to slot in the picture. I wanted him to sign it first.

Sitting in the rocking chair near the window I wrapped my arms around myself. I glanced at the clock, it had been six minutes. Four minutes left, that wasn't too bad.

I used to like being on my own, peace and quiet and solitude. The Cullen's had cured me of that, I hated being alone now that I'd grown used to having so many people around all the time. I dreaded to think how I'd cope next time it was sunny on a school day.

Two minutes. The window was wide open, and I'd moved the rocking chair to face it. Ten minutes had never passed more slowly in my whole life. I glared at the clock, willing it to tick over to the next minute.

Jasper landed in front of me a whole minute and a half before he was due. "What is it? What's happened?"

I couldn't do anything but fling myself straight at his chest and start crying again. I tried uselessly to stem the flow of my tears. I had hoped Jasper would distract me for a while, I felt like an idiot for crying all over him.

"Please Bella, tell what's wrong. Are you in trouble for going shopping with us?" Jasper asked, one hand stroking my hair and the other on the small of my back.

I was thankful when I felt calm washing over me, it helped me pull myself together long enough to answer him. "I had an argument with Edward... and sort of... broke up with him... for a while."

The flow of calm stopped and Jaspers arms fell away from me. "So you've called me here to say goodbye?" He stepped away from me and sat down on the edge of the bed and stared down at the carpet. "Are you going back to Phoenix?"

He brought me right back to my senses. "No, why would you think that. I'm not going anywhere." I sat on his lap facing him. "I just wanted some company."

"Oh." Was his only answer, as he hugged me to him tightly.

"Why would I leave?" He didn't answer me. "I broke up with Edward, not Forks, and certainly not the Cullen's."

He chuckled against my hair and let me go. "Sorry, I seem to be suffering from separation anxiety."

He was trying to laugh it off, but it was obvious that he was still struggling to cope with Alice leaving. "Jasper I think you need to try to believe that just because she left you doesn't mean everyone else will. I promise I never will, as long as you want me, you've got me. In fact, even if you don't want me around you're pretty much stuck with me now."

I tried to think about how much I cared for him, so that he could feel it, and watched the smile light up his face. "You really mean that, don't you?"

"Of course I mean it, what would be the point in pretending?" I rolled my eyes at him and decided I hadn't yelled at Alice nearly enough when I'd spoken to her last. She had made him question his worth in everyone's eyes, because he had meant so little to the woman he'd thought he meant the most to.

"So? What were you doing when I called?" I was worried I had interrupted something important.

"Just thinking." He shrugged.

"What were you thinking about?"

He hesitated, looking nervous. "You. I was wondering if you'd mind if I called so soon after seeing you."

_________________________________

_Jasper_

She looked... hurt. She felt sad, and just a little bit angry. Why would she be upset that I was thinking about calling her?

"You can call me whenever you want to. Although I should warn you that if you call me in the middle of night I might be a bit grumpy and say things that don't make any sense. I told you to call me whenever you wanted to talk."

"I didn't hesitate to call you at all when I needed a hug just now did I? And I expect the same from you." She sighed. "We're supposed to be friends, so you've got to start trusting me a bit more. When I say I want you around, I mean it. I'm not going to get angry or stop liking you just because you want to talk to me. It makes me like you _more_, it's nice to feel needed."

I knew what she meant about feeling needed. I was thrilled she'd called me. _Me_, of all the people she could have chosen. I felt useful, _worthy_. Maybe I could help her the way she had helped me.

When she'd told me that she and Edward had split, I'd felt a little thrill. That needed to be crushed quickly. She wanted some comfort, the last thing she needed was me trying to slip into Edwards place. Besides, they'd probably be back together by this time next week. I doubted they would even last that long apart.

My feelings were nothing really, just a little crush. If I ignored it, it would fade away. Hopefully. I needed her too much to let my feelings get in the way.

"I'm sorry, I'm just not used to this. Even with Alice, she often wanted time on her own. I've never really had a real friend outside of the family, it's difficult to know what to do sometimes. It's like learning to fit in with a new culture, I'm not sure of what's acceptable and what isn't." I tried to explain my reasoning, carefully leaving out my worries that I would push her away.

"I don't think there are any rules to friendship Jasper, it's like love, you just do what feels right. I don't think I'm likely to get sick of you. I always feel better when you're around." She blushed and ducked her head, embarrassed.

I think she was worried that she would scare me away with the depth of her feelings, but the opposite was true. The more she made me feel wanted, the more I wanted her.

As a friend. Only as a friend. I had to keep reminding myself of that. Alice had been gone such a short time, I shouldn't already be thinking about someone new. Especially if that someone was Bella. I still loved Alice, and I missed her terribly, but I knew I could live without her. As long as I had Bella.

She didn't lie to me, her words always corresponded with her feelings, but sometimes it was hard to believe that she really did accept me for who I was. No one else ever had. For sixty years I had been told I could do better, that I must try harder. I had put a strain on Alice and on the whole family.

Bella only ever wanted me to be happier, something that came easily to me in her presence. Most things were easier with her by my side. I had become so used to the delicious smell of her blood that it hardly bothered me at all anymore, and all the other humans I came into contact with were nowhere near as appetising.

Control, the one thing that I had struggled with my whole life, was now something I gave no thought to. I could trust myself to walk around town unaccompanied, knowing that I wasn't going to slip. If I could resist Bella I could resist anyone.

It was a cruel irony really, that the biggest problem between Alice and I had been cured just as she'd had enough. I wondered if I'd made an effort to get to know Bella sooner, Alice might have stayed. Would she have let the vision go if she had been happy?

Bella was staring at me, her face a few inches away from mine. "What?" I asked, worried about how long I'd been lost in my own little world.

"I'm your first friend?" She was happy about that, she looked like I'd given her a present.

"You are." I chuckled. "First and best."

"Good. So, as I'm your best friend, I think you should hang that picture for me. Sign it first though, and I want your real name." She ordered.

I waited for her to get off my lap. She didn't move. "Bella? For me to hang the picture you'd actually have to let me stand up." I smiled.

"Oh right." She stuttered, blushing. "Sorry."

I watched her stumble over to the rocking chair, muttering something unintelligible under her breath. My drawing was stretched out across the desk, the ends curling inwards. I found a pen and put my signature in the bottom corner, just below Esme's feet. _J. Whitlock_. It had been a while since I'd signed anything in that name.

I could feel her eyes on me as I set the picture into the frame. "Where do you want it?" I asked over my shoulder.

Bella came over to the bed and stood behind me, I could feel the warmth of her body, and knew she was standing less than an inch away from me. If I moved back just a little we would be touching, and I had to fight the impulse to do just that.

I needn't have worried, as Bella leaned against me of her own accord. "I want it right in the middle above my bed. I've got some nails, will two be enough? I can find some more."

I sucked in a breath, trying to ignore the way the contours of her body were pressed against my back. She had no idea what she was doing to me. I struggled to focus on her question. "Um, two should be fine."

"It looks good." She whispered resting her chin on my shoulder to see the picture in the frame. Her warm breath flitted across my neck, and then she was gone, rummaging through her closet. I felt bereft.

Closing my eyes I thought of Alice, hoping that would distract me from the warmth so near to me. It didn't help, thinking of Alice only made my need to hold Bella stronger. Hanging the picture, that would take at least one part of my mind away from thinking about Bella.

I pushed the nails into the wall with my thumb and heard Bella chuckling behind me. I hung the huge frame on the wall and stepped back to look at it.

Bella came to stand beside me, and I felt her happiness tickling at my own. "It's perfect." She said, and I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She'd told me to do what felt right, and this did. She rested her head against my shoulder, still smiling up at the picture.

It felt peaceful, standing here with her like this. More right than anything else I'd ever felt. I didn't want it to ever end. But it would have to soon.

"Carlisle asked me to ask you if you'd go to the hospital after school tomorrow." I told her, still holding on, hoping she wouldn't move.

No such luck, she pulled away to face me, her nervousness the predominant emotion. "Why? Why would he want me to come to the hospital? I hate hospitals, all that blood." She shuddered.

"I don't know why, he didn't say, but don't worry, he doesn't bite you know." I laughed.

"I know." She scowled, but I knew she appreciated my attempt at a joke. "What could he possibly want to talk to me about? I see him at the house often enough."

"I expect he'd just like to talk to you without being interrupted or overheard." I was curious too, Carlisle didn't usually hide anything from the family if he could help it, so whatever he had to say must only concern Bella.

Bella took my hand and fiddled with the bracelet I still wore. I wondered if she knew exactly what the beads meant. I held onto it like a promise, hoping she knew and that she'd given it to me as more than a just a trade. _Love... Friendship... Eternity...._

"You don't have to wear this all the time" She said quietly. "I wouldn't be offended if you took it off." Yes she would, her emotions told me clearly how much it pleased her to see it on my wrist.

"I like it." I smiled, receiving a beautiful smile in return.

"I'm going to take a shower." Bella said eventually. "You don't have to stay."

I was thankful for my gift yet again, as it let me read how much she didn't mean that last statement. "It works both ways Bella. If you need me, I'll be here." I said softly.

Her shoulder slumped with relief and she smiled tiredly. She was still upset by her argument with Edward, and I could easily understand her need for some company. "Thank you." She whispered slipping out of the room.

While I waited I looked through her collection of books. She had good, if a little eclectic, taste. I settled on the bed with the only book I hadn't read before, but didn't get further than the first page. I could just make out the steady rhythm of her breathing and heartbeat over the drumming of the water.

It fascinated me. Every so often her heart would speed up a little, or her breathing would hitch and I'd focus on reading her emotions. Mostly, I felt sadness, but sometimes excitement, nerves and guilt would swirl together perplexingly.

The scent of her skin, almost, but not quite masked by shampoo floated into the room itching my throat.

I smiled again thinking about how easy it was to resist now. Not so long ago the thought of her blood, heated by the shower would have had me at the door before the smell even reached me.

Her blood wasn't the problem now, but I did have a strong desire to walk into that bathroom. I shook my head and tried to get back into the book.

After five minutes I heard her hairdryer and relaxed knowing she'd be back in here soon. Would she be bothered to find me sprawled out on her bed? I didn't think so, but I didn't want to assume too much so I sat up and straightened the quilt. If she wanted me to stay here again she would ask.

When she walked back into the room I forgot to breathe and simply stared. She had changed into long white satin pants and a matching tank top. She looked like an angel as she glided towards the bed and sat opposite me.

"Jasper? Is something wrong?"

I tried to find my voice, but it was difficult surrounded by her scent with her looking so perfect. I swallowed and said the first thing that came into my head. "You dazzled me."

I regretted it instantly, it was the truth, but had I just given away my feelings? She felt pleased and proud, but it was quickly outweighed by guilt and self-consciousness as she wrapped her arms around herself.

"I'm sorry, should I change? Am I making you uncomfortable?" She worried her lip waiting for my answer.

"No, don't change, I'm sorry, you just looked like an angel." _Shut up!_ Why couldn't I ever manage to keep my thoughts to myself around her?

To my amazement she relaxed instead of running away from me and smiled. She blushed, but I knew she was pleased. "Do you remember?" She asked. "I said that to you not so long ago."

_I'm a monster_ I'd said, and she told me I looked like an angel.

"I remember." I settled back against the pillows, amazed at my good fortune. I hadn't offended her, or scared her, in fact, she'd taken it as a compliment.

She scooted closer to me fitting herself in the space between my body and the wall, and pulled the quilt over her. I sensed her hesitancy. "What?"

"Would you mind staying?" She mumbled. "If you want go, I don't mind. I know it's not much fun hanging about here."

"I'd love to stay." I told her seriously, pulling the quilt over myself so she could tuck herself into my side more comfortably.

"Are you sure? I don't want to keep you from anything important." There was no conviction in her words, only a sleepy security. She already knew I wasn't going anywhere.

Why would I want to be anywhere else? There was nowhere better than this.

"Go to sleep Bella." I chuckled, wrapping my arm around a little more to rub her shoulder. I used my gift to help her relax and breathed in an out in time with her.

"Love you." She muttered, as the last vestiges of consciousness left her.

"Love you too." I whispered back, knowing she wouldn't hear, but needing to say it.

Friendship was like love, she'd told me. And as I held my sleeping angel I agreed completely. Friendship was very much like love indeed.

_______________________________________

_Bella_

"Bella, wake up." The voice was far away, and I wished it would go even further. No such luck. "Wake up, Emmett's downstairs." Jasper. I felt myself smile, he'd stayed all night.

"I know you're awake." He chuckled, shaking my shoulder. "Emmett is downstairs and he's talking to Charlie."

That woke me up properly. I opened my eyes and squinted against the pale light. I tried to sit up, but found I'd become somewhat tangled up with Jasper in the night. My legs were wrapped around his, and I was laying half on top of him. Squeezing my eyes shut I tried to fight down my blush. The problem wasn't so much the position I was in, as that fact that I was comfortable in it. I liked it, even.

Staying exactly where I was seemed like a brilliant plan, but apparently Jasper had other ideas. My shirt had ridden up in the night, and Jasper took advantage of that to tickle the exposed skin of my back.

I wriggled away from him trying to stifle my laughter so Charlie wouldn't come up to investigate. "I'm awake! I'm getting up!" I gasped.

Getting out of bed without falling flat on my face seemed impossible, so I just sat up to lean against the wall. "Why is Emmett here? Actually, why is Charlie still here? He's usually gone by the time I get up."

"Emmett knocked on the front door about twenty minutes ago and asked Charlie if he could make you breakfast. I have a feeling your dad was thinking about getting his gun, he was quite angry and very worried. Emmett had to explain that you'd helped him make up with Rose and he's been telling Charlie stories about Rose ever since. I think he's trying to escape, but Emmett hasn't shut up yet." Jasper was shaking with laughter as he spoke.

I sniffed the air experimentally. I knew Emmett couldn't cook, but I could smell bacon and eggs, so either Charlie had helped, or I was in for some food poisoning.

Jasper started laughing again as I heard the front door open and shut. Charlie pulled the cruiser out of the drive and down the street much more quickly than usual. I guessed he was worried Emmett would start talking again if he didn't make his escape quickly enough.

I could hear whistling coming from the kitchen now, swiftly followed by something smashing and a loud exclamation of "Shit!".

I groaned and burrowed back down under the covers. Maybe if I went back to sleep, someone would kindly get rid of Emmett and clean up whatever mess he'd made in the kitchen.

Jasper scooted down under the quilt to join me. "Bella." He sang, his breath tickling my ear. "He won't go away. He'll be up here in a minute and besides, you do actually have to get ready for school at some point."

I gave my best shot at a growl and snuggled closer to him, still intent on going back to sleep. I was very nearly then when I heard the tell-tale creek of my door.

"Breakfast!" Emmett yelled, probably hoping to wake me up. Jasper chuckled quietly, but we didn't move. "You better be decent." Emmett muttered by way of a warning half a second before he hauled the blanket of the bed.

I rolled onto my back so I could glare up at him and found him smirking at Jasper. "Dude!" He laughed, "Edward is going to tear you limb from limb!"

I sat up and tossed my pillow at his head, feeling distinctly jealous when he dodged it, and managed to keep a plate of breakfast and a glass of juice stable at the same time. "We didn't do anything, idiot."

He raised an eyebrow then shrugged and sat cross legged on the end of the bed. The mattress groaned under the extra weight. "Charlie helped with the food, so you have to eat it." He told me setting the plate on my knees.

I had to admit, it did look pretty good. Crispy bacon, scrambled eggs and toast that was only slightly burnt. "Last night went well then?" I asked and tucked into my food.

"Like you wouldn't believe" He beamed at us. "We nearly sank the boat! And you should have seen the Captain hiding in his cabin, it was so funny. Carlisle had to come and get us this morning, because we had to pay for the damages and he wouldn't accept any of Rosie's credit cards. Man was Carlisle pissed, but I tell you it was worth it."

"Oh and Rose told me to thank you both." He added.

"You told her we helped?" I asked around a mouthful of toast. "How well did that go down?"

"Well see, first I told her I did it on my own, but she didn't believe me. So I had to tell her the truth and she wasn't pleased at first, but then we had angry sex, and everyone knows that's the best kind. So she was happy in the end. And get this, she put the engine back in the jeep three days ago and didn't tell me! I can't believe I didn't check."

"What are you doing here then Jasper?" Emmett asked after he'd finished regaling us with tales of his escapades.

I saw Jasper glancing sideways at me, waiting for some cue that it was ok to share the story. I nodded, finishing the last scoopful of eggs.

"Bella was a bit upset last night. Edward was here when she got home yesterday and they had an argument. They've split up for a week." He told Emmett.

"Wow, I bet he took that well." He laughed. That was so like Emmett, totally unfazed by what he was hearing. "I suppose that's why he didn't come home last night. Carlisle asked us if we'd seen him this morning."

Where had he been? Had he left the area completely? Or worse, had he been hovering outside here all night, checking up on me as usual? I didn't want to know.

"Anyway, enough about brood-boy. I've got a present for you." Emmett announced making us laugh.

He took a crumpled brown bag out from behind his back and handed it to me. I hated getting presents, but I had a feeling that expensive things didn't come in paper bags so I wasn't too worried.

I took the bag from him and dropped it immediately when I realized that it was damp. "What is it?"

Emmett reached into the bag and pulled out a small stuffed pig in alarming shade of green. "You wanted one remember? You said so in your sleep."

I took it from him hesitantly. "Thank you Emmett, but why is it wet?"

"Shops in Forks don't really have a very big selection so I had to dye it, it'll be dry soon enough, just put it in the window." He said, as if dying toy pigs green was a perfectly normal, everyday thing to do.

I smiled down at the little toy, it was actually quite cute. I had never really wanted a pig, but I appreciated the gesture.

"That's very sweet. I love it." I told him.

"Him. It's a him not an it. He's called Emmett junior." He said seriously. I couldn't control my laughter.

"You named my pig after yourself?" I gasped knocking my plate to the floor as I shook. Jasper picked it up and put it on the side table, laughing himself.

"Where's my present?" Jasper asked once he'd calmed down. "I helped too."

"I won't tell Eddie where I found you this morning." Emmett snickered. "Will that do?"

I went to the bathroom to get ready while they squabbled. After a while I heard them cleaning up in the kitchen, and then the sounds of the TV.

Back in my room I scooped up my school bag and books and put 'Emmett junior' in front of the open window to dry out.

"I'm driving today Bella." Emmett shouted as I walked downstairs. "My baby needs the exercise."

"I'll still have to take my truck. I need to go to the hospital after school."

"I'll drop you at the hospital and Carlisle can take you home after." He offered, I wondered if he knew why I was going to the hospital, or if as usual, he was happy enough not knowing.

Jasper opened the car door for my and lifted my effortlessly up into the seat. My skin burned where his hands had brushed against it. I told myself that my reaction was only due to the fact that his hands were cold, and they had shocked me, but I'd been having similar reactions to him a lot recently and it was starting to worry me.

_________________________________

Edward was standing by his car waiting for us, and I suddenly felt awfully guilty. How must he be feeling? I'd practically broken up with him last night, and this morning he finds me laughing and joking with his brothers. Surely they should be sympathising with him, not me.

His face was expressionless as we walked over to join him. I hadn't really thought about what it would be like to see him today. I didn't know how to act around him, usual I would have hugged him or kissed him, but that wouldn't work now.

"Morning bro" Emmett said, thumping his arm.

"Emmett. Jasper." He nodded at each of them, and then turned to me. "Good morning Isabella."

His use of my full name hurt, he had never called me that before, I had been Bella since the very first time he had spoken to me. He'd obviously decided that we weren't going to try being friends.

"Hello Edward." I whispered. I'd meant it to sound blasé, like I wasn't bothered, but my hurt must have shown through, as both Emmett and Jasper stepped closer to me.

I watched Edwards eyes flick coldly from one brother to another, his face still blank, before he turned abruptly and walked away from us. Math was first today, and I was glad to have Emmett and Jasper as buffers.

Edward was at our table when we walked in, but he'd moved his chair as far away from the others as possible.

He didn't as much as look at us throughout the whole lesson, but Jasper and Emmett carried on as normal. I wondered if they were used to Edward being in moods like this.

In biology I gained a new appreciation for the phrase 'cold shoulder'. Edward turned himself away from me the way he had in our very first lesson together.

"Please talk to me?" I begged after a torturous half hour of silence had passed.

"What would you like me to say?" He said pleasantly, turning his stone face towards me. I couldn't find an answer, so he spent the rest of the lesson carefully pretending I didn't exist.

He wasn't very good at it, every time I moved he would stiffen and mover further away from me. I was quite tempted to kick him, but knew I would only hurt myself. Besides, this was my fault really, he hadn't asked me to break up with him, and I knew I must have hurt him very badly. Having said that he'd been around for over a century, I expected him to be a little more grown up.

Lunch was the worst. No one spoke for the first ten minutes, our table seemed to be stuck in a bubble of silence that even the noise of the other students couldn't penetrate.

Emmett was content drawing patterns on his plate in ketchup beside me, while the rest of us snuck glances at each other. Every time I saw Jasper looking at me I felt a little thrill, and tried to squash it down in case he could feel it.

After a few agonising minutes of this, Edwards head snapped up to glare at Emmett, his face furious.

"Oops." Emmett said, looking straight at Jasper.

"Jasper, get outside now." Edward demanded quietly. I gathered Emmett must have been thinking about this morning, and Edward had got the wrong idea.

"No." I couldn't let them go out, if they went outside where they couldn't be seen they would end up fighting. "Please Edward, calm down. Nothing happened. Tell him Jasper."

"If he wants to fight me, I'll give him a shot." Jasper said, rising to his feet with Edward.

I shot up and ran around the table to stand between them. I only had a chance at calming them down while they were still inside the building. "Edward please don't do this. I was upset and he was only there to keep me company. Please sit down."

Edward looked between the two us, his face unreadable again. I reached out for his hand, but he stepped away from me. "I'm warning you Jasper. If I find you in bed with _my_ girl ever again, you won't live long enough to hide behind her."

I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed the floor would swallow me. Edward had spoken loud enough for everyone at the closest tables to hear. In minutes the whole school would think I was having an affair with Jasper Hale. Not only my boyfriend's brother, but my best friend's boyfriend. I wondered how long it would take to get back to Charlie.

While I was busy trying to calm my flaming face, and pluck up the courage to open my eyes Edward swept out, Emmett rounded the table and grabbed hold of Jasper to stop him tearing after Edward.

I opened my eyes and stared at the space Edward had stood, feeling Jasper and Emmett struggling behind me.

Every eye in the room was turned towards us, watching avidly for the next scene in the Cullen saga. Slowly, I turned around and put my hand on Jaspers chest, he stopped fighting immediately. Emmett let go and sat back down.

Jasper stared at me as I slumped back into my seat. "Why didn't you let me go after him?" He asked sliding into the seat opposite me.

I couldn't think of a single possible good outcome if he'd followed Edward. "Have you lost your mind?" I snapped. "You'd have either killed each other, or been exposed and have to leave."

"So you didn't want Edward to get hurt." He said morosely sliding into his own seat and giving the table a glare that could have withered stone.

"Are you deliberately twisting my words? I didn't want _you_ to get hurt." I sighed. "Right now I wouldn't much care if I never saw him again." I knew I didn't really mean that but I was so angry with him. He didn't trust me at all.

"Uh, sorry guys, I guess that was my fault." Emmett said sheepishly.

Jasper broke into a smile. "You'll have to get me another present."

_____________________________________

"Hi, I'm here to see Dr Cullen. Could you tell me where I might find him?" I asked the nurse on reception. I knew I sounded less than polite, but I was still reeling from school. I'd spent the last period studiously ignoring the whispering and giggles and sidelong glances.

Edward had left the school entirely, we assumed he'd gone home, but I didn't care where he was. All I wanted was to go home and relax, and hopefully get to Charlie and give him some sort of explanation before the rumours got round to him. News travelled fast in Forks. The more scandalous it was the faster it spread.

The story of the chief's daughter seeing two brothers at once was probably the best bit of gossip Forks had seen in years. Charlie would have a heart attack when he heard.

The red haired nurse looked up at me disdainfully. "Do you have an appointment?" She sneered.

"No, I don't but Dr Cullen will want to see me. If you could just tell me where I can find him, I'll be out of your way." I tried not to sound as annoyed as I felt.

"No one see's Dr Cullen without an appointment. He's a very busy man." The way she said it showed me quite clearly that she had feelings for Carlisle. I guessed he had that affect on a lot of the women who worked here. "If you'd like to give me your details I'll see when he can fit you in."

"Never mind about that Katy, I've been expecting Bella." Carlisle said, appearing at my side. The nurse's expression shifted immediately to a simpering smile that had me giggling. "I'll be in my office if there's an emergency, but if not, I'd like to be left undisturbed."

"Yes Dr Cullen." The nurse breathed, her eyes glazed.

Carlisle led me away from her and through the hospital. I knew it would take me forever to find my way back out on my own. Eventually we came to his office, it took much longer than it should have, as everybody we passed had something to say to the renowned Dr Cullen.

His office was a lot like his study at home, but not quite as comfortable, and I felt a twinge of nervousness as he offered me a chair. I was like being in the Principal's office. I wondered for perhaps the hundredth time today why he wanted to speak to me.

"I suspect you're wondering why I asked to meet you here rather than speaking to you at home. It's only that I wanted to get your opinion on a few things without any of my children trying to influence you. Relax Bella." He laughed. "You aren't in trouble."

I nodded, anxiously waiting to find out what he could possibly want my opinion on.

"First, I wanted to know how you think Jasper is coping." He steepled his fingers and looked at me over them, waiting patiently for me to gather my thoughts.

This was easy. "I think he's doing quite well. He still misses her very much, and sometimes I see him staring at nothing looking sad, but most of the time he's quite happy."

"Really? Are you aware of how he behaves at home?" He asked.

"I don't know, about the same I'd guess."

"He doesn't speak. To any of us. After school, he'll play games with Emmett, or talk to Esme, but within an hour he goes up to his room and sketches in that pad, or reads in his study. We don't see anything of him again until he leaves for school. He cuts himself off from us, and when we try to engage him, he gives us the barest recognition and goes back to whatever he was doing."

It was horrible to think of Jasper sitting at home alone, it was difficult to imagine that he could be so despondent after I'd spent a day laughing and joking with him.

"Sometimes he sits staring at the wall for hours. He's always been a stoic person, but I haven't seen him smile once this week. Can you think of any reason why he would be acting this way at home?" Carlisle's voice was gentle, coaxing, but I couldn't help him.

"I don't know. He's happy at school most of the time. He smiles, laughs even. Maybe the house reminds him of Alice too much, he's comfortable enough at my house." It was the only explanation I could think of.

"I think it has more to do with you than Alice, and Esme agrees. She told me about what happened when we went hunting, and I find it hard to believe that anything less very deep feelings for you could have stopped him from biting you. He acts as if you're all he has, it's not the memory of Alice that hurts him so much, I think it's the absence of you."

I sat digesting what he was saying. I didn't believe that Jasper was so depressed at home simply because I wasn't with him, that was ridiculous. I shook my head at Carlisle. "I know he cares about me very much, but he could live without me. That can't be what's upsetting him so much. In any case, I've told him that if he wants me he can call at any time."

"I think he might be afraid of scaring you away if he shows you how dependant he has become. Which brings me to my next point. Edward was here at lunch time, and he told me that you and Jasper have become something of an item, and that you have broken up with him, presumably for this reason."

"If he would just have waited two minutes and let us explain..." I sighed. "I asked Edward for a week of separation after we argued last night. Things between us have been strained for a while now, and I snapped. After Edward left, I was upset so I called Jasper and he stayed with me. Emmett found us together this morning, and when Edward saw it in his head he got the wrong idea. As usual."

I knew I sounded petulant, but I was sick of having to explain myself.

"I thought as much." Carlisle laughed surprising me. "Where you're concerned, Edward isn't very level headed. That still raises some questions though. If you and Edward are to split permanently, what do you intend to do?"

"I haven't really thought that far ahead." I admitted. I'd been trying not to think about what would happen at the end of the week.

"What I mean is, would you still wish to continue as a part of the family?"

That shocked me. I had given no thought as to what the break-up would mean in that regard. "Would you still want me?" I squeaked, horrified at the thought that I might lose them all.

"Of course we would. You mean a great deal to us. Esme especially, would be very difficult to live with if you were to disappear from our lives." He chuckled, relaxing me. "I ask because, and I don't mean to scare you or make you feel obliged to do anything, but because I have a very strong feeling that if Jasper was completely cut off from you he would fall apart. I think he would revert to the animal he became when Alice left. If not for you he would probably still be in that state."

My throat tightened, I couldn't bear to even think about Jasper in that state again. "I've already promised him I won't leave. I love all of you, but Jasper is my best friend, I couldn't stand to lose him either."

Carlisle seemed satisfied by that, but he still looked troubled. "What is it?" I asked. "What aren't you saying?"

"Don't worry about it, I'm just thinking." I didn't believe him, but I didn't know him well enough to try and worm it out of him.

"Now, the last thing I wanted to talk to you about is your shield. I'm sure you've heard us mention the Denali clan? Four of them were hoping to visit soon, and I've asked them if they would like to come on Thursday and stay until Monday. I was wondering if you would be willing to meet them."

This was interesting, from what I'd heard, the Denali's were vegetarians too, so it would be quite safe to meet them. I knew Carlisle wouldn't even ask if he didn't think so. It would be nice to meet the Cullen's friends. "I'd like that." I said.

"They are quite curious about you, I believe Laurent told them that we were keeping a pet human. I can't wait to see their reactions when they see you ordering Edward about. I particularly want you to meet Eleazar, he has a talent for reading others gifts. He might be able to confirm our theories."

"What if it isn't me blocking Edward from Jaspers thoughts?" I asked. "What if it's something else?"

"It doesn't really matter, as far as I can see, it's a good thing, it isn't hurting anyone." He told me. "Emmett called and said you would need a lift home, and I'm due off in a few minutes. Why don't I take you downstairs and you can get something to drink while I finish up?"

He took me to a drinks machine near the entrance and left me. I didn't dare move for fear I'd end up lost. While I was enjoying a cold soda, the nurse Carlisle had called Katy came up to me. "Still here?" She asked plastering on a fake smile.

I couldn't quite resist teasing her. "I'm just waiting for Carlisle to take me home." I smiled.

I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing as she looked at me shock and dismay written clearly on her face.

"He's married you know!" She whispered waspishly.

"Strangely enough I did know. I'm dating his son." I took pity on her and told her the truth.

"Oh." She said, clearly wrong footed. "I'm sorry, I thought you were...never mind. Which one are you with?"

She'd had some sort of personality transplant, suddenly smiling and interested in my life. Now she knew I wasn't competition she was being very friendly. Perhaps she was the one who needed to be reminded that Carlisle had a lovely wife at home.

I was saved from answering as he came back to collect me. Katy waved us off with a beaming smile.

"I think you have an admirer." I giggled once we were in the car.

"Oh yes?" He laughed.

"That nurse, Katy, she warned me off you, told me you were married."

Carlisle shook his head, chuckling. "I'm old enough to be your great, great, great, great grandfather, and then some. What did you tell her?"

"I told her I was dating your son. You wouldn't believe how nice she suddenly became."

"That sounds like Katy. She's actually not so bad when she isn't scaring away visitors. She's the only human I've ever met that has managed to scare me, but you mustn't tell anyone I said that." He smiled and winked.

"Carlisle? Could you do me a favour?" I asked, feeling more comfortable with him now.

"Probably." He smiled.

"Could you not tell Jasper that you know about what happened at the weekend? He was very upset with himself, ashamed. I think he would feel worse if he thought you knew."

"I won't mention it. There's no need. What's passed is passed." He had a quiet confidence in his voice that you couldn't help but trust. I knew he would do as I had asked.

______________________________________________

When I got home I found Charlie in my room, glaring up at the picture above my bed. Great, the rumours had reached him already. It was time for damage control.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**An: Thank you for all the lovely reviews, I'm sorry this took so long! I really appreciated all your comments, and I hope the next few chapters will answer some of your questions. I love you all!**

Chapter Fourteen 

Time for damage control.

"Dad?" No answer, not good. "Dad, I can explain." I tried.

He continued to glare up at the picture as if I wasn't even there. Time to bring out the big guns. "Daddy?"

He whirled around, his face puce. "Don't you _Daddy_ me Isabella. Get your ass in the cruiser."

I had a sudden irrational fear that he was arresting me, before I remembered that I wasn't rumoured to have done anything illegal. "Where are we going?"

"We're going to see the Cullen's" He spat the name. "I want to see what their parents make of this."

"Charlie please let me explain before you make any rash decisions." I begged. I had a horrible feeling that his gun would be coming with us if we went to the Cullen's, and that wouldn't end well.

He slumped onto my bed like a puppet whose strings had been cut. "I just don't know what's going on with you Bells." He shook his head and dropped it into his hands. "You're hardly home any more, and now this. Your explanation better be good."

"The whole thing is just a misunderstanding." I told him while I tried to sort through which bits of the truth were safe and which parts weren't.

"I don't know exactly what you've heard, but I have a pretty good idea. Edward and I are taking a break because things haven't been going very well between us recently. Jasper and I have gotten quite close since Alice left but only as friends, that is all, I swear."

I wished I had Jasper here now to calm Charlie down, I could practically feel the rage rippling off him.

"That doesn't explain why half the school heard Cullen telling the other one to stay out of your bed." Charlie growled.

Frantically, I sifted through the times when Charlie knew I'd been at their house while both Jasper and Edward were there. Finally I remembered my birthday, hoping it was recent enough for my story to be believable.

"You remember when I stayed over the weekend for my birthday? After Alice left, Jasper was really upset, and I was trying to comfort him, we got curled up on the couch in Edwards's room and fell asleep. When Edward found us he got the wrong idea and no amount of explaining will convince him otherwise."

I finished my half true explanation and tensed waiting to see if he would believe me or not.

"Bella, I'm not an idiot, I'm the chief of police for god's sake! It's my job to know when people are lying and that doesn't make sense." My heart plummeted at his words. "If it happened then, why is Edward only just getting mad about it now? Especially if you've broken up with him. Why would he even think that anything had happened if the kid was as heartbroken as you say? I think that's a pretty pathetic attempt to get me to back down if you ask me. You have one more chance and I want the truth. If I'm not satisfied I'm taking you over there. I'm sure Dr Cullen would have something to say about this."

I felt light headed at the thought of a confrontation like that. "Ok." I whispered. How could I tell him the truth in a way that wouldn't make him ground me, or want to kill anyone? It seemed an impossible task.

I crossed the room and sunk weakly into the rocking chair. "Would you at least tell me what people are saying?" If I knew what he'd heard, at least I could avoid giving away anything unnecessary.

"Why? So that you can edit your lies around it? Fine, but I'll know if you aren't telling me the truth. I stopped for coffee earlier and overheard the Stanley girl telling someone from the reservation that you had been sleeping with all three Cullen boys for who knows how long. And that-"

"Wait. Three? She said three?" I shouted. Where the hell had that come from? Edward and Jasper I could understand, but Emmett hadn't been involved in the argument at all, except to stop Jasper going after Edward. "Charlie, think about that, you can't possibly think Emmett's involved in this in any way. You spoke to him this morning, and I know all he talked about was his girlfriend."

Charlie screwed up his face, but I could tell he was accepting what I'd said. "So you're admitting to seeing the other two?" He didn't even sound angry anymore, just defeated and disappointed, which was somehow much worse.

"No Charlie I'm not admitting anything. Look, let's go downstairs, and I'll make a start on dinner and we can talk. But you need to let me speak without jumping to conclusions. You have no reason not to trust me." I had a new plan now, downstairs with some space between us it would be easier to lie, and I also had hopes of convincing Charlie to have a beer. He was very strict about drinking and driving, so it would keep him from going over there at least for tonight.

I'd managed to get Charlie halfway down the stairs when he stopped and turned to me, complete horror all over his face. "Jesus Bella, you're not pregnant are you? Tell me you're not pregnant."

I very nearly fell right into him. "Of course I'm not pregnant! How could you even think that?" I gave his shoulder a shove to send the point home.

"What do you expect me to think? I here you're hooking up with all these boys, and you late home, and when you do get here, it's the Doctor bringing you." He snapped, going to the fridge and thankfully pulling out a beer. "Would you at least tell me you're being careful?"

I blushed so hard I was surprised my head didn't explode. Nothing about our conversation until now had embarrassed me, I suppose because I hadn't really thought about what we were saying, but when he'd asked if I was being careful the full enormity of what he thought hit me.

Stumbling over my words I tried to explain. "Charlie, Dad, I haven't... not ever... not with anyone."

He glanced up at me sharply, suspiciously. "I was young once Bella. I remember what it's like to be eighteen and in love."

"But I haven't... done anything, like that. Not even with Edward. I swear." I couldn't believe I was actually having this conversation with Charlie. Every bit of me desperately wanted to run upstairs and hide, but that wouldn't solve anything.

I stared at the patterns in the wood of the table, not daring to raise my eyes to Charlie, but I could feel his gaze burning into me. "Ok." He said after a whole forever had passed. "Ok. Make a start on dinner and you can tell me about this whole mess."

I had about half a minute of relief as I started making dinner before the dread set in again. He hadn't believed my first explanation, what could I tell him that he would believe?

I took my time preparing a meal that I knew he would like, and handed him another beer as soon as he had finished the first. He sat at the table watching me work, grumbling to himself occasionally.

I wished I could just tell him the whole truth, I hated him thinking badly of me, but there huge pieces of the story that I couldn't possibly tell him. I'd end up back in Phoenix at best, and in a padded cell at worst. I made a mental note to kill Edward if I was ever strong enough.

I set the table, sat down and poked at my food waiting for the interrogation to start.

"Let's start with something easy." Charlie said. "Why have you split up with Edward?"

This was one question that I could answer with complete honesty, without making Charlie mad. "He won't let me do anything. He's so afraid of me getting hurt that he see's everything as a potential threat to my safety, he was smothering me already, and when he started getting jealous on top of that it was just too much." It felt good to finally be able to tell someone how I felt, so I kept going. "He treats me like a child all the time and he never trusts me to make my own decisions."

Charlie, who had never really liked Edward, was suddenly firmly in his corner. "Sounds to me like he's just doing what's best for you. Have you talked to him about any of this, maybe if you did he'd ease up."

"You've no idea how many times I've talked to him about it, but he just won't listen. I wouldn't mind if he was just telling me not to walk down dark alleys on my own, or to drive the speed limit, but it's everything. He tries to control what I eat, who I spend time with. He told me I shouldn't do anymore gardening with Esme just because I pricked my finger on a thorn!"

I knew the last part was a low blow, and there were extenuating circumstances that Charlie didn't know about, but I wanted Charlie to see things from my side. "He's supposed to be my boyfriend, and he acts like my father. I've already got you for that."

"Always thought he was a weird kid." Charlie said gruffly, and I knew I was winning him over. "I understand why all that would be getting to you. So tell me about what was said at school today. That didn't come out of nowhere."

I stuffed a bite of fish into my mouth so I could have a little longer to think. I could tell him the truth about this too, but how well would he take it?

"Do you promise to hear me out before you start yelling?" I asked.

He didn't like the sound of that; I watched his fingers tighten around his knife and fork as he nodded.

"I'll start at the beginning. Before Jasper was... adopted... by the Cullen's, he had a very difficult life. Alice helped him put himself back together. Without her, he would probably be in a very bad place now. When she left, she didn't say goodbye to him, she only told me she was leaving and drove away. When I told Jasper, it broke him, I've never seen anyone so beyond upset. He was like a wounded animal." I paused to sip my drink, and see how Charlie was taking this, he looked sad, like he knew what I was talking about.

"He wouldn't let any of the others near him, but he was better when I was with him. He couldn't even speak, and we didn't know what to do. Carlisle said he would come around eventually, and that he was just shutting himself off because it hurt too much not to."

"At first, Edward was worried that Jasper was bothering me, we'd never been close before, hardly even spoken to each other, but he soon got jealous. What I told you about the night of my birthday was true. I promised Jasper I'd help him through it, and Edward didn't like that."

Charlie seemed to be taking this really well so far. "Something has happened more recently though, what is it you still aren't telling me?"

This would be the awkward bit. "Last night, after I'd broken up with Edward, I was very upset and I called Jasper. He came over and-"

"He was here? Last night?" Charlie growled. "How did he get in without me seeing? Never mind, I'm getting that tree cut down tomorrow. I can't believe you're sneaking boys into your room!"

"You promised you'd listen! If I'd called Alice would you be this mad? I didn't think so. Jasper is my best friend and all he did was hug me while I cried my eyes out like an idiot. I needed him Charlie."

"Don't ask me about Alice, she a girl, it's different. You shouldn't have boys staying the night. Where did he sleep?" So he wasn't shouting anymore, that was good, but he was clearly very angry, and might well try to kill Jasper if he bumped into him.

"With me." I said hurriedly. "He was fully clothed and nothing at all happened apart from sleeping, so don't you dare overreact. Emmett barged in with breakfast this morning, found us together and then mentioned it in front of Edward like the big lug that he is."

I watched Charlie warily as he took deep breaths and tried to stay calm. "You don't go over there anymore, and neither of them comes over here. Do you understand?" He said finally.

I was tempted to agree so that this whole horrible conversation would be over, but I had promised Jasper I would always be around if he needed me, so I couldn't back down. "No, Charlie. I haven't done anything wrong and I won't be punished because other people jump to conclusions and gossip about things they don't understand."

"Bella, while you live under my roof you obey my rules. You should be thankful I'm not grounding you completely."

"I'm eighteen years old, and I can make my own decisions about who I see. If you don't want Jasper in this house I'll respect that, but that won't stop me going over to the Cullen's, they're family now." I knew my voice was shaking; I'd never stood up to Charlie before, because I'd never needed to, but I would not agree to his terms.

He sighed. "I forget you're growing up sometimes. You're not just my little girl anymore." He smiled. "You didn't mention Edward. Have you made up your mind not to go back to him?"

"I don't know. After today I don't think it's possible, he won't listen to me for long enough to let me explain what's happened or how I'm feeling. I can't see a way of making things work." I hadn't realised what a good listener Charlie could be.

"And this Jasper, do you see anything happening between you?" He asked. "I know you told me that nothing was happening and I believe you, but what about in the future? I was looking at that picture before, you said he drew it right?"

"Yes." I answered cautiously.

"Did you notice the way he drew you, and the way he drew himself?" I shook my head, I hadn't really noticed anything peculiar, but I hadn't really been looking at the bit with me in it. "He's put you right in the middle, and everything else is just the background. And he's sitting down below you, looking up as if you're an angel or something. Kid has talent, I'll give him that."

The angel comment struck a nerve leaving me tingling. I had noticed the way he was looking at me, but I hadn't thought much of it. I certainly hadn't thought that I was the most important part of the picture, I'd seen it as a whole.

"I don't think there could ever be anything more between us. Edward is driving me mad, but that doesn't mean I don't love him, and Jasper is still very much in love with Alice."

"Well that's almost everything. Last question, I promise. Why did Dr Cullen bring you home today?"

"He asked me to come and speak to him after school. He wanted to know how I thought Jasper was coping. It turns out that he hasn't been doing as well as I'd thought. He's cutting himself off from the rest of the family at home. Carlisle was worried that if Edward and I broke up I'd stop seeing all of them, and Jasper would get worse."

"Is he unstable in some way Bella? You make it sound like he could snap, I don't want you around anyone that could be dangerous."

"He would never hurt me. He's not unstable, but he's, sensitive, I think would be the right word. I'm as safe with him as I am with you." Unstable was probably one way to describe Jasper, and all of the Cullen's, but I couldn't have Charlie thinking that.

"All the same, I think I'll call Dr Cullen. I trust you Bella, don't look at me like that, but I would like to get his father's opinion. And then I think he should come for dinner one night next week."

"Why do you want him to come for dinner?" I started trying to find excuses for why he couldn't come, or why he didn't eat anything.

"If he's going to be staying here overnight, don't you think I have a right to get to know him?" He said raising his eyebrows expectantly.

Shock and hoped warred within me. "You mean you'd let him stay?"

"He'd have to sleep on the floor of course, with the door open. And that's only if I think he can be trusted." He clarified. I didn't care what little rules he added, it was a miracle he was even thinking about allowing it.

"Why? What's changed your mind about him?"

He looked troubled and stared at a spot on the wall behind me. "When your mother left, I was heartbroken, I know how much that hurts. I can't begrudge the boy some comfort if you can bring it to him."

I lump formed in my throat at the thought of Charlie hurting as much as Jasper had, and I ran around the table to wrap my arms around him. It was probably the first time I'd hugged him properly in the last five years. "Thank you Dad." I'd try to remember to call him that all the time, he hated when I called him Charlie.

He accepted my hug for about ten seconds before he stood up and chuckled weekly. "I'm going to call the Doctor, you should go and make a start on your homework." I knew he was upset and he just wanted me out of the way for a while so I dumped the dishes in the sink for later and made myself scarce.

I sat down on the edge of my bed and started laughing, part with relief that the most uncomfortable conversation I'd ever had was finally over, and partly with real happiness that it had gone so much better than I could possibly have hoped.

My joy was swiftly cut off when I remembered that rest of Forks still believed I was sleeping with half the Cullen family. I was going to kill Jessica tomorrow.

I struggled through my homework for the next two hours, unable to concentrate as my thoughts drifted between Edward and Jasper.

Exhausted, I fell into bed early and curled up around the now dry Emmett Jr. and found him a poor substitute for the man I wished I was holding. Sleep did not come easily that night.

_________________________________________

I awoke to bright sunlight streaming through the window, and knew instantly that today would be hell. Not only would I be alone at school, but I'd be left to deal with all the rumours circulating on my own.

My phone buzzed from the other side of the room and I pounced on it like a lifeline.

**We won't be in today, I'm sorry. Tomorrow will be sunny again, Carlisle says to act ill today and he will give you a note for tomorrow if you're up for meeting Tanya's clan. J x**

One day. I could deal with one day if it meant I'd get to spend tomorrow with the Cullen's. Nerves and excitement coiled in my belly at the prospect of meeting the other vampires.

**Thank you for telling me. I'll be over in the morning. I'll miss you today. X**

As soon as I'd sent the message I regretted the last line. Did that sound pathetic? As the seconds ticked by with no reply I worried that I'd freaked him out. After a while it became obvious that he wasn't going to text me back, and I had to get ready for school.

The drive to school flew by the one time I wanted it to take forever, and I sat in the truck to gather up my courage. Most of these people meant nothing to me, so it shouldn't matter what they thought, but for some reason it did. I hated attention of any kind, but this was the worst.

Two juniors walked by and wolf whistled as they passed and I slouched forward letting my head rest against the wheel.

My phone buzzed again and I snatched it up to find a new message from Jasper.

**I'll miss you too. Every second x**

Butterflies fluttered in my stomach and facing the school didn't seem quite as hard anymore. I saved the message and put the phone into my pocket where I could get to it quickly.

I walked slowly towards the main buildings and spotted Jess stretched out sunbathing on a table talking to Mike. I debated not confronting her, but I was too mad to let it pass and marched over to where she was sitting.

"Jess? Could I talk to you please?" I said sweetly. Mike's eyes nearly bugged out of his head as he stared at me like he'd never seen me before. He was probably thinking about what a lucky escape he'd had and how glad he was I turned him down last year.

"Sure Bella." Jess grinned collecting her jacket and bags. I could almost hear the wheels turning in her head as she thought of ways to get more juicy details out of me.

When we were far enough away from the other students not to be overheard I turned on her. "I need some advice. See, there's this girl who was talking about my private life in a cafe, right in front of my dad yesterday. As if that wasn't bad enough, she got the whole thing wrong, and caused a huge argument. I was wondering whether you think I should kill her, or have her arrested for slander. What do you think _Jess_? Let me know what would you do in my situation?"

"Um...I... oh god, p-p-please don't have me arrested" I took a perverse pleasure in her stuttering. I actually had no idea if what she'd said constituted as slander, or if that was a crime, and I obviously wasn't going to kill her but tormenting her was very cathartic. "I swear I didn't know your dad was there until I'd said everything."

"What exactly did you say Jess?" I snapped.

"I was just telling Leah about the argument at lunch. It's not just me everyone's talking about it." She pouted, like that was going to work.

"Why were you telling someone I don't even know about me?"

"But she knows you; they all know you down at La Push." Well that was weird, I'd only met three or four kids from the reservation. I hated living in such a small town.

"What made you think Emmett was involved?" I was tempted to keep torturing her, but I decided it would be better to try and find out the extent of what people thought.

"Lauren and Tyler saw him riding to school with you on Monday." She said it like that perfectly explained everything, which I didn't get as all the kids at school got rides with each other from time to time. There was nothing incriminating about that.

"So? How did driving to school together suddenly become the same as having an affair?"

"Well, Emmett had obviously stayed at your house the night before, otherwise why would he be riding with you when he could have come in with his brothers."

I sighed seeing the logic in what she said, but still wanting to strangle her for it. "Have you ever seen Rosalie Hale? Why would Emmett even look at me when he has her? Not to mention the fact that she'd probably rip me to shreds if I so much as looked at Emmett that way. For the record, Emmett didn't stay at my house that night, he drove to school with me because I was helping him plan a date with Rosalie."

"Oh." She said. "Sorry." Then slyly, "So what's going on with you and Jasper?"

"Not that it's anyone else's business, but there's nothing going on. We were hanging out and fell asleep together and Edward got the wrong idea. That's it, so you can go and tell everyone you've ever met that you got it wrong." I said trying to make my voice do that dangerously low thing that Edward was good at.

"And if I hear that you're still spreading vicious lies, I'll be thinking a bit more about that slander charge." She nodded and ran back to Mike, and started whispering to him.

I was thrilled, Jess was the biggest gossip in school. Even if people didn't believe what she was telling them, at least they would have heard the truth. The real story was much less interesting, and with a bit of luck the town would stop talking about it fairly soon.

_____________________________________________

My first lessons that morning were horrible. No one spoke to me, but I knew they were all talking about me. Even a few of the teachers gave me disgusted looks. In between classes I pulled out my phone and reread Jaspers message for moral support.

At lunch I sat at our usual table alone pushing around a salad and watched the seconds tick by oh so slowly. I'd give anything for any one of the Cullen's to be sitting here with me. I'd even be nice to Edward if it meant I didn't have to be on my own.

The chair next to me scraped across the floor as someone sat down. It was Angela. "Do you mind if I sit here?"

"Help yourself." I smiled. I might actually have someone to talk to, someone who was usually nice.

"How're you doing?" She asked bumping her shoulder against mine.

"I'm fine. They'll forget about me soon enough." I told her.

"If you want to talk I'm always around." She offered. I'd always liked Angela best. "Are you still coming to my party?"

"Definitely, I could use some fun." The party sounded like even more fun now, it would be a nice break. I wondered if Edward would come, I couldn't even remember if anyone had told him about it.

Halfway through lunch I became mysteriously ill, so Angela took me to see the nurse who sent me home with a note for Charlie. No one would be suspicious when I didn't turn up tomorrow now. Hopefully.

Driving home I contemplated going over to see Jasper, but I didn't want to risk making things worse with Edward so I ended up going home and changing into some ratty sweats so Charlie could see how 'sick' I was.

I made myself a sandwich, so that I could tell Charlie I was too ill for dinner later and curled up on the sofa with Emmett Jr and my Jane Austen collection.

It was difficult to read when my eyes strayed to the phone on the table every few seconds, willing it to buzz. Why was I sitting here waiting for my friend to call? I could just call him, there was nothing wrong with that. So why did I feel so nervous about dialling his number?

I picked it up and held it while I tried to convince myself I was being stupid, and that I could call him whenever I wanted to, when it started ringing.

A little thrill of excitement crept up my spine before I noticed it was playing a tinny version of Debussy. That was Edwards tone, and I wasn't in the mood to be berated and talked down to so I cancelled the call.

A message came through a few seconds later and I ignored it for all of two minutes before my curiosity got the better of me.

**Please answer. I only want to apologise. I miss you. Edward.**

My heart clenched. Was I being selfish? I knew I was hurting him, but he was hurting me too. He did deserve to at least be heard.

When the phone rang again I answered it and waited for him to speak.

"Bella? Are you there?" He asked.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I know what happened now, I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions... Please talk to me."

"What would you like me to say?" That's exactly what he'd said to me when I'd begged him to speak to me in biology.

I heard him sigh. "I deserved that. I'm trying Bella, I really am. Just tell me what to do to make it up to you."

"Well, you could start by saying sorry to Jasper and Emmett too. Do you know that the whole town thinks I'm sleeping with all three of you? How do you think that feels? How do you think Charlie felt when he heard that?"

"Would you like me to come and explain myself to Charlie?"

"No! He says you're banned from the house, so please don't come over. I don't want him trying to shoot you." So maybe I was exaggerating a bit, but I really, really, didn't want to see Edward right now. Partly because I was afraid that if he smiled my favourite smile, I'd give in and take him back without even talking things through. And partly because I was afraid of breaking my hand when I punched him in the face.

"Fine. I'll stay away. How was your day?"

Was he trying to make an effort and be friends like I'd asked him to? "It wasn't too bad. I talked Jessica into telling people what really happened, sort of." Why was I lying? The whole day had been hell, but I didn't want Edward to comfort me. I wanted someone else.

"That's good. Are you sure you're ok to meet the Denali's tomorrow? You don't have to meet them if you'd rather not."

"Yes Edward. I'm looking forward to it, what time do you want me to come over?" Why couldn't he just trust me to know what I wanted to do, and do it?

"Nine? Would that suit you?" He asked eagerly.

"Perfect. I have to go and make Charlie's dinner. Goodnight Edward."

"Goodnight Bella. I love you." He didn't wait to see if I would say it back, he just hung up.

I'd lied enough to Charlie recently, I didn't want to have to do it again so I wrote him a note, telling him that school had been fine, but that I was ill. I'd put it on the table with the note the nurse had given me and tin of soup that even Charlie couldn't get wrong.

He checked on me three times, and each time I pretended to be asleep, when in reality, I was awake until 4:00am.

__________________________________________

I broke my alarm clock when it woke me up at seven. It was a pity I'd knocked it to the floor, I'd have preferred to attack it with a hammer, or at least a shoe. Scowling at the sunshine I dragged my weary body to the bathroom and tried not to fall asleep in the shower.

Why did I get so little sleep the day before I had to meet the Denali's? I wanted them to like me, not think I was some sort of half dead animal, which is what I felt like at the moment. It was my mounting nerves that really woke me up in the end.

Although I hadn't shared my thoughts with anyone else, I was quite convinced that I did have some sort of shield, which was fine. What worried me was that I might not be using it to protect Edward too. What would he think if they found out that I was subconsciously protecting Jasper, but not the man who was supposed to be my mate?

Hopefully, I was protecting Edward, but I had a feeling that I wouldn't be. As far as I was concerned, Edward didn't need protecting from anything.

I took a long time choosing my clothes, wanting to make a good impression. The people I would meet today might one day be part of my extended family, and I knew the Cullen's loved them, I really wanted them to like me.

In the end I chose my best jeans that had been a gift from Alice and my favourite blue shirt. I looked good, or good enough at least.

On the dining room table I found a note from Charlie, telling me he'd be home late and to call if I needed anything. Beneath it was long white shoe box, tied with string, bearing my name and address. The handwriting looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place it.

I opened the box eagerly and found a beautiful pair black leather boots, much like Jasper's but in my own size. I didn't even need to read the note to know who'd sent them, but I did anyway.

_Don't even think about sending them back, you don't know where I am so you can't do it. Think of them as a thank you for looking after him, I can see you're doing a good job. I know you're still angry with me, but I want you to know that I miss you all very much and I wish I could see you in the flesh. Don't worry about today, it will go well and they _will_ like you._

_Lots of love, Alice x x x_

_P.S. Wear a skirt on Saturday. I'll know if you don't._

If the boots hadn't been quite so perfect, and exactly what I needed for Angela's party, I probably would have thrown them away. Instead, I found myself starting to forgive Alice. She really did care about Jasper, and I could see why she'd left the way she had, but it was difficult to imagine why anyone would want to leave him at all. Even if there might have been something better out there.

I tried them on, unable to resist and they fit perfectly. I might even be able to walk around in them without falling as the heel was fairly small and sturdy. I walked about the kitchen in them for a few minutes and decided to keep them on. I needed the practice.

I really wanted to call Alice and thank her, but I was worried that I'd get angry, or upset, and I didn't want to go to the Cullen's in a bad mood.

There wasn't really anything good in for breakfast, but I knew I still had half a box of lucky charms left if Emmett hadn't eaten them, so I decided I'd grab something to eat when I got there.

Praying Charlie wouldn't decide to drop by at some point today, I grabbed my keys and headed out to find Edward parked at the curb in the Volvo.

There was no trace of the usual thrill his presence sent through me. Only a sort of resignation. Like this was nothing more than a boring part of the day that had to be got through. It made me sad. Was there really nothing left?

He climbed out to open the passenger door for me, and I felt my hackles rise. "I could have driven over myself." I snapped.

He looked upset. "I thought it might look suspicious if your truck wasn't in the driveway. I'm sorry for being so presumptuous." He said quietly.

I felt guilty for hurting him again, and for misinterpreting what was actually a good idea. "No, I'm sorry. Thank you for thinking of it."

He smiled at me then, making me feel worse. I tried to think of some safe topic of conversation and came up empty. What did you say to someone whose heart you were breaking?

"I was wondering." Edward said into the hideous silence. "If you would allow me the pleasure of escorting you to the party on Saturday."

His question hung so heavily in the air, it may as well have been solid. The week I'd asked for wouldn't be up then, but he was clearly trying. Maybe it would be a good idea to give him a chance, to give us one last chance.

"Ok." I said eventually. "I'd like that."

I found I did like the idea of a night with Edward, especially if he kept trying to keep himself in check. Maybe it would re-spark whatever flame had gone out in me. I couldn't imagine my life without him in it, but I didn't want a relationship like the one we'd had recently.

The rest of ride passed in comfortable silence, Edward smiling over at me every so often. I saw him look at my hand a few times, but I was glad he didn't take it. I didn't want to jump right back into being a couple before we'd talked through everything.

Esme was arranging flowers in the kitchen when I got there. She smiled at me as I helped myself to cereal and milk. There was suspiciously less in the box than there should have been and I laughed to myself wondering if Emmett had liked them.

I ate my breakfast at the counter, worrying the whole time about why Jasper hadn't come down to see me yet. I wanted to go and find him so much I felt sick. Esme must have noticed me looking at the stairs far too often.

"He's hunting, but he'll be back soon." She told me. I didn't like the knowing look on her face. I hated being so easy to read.

Edward was playing my lullaby in the living room, and the sound soothed my frayed nerves. "When will they be here?" I asked Esme as I washed up my bowl and spoon.

"About an hour I think. Don't worry so much, they're good people." She smiled, putting an arm around me. "They've been vegetarians even longer than us, there's nothing to be afraid of."

"That's not what I'm worried about." I muttered. "I just want to make a good impression, meeting new people always makes me nervous."

Esme laughed and pushed a vase and some flowers over to me to distract me. It didn't work very well. I started glancing at the door every few seconds instead of the stairs. I thought about Jasper's message. He said he'd miss me every second, had he? I'd certainly missed him.

Two strong familiar arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I wasn't surprised I'd missed him coming in at all. I relaxed against him for a second, before turning in his embrace to hug him back. Nothing made me feel as safe and warm as his arms. I could meet all the vampires in the world right now without even flinching.

"I'm coming for dinner on Monday then?" He asked the top of my head.

"You are?" I asked, bewildered. It took me a moment to link up what he'd just said with what Charlie had said last night. "How are we going to get around that?"

He shrugged. "Eating human food won't hurt me. I'll just have to grin and bear it."

I pulled back, just enough to smile up at him. "You'd do that for me?"

"Anything." He whispered hoarsely, his voice made me all hot on the inside and I knew I was blushing, so I laid my cheek against his cool chest.

One word from my best friend shouldn't make me feel like this. It shouldn't make me want to kiss him so much. _Where the hell had that come from?_ My thoughts and feelings were all over the place today, I obviously wasn't thinking straight. I desperately hoped he hadn't caught my feelings before I'd snapped out of it. He was still holding me, surely that was a good sign. He'd probably have run a mile if he thought I was thinking about him that way.

"Where's Emmett? He can tell us what tastes the least bad." I need to take my mind off him for a while, before my feelings slipped and he noticed.

"He's in the garage washing his car. I've just seen him though, and I should warn you that if we go out there you may well be scarred for life." Jasper laughed releasing me much too soon for my liking.

"Is Rosalie 'helping' him?" I asked shuddering, that was something I could live without seeing, hearing it was bad enough.

"No, it's not that bad, come on, but be quiet, we'll spoil it if he hears us coming." His voice lowered to a whisper as he took my hand. I focused on Emmett to stop myself thinking about the way Jasper's hand felt in mine.

The garage door was open and as we neared it, I could hear Emmett singing over the top of the radio.

"_... If there was a problem yo I solve it,_

_Check out the hook while DJ revolves it._

_Ice, Ice Baby_

_Ice Ice Baby"_

I peeked inside biting down on my lip. He was standing in nothing but a pair of ragged old jeans, pumping his hips in time with the music as he waxed the hood of the jeep. I lasted all of five seconds before I literally fell to the floor laughing.

Tears blurred my vision as Emmett turned round to glare at us. I wanted to tease him but I couldn't even breathe for the first two minutes.

"I never had... you down... as a... Vanilla Ice fan." I gasped, as Jasper helped me up. "That... was the best thing... I've ever... seen."

Emmett grinned and ran his hands down his chest. "What can I say? This body is a masterpiece."

I snorted and broke into another round of giggles, feeling Jasper shaking with his own laughter behind me. "You can laugh." Emmett said. "But you know you want this body."

"Your right." I laughed. "You're irresistible."

He pouted at my obvious sarcasm. "At least I'm not clumsy." He stuck his tongue out like a five year old.

I immediately came up with a witty retort. "I'm not clumsy." I really needed to work on my come backs.

"I'm sorry. I meant to say vertically challenged." He said seriously.

"What's that Emmett? I think there's a scratch there." I said pointing over his shoulder at the Jeep. He whipped around horrified, just as I knew he would, giving me the perfect opportunity to get him back for his comment.

On the ground beside me was a bucked full of dirty, soapy water, with a huge sponge soaking in it. Grinning, I picked it up and threw it at the back of his head. By some miracle it hit its mark, landing with a delicious squelch and dripping straight down his back.

"You little-" he growled turning back to face me. Jasper scooped my onto his back and we ran out into the yard, Emmett in hot pursuit. Carrying a spurting hose pipe.

Emmett was fast, but the water wasn't coming out quickly enough to reach me before Jasper ran us away from him. He chased us around the garden, all of us laughing. Eventually he got sick of missing us and tackled us to the ground and turned the hose on us.

I screamed as the icy water hit me for the first time, unable to move. Emmet was holding Jasper down with one hand, and I was stuck half underneath him. The boys wrestled for the hose, only making all of us wetter, when suddenly, the water stopped running.

Emmett stared down at the flaccid pipe, looking comically stupid.

Slowly, we all turned to look towards the tap on the outside of the garage. Esme was standing next to it with her hands on her hips, trying, and failing to look cross. Next to her were four unfamiliar, laughing vampires. I gulped. So much for making a good impression. How long had they been watching our impromptu water fight?

Emmett got off us looking guilty and dropping the hose. He pointed straight down at me, and said "She started it."

My face was on fire as Jasper and I untangled ourselves and stood up. I was soaked from the top of my head to me knees, covered in grass stains, and the boys hadn't fared much better.

Edward glided out of the house towards us and handed me a towel, sparing a quick glare for Emmett and Jasper. "Thanks." I whispered, drying my hands and face. The rest of me wasn't really salvageable.

Esme and the others walked towards us, all of them smiling, and my nerves kicked up a notch. Jasper's wave of calm had never been more welcome. All four of them were of course, ridiculously beautiful, making me feel even worse, knowing how I looked right now.

I took a little comfort in the fact that they weren't dressed as well as the Cullen's, their clothes were far more average, probably because they didn't have Alice to pick them out. Esme gave me a warm smile before she introduced me.

"This is Bella, my newest daughter." She said, I was touched that she'd called me her daughter. "This is Tanya." A beautiful woman with flowing strawberry blonde hair stepped forward and held out her hand.

I wiped my hands furiously on the towel to make sure they were dry and took her icy hand in mine. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you." Her voice was as melodic as I'd come to expect, with a trace of an accent I couldn't place.

Eleazer and Carmen were introduced next, equally beautiful but in a different way. Carmen kissed my cheek and smiled in greeting, while her mate only frowned at me. Already one of them definitely didn't like me.

"Hi. I'm Kate." The youngest looking of them said, pulling me into a hug and getting herself soaked. She didn't seem to notice. "We're going to be friends. I can tell." She grinned. She reminded me of Emmett for some reason, though she looked nothing like him with her pale blonde hair and delicate features. I liked her already.

Eleazer was still looking at me oddly, his eyes flicking to Jasper every few seconds. I wished he'd say something. Esme must have noticed my discomfort and came to my rescue. "Why don't you all go and get cleaned up." She said pointing at the three of us.

We trudged into the house, Emmett poking me in the back all the way. "Have you learnt you lesson yet? Have you? No one messes with this and gets away with it."

I elbowed him in the ribs, probably bruising myself but it was worth it. "Nope." I grinned over my shoulder. "You don't scare me."

"I'll get you lil sis, and you won't be laughing then. Just you wait." I dreaded to think what sort of pranks someone with Emmett's talents, and money could pull. I'd just have to be careful for a good while if the mischievous smirk on his face was anything to go by.

In Edwards's room I rummaged around for something to wear and found that I had plenty of underwear and pyjamas but nothing I could change into to go downstairs. Frustrated I settled for wearing one of Edward's pristine t-shirts and hoping my jeans would dry quickly.

I was rubbing them down with the towel hoping to speed the process when Rosalie came in. "Esme said you might not have anything to wear." She said, not quite looking at me and holding out a pair of black jeans.

"Erm... thanks." I mumbled. That might well have been the first time she'd ever spoken directly to me.

She shrugged, tossed the jeans onto the couch and left before I had time to say anything more articulate. I changed out of my wet clothes quickly and shuffled downstairs. The last thing I wanted was to fall over in front of them after they'd already seen me looking such a mess.

All the women were clustered around the sofa chatting, apart from Tanya, who was standing at the piano watching Edward play. He looked faintly irritated, and I wondered why.

Carlisle and Eleazer were talking too lowly for me to hear in the corner and Jasper and Emmett had yet to reappear.

I hovered at the bottom of the stairs, unsure what to do. I didn't want to interrupt anyone. Kate called me over to them and patted the empty seat beside her. I took it gratefully, and tried to smile back at everyone without looking as uncomfortable as I felt.

I made an extra effort for Rosalie, and actually got a nod in return. She must have had a really good time with Emmett. Either that or Esme had gotten to her.

The girls were planning a trip to the cinema the following night. "It must be five years since that last time I ventured into a cinema." Carmen grinned. "It will be such fun."

"You'll come right, Bella?" Kate asked nudging me with her elbow.

Would I be intruding? Kate was probably only asking to be polite anyway. If there was one person I could rely on not to sugar coat things, it was Rosalie. I chanced a glance at her, and to my complete surprise, she gave me a smile. It was so small I might have imagined it. I probably had, but I hoped it had been real, because I wanted to get to know them all better.

"I think so, I'll have to check with Charlie first." I told Kate.

"Charlie?" Carmen said frowning. "I thought Edward was your mate."

Rosalie, Esme and I couldn't help but giggle. "Charlie's my dad." I laughed.

"Your Dad?" Kate said the word as if she'd never heard it before, which I suppose wasn't surprising. Vampires didn't really have dads, not anymore anyway. "We have to meet your dad."

Esme took charge of the situation. "We can pick Bella up tomorrow night and you can say a quick hello. He doesn't know what we are." She warned.

Emmett thundered down the stairs after Jasper, turning our attention away from the conversation. "C'mon Jazz, it'd be funny and you know it. You're not scared of her are you?" He teased. I wondered who he was supposedly scared of.

"I'm not getting involved." Jasper said shaking his head. "That's the stupidest idea you've ever come up with, and she'd never speak to either of us again."

I had an awful suspicion that Emmett was trying to get Jasper to help him prank me. I thanked my lucky stars Jasper was staying out of it. Maybe I could bring him over to my side. I chuckled to myself deciding I could get Emmett before he got me if I had a little help.

"You know you want to." Emmett said. "Can you imagine the look on her face?" He was laughing now, and my stomach twisted at the look on Jaspers face, he looked like he was in pain, it must be something pretty bad. But Emmett obviously couldn't do it without Jasper's help, so I was safe for now.

"Don't you dare." Edward growled shooting from the piano to stand behind me in one inhumanly graceful stride.

Emmett looked at Edward, then me, like a child who'd been caught doing something he shouldn't.

"What?" I asked. "What was he going to do?" No one answered me. I expected as much from Edward and Emmett, but was a bit hurt that Jasper didn't tell me.

I folded my arms across my chest, annoyed. I'd get it out of one of them later.

Eleazer and Carlisle joined us, the room seemed too crowded. Ten vampires, and all of them looking at me. I wriggled further back into the seat, hoping I could somehow escape their attention.

No one spoke for the longest time, then Eleazer finally broke the silence. "How are you doing it?"

It took me a moment to realise he was speaking to me. "How am I doing what?" I asked.

"You are blocking me. It's not something that's ever happened before. How are you doing it?"

"I'm not doing it on purpose." I said. "I'm not doing anything."

"Jasper too. I have felt his gifts before, but now they're out of my reach. All I can feel is the link between you, which, I assume, is your shield. I've never encountered such a strong shield, and never found one in a human before." He was still looking at me like I was an exhibit in a museum, and one he couldn't understand. I didn't like it. "Aro would love to add you to his collection. I have a feeling your powers of protection would be much stronger as a vampire."

_Powers of protection._ I liked the sound of that. "Aro?" I said, thinking, the name tugged at my memory. Well whoever he was, he wasn't going to be adding me to his collection.

Again, nobody answered my question, but several of them looked upset for some reason, I'd have to ask Jasper to explain it later.

"My turn." Kate said, smiling again.

"Jasper first, if you wouldn't mind Kate." Carlisle said. Again I was left wondering what was going on. Jasper didn't look particularly happy.

I watched Kate walk up to him and hold out her hand, I sat up straighter to get a better view of what was going to happen. Hesitantly, Jasper reached out and took her hand, then relaxed. "Nothing?" Kate frowned.

"Nothing." Jasper confirmed.

"What was supposed to happen?" I asked, I hated being the only one who didn't know what was going on.

"I can produce a sort of electric current, and use it to shock people. The jolt I've just given Jasper should have knocked him to the ground." She seemed a bit disappointed that it hadn't. "Your turn now."

"What? You want to shock me?" I really didn't like the sound of that.

"Just a little one, more of a tickle really." She laughed. "If it hasn't worked on Jasper, it's not going to work on you anyway. Don't worry about it."

This time, she held her hand out to me. Jaspers confident smile made me take it. He wouldn't want me to do anything that would hurt me, and there was no chance Edward would let me.

I felt nothing but her smooth cool skin. Had she done it yet? Everyone was looking at us expectantly, from Kate's expression I could tell she was trying.

"Maybe if you do a more powerful one it will work." I offered. I had no idea why I was encouraging her to hurt me. All the attention had probably made me a little crazy.

She smiled guiltily up at me. "I already was. I can't do it any stronger than this. You really can't feel anything?"

"Sorry." I smiled, not very sorry at all.

There was no more talk of gifts after that, and I assumed that Emmett's theory had been proved. I was a shield, or I had one at least. How good was that?

I spent the next few hours getting to know the Denali clan better. Eleazer seemed to have warmed up since he'd figured me out, but he still kept giving me funny looks every so often. It reminded me of when Edward and I had first started talking, and I knew it probably bothered him that he couldn't read me in his own way.

By the time Edward drove me home at three I was really looking forward to going on a girl's night out as Esme had called it. The only one of the Denali's that I hadn't spoken to much was Tanya, mainly because she'd spent the day hovering around Edward.

I had a sneaking suspicion she liked him as more than just a friend, and was surprised to find I felt no jealousy, or any need to show her he was mine.

When I got home I made sure to make it look like I'd been in bed for most of the day, and then finished off my homework. Tomorrow I'd be back at school with everyone else.

Before I went to bed that night I was careful to check around my room for any signs of Emmett's pranks. He might need Jasper for whatever he was planning earlier, but that didn't mean he wouldn't do anything else.

As I lay in my bed I tried to remember all my unanswered questions. Tomorrow I wanted answers.

_______________________________________

**An: I know the end's a bit rushed, but I was literally sick to death of this chapter, and I can't wait to get on with the next one. I promise, promise, promise, the party will be in the next chapter, so please don't kill me. This one just got too long.**

**If you don't kill me, I have humour, cheesy-lovey-dovey stuff, and drama coming up.**

**Review! (Pretty please?)**


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**An: Sorry! You can stop sending death threats now, here it is! Thanks to all my lovely reviewers and to my brand new Beta – **_**ladyofkeegan**_

Chapter Fifteen

I got in from school, tossed my bags and skipped into the shower. I had three and a half hours until the girls came to pick me up, but I wanted to have time to do something with my hair and get something to eat before they arrived.

Blindly, I reached out for my shampoo, and almost gagged when I opened it. The smell of bleach was so strong I had to wipe the water out of my eyes to see if I'd somehow picked up the wrong bottle. No, this was definitely the right one. I sniffed it again, and recoiled my eye's watering. When had Emmett snuck in to do this, and did he think humans had no sense of smell? This was pretty pathetic; I'd expected more from him.

At least it was better than what he'd been planning yesterday. Jasper had unwillingly explained the plan to me in art. My face burned as I remembered the conversation.

Emmett had wanted Jasper to use his talents to make me think I was falling for Carlisle! And while he was undeniably gorgeous, he was also the man who was becoming like a second father to me. I can't even imagine how horrified I would have been if I'd started getting lusty feelings for him.

Jasper told me Emmett had asked him to 'turn on the lust' every time I was talking to Carlisle. I was just thankful Jasper had a better grasp of what constituted a prank, and what was just plain cruel. Emmett was going to get it now, and I had persuaded Jasper that it would be in his best interests to help me.

All I had to do was think of something good enough. I wondered what would happen if I could somehow trick him into beaching his hair. Would it work? Would he be stuck with it forever? The thought made me smile, but I knew I'd never do anything that permanent to him.

During Art, where we were far enough away from the rest of the class not to be overheard, I had asked Jasper why the name Aro had sounded so familiar, and he'd retold me some of Carlisle's story. Jasper had explained about the Volturi, and I had been fascinated until he'd mentioned that they were officially breaking vampire 'law' by allowing me to know about them, and worse, letting me live.

He's assured me that there was no chance of the Volturi finding out anything about me, and that I was perfectly safe. I knew Edward wouldn't like that he'd told me, he constantly edited, or even withheld the truth to spare my feelings, and I hated that.

Tomorrow night would be a sort of date night for us, and with the way I was feeling, it would probably be the last. Two huge things were pointing me towards breaking things off with Edward for good. The first was that I was almost certain I'd fallen out of love with him, which was painful to think about. I'd thought he was my forever.

The second was possibly more troubling. I was starting to think about Jasper in a distinctly more than a just friend way with alarming frequency. I'd always known he was attractive, all vampires were, but that day in the garden, with the sun streaming down on him, I'd realised he was truly beautiful. Even more so than Edward.

Things had gotten more worrying yesterday when I'd wanted to kiss him, the feeling had come out of nowhere. Today, as he'd spoken of Emmett's pranks, I'd privately thought that he didn't need to use his powers to make me feel that way. His very presence did the job well enough. I was struggling to hide my feelings from him. Luckily, all I had to do was think of Emmett singing and I'd be distracted enough to get myself under control.

It would pass. It would have to; he was still deeply in love with Alice. And even if he wasn't, what could he possibly ever see in me after he'd been with someone as beautiful and bright as her? I needed to stop thinking about it. I was still with Edward right now, and thinking about someone else, his brother no less, wasn't fair to him.

I snapped myself away from my unproductive thoughts as I found an unopened bottle of shampoo and finished my shower.

Wrapped in my towel, a memory floated through my mind. This was getting ridiculous; my feelings for Jasper were messing with my memories, turning them around to suit me. I thought of the night Alice had left, after I'd stepped into Edward's room and Jasper had wrapped his cool hard body around my soft warm one. At the time, I'd felt embarrassed to be so exposed, I'd been horrified to find myself in his arms in only a towel, and his kiss had made me feel worse. Now, thinking of the way his lips had brushed against my neck sent a shiver of pleasure down my spine. Unbidden, my mind carried on the scene past its natural conclusion. What would have happened if Esme hadn't been there, if I'd turned around, if he'd kissed along my neck instead of just that one kiss? If I'd wanted him then as much as I did now?

"Stop it." I said to myself. There was no point in thinking things like that. I took my time drying my hair, resolutely refusing to think about Jasper in any way. Although I was pretty much thinking about him constantly, if only by trying not to think about him. I was driving myself mad.

Downstairs I rushed through making dinner and setting up a plate for Charlie to reheat later. Thankfully, I was starting to get excited about going out, so I didn't have much time to think about anything I shouldn't be.

I still had an hour left until Esme would pick me up, so after checking myself over in the mirror one last time, I started on my homework. That turned out to be more difficult than I'd thought. Jasper was in my English class. He sat at the desk in front of Edward and I, and I'd spent most of today's lesson staring at the back of his head and trying not to imagine what it would be like to run my fingers through his hair.

I don't think I'd caught more than two words of what the teacher said, or what Edward had said to me for that matter. Cursing myself, I did the best I could, knowing it would look bad if I had to ask Edward or Jasper what had happened in class.

I heard Charlie coming in and debated going to talk to him, but decided against it. He was still looking at me suspiciously every so often, and I didn't feel like getting into another conversation about safe sex. I even blushed at the memory of it.

I heard the purr of a car pulling up at the curb outside the house and looked out of the window expecting to see one of Charlie's friends, or possibly Edward, and was surprised to see the Denali's, Rosalie and Esme stepping out of Carlisle's Mercedes. They were half an hour early, but I was glad of the distraction. There was no telling what Jasper related scenarios I might have come up with if I'd been left alone much longer.

I ran the brush through my hair, put on my new boots and made my way downstairs just in time to see Charlie opening the door. I stood back to see how he'd cope with the five beautiful women waiting on the other side.

Esme came in first, saying a quick hello and immediately started tidying up a pile of magazines. Even away from home she couldn't help being a mother it seemed. Rosalie was next, giving him a quick smile before gliding away into the living room, I wondered what she would make of our house, and it wasn't exactly anything like the luxury she was used to. Charlie was already looking pretty awed by this point, when Carmen walked in. She hugged him quickly, introduced herself and swept past him, leaving him dazzled. I couldn't help the little giggle that escaped at the look on his face. Kate and Tanya each took one of his arms as they walked in, taking him with them into the living room where everyone else had already found seats. I followed them in, eager to see how Charlie was doing.

I went to stand by Esme and Carmen who were smiling across at Charlie like he was a little boy. He was grinning stupidly at nothing while the other Denali's tried to question him about his job. I'd never seen him like this; maybe all that vampire charm at once was just too much for him. I watched Charlie snap out of his daze and try to compose himself. I wondered if he'd even noticed that no one but Carmen had told him their names, or if he even cared. For their part, Tanya and Kate seemed as fascinated by him as he was them.

Rosalie was sitting alone looking out of the window and I decided to make an effort to talk to her. She'd been, not nice exactly, but at least less hostile yesterday. I walked towards her slowly, trying to gage her reaction to me, if she looked like she didn't want to be bothered I could just change direction and talk to Esme and Carmen instead. She sat up a little straighter in her chair as I approached, but didn't acknowledge me, I wasn't sure if that meant she didn't want to talk to me or not, so I sat in the window seat beside her. It took me a moment to think of anything to say that wouldn't sound stupid.

"Why are you here early? Didn't we agree to meet at seven?" I asked quietly, belatedly realising that it was the first time I'd ever spoken to her other than to say thanks yesterday. I felt like I should have introduced myself, despite the fact that she was well aware of whom I was.

Slowly, she turned to face me. "Tanya and Kate were particularly eager to meet Charlie." She told me.

"Why?" I could do this whole conversation thing, it wasn't that hard. For some reason, I was still desperate for Rosalie to like me.

"They love men." She said bluntly. "And they have a certain fondness for humans."

I looked at the way they were fawning over Charlie with a whole new perspective. "Oh gross. That's my dad." Could I have sounded more like a six year old? I doubted it, but still, it was Charlie for god's sake. Icky.

I stood up quickly. "Maybe we should go." I said. "It's getting pretty late." It wasn't even seven yet, but it was worth a try.

"We don't want to get stuck with bad seats." Rosalie offered, standing beside me. I would forever be indebted to her for that statement.

Esme and Carmen said quick goodbyes to Charlie, Esme promising to drop me off before midnight, while Tanya and Kate took a little longer, each of them kissing his cheeks and promising to visit again next time they were in town.

I really hoped they wouldn't be in town for a while. "Bye Dad!" I shouted, following the others out of the room. He stayed on the sofa looking mildly confused, and I made a mental note to bring up this night if he ever decided to ask me about my love life again.

"Sorry." Kate said once I was squashed between her and Rosalie in the car. "The look on your face was priceless, we couldn't help it. Anyway, it was Emmett that told us we should pay special attention to your dad."

"I'll get him." I grumbled. "He put bleach in my shampoo today, but he used so much it was obvious, and if it hadn't been, it probably would have dissolved my hair. He's not getting away with putting you up to this too."

"He put bleach in your shampoo?" Rosalie screeched. "That's just….. I don't even have a word for that. He knows never to mess with a woman's hair. I've told him time and time again, there are some things you just don't mess with. I was going to let him dress himself tomorrow, but he can forget it now."

I giggled remembering the picture of him I had at home and wondering what humiliating creation Rosalie would put him in.

"You're coming to the party then?" I asked.

"Yes, I'm 'back from college for the weekend' if anyone asks." I was still having trouble believing Rosalie was actually talking to me, but I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

"What are you coming as?"

"Aphrodite." She smiled. "What are you wearing?"

"I think I'm going to go as a cowgirl so I can wear Jasper's hat. I've been looking for an excuse since the first time I saw it." I told her.

Rosalie frowned. "I don't think Jasper will let you borrow his hat. He's had it since before he met Alice, and he's quite proud of it."

"He gave it to me three weeks ago." I told her, confused. "Maybe you're thinking of a different hat, this one's a black Stetson with blue stitching on the inside."

"That's the one. He gave it to you? I asked if I could borrow it once and he wouldn't let me, even after I offered to fix up his bike." She pouted. "He gave it to you, for nothing?"

"Actually, I kind of stole it at first but he took it back and made me trade something for it. I gave him that bracelet." I explained. "If it really means that much to him I'll give it back. He didn't tell me it was special."

"He must want you to have it; he wouldn't have given it to you if he didn't. He's not that kind of person." She said grudgingly. "And he does seem to like what you gave him; I haven't seen him without it since he first put it on."

I noticed that everyone in the car was looking at us. Esme was beaming at Rosalie, the other's just looked curious. Carmen seemed especially interested in our conversation, I couldn't see why; we were only talking about a hat after all.

On the way into Port Angeles, Tanya and Kate took great pleasure in telling me about their lives in Alaska, including their contribution to the Succubus myth. They seemed to enjoy the life they had created for themselves more than the Cullen's in some ways. Most of the Cullen's hated what they were, but Kate and Tanya gave me the impression that they loved their life and the freedom it gave them.

I didn't bother to ask what we were going to see until we got into the cinema and I went to get the tickets with Esme. There was a double billing, a movie that had been released years ago called Save the Last Dance, followed by a new one, PS, I Love You, that I'd wanted to see for ages.

The cinema was quite full, so it was lucky we'd come early. We managed to get six seats near the back through a lot of smiling on Rosalie's part. It's amazing how quickly she can get guys to do whatever she wants. I'm sure it came in handy all the time.

I was between Kate and Carmen, and while Kate was busy leaning over the seat in front of her to chat to a guy who had no idea what hit him, Carmen started to talk to me. "You and Jasper are quite close?"

Me and Jasper, close? I wished. I swallowed down the real answer. "We're good friends, yes. I suppose we're quite close." Not close enough though, my mind added.

She nodded thoughtfully. "Why do you think you're shielding him?"

"I don't know. I know I've felt quite protective of him since Alice left, it's probably just that." Though we were speaking in whispers, I was acutely aware that the others could hear us, and I didn't want to slip up and reveal how deeply I felt for Jasper.

The first movie was starting, and Carmen didn't speak to me again. I found myself watching Rosalie as often as the movie; she was very into it, occasionally muttering under her breath about it. It took a while for me to decipher her low admonishments, but eventually I realised she was complaining about the way the main character was dancing, and she seemed to know what she was talking about.

Did she actually like ballet, or was it just something she knew about? If she liked it, maybe she would come to see Swan Lake with me. I didn't want to go with Edward, and spending that much time sitting next to Jasper in the dark seemed like a bad idea with how I was feeling. Rosalie would be perfect.

At the interval between the two films I excused myself to go the bathroom, and when I got back I found that Rosalie had bought me popcorn and a drink. It actually left me speechless.

We all cried during the second movie, well ok, only I actually cried, but I could tell the others felt the same. For a while I forgot there was anything different about us. We were just six girls enjoying a night away from our partners.

Kate decided she wouldn't be travelling back with us, as she'd found herself a new 'friend'.

"So." Tanya said on the way home. "You and Edward? I never thought I'd see him settling down."

Her question made me uncomfortable, because there wasn't much of a 'me and Edward' anymore, but I couldn't say that before I'd spoken to him about it. I was also feeling quite sorry for Tanya, she looked so sad when she spoke about him, making me think she might have stronger feelings for him than I'd guessed.

"Yeah." I said eventually, not knowing what else to say.

"How long have you been together then?"

"Six months." Was that really all it had been?

"When is he going to change you? I can't wait to see what you're like." She shot another question at me.

The whole car became silent as they waited for my answer. "He's not. He wants me to stay human."

Tanya and Carmen both looked shocked. "What do you want though?" Carmen asked.

"I want to be a vampire." The words sounded stupid even in my head, but it didn't make them any less true.

"I could probably do it." Tanya offered. "Then again, I might kill you by accident; it's been a very long time since I tasted human."

"Erm, maybe not then." I laughed off the comment, hoping she would stop asking me about Edward.

"Tomorrow would you like to get ready for the party together, Bella?" Rosalie asked, once again saving me from an uncomfortable moment.

"Really?" I sounded far too hopeful for my liking, but I couldn't believe she meant what she was saying.

She half smiled. "Yes really. Could you come over at about four?"

I nodded, too surprised to speak. Was she actually starting to like me? I supposed I'd find out tomorrow.

______________________________________

I can't believe it; Rosalie Hale is sitting behind me, curling my hair. I think she's had a personality transplant. I didn't even get chance to say hello to Jasper before she whisked me off upstairs. She might actually be worse than Alice.

"All done. What do you think?" She smiled at me in the mirror. My hair had been pulled into two low bunches, and the ends were curly. It looked good, and it wouldn't get in the way of my hat.

"I love it." I grinned. "Thank you."

"Get dressed; I want to see everything on together before I do your make up." She said, starting on her own hair. By the time I'd finished getting ready she had a cascade of perfect golden curls tumbling down her back.

She ran a critical eye over my outfit. I was wearing a blue and white checked short-sleeved shirt and jeans along with my new boots and Jasper's hat.

"Alice said you had no idea." She muttered. "You have to make the most of what you've got, this is a costume party, and you're supposed to go a bit wild. Give me that shirt."

Rosalie wasn't the sort of person you argued with, so I quickly complied with her request and watched in horror as she ripped off the bottom half of the shirt off.

"Right, put it back on, but tie the bottom together and leave the top few buttons open." Again I did as she asked, but didn't dare look in the mirror, knowing I'd hate the fact that my stomach was totally exposed.

I sat on the bed tugging on the bottom of the shirt in a pointless effort to make it longer as Rosalie dressed. I was pleased to find her outfit was more revealing than mine…..she really did look like she could be the Goddess of Love. The top half of her dress was an ornately embroidered corset in palest pink, and the skirt, which swirled around her ankles when she moved, was layers of pink and white tulle, open at the sides.

I wished I could pull off something like that. She admired herself in the mirror for a few seconds then disappeared back into her closet. When she came back out she handed me a thick black belt.

I was alarmed to realise that it was really an incredibly short leather skirt. "No way!" I said flatly.

"Oh, come on Bella, you've got good legs, you should show them off." She pouted.

"Not a chance." Was she actually trying to make me look stupid?

"Bella, the whole idea of costumes is that you get to be someone else for the night, and tonight, you're going to be a sexy cowgirl."

She'd already made me show off half my stomach, wasn't that enough? "My legs are too pale." I tried.

She glared. "You've got a healthy tan compared to me." That made me feel a bit guilty. She followed it up with another comment that I was sure she knew would make me feel worse. "You always used to wear whatever Alice asked you to."

"Fine. I'll _try_ it." I grumbled, changing yet again.

"Perfect." Rose grinned, clapping her hands together.

Warily, I walked over to the mirror. It wasn't as bad as I'd thought it would be. Provided I ignored the fact that if I bent over, anyone behind me would get an eyeful. "Edward won't be able to keep his hands off you." Rosalie said.

I doubted he'd have any trouble restraining himself. I was the one with wandering hands.

She started on my make-up, and I was extremely pleased to notice she used much less than Alice would have. "Rose?"

"Hmm?"

Since last night I'd been thinking about the ballet, and this seemed as good a time as any to ask. If she didn't want to go, she'd just tell me, it wouldn't be the end of the world. And if she agreed, we'd be further along the path to being friends.

"Would you like to come to the ballet with me next week?"

Her hands never stilled as she looked at me critically. "Why are you asking me? I thought you would have wanted to go with Edward."

"Last night, you seemed like you were interested in dancing, and I thought... well I thought it would be a good way for us to get to know each other better."

She smiled. "I'd love to go. We'll take the Vanquish if you can persuade Edward to let us."

I didn't tell her that I wouldn't be asking Edward for any favours any time soon.

Emmett strolled into the room, looked me up and down, grinned, and then gagged. I wrapped my arms around my middle and blushed. I knew I looked bad, but I hadn't thought it was that awful. "Thanks Emmett." I muttered as Rosalie slapped him over the head.

"Well done you big lug. She was self conscious enough already." She growled.

"You don't understand." He whined screwing his face up. "I thought she looked hot. I just thought my little sister looked hot. I need to bleach my eyes."

I flushed even more darkly as Rosalie slapped him again.

"What was _that_ for?" He groaned holding his head.

"You said she looked hot!" She screeched. "You haven't even complimented me yet!"

I felt sorry for Emmett, but I wasn't going to stick around, and I slipped out of the door while they were distracted. As I pulled it closed behind me, I heard a sharp gasp further down the hall and tore round to see what was wrong.

__________________________________

_Jasper_

An hour and a half of hellish YouTube clips, and I was finally sure I'd got everything right. I'd got the clothes right, my hair was as close to his style as I could make it, and I even had an opening line ready. I'd mostly persuaded myself that I wasn't dressed like this purely for Bella's benefit. Right.

With a bit of luck she would have forgotten even mentioning her crush on Spike to me; it had only been a passing comment after all. If she remembered, she'd probably think I was dressed as him to make her laugh. I'd examined my reasons carefully, and found that I was actively trying to make her like me. I'd obviously lost my mind, as there was no hope of that happening at all. Knowing it was hopeless didn't stop me from hoping though. That was the problem. There wasn't a single second of the day when I wasn't thinking about her. I could hear her now, chatting with Rosalie as they got ready, I could feel her eagerness to get close to her new friend.

I sat down on the bed, and stared at the walls that she'd painted, the paint she'd chosen. Draped over the back of a chair was a shirt she'd worn that still held the faintest traces of her scent. The book she'd bought for me sat open on the desk, and the flower she'd given me that first weekend had dried and sat in the windowsill. All around me were reminders of her presence in my life. Little things that told me I wasn't alone.

The thing I was holding onto most tightly, was that she was protecting me. At least, subconsciously, she cared about my well-being more than anyone else's. I was the only one she was shielding. I had worried that it might be because she found me too pathetic to take care of myself, and she had good reason to think that after the way I'd fallen apart after Alice left. But she couldn't really think that, as she'd turned to me for comfort when she was upset. She knew I would be able to help her.

There was one thing that I would hold on to for the rest of my life. Even before she'd asked Edward for a break, she'd risked their relationship to keep me safe. Edward had thought she'd found a human boy, and all she had to do to make things right between them, was to tell him the horrible truth that I had attacked her. But she hadn't, despite the strain it put on them, she'd kept it from _him_ to protect _me_.

Listening to Bella and Rosalie arguing about something in the other room, I grinned. Neither of them were actually angry, Rose was amused and Bella nervous. Jealousy flared when she asked Rose to the ballet. I wanted to go with her, though a part of me knew that sitting in the dark with her for hours would make it too easy to do something I shouldn't.

I had no right to feel this way, but I didn't care. Bella was... she was everything. And I wanted her. I scowled at my reflection in the mirror, annoyed at myself for dressing this way and irritated that I hadn't been able to convince myself not to pursue her.

I wouldn't tell her how I felt, in fact, I'd hide it from her as well as I could, but that didn't mean I wouldn't be trying to make her feel the same way. This was bad. I needed help! I was actually contemplating stealing my brother's girlfriend. What the hell was wrong with me?

I realized that I didn't even care. If there was the slimmest chance that Bella could ever think of me as more than a friend, I'd try. And if nothing happened, she wouldn't know anything about it, and I could keep her in my life. I'd just need to be careful not to scare her away.

The emotions in the room next door changed as Emmett entered. Bella become more nervous then there was a surge of lust followed quickly by disgust. Intrigued, I listened more carefully to their conversation, chuckling at Emmett's reaction to Bella.

It made me want to see her even more, I had a vague picture in my mind of what she was wearing from listening to her and Rose, but after Emmett's reaction I could hardly wait. I stepped out of the room and into the corridor.

I saw the boots first, then her long shapely legs rising up to meet that scrap of a skirt. The gentle curve of her waist, and the smooth soft skin on the small of her back beckoned me towards her, but I couldn't move. My desire for her skyrocketed and I sucked in air in an effort to calm myself down.

She must have heard, as she turned to face me, giving me the full effect. She saw me staring and tugged down her shirt, inadvertently giving me a better view between the buttons Rose had convinced her to open.

" 'Ello Luv." I drawled.

_________________________________________

_Bella_

I couldn't breathe….that husky voice……calling me Luv. He couldn't have worn anything worse.

I tried to find something to say, to stop gaping like a fish, to control myself, but it was impossible. I had a huge crush on him, and he'd made it worse by dressing like that. It wasn't even that he'd dressed as Spike; it was the way he looked altogether. That stupid, tight t-shirt, displaying his muscles, and the jeans, so low on his hips were so perfect.

I wanted him to take off the long leather duster so I could get a proper look at him. Actually, I wanted him to take off everything. Oh, god, now I was blushing. _Please let him think I'm embarrassed. Please don't let him feel what I'm feeling._

There had to be something wrong with me. People don't react this strongly to things like this. Why couldn't I stop staring? I was getting dizzy from lack of air and the burning heat inside me.

"If you two've finished ogling each other, maybe we could go down stairs?" Emmett laughed from somewhere behind me, snapping me out of my daze. "Edward's waiting."

How long had I stood gaping at him? I licked my suddenly dry lips and tried desperately to find a way of making light of the situation. He was coming towards me, and I was scared to death that I wouldn't be able to stop myself from touching him.

"You did you're research." I said. It was supposed to sound funny, teasing, but my voice came out all breathy. I had to think of something else quickly. Edward seemed like a good choice. He was waiting for me downstairs while I all but salivated over his brother. The guilt hit me full force, but I was grateful as it covered up my more unexplainable feelings.

He stepped closer, only a foot away from me. "You look..." His voice was as husky as mine had been, and for a fleeting moment I thought that I'd affected him the way he had me. Then I realised that even if I had made him feel anything like that for me, he'd just be feeling as disgusted as Emmett had.

I closed my eyes, waiting for him to finish his sentence, but nothing came. I risked looking up at him, and got lost in his eyes.

"Seriously, guys?" Emmett prodded, sounding a bit worried. I turned towards him as quickly as I could without falling, sure that if I looked at Jasper again I'd actually throw myself at him.

I noticed Emmett's costume for the first time. Rose had made him dress as Ares, and if I hadn't known him, he probably would have looked quite scary in all that leather, but I knew he was just a big softy underneath so the effect was more comical than anything.

The four of us made our way towards the stairs and Jasper put his hand on the small of my back to guide me down them. He was trying to kill me. There was no other explanation for it_. Emmett singing. Emmett singing. Emmett singing._ I chanted desperately, trying not to let my feelings get the best of me. _Edward's waiting. Edward's waiting. Edward's waiting_. Jasper was likely to think I'd gone mad the way my emotions were fluctuating, but I didn't care as long as the lust remained hidden.

At this rate I was going to have a heart attack by the end of the night.

Edward was waiting at the bottom of the stairs, frowning. It was his almost constant expression now. He'd dressed as the Phantom of the Opera and he looked good, it suited him well. That was it. No sudden surge of desire. I felt even guiltier.

As I took his offered arm, Jasper removed his hand and my heart plummeted. I needed help. I needed to focus on Edward tonight, this was our last chance. I wished I could force my feelings for him to return, but it was becoming more difficult to feel anything for him while I was so preoccupied with Jasper.

"You look beautiful." Edward whispered, leading me into the living room.

"Thank you. You look good too." I told him, and he smiled his best smile at me. Nothing, again.

Carlisle, Esme and the Denali's were waiting to see us off, they all complimented us on our outfits and Esme even snapped a few pictures but I wasn't paying attention to anything, I was too busy thinking about how Jasper looked, and telling myself _not_ to think about how he looked. It wasn't good.

Mumbling my goodbyes, I headed outside to the garage, just in time to see Jasper climbing onto a Harley. I didn't think it was possible for him to look any better than he had upstairs, but seeing him astride that enormous bike made my knees weak. I gripped Edward a little tighter hoping I wouldn't fall down before we got to his car.

_______________________________________

We'd been at the party about an hour and everyone still seemed surprised that the Cullen's had come. Most of the boys in the room had been staring at Rosalie nonstop since the moment we'd walked in, but she enjoyed the attention. The few glances I'd got had made me want to hide under a rock.

I hadn't left Edwards side yet, mostly because it was comfortable being with him, I didn't have to try to hide anything. The other reason was because it was easier to avoid Jasper while I was talking to Edward, I didn't dare spend any time alone with him now. Why couldn't he have dressed as cow or something?

"Bella?" Edward said.

"Hmm?"

"What are you thinking? You've been drifting away all night. I asked you if you wanted me to get you a drink." He smiled.

I resolved to try to pay more attention to him. "Yes please." I said ignoring his first question.

I'd been alone about three seconds when Tyler ambled over. He was dressed as a cowboy so I supposed he was coming to compare costumes. That would keep my mind busy until Edward got back.

"Nice costume." I grinned up at him.

"Great minds hey?" He smiled. "Say Bella? Wanna help me save a horse?"

"Save a horse?" I frowned, what was he talking about?

"No she doesn't Crowley. Beat it." Emmett growled joining us. Tyler mad a swift exit looking fearful.

"What did you do that for?" I laughed at Emmett, who was still glaring after the poor boy.

"What did I do that for? Save a horse..." He said incredulously.

"Emmett, I really don't get it. What horse?" I grumbled.

He cracked up laughing. "Save a horse... Ride a cowboy. You must have heard it."

"What's that got to do with...? Oh." I blushed finally getting it. "Thanks then."

"Bella, I really don't know what we did for fun before we met you." He laughed.

"I'm sure you found something to do. Whose hair did you try to bleach before mine?"

"Yeah, thanks for telling Rosalie about that." He muttered. "I was going to come as a ninja before she decided to make me wear this get-up as punishment. Still it could have been worse; she could have made me dress as cupid."

I snorted picturing him as the little cherub. "Oh I wish she had."

"After I just saved you from the danger of misunderstood sexual innuendos." He frowned, shaking his head at me. "You're on your own now kid. Don't come running to me."

As he walked away I couldn't help but scan the room for Jasper, I hadn't seen him at all since we'd got here, and I was starting to miss him, despite the fact that I knew I should stay away from him. I couldn't see him anywhere, but Edward was on his way back.

He didn't look particularly happy; as he got closer I could tell he was scowling. "What's wrong?" I asked.

He glared at the cup of water in his hand. "I can't find anything else for you to drink but this or the punch, and some idiots spiked it. So I had to get you water, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it." I told him, though I would have liked some punch really, it might have made me relax a little. I sipped the water, which wasn't even cold, and put it down behind me.

"Can I persuade you to dance?" He smiled down at me. I glanced around the room, noticing that most of the couples were in each other's arms.

I could cope with one dance. "Just one song." I warned and let him lead me out into the space that had been cleared for dancing. Angela and Ben were dancing together near us and Angela smiled over and thanked us for coming.

I remembered the last time Edward and I had danced together. At prom, when I'd been so in love with him and it had seemed so magical. This just felt so ordinary in comparison, and that was awful. Edward was still the same person he'd been then, so it must be me that had changed. Maybe I'd just grown up.

I rested my head on his shoulder as we danced. This was the closest we'd been in weeks without him pushing me away. My eyes caught Jaspers across the room, leaning against the wall. He looked so sad. Maybe seeing all these happy couples reminded him of Alice. And here I was avoiding him when I should be helping him. I smiled at him hoping to cheer him up, but the smile he sent me back didn't reach his eyes.

I wanted nothing more than to be over there with him so I could hug him and make him feel better. The song couldn't end quickly enough. Finally, finally, the music faded away into another, faster number, and I pulled away from Edward.

"I'm going to check on Jasper, he doesn't look too good." I told him, my feet already pulling me into the kitchen where I'd just seen Jasper go.

I could tell Edward wanted to say something, but he didn't, only nodding and kissing my cheek.

I shuffled across the makeshift dance floor, arms carefully wrapped around my stomach. I still wasn't comfortable with my clothes. As I reached the kitchen door, several people made their way out past me, probably intimidated by Jasper.

I found him standing in the open back-doorway. He gave me a small smile as I approached. His presence wasn't affecting me like it had earlier, all I wanted to do was make him feel better. "Did you enjoy your dance?" He asked quietly.

I shrugged and linked my arm through his leaning against him. "You ok?"

"Parties are always difficult. All the lust, jealousy, excitement, inebriation. And that's before the amount of blood all crowded together. It's a little overwhelming sometimes." He said, resting his chin on the top of my head.

"Let me grab a drink and we'll go outside for a while." I offered going over to the table and eyeing the punch. "How strong is this? Can you tell by the smell?"

He took the cup from me and sniffed it. "It's not very strong; one glass won't do you any harm. You don't have to come out with me. Aren't you supposed to be here with Edward?"

Yes, this was supposed to be a sort of date, but Edward would be fine without me. I didn't have to spend the whole night with him. "I'm not much for parties either, I'd be grateful for a bit of peace." I tugged him outside and across the garden.

We found a bench with an arbour above us, completely ensconced in ivy. It was dark this far from the house, so I couldn't see him clearly. "Better?" I asked. "Or should we move further away?"

"This is fine. Perfect." He took my hand in his and I had to scold myself for thinking it was romantic out here with him.

"You can talk to me, you know? About... Alice or anything." I'd only realised today that since she'd left he hadn't really talked about it. People always said it helped to talk things over.

He squeezed my hand gently. "I know, thank you, but I don't need to. I'm fine."

There was something I'd wanted to talk to him about since Carlisle had spoken to me, and now felt like a good time to bring it up. "If you're ok, why are you hiding away from everyone at home?"

I felt him tense next to me. "I'm not." He must have felt my disbelief, as he sighed and gave in. "Who told you that?"

Implicate Carlisle? I probably shouldn't. "It doesn't matter. Why are you doing it? You're fine at school and at my house. Does the house remind you of her?" I knew what Carlisle had said, but I still thought it was all to do with Alice.

"It's not that." He said, turning away from me slightly. "I... I miss you, alright?"

"Oh." I wished I could think of something better to say, but finding out Carlisle was right had shocked me. I sipped cautiously at the punch, but it didn't taste of anything but fruit so I downed it all.

"You don't have to miss me. You could just call me, or come to my house. I have told you that quite a few times now, are you ever going to believe me?" I was irritated more with myself than him. I kept doing the same thing, sitting at home alone, wishing he was there and not daring to ask him to come.

"I believe you Bella, but I don't want to bother you. You do have a life outside of me." He smiled sadly.

I scoffed. "Not really Jasper. My life is pretty much Charlie and you guys, and that's the way I like it. I like spending time with you and by staying away you're depriving me of fun. Think of it that way." I didn't add that was he depriving me of almost everything I wanted when he wasn't there.

"What if I never left you alone? You can't tell me that wouldn't drive you mad." He chuckled.

It would drive me mad, but not in the way he meant. "Nope. I'll never get sick of you." I smiled, hopefully covering up the fact that I couldn't imagine anything I'd like better than being with him all the time.

"Sure." He laughed; at least I'd cheered him up. The only problem was that now he was happy, he was starting to have an effect on me again. I looked away from him quickly. Why did he have to be so gorgeous?

"Do you think we could go back in now?" Inside, there were plenty of distractions; out here it was all too easy to get lost in him.

"I don't know." He said. "I'll come in if I can have a dance."

Oh god. If I danced with him, my reaction to him was bound to give me away, and if I stayed out here with him, sooner or later I'd run out of other things to think about and probably end up drooling all over him. On the other hand, I did really want to dance with him. This might be the only chance I ever got.

"Ok, one dance." Was my smile as dreamy as it felt? I really hoped not.

He stood, pulling me up with him and holding my hand all the way back to the house. In the kitchen I grabbed another glass of punch.

"Trying to get drunk?" Jasper laughed.

"You said it wasn't very strong." I muttered "I'll be fine." Again, I drank it quickly before Jasper pulled me onto the dance floor, I scanned the room but didn't find any of the other Cullen's in there.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and I closed the space between us and rested my head against his chest as the opening bars of the song sounded through the room, effectively obliterating every other sound. I hadn't heard the song before, but apparently Jasper had. As the chorus started he sung it quietly, his lips brushing my hair as he swayed us slowly. He was singing it to me.

"_Baby  
You're my angel  
Come and save me tonight  
You're my angel  
Come and make it all right"_

I felt such love and longing surrounding me, and I wondered if he was trying to show me exactly what I was meant to save him from. I clung to him, how could anyone feel this much and survive it? How often did he feel like this? I couldn't stop the tears that spilled down my cheeks as the emotion swirled within me.

And I knew right as the song ended, as his voice became no more than a whisper and faded away to nothing that I was falling in love with him. This wasn't just a crush that I could ignore until it went away. I needed to do something about this before I really fell for him. But what?

"Jasper? Could I have a moment?" Edward said quietly from somewhere behind me. I quickly wiped the tears off my cheeks and turned to face him, but I didn't get chance as Emmett whisked me away from them.

"My turn!" He yelled over the beat of the music, twirling me across the floor away from them. "You have to dance with your big brother." He grinned down at me. "Hey, what's wrong? Did Jasper upset you? Want me to punch him?"

"No." I laughed. He was so uncomplicated it was a relief to be with him for a while. "He sang to me."

"His singing was that bad?" He chuckled, spinning me away from him and back. It was lucky he had such a tight hold of me and such good reflexes or I'd already be sprawled on the floor.

"No, it was lovely, it was just... emotional." Those few minutes were too private, too special, to share anymore of them, and I was glad when Emmett didn't mention it again.

"Where's Rose?" I asked breathlessly, dancing with Emmett was exhausting. "I haven't seen her all night."

"She's just come downstairs, she's with Edward and Jasper, over there, see?" He spun me away from him again and pointed out his wife and brothers who were all smiling at us.

Another song started up, but Emmett didn't let up his overly energetic dancing. "I need... a drink..." I panted. "Can we... stop?"

As he let up, I noticed we'd pretty much cleared the floor. I wasn't surprised, as anyone who hadn't gotten out of the way quick enough might have been crushed. We made our way back to the others, and I was pleased to note Jasper was already holding a drink.

"It's spiked Bella, remember?" Edward frowned as I accepted the cup.

"One won't do me any harm." I smiled, thirstily downing the punch. I carefully ignored Jasper's smirk.

"Carlisle called, I'm needed at home." Edward said, leading me away from the others. "I'm sorry to have to cut our date short. Jasper will take you home when you're ready."

"Is something wrong?" I asked, I could tell he wasn't happy about something.

"Not at all. I'll explain everything tomorrow." His kiss surprised me, both because I hadn't been expecting it, and because it was the first we'd shared in a week. Would it also be our last?

"I love you. Be safe." He whispered, kissing me again and sweeping out of the room.

"What's going on then?" I sighed when I reached Jasper. _Be safe_. Something was wrong.

"Laurent and Irina have arrived." He said. "Laurent isn't taking too well to his new diet, and Carlisle wanted Edward to find out how likely he is to slip. If his control is as bad as Carlisle thinks, he'll ask him to leave."

The last time I'd seen Laurent I'd had to run away, but things were different this time. There were no James and Victoria trying to get me. Laurent had never been particularly interested in me. I was fine.

Except I wasn't fine at all, I knew there was no real reason to be afraid, that it was irrational to feel this way, but that didn't stop me wishing I hadn't asked why Edward had left.

Jasper put his hand on my back, sending a jolt through me for a spit second before I felt the calm he was sending. "Laurent is not the same as James. You are perfectly safe with us." He said quietly.

Emmett handed me another drink, a huge smile on his face. "Look on the bright side Bells, if Laurent wants to eat you, I get to fight him!" Rosalie elbowed him in the ribs and scowled at him.

His comment made me feel worse, not better. I gulped down the new drink, knowing I shouldn't, but wanting something to help calm me. I was starting to feel a little better, and I wondered if it was the drinks, or Jasper that was helping.

The party quickly lost its shine and I wanted to go home. "Could we leave please?" I asked, knowing Jasper wouldn't mind as he wasn't enjoying himself either.

"Will you be alright on the bike?" He grinned.

I pictured myself sitting on the back of the bike, arms wrapped tightly around him, and suddenly felt quite giddy. "Bye guys." I hugged Emmett and Rose and took Jasper's hand.

We reached the bike and Jasper looked at me and groaned. "What?" I giggled. Maybe I had had a few too many glasses of punch.

"Your skirt." He groaned again. What was wrong with it? "You'll have to wear this." He took of the duster and handed it to me. My mouth went dry as I saw just how deliciously tight his clothes were. I could see every muscle perfectly.

I shook myself out of my thoughts and quickly slipped the coat on. Jasper sighed.

"I didn't bring a helmet, but you won't need one. You should take the hat off though or you'll lose it." I did as he asked, and he tucked the hat away somewhere. I was too busy staring at him to see what he was doing. His t-shirt stretched across his back as he mounted the bike and I licked my lips.

It was difficult to climb up behind him, my balance seemed worse than usual, and I couldn't focus on anything but him. "Hold tight." He said, sounding a bit strained.

I scooted as close to him as I could get and put my arms around his waist. My whole body shuddered at the contact. As the bike roared to life beneath us I pressed closer and heard him growl over the engine. I was never going to be able to get off the bike when we got home. He felt far too good to let go of.

The speed only distracted me a little, just enough to make me hold him more tightly. I was enjoying this far too much, and I knew it should bother me more, but the punch seemed to have dulled the part of me that worried about right and wrong.

He cut the engine before we got to the house, so we rolled up to the drive almost silently. I wondered what time it was, and if Charlie was in bed. He hated bikes with a passion, if he saw me riding one without a helmet I'd never be allowed to leave the house again.

When Jasper got off I actually whimpered. "Are you staying?" I asked somewhat desperately. All I wanted was to get curled up with him again.

"Yes. Edward asked me not to leave you alone tonight." He said. Was that the only reason he was staying? I wanted him to stay because he wanted to be with me, not because he was being forced to. "Of course, I was hoping you'd invite me in anyway." He grinned, and I grinned back, relieved.

He had the key in the door before I had chance to tell him where it was, and I couldn't quite hold in my giggle as he pressed his finger over his lips and crept through the door. He was taking needlessly big steps, standing on his toes, and he looked like a burglar from an old movie.

The house was in darkness, so I assumed Charlie was in bed, but the sight of Jasper acting like that left me unable to control my laughter. He was behind me in a second, holding me to his chest with one hand clamped firmly over my mouth.

His other hand was splayed across my stomach, burning me. My giggles quickly turned to gasps, and we were upstairs in my room before I'd even noticed we'd moved. "Can you keep quiet?" He breathed into my ear making my heart somersault. I nodded beneath his hand, and when he let me go, quickly put some distance between us.

"I'm... uh... shower." I gabbled fleeing the room. Why the hell did I have to drink so much? I wasn't drunk, but I seemed to have completely lost control of my emotions. I showered quickly, trying to remember algorithms to keep my mind off the man in the next room. What had made me think it was a good idea for him to stay? If I didn't jump on him it would be a miracle. It would be even more amazing if I managed to hide my feelings. He'd probably felt them already.

And now I was standing in the bathroom, staring at the door like an idiot, afraid to face him. _Jasper is your friend. You feel nothing but friendship for him. You can go back into your room, and act like a normal human being. You will not throw yourself at him._ I talked to myself until I was back in the room, and continued with my internal pep talk as I made up a bed on the floor.

"What are you doing?" Jasper chuckled quietly.

"Charlie said you have to sleep on the floor." I whispered back, adding pillows and sheets to the makeshift bed.

"I don't sleep Bella, you know that, and I won't be uncomfortable on the floor."

"I will." I muttered. Charlie hadn't said anything about where I had to sleep. Was this really a good idea? Getting curled up with him, after the way I'd been feeling might not be the best plan. On the other hand, curled up with him was where I wanted to be, so why shouldn't I? I knew Jasper didn't mind.

Jasper kicked off his boots and joined me on the floor. I frowned at him and reached up to fix his hair. "You look unJasper-y." I complained, ruffling it to make it fall down into its usual style.

My breath caught in my throat as I realised what I'd done. I'd straddled his lap and I had my fingers in his hair, and my face was only inches from his.

My eyes were drawn to his perfect lips as his breath whispered across my neck. My fingers stilled in his hair, I was dizzy, and without making a conscious decision, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his.

It took me maybe half a second to realise what I'd done and pull away. I couldn't even look at him, how could I have been so utterly stupid? I wanted to take it back, if I could, I'd have caught the kiss and put it back where it came from. I'd ruined everything.

I scrambled off him and lay down, turning away from him. I didn't know what else to do. I was mortified, and I was never going to drink alcohol again, as long as I lived.

He hadn't kissed me back.

___________________________________

_Jasper_

I can't believe she just kissed me. I didn't even kiss her back, it caught me off guard. I might have wasted my only chance.

Shame and guilt was all she was feeling. She'd obviously only done it because she'd had too much to drink. Oh god, now she was crying, I could hear her little sobs.

"Please don't cry Bella. It's ok, I understand. Please Bella?" I tugged her around to face me and tipped her chin up to look at me. "It doesn't mean anything Angel, it's just the alcohol. You'll laugh about this tomorrow."

"I'm sorry." She whimpered, burying her face in my neck. _Don't be sorry, be anything but sorry_. A huge part of me wished it hadn't just been a mistake. I calmed her down, and she quickly fell asleep in my arms.

I had learnt a lot since Alice had left, but the most important lesson was the most painful, and it plagued me almost constantly. To love, involved a very great risk. I had never thought before that love could be dangerous, or painful, but I knew now that in giving your love to another, you also gave them control of your heart. I had foolishly given Alice my love, and suffered for it. I hardly dared even contemplate loving someone else for fear of being hurt again.

Something else I've learnt is that we can't choose who we love we can't even stem the flow of feelings once they've started to grow. And I know this, because I've fallen in love with Bella, though I've struggled against it from the beginning. I promised myself I wouldn't open myself up to that pain again, and I certainly didn't want to risk hurting her.

The most shocking lesson, has taught me that love is boundless. For sixty years I had thought that Alice was my mate, and that I loved her more than anything else, that I could never feel anything stronger than the love I felt for her.

I couldn't have been more wrong. Loving Bella was like being set on fire from the inside, it burned within me, a constant source of warmth that only grew fiercer with every passing day.

I was an idiot, but there was no going back. Change is a pretty permanent thing for a vampire.

_______________________________________

**An: I hope you liked it. Extra thank you's to everyone who helped out with the costumes, I wish I could have used all of your ideas. **

**The song Jasper sang was Aerosmith's Angel.**

**Let me know what you think X**


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**An: Thanks for all the reviews, I love you all, and extra thanks for all the unsigned reviews that I never get to reply to!**

**Thanks again to my wonderful beta ladyofkeegan for making this readable.**

Chapter Sixteen

_I sat at the table between Charlie and Jasper and stared down at my bowl. It was full of birth control pills. Jasper was sipping blood through a straw from a tall glass and Charlie was polishing his gun._

"_Eat up Bells. We don't want any accidents do we?" Charlie laughed._

_I spooned a few of the little blue pills into my mouth and crunched. They tasted like chocolate._

_Jasper drained the last of the blood, and the straw made a horrible gurgling noise as it sucked up the last drops. "Thanks dad." He said, smiling at Charlie._

"_You're welcome son. If only we could get Bella to behave." He mumbled, glaring at me. I spooned up some more of the pills, hoping to please him, but he looked disappointed._

"_She doesn't know what she wants." Jasper said conversationally. "If she did, we wouldn't be in this mess."_

"_What mess?" I asked around another mouthful of my 'dinner'._

_They ignored me and started talking about quadratic equations. I took a drink of my orange juice, but it tasted strange, and I realised it was blood._

"_Now look what she's done." Jasper laughed, taking the glass and pouring the thick red liquid into my bowl._

"_Tick-tock Bella, times almost up." Charlie said._

"_What time? I don't understand." I garbled and something poked me in the back. I wriggled away from it but it poked me again harder this time._

"Rise and shine!" Charlie crowed, and I opened my eyes and squinted up at him. Weird dream.

Someone yawned beside me and I rolled onto my side to see who it was. Jasper. Oh no.

He sat up and rubbed the back of his neck. "Mornin' Chief Swan." Even _I_ believed he'd just woken up.

Charlie stared at him for a minute then smiled. "I'm going fishing. Be good kids." He said cheerfully, and left. That had gone a lot better than I expected. I half wished he'd gotten mad and thrown Jasper out, that way I wouldn't have to face him.

He'd said I'd laugh about kissing him today, but I couldn't have been further from laughing if I'd tried. I was mortified. The best, and somehow worst of it was, he believed it had been an act of drunkenness. I turned it around and around in my head. Had he not kissed me back because he'd thought I didn't mean it, or was he just not interested? Or was it worse than that, had he been repulsed?

He didn't sound bothered last night, but that didn't mean he wasn't. I should say something. I could apologise, or I could make a joke about it. Or I could do what I already knew was the only option, and pretend it had never happened.

"Good morning." Jasper said startling me; I'd half forgotten he was still here. "Would you like some breakfast?"

Apparently, Jasper was going with the denial plan too. That worked for me. "I'll grab something later." I said as perkily as I could.

"I'll wait downstairs while you get dressed then." He smiled and disappeared around the door.

The real problem was that I very much wanted to kiss him again. At least he'd gone for a while so I could asses that, without worrying about him reading something from my expression or my emotions.

I took my time getting dressed, replaying the kiss over and over, in the hopes that I'd be able to decipher how he felt about it from his reaction. Only he hadn't had one, he'd been perfectly still beneath me, not even a flicker of an expression had crossed his beautiful face. Maybe I'd shocked him. I'd shocked myself. I didn't think I was capable of acting that impulsively.

I wanted to blame the whole thing on alcohol, but I knew that I'd wanted to kiss him long before the first glass of punch had passed my lips.

And I was still technically with Edward. I'd cheated on him. Did one kiss count as cheating? I thought it did, especially if I took my feelings about it into account. I wasn't the sort of girl that cheated on her boyfriend. At least I hadn't been.

I knew I had two huge problems. The first was that I was now completely sure that I wasn't in love with Edward anymore, and I had to find a way to tell him that. The second was that I was falling in love with Jasper, and I had to find a way to keep that a secret.

Stupid shield. What was the point of it if it didn't work on Jasper? Why couldn't it stop him from feeling my emotions the way it stopped Edward and Kate and Eleazer?

I settled myself into what from now on would be referred to as 'friend mode' and went downstairs. Jasper was making me breakfast despite the fact that I'd told him not to bother. I was suddenly annoyed at him. Why did he have to be so perfect? Last night he'd looked far too good, and now here he was, not making a big deal about my little slip, and cooking me breakfast. If I didn't know any better I'd think he was seducing me on purpose.

"Edward called." He said pleasantly as I threw myself into a chair. "He'll be here in half an hour."

"Great." I muttered. Just what I needed, another complication.

I felt awful for thinking that. He'd tried so hard yesterday, and he'd even left me alone with Jasper, of all people. I realised his jealousy on that count wasn't nearly as baseless as I'd made out. It wasn't fair to him to keep him hanging, thinking things would be ok when I already knew I was going to break up with him.

How the hell was I supposed to tell him that I didn't want to be with him, without hurting him? In a perfect world, he'd feel exactly the same as I did, but I knew that wasn't the case. You couldn't fake the kind of love that was all over his face every time he looked at me.

What would happen after I told him? I'd have to stay away from the house, that was only fair, and he probably wouldn't talk to me at school anymore. Would the other Cullen's think badly of me? Of course they would. Especially Esme, she had been so pleased that Edward had finally found a mate. What if they never wanted to see me again?

"Hey, hey, calm down. What's the matter?" Jasper said crouching in front of me.

"I have to tell Edward." I whimpered. "And everyone will hate me."

"Ok Bella, first, you don't have to tell Edward, it was only a drunken kiss. And if you do tell him, he'll forgive you, and no one will hate you. We love you."

I stared blankly at him. He thought all this was about the kiss? Laughter bubbled up from nowhere and Jasper looked at me like I'd lost my mind. I calmed down quickly.

"That's not what I have to tell him." I shook my head. Was it fair to tell Jasper what I was planning to do before I told Edward? Probably not, but I wanted some advice. "I'm going to break up with him."

"You are?" He said incredulously, and I nodded. "You're sure?"

"I'm sure. I don't love him anymore." I whispered the words as if that would make them less real.

"You're really going to leave him?" He said. "Huh. I didn't see that coming."

"Neither did I, I thought we were forever. I guess we just aren't meant to be." I sighed, saying it out loud made it feel uncomfortably real, but I knew it would feel much worse when I said it to Edward. "How do you think he'll take it?"

Jasper smiled sardonically. "Badly."

"That's what I thought. How can I make it easier for him?"

"Tell him the truth. I think I'd have coped better with Alice leaving if she'd been honest with me, and given me the chance to say goodbye." He smiled sadly.

"Oh god I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked you." Was I as bad as Alice?

"I've told you Bella, I'm fine." He smiled again, a little wider this time. "He might fight for you; you should be prepared for that. He loves you very much."

I hadn't thought about that. I was almost certain I wouldn't be able to turn him away if he asked me not to. What would I do if he begged me to love him the way Jasper had begged Alice that night on the phone?

Edward had told me once that he loved me enough to leave me, and I wondered if that also meant he loved me enough to let me go. "What can I say?" I asked desperately.

"I don't know Bella, you'll think of something. Whatever you say, you'll hurt him, that's unavoidable."

"Wow, you're a lot of help." I snapped.

"Sorry, I don't have much experience of breaking hearts. I've only ever found myself on the other side, and it's not a pleasant event." He said tightly.

"I didn't mean to upset you." I said weakly. "I don't want to do what _she_ did."

"This is nothing like what Alice did Bella. You've given him a chance, you told him what was wrong in your relationship and that's all you could do. You're not just springing this on him out of nowhere." He left my side and went back to the stove. Something smelled delicious. "And you're not leaving him; you'll be his friend if that's what he wants, right?"

"Of course, but that's not what he'll want is it? Think of how he acted after I asked him for some space. He called me Isabella! I'll be surprised if he can even bare to look at me. And Esme's going to hate me, she'll be so angry."

"Don't be stupid, you know she won't hate you. Your happiness is important to her too. She'll be sad that things didn't work out between you and Edward, but it won't make her love you any less."

I watched him tip an omelette onto a plate and wondered when he'd learnt to cook. If it weren't for the conversation we were having this would be the perfect morning. It was so... domestic. It felt so utterly natural to sit here chatting while he whipped up breakfast, looking like he belonged here in my kitchen.

I thought about what he was saying, and wished I could believe it. I was fairly sure Esme did love me, but she loved me because I made her son happy, and she'd wanted him to be happy for such a long time. Carlisle had asked me if I'd still want to be a part of the family if I wasn't with Edward, and he'd told me they would still want me. But that had all been hypothetical.

"What about Rosalie? She's only just started speaking to me, and I was hoping we'd be friends, but she's going to start ignoring me again now isn't she?" I was getting more and more depressed the more I thought about it. Maybe I should just stay with Edward; it wasn't worth losing everyone else.

"Half the reason Rosalie didn't like you was because she thought you were weak." Jasper laughed. What? She thought I was weak? "She hated the way you let Edward push you around and decide everything for you, she's probably only speaking to you now because you've started standing up for yourself."

"Edward said she didn't like me because I was human, and that made her jealous." It wasn't something I'd ever really believed.

"That's true to a certain extent." He said, handing me the plate, it looked perfect and I dug in as he talked. "Rosalie and Edward have never really been close, so he's just taking what bits of her thoughts he hears as fact. She does envy your humanity, but that's not enough to make her dislike you. Honestly Bella, she'll probably like you more for breaking up with him."

I raised an eyebrow at him and he had the decency to look sheepish.

"I'm not trying to talk you into it." He muttered, and why would he? It had no bearing on him. "I doubt Emmett will be bothered by it. You only need to worry about yourself and Edward."

God, this was a good omelette, I should have convinced him to cook for me before now. I attempted to come up with some sort of plan, but all I could think was that I needed to be alone with Edward when I told him. I had nothing, I'd just have to tell him the truth in the kindest way possible and hope he took it well. _Good luck Bella._

"Have you spoken to Emmett yet? I need to know what to cook tomorrow." I changed the subject, I wanted to enjoy what little peaceful time I had left before Edward arrived.

"He said I should eat really rare steak, because you can still taste the blood so it's not too bad, and he said to avoid carrots at all costs. I'm not sure if I trust him though." He laughed.

"Won't the blood make you thirsty?" I asked finishing the last bite of my breakfast.

"I didn't think of that." He frowned. "Perhaps I should be a vegetarian. What about pasta like what Esme and I made? That didn't smell _too_ terrible."

"This is just awful. You could pretend to be ill or something, then you can just pick at it." I hated that he'd have to eat, but I'd do the same for him if things were reversed.

"Don't worry about it Bella. It will be fine." He smiled taking my plate and washing it.

"That was the best omelette I ever had, thank you." I smiled, falling just a little bit more in love with him as he stood at the sink. I hoped he couldn't tell the difference between friendly love and _love_ love.

"You're welcome. Cooking is actually quite fun." He sounded amused by that as I watched the muscles of his back moving under his shirt. I turned my thoughts back to Edward and stared down at the table top before my feelings got out of hand. The key seemed to be stopping them before they really had a chance to get started.

I rested my head in my hands and tried to pull myself together. Edward would always have a place in my heart, he was my first love but it was time to move on. I would always be grateful to him for letting me into his life and bringing me to the rest of his family. I couldn't imagine life without them. I couldn't imagine life without him.

But it would have to be different, because I couldn't pretend to feel more for him than I did. The comforting weight of Jasper's arm fell across my shoulders and I leaned into him automatically. If I could just stay here, exactly like this, everything would be fine.

"He'll be here in less than a minute." Jasper whispered, hugging me quickly. "I'm going home, but you can call me if you need me."

It was difficult not to grab him and beg him to stay, but somehow I managed it, and then he was gone, and Edward was pulling into the drive. I could see them talking through the window, but I couldn't hear anything.

I started wiping down the already clean worktops for something to do as I heard the roar of Jasper's bike pulling away, and Edward letting himself in. "Good morning, my love." He said coming into the kitchen and I felt my throat constrict with tears. I hadn't really thought that leaving him would hurt _me_ too.

"Morning." I managed, trying to compose myself before I faced him.

"Would you like to come out to the meadow with me? I know it's not particularly sunny, but it's warm enough."

Would that be a good idea? It seemed fitting that we should end in the place we'd really begun. "I'll grab a jacket and we can leave." I said quietly, wondering if he would pick up on my mood.

We were almost silent as we drove, talking to him now felt like lying, because only I knew where we stood and what was going to happen. I began to wish I'd told him at home and gotten it out of the way. I stared out of the window, fighting back tears and almost trembling with nerves.

I was jolted out of my thoughts as Edward pulled open my door; I hadn't even noticed we'd stopped. "Can I carry you?" He grinned. "Or would you prefer to walk?"

_Get it over with_ my mind shouted. "We can run." I did my best to smile back at him before I climbed onto his back.

I felt sick by the time we got to the meadow, and it was nothing to do with the speed. Edward set me down and spread a blanket across the ground. He also had a small picnic basket that I'd failed to see before. I wasn't very observant today, but my mind was on other things.

"Did you have a good time last night?" Edward asked, sitting close beside me.

"It was fine. We went home pretty soon after you left. How was Laurent?" I knew I was putting it off, but I couldn't seem to force myself to say the words.

"He was trying to block me, but he didn't have much success." Edward scowled. "He's slipped far too many times to be really trying, and he's still in contact with Victoria, though I don't know why."

I shuddered both at the thought of him killing, and at the mention of Victoria.

"Let's not talk about them." He smiled turning towards me. "I thought we could talk about us, and get past all this 'space' nonsense."

"It wasn't nonsense Edward." I said tightly. "I needed it to figure some things out."

"And have you?" He asked quietly.

My stomach churned and my palms became damp as I tried to find the right words. "I... I have, yes."

"Are you going to tell me?" He asked.

"I think, I mean... I want..." I couldn't get my brain to link up with my mouth, and Edward was starting to look a little worried. "I think we should break up." I whispered finally, not daring to look at him.

Edward was quiet for a long time. "You think we should break up? Why?"

"We're not right for each other anymore." If I could avoid it, I wouldn't actually say I wasn't in love with him.

"I think we are." He said taking my hand. "Just tell me what to do to make things better, and I'll do it."

"There isn't anything you can do Edward." My eyes burned with unshed tears, but crying felt somehow self indulgent when I was the one causing the pain.

"You want more freedom? Is that it? I can do that, I can back off, but you can't expect me to stand by while you hurt yourself, I've waited eighty years for you."

"It's not just that. I know you were trying to... trust me... more, but it's too late for that now."

"What do you mean it's too late? Are you saying you don't love me Bella?" He looked so shocked and hurt, this was exactly what I'd hoped to avoid.

"No, I'll always love you, but I'm not... in love with you." What a cliché.

"This is Jasper's doing." He growled. "He's manipulating you, messing with your emotions!"

"Why do you always think everything is about him? He would never, ever do something like that. This is only about us!" I shouted, angry now.

"It's the only thing that makes sense Bella. You spend a few weeks with him, and then poof, you don't love me anymore. I can be like him Bella, is that what you want?" He snarled, rolling me to the ground and pinning my wrists above us. "You want danger? I can be dangerous."

"Get off me!" I shouted. "I don't want you to be like him, you're being ridiculous, _and he_ wouldn't even do this."

"Oh no?" He whispered sinisterly. "You think I don't know? I always find out these things Bella. You can't hide anything from a mind reader for long."

He pulled aside my jacket and licked along my neck just like Jasper had and I froze. Someone had slipped. He knew. "Edward stop it."

"I thought this was what you wanted?" He breathed, suckling my pulse. "Esme seemed to think that it didn't bother you in the slightest." He raised his head to look at me and his eyes were dangerously dark. "He hurt you, and you just wanted him more for it. Didn't you?" He scraped his teeth along my jaw and I struggled to free my wrists. I wanted to hit him.

"What's the problem Bella?" He growled.

"You're hurting me." I yelled.

"Isn't that what you want?" He squeezed tighter and something snapped, my wrist felt like it was on fire, and Edward had disappeared.

I sat up clutching my injured limb and saw that he was standing a few feet away.

"I'm sorry. I snapped, it won't happen again." He mumbled as I glared at him.

"No you didn't. You were hurting me deliberately, and you went too far." I shouted struggling to my feet. "If you'd really snapped you'd have crushed it. Stay away from me."

I headed back into the forest in what I hoped was the right direction, but he followed me. "Please let me take you back, we can fix this. I'll take you to the hospital. You're going the wrong way Bella."

I ignored him and continued to stumble in and out of the trees. The tears on my cheeks irritated me, formed half from fear, half from anger. I couldn't hear Edward behind me anymore, but I knew he was there. There wasn't a chance he'd leave me alone in the woods.

Then again, up until half an hour ago, I hadn't believed he would ever hurt me. I didn't understand how things had gone so wrong so quickly.

I could see things about him that I hadn't noticed before. The size of his ego for one thing. How he had been so sure that the only possible reason for me not to love him was if Jasper had made me feel that way.

And how long had he known that Jasper had attacked me, why had he done nothing about it until now? I'd thought he'd go after Jasper if he ever found out, but he'd saved the knowledge and used it against me instead. I rubbed at my neck with my good hand and cursed him.

I stopped for a minute to catch my breath and take off my jacket without hurting myself more, then started up again. It didn't matter if I was going the wrong way, as long as I travelled in a straight line I was bound to hit a road eventually, then I could call someone to come and pick me up.

"I could kill him." I muttered darkly as a branch scraped across my arm. I wondered if he'd follow the scent of my blood, or leave me alone now to keep me safe from him.

When I got home I'd ask Emmett to punch him for me. I was sure he'd do it. I wished for the millionth time that I was a vampire too, so that I could inflict the violence myself.

I'd been walking for nearly an hour when it started to rain. I'd never been so pissed off at anyone in my entire life. Everything, I decided, was Edwards fault. Not just my sore arm, but every little scrape I'd got, the fact that my hair was a mess, the tears in my favourite jeans, the mud on my hands and the fact that it was raining. I debated putting my jacket back on but I'd dropped it so many times it was almost completely covered in dirt. That was _his_ fault too.

Half an hour later, I tripped, twisted my ankle and stayed sprawled on the floor. I'd had enough. I wasn't moving again until it stopped raining, and even then I might decide to just stay here. I glared up at the canopy of leaves above me, fuming silently as I tried to stretch out my injured arm.

Closing my eyes against the rain I took deep breaths and tried to calm myself down. I was being stupid; if I stayed here much longer I'd end up sick on top of everything else. When I opened my eyes again my heart nearly stopped. Edward was hovering over me.

"Are you alright?" I could tell he was trying not to breathe, and I'd have enjoyed the fact that the scent of my blood was burning his throat if it hadn't made him more dangerous.

"Go. Away. Edward." I growled swiping wet hair of my face.

"I'm afraid I can't do that. You're miles away from anywhere and you're going to get ill." He said, scooping my up into his arms.

"Put me down." I shouted, trying to tip myself out of his grasp. "I mean it Edward! Let me go, I don't want you to help me!"

Every time I moved he tightened his grip, but I didn't stop struggling until he was holding me so tight I couldn't breathe. Everything started going fuzzy and my head felt huge and then I couldn't see at all.

I woke up in Rosalie's bed and it took me a minute to work out where I was and why I was there. I ached all over and I had a brace on my left wrist. Someone, presumably Carlisle, had also strapped up my ankle and put little plasters on most of my cuts and scrapes.

Someone else had got me changed out of my wet clothes into what I thought might be Rosalie's pyjamas. My chest hurt and my head ached, and I finally remembered that Edward had been holding me too tight and I'd passed out, I was quickly furious again, and was trying to stand up when Rosalie walked in.

"Oh you're up." She whispered. "Are you ok?" She handed me a glass of water and I gulped down half of it.

"Where is he?" I growled.

"It's ok, you're safe. Emmett's got him in the garden; he won't be able to get past him." She must have thought I was scared, when in reality, I was wondering if there was anything I could throw at him that would hurt.

"Can you take me to him please?" I asked, feeling a bit pathetic. I didn't think I'd make it downstairs on my own.

"You want to see him?" She looked surprised. "Esme said you might forgive him, but I didn't believe her."

"I'm not forgiving him! I'm going to... to... well I'm going to do something."

She grinned then, and I was reminded of what Jasper had said about her that morning. She picked me up easily and carried me carefully down the stairs and out into the garden, setting me on my feet about ten feet from where Emmett had Edward pinned to the ground. Esme was standing beside them, pain written clearly all over her face.

I hobbled closer leaning on Rose for support. Esme's eyes flickered back and forth between us and her sons. When we got level with Emmett I realised there had been some sort of mistake, and I had no idea how it could have happened. He was holding _Jasper_ down.

"What are you doing?" I shouted. Jasper looked over at me, but Emmett didn't move. He was sitting on top of Jasper with his forearm across his neck.

"Emmett get off him!" Still he didn't even seem to hear me, and I noticed him muttering something at Jasper.

"...sick son-of-a-bitch. I ought to rip your head off..."

"Emmett!" I yelled for the last time. Esme and Rosalie were looking at me weirdly. I looked at the half full glass in my hand and threw it at Emmett as hard as I could. The glass smashed on his shoulder, water and glass shards almost exploding from it. He finally looked up.

"Get off him now. It was Edward." I ground out, shoving his damp shoulder.

"It was Edward?" He said looking from me to Jasper for a few seconds before he pulled his arm off his throat and stepped away from him.

I took a step towards him, my ankle didn't hold me and I crumpled next to him on the ground. "Are you ok?" I asked, frantically running my hands over his face and down his arms looking for any injuries.

"Are you?" He asked, reaching up to do the same to me. "What did he do?"

Satisfied that he was ok I faced Emmett, who promptly stared at the floor and scuffed the toe of his shoe against the grass.

"Explain." I snapped.

"Well he didn't say anything..." Emmett accused, looking at Jasper.

"You can't really speak if you can't get any air." Jasper growled from behind me.

"Sorry man, I didn't think. When you came running in with her in that state I just thought-"

"Wait, you brought me here?" I asked Jasper.

"I was hunting when Alice called me; she said that if I didn't hurry up Edward was going to kill you. She told me to run towards the meadow and she warned me that you were bleeding. Someone should probably call her in case she hasn't seen that you're ok." He muttered, still looking me over as if there might be some life threatening wounds I was hiding.

"Edward was running towards the house with you, you were unconscious and bleeding, not badly, but from lots of different places. Alice told me not to hurt him, because it was an accident, and he just handed you over to me and ran. I brought you back and Carlisle took you from me. The second you were out of my arms Emmett tackled me."

I looked up at Esme, if anyone knew how much Jasper cared about me it was her. She'd seen how ashamed he'd been weeks ago. "How could you possibly think Jasper did this?"

"Bella you have to understand, he walked in with you like this, we thought he must have attacked Edward and taken you. And your neck it's just like..." She trailed off.

"Just like before." I finished for her. "Edward knew."

"That's why he attacked you?" She asked, horrified.

"No, he attacked me because I broke up with him, and he thought I'd like him better if he was more like- if he was more dangerous." I explained. I still wanted to cause him some bodily harm if at all possible. "So where is he then?"

"We don't know, when Jasper brought you back we thought he must be hurt somewhere, so Carlisle and Tanya's coven have gone out to look for him." Esme was clearly quite shocked about what had really happened, and I found myself angry at all of them for automatically blaming Jasper.

Jasper stood up and brought me with him, cradling me carefully. "Should have seen this coming." He mumbled as he strode towards the house with me.

"It's not your fault, idiot. And everyone's fine, let's just forget about it." I told him as he sat on the couch, keeping me in his lap.

"Forget about it? He damn near killed you, you couldn't breathe Bella! If Alice hadn't seen it you'd be dead. It's not ok, and we're not going to forget about it. And don't try to tell me none of it's my fault; look at the marks on your neck. He did that because of me."

"He's right Bella. If he comes back here I'm going to take his head off." Emmett growled as he stomped into the room. "Sorry Jazz, for you know..."

"Doesn't matter." Jasper said, kissing the top of my head. "As long as she's ok. You are ok, right? Carlisle fixed everything?"

"I'm fine." I sighed. "What time is it?"

"Almost five." Rosalie told me coming to sit beside Jasper and I. "Would one of you please explain exactly what's going on? Because it seems like there's something going on between the two of you, and that's why Edward's flipped."

I gulped. There was something going on, but only on my side, and Edward seemed to think there was something. Esme was staring at Jasper with a strange, speculative look that I decided to ignore, my head was still a bit too muzzy to try to work out what other people were thinking.

"I'll call Carlisle and let him know what really happened." She said eventually and I realised I still hadn't answered Rosalie's question.

I couldn't hear any of what Esme was saying into the phone as she was speaking too quickly and quietly for my ears. I looked to Jasper for a translation but he was glaring at the wall and didn't see me.

Esme came back and sat across from us in a chair. "They crossed his trail and it looks like he's heading to Alaska. Tanya, Carmen and Eleazer are going home, they think that's where he might be going, Kate's going to follow the trail for a while just to be sure."

She looked as exhausted as I felt, which was quite scary, as I knew she wasn't supposed to get tired. "I'm so sorry Bella." She said.

"Don't you dare apologise for his actions." Rose snapped before I had a chance to say anything. "Edward is a fool, and we all put too much trust in his control. This is his fault."

"I don't think we can blame this on a lack of control." Carlisle sighed, already holding Esme, though I hadn't seen him come in. "Look at her injuries. He broke her wrist, from her bruises it's obvious he was holding her down, and the marks on her neck show how in control of himself he was. He hurt her deliberately and it had nothing to do with blood."

He looked so disappointed, so hurt and I felt awful, because really, it was my fault as much as it was Edward's.

"Don't think like that Bella." Jasper whispered against my temple, his lips brushing my skin. "Don't feel guilty. You didn't ask for this."

"This is the second time he's left you because of me." I reminded them.

"If he hadn't run I'd have sent him away Bella." Carlisle surprised me. "If he'd drank from you it would be almost more forgivable, a part of his nature, but hurting you like this is wrong. There's no excuse for his behaviour."

"He was trying to be what he thought I wanted." I explained.

"Some of us are still a little out of the loop here." Rosalie scowled. "You still haven't answered my question."

"Two weeks ago, I attacked Bella." Jasper began, taking the lead. "She was mostly unharmed and she forgave me for it. She understood that I was almost starving and that I wasn't exactly... sane, at the time."

"You gave her that hick-" Emmett tried to interrupt, but Rosalie quickly silenced him, eager to hear the story.

"Only the two of us and Esme knew about it, so either Esme or I have slipped with our thoughts and Edward found out. When she broke up with him, he... what? Decided to replay it? Is that about it, Bella?"

"Sort of. He thought that I... wanted you... because you're dangerous. He was trying to show me that he could be like that too." I mumbled. "What am I going to tell Charlie?"

Jasper stoked my brace gently. "Tell him that you broke up with Edward, maybe you broke your wrist punching him." He smiled. "Say that Edward has gone to stay with Alice for a while."

I nodded and wriggled further into his comforting embrace. "I'll tell him I wandered into the woods in a bad mood, he'll believe that, and I'll say that you came looking for me and took me to Carlisle. He'll be annoyed that Edward left me in the woods, but he'll like you more, so that's a plus."

His chuckle rumbled through me, relaxing me further. Everyone else was half forgotten, and I thought how nice it would be to stay in his arms forever, but the room was too quiet, and it was a tense silence.

After a few minutes of waiting for someone to speak I looked around and realised that everyone else had left. I hated the way they could do that.

"Emmett didn't hurt you, did he?"

"Not really." Jasper shrugged. "Irritated me more than anything else. He was incredibly angry."

"That's... flattering, I suppose." I frowned making him laugh. "Do you think he'll come back? Edward, I mean."

"I don't know. Are you worried he'll come after you?"

"No. He was, I don't know, desperate. I don't think he was thinking clearly, and I know he didn't mean to go this far." I explained. "I hope he comes back soon so I can yell at him."

Jasper laughed again. "You could always call him and tell him to get his ass back here. He wouldn't dare deny you anything."

"You know, I think I will. Can I borrow your phone, I think mine's still in my jeans." The little cell was in my hand before I'd had chance to finish asking. He was looking at me with barely suppressed laughter, probably thinking he was about to hear his brother get his ass handed to him.

I scrolled through the phonebook and found 'Eddikins', laughing as I pressed the call button. It rang. And rang. And rang, until eventually I gave up and decided he wasn't going to answer.

"Shame." Jasper sighed. "I was looking forward to that."

"Mmm." I mumbled turning into him for a hug. "Take me home?"

"Of course. We should check with Carlisle first, just to make sure you're really ok."

His concern was touching, but I hated being fussed over. "Let's just leave, I'm fine, honestly. I don't want to bother them, but I'd really like to get home."

"If you're sure." He said, scooping me up and carrying me into the garage. "Let's steal the Volvo. Edward won't be needing it for a while."

The only problem was, Rosalie had already got to the Volvo. She seemed to be immensely enjoying the methodical pulling apart of the engine.

She looked faintly embarrassed to be caught doing it, but carried on nonetheless. "Are you going home?" She asked me.

"Jasper's taking me." I nodded, smiling at the sight of crumpled metal littering the floor all around her.

"I _was_ hoping to borrow the Volvo." He frowned. "She won't be able to hold on very well on the bike."

Rosalie looked torn for a moment, before something whizzed towards us and Jasper let me go for half a second to catch it.

"Seriously?" He grinned, bouncing up onto the balls of his feet.

"I want it back tomorrow in perfect condition. In fact, I'll be at Bella's house first thing in the morning to collect it, and if there's a single scratch, your bike will meet the same fate as Edward's car."

By the time she'd finished speaking Jasper had already placed me in the passenger seat of Rosalie's car and run back over to kiss her cheek.

As we pulled out of the garage he ran his hand almost lovingly over the dash. "She never, ever lets anyone else drive this you know. She must be feeling guilty about letting Emmett wrestle me." He laughed, his eyes alight like a child on Christmas morning.

I watched him as he watched the road, somehow still amazed by how beautiful he was. I didn't think I'd ever get tired of looking at him. He was especially wonderful to look at right now, happy and relaxed and hopefully unaware of me staring at him.

I turned my gaze quickly out of the window and imagined him instead. He'd come and saved me I realised, and wished I'd been awake to see it. I bet he looked beautiful running through the rain, all purposeful and angry.

Gah, bad thoughts again. Think of something else. He'd spoken to Alice. I wondered how he was feeling; he didn't seem upset by it. I didn't want to bring it up in case the only reason he was ok was because he hadn't really thought about it yet.

Why had she called him anyway? There were plenty of people who could have come to my rescue. Maybe Jasper had been the closest to us, or maybe there was some other reason. Did she know about my feelings? I'd just about die if she did. What if she'd said something to Jasper about it?

"What is it?" Jasper asked worriedly. He reached over and put his hand on my thigh, probably in an attempt to calm me, but of course it had the opposite effect. "What are you worrying about?"

_Think Bella!_ Crap, what could I tell him? "I'm thinking about... Art, that's it, yeah Art. We have to reveal our paintings tomorrow and I'm a little nervous." I lied, hopefully convincingly.

"I'd forgotten about that." He muttered, looking fairly worried himself. "You'll be fine. Fenwick keeps saying it's the best you've ever done, and I must admit, I'm curious to see what you've painted."

Jasper was the only person that I wanted to hide the picture from. I knew it was good, but I was worried that he might guess my feelings for him all too easily if he saw it.

"Have you finished yours yet?" I asked him, hoping to get his mind off my painting. Jasper had restarted his picture every single lesson, and he'd never let me see the pictures he gave up on. I was as curious about his picture as he was about mine.

"I think so. I like the last one the best so far anyway." He frowned. "I've never struggled like this before."

"Why is it so difficult?" I was hoping he'd slip up and tell me what he was drawing, but he only sent me a sly look and ignored the question.

When we got out of the car at home Jasper had to carry me again, this time because I hadn't thought to put any shoes on before we left. Maybe I could 'lose' all my shoes, and then he'd have to carry me everywhere. He opened the door easily, and stepped into the hallway letting me down but still supporting my weight.

Charlie came out of the kitchen and stood staring at us. I saw his eyes flick from my wrist to my ankle before quickly scanning the rest of me, then turning his hostile gaze on Jasper. "What have you done to my daughter?" He demanded. Now would be a really great time for Jasper to use his gift.

"He didn't do anything." I say quickly, noticing how close Charlie was standing to his gun belt. "I hit Edward." I waved my wrist at him. "And ran off into the woods, that's how I hurt my ankle. Jasper came looking for me and took me to Carlisle to get me patched up."

Charlie looked between us for what I'm sure was hours while I silently prayed he'd believe me. Finally, he gave Jasper a nod. "Where's your brother now?"

"He's left the family for a while and gone to stay with Alice." Jasper said, his tone not giving anything away, and again I wondered about the phone call.

"Do I need to track him down?" Charlie asked me. "What did he do to make you hit him?"

Oops. We hadn't covered this in our little planning session. I needed something bad enough to warrant hitting him, but not bad enough that Charlie would want to go after him, and I was coming up with nothing.

"That would be my fault I guess Chief." Jasper muttered doing a very good job of looking embarrassed. "When Bella broke up with him, he accused her of sleeping with me. Which isn't true, of course." He added hastily.

I had to fight down a laugh. The lie was perfect, and it was one Charlie had heard before. Again he looked at us for a while, and I began to think he might not believe us, but eventually, he smiled. "Ok." He said. "You kids hungry? I was going to order pizza."

"I ate at home." Jasper told him quickly.

"Sure dad, I'll have some." I had plans that involved Charlie getting to know Jasper and liking him, and the only way to do that was to get them to spend some time together. "Help me into the living room?" I asked Jasper.

While Charlie called the pizza place Jasper carried me to the sofa and set me down. "Do you know anything about fishing?" I whispered quickly.

"Not really." He looked confused. "Why?"

"I want Charlie to like you, plus dinner tomorrow will be easier if you've already gotten to know each other a little."

"What else does he like, besides fishing?" He asked looking a bit worried.

"You know, what, forget it. He'll like you anyway," Maybe a confidence boost would help more than giving him good things to talk about. I was rewarded with a huge smile that had me almost melting.

He carefully lifted up my feet and slipped onto the sofa under them, resting them in his lap. His cool hands on my swollen ankle were bliss and I couldn't quite contain a moan. I knew I was blushing furiously, and I could feel him shaking with laughter, so I tipped my head back to rest on the arm of the couch so I wouldn't have to look at him.

"You like that Bella?" He teased, running his fingers over the bandages.

"No." I lied pathetically, I couldn't even convince myself to move my feet away from him.

I heard Charlie walking back into the room and sitting down in his chair. It was comforting to be around someone who actually made noise when they walked again. "Billy and Jake are coming for dinner tomorrow Bells, do you need me to buy anything on the way home from work?"

"Dad, Jasper's staying for dinner tomorrow, remember?" I reminded him, surely he hadn't forgotten.

"I know, I thought it would be nice if there were more of us." I knew that by 'nice' he meant less awkward. Clearly, he didn't know his old friend as well as he thought he did. I couldn't imagine anything more awkward than Billy Black eating dinner at the same table as a Cullen.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" I said carefully. I knew that Charlie knew about Billy's dislike of the Cullen's, but I didn't know if he knew exactly what Billy thought of them.

"He's promised to keep his silly prejudices to himself." Charlie told me, his eyes quickly flicking to Jasper. "And you like Jake, right? Billy said he's wanted to see you for a while."

Last time I'd seen Jacob he'd been sent to my prom to warn me away from Edward. I wasn't looking forward to seeing either of them.

"Great." I mumbled only relaxing when Jasper resumed his gentle massage. Could he be more perfect? I was watching him again when he cocked his head to one side, listening to something.

"Carlisle" He whispered, low enough that Charlie wouldn't be able to hear it. I strained to hear whatever it was he was listening to, and after about half a minute of nothing, I heard the distant purr of an engine.

Jasper sent me a wave of calm before I even had time to start worrying about why they were coming here. The car pulled up at the curb and Charlie stood up, to answer the door, probably thinking it was the pizza. We stayed on the sofa listening carefully, and I watched Jasper's lips twitch, assuming he was saying something to Carlisle.

"Dr. Cullen, Mrs Cullen." Charlie greeted them. "Have you come for Jasper?"

"Actually I wanted to see Bella. I prescribed her some pills for the pain in her wrist and she forgot them. I thought we'd bring them over and make sure she was doing ok." Carlisle's voice was warm and calm as always and Charlie invited them in without hesitation.

Esme's face transformed from worry to joy as soon as she caught sight of us on the couch. I sat up to make room for her and she perched between us, staring at me. "I thought... when you left, that you weren't coming back." She whispered, while Carlisle kept Charlie occupied in the hall. "But you will, won't you?"

"Of course Esme." I smiled, reaching round her for a hug. "As long as you want me."

"Always." She said stoking my hair back. "I'm not losing you too."

I felt guilty again. She'd lost her son because of me, and who knew when he'd come back.

"Bella." Jasper growled. "Edward leaving is Edward's fault, not yours."

"We don't blame you." Esme exclaimed, a little too loudly considering how close Charlie was. "We wanted to apologise, for Edward's actions, that's the main reason we came."

"Both of you are being ridiculous." Jasper sighed. "Edward made a mistake, and the two of you are fighting over which of you gets to take the blame. Let's leave the blame where it belongs, with him."

Esme nodded, but I don't think she really believed what he was saying. Parents always blame themselves after all. Carlisle and Charlie joined us laughing like old friends.

"You've kept the brace on?" Carlisle asked, switching into doctor mode as he moved to the couch. Quietly he explained my injury, as he hadn't had time to before. "It's a hairline fracture, and the brace will have to stay on for a few weeks I'm afraid, but you should be able to walk on your ankle by tomorrow."

"Thanks." I told him as he handed me a small bottle of pills.

"I'm very sorry for everything that's happened Bella." He said sadly. "I thought I'd raised him better."

I didn't think I could get away with hugging him, Charlie might think that was a bit weird, so I kissed his cheek quickly hoping Charlie wouldn't notice.

He grinned and ruffled my hair as he and Esme stood to leave. I took my chance now knowing Charlie was less likely to argue in front of them. "Jasper can stay, right Dad?"

"I don't know Bells, it's a school night. What do you think?" He turned to ask Esme's opinion.

"We have no problem with it." She smiled widely, and I was mildly suspicious that she was dazzling him into agreeing. It was pretty much confirmed when he grinned back nodding stupidly.

Carlisle laughed at her and tugged her towards the door. "Be good children." She called in an oddly eager voice as they left.

"Hopeful." Jasper muttered, frowning. "She's feeling hopeful."

I got comfortable again and put my feet up. "About what?"

"I don't know." He cocked his head again, and then scowled at the door.

"What?" I nudged his thigh, but he just shook his head and muttered something under his breath. It was obvious I wouldn't get any more out of him.

There was another knock at the door and Charlie went to answer it, I hoped it was the pizza this time, I was starving.

I craned my neck around to see what was taking so long. "Patience is a virtue." Jasper laughed.

I poked his leg with my foot again and stuck my tongue out at him. Why was I acting like a five year old? That was hardly likely to make him feel the same way. Actually, when had I decided I was going to pursue him? I hadn't. I wouldn't dare.

I had absolutely no experience in trying to attract a man; I'd just make a fool of myself. Or worse, I'd scare him off and then I wouldn't even have him as a friend. The only option was to pretend I didn't want him, until I really didn't want him. It should be easy enough, provided I don't stupidly kiss him again, and I manage to disguise my feelings. Who was I kidding, he probably knew already. And he was still here, pretending he didn't. New plan then, as long as Jasper ignores the fact that I'm falling in love with him, it isn't really happening.

I mulled over ways of getting over him as I ate my pizza, but none of them were very good. Most of them involved avoiding him, or trying to date someone else, and neither of those appealed to me in any way at all. It would probably be a long slow process.

"Have you gotten all your homework finished Bella?" Charlie asked as he cleared away the boxes and plates.

"I just have some math left." I said flippantly, internally panicking as I realised I had a few hours' worth of the stuff to do.

Jasper smirked at me, no doubt feeling my sudden alarm. "Want me to take you upstairs?" He offered.

I agreed instantly, not bothering to tell him that I could probably make it up on my own. His hands had done wonders for my ankle. I'd start operation 'get over Jasper' tomorrow. Or maybe the next day.

Jasper kicked open my bedroom door and started laughing, and I wriggled around to see why. Charlie had set up a camp bed a few feet away from my bed with a sleeping bag and pillow rolled up on top.

"I guess he wasn't too fond of us camping out on the floor together." Jasper grinned, striding over the camp bed and setting me down. I pouted. I liked curling up with Jasper.

"Mmm." I grumbled, pulling out the dreaded math text book. I might have understood it now, but I still despised it. "Want to help me?" I tried.

"I suppose by 'help' you mean tell you all the answers?" He laughed, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling my feet up again. I bit back another moan and nodded hopefully.

"It wouldn't hurt, just this once." I pleaded. "I understand it; I just can't be bothered with it tonight."

He gave in quickly and dictated answers to me, but made me do the last one on my own. It was difficult to pay attention to what he was saying when his hands on my ankle felt so good. I really needed to work on not looking like I was daydreaming.

Eventually my thoughts turned to Edward again.

"What are you thinking?" Jasper asked, his hands stilling. "Why are you sad?"

"I was thinking about Edward."

"You regret it?" He frowned.

"No. I just wish it hadn't ended that way. Everything seems sour now. Today ruined things, all my memories feel tainted." I explained. "Mom always told me that you never forget your first love, and that he'll always be special to you. The way he acted today cancelled out a lot of the good things, and there were good things, it wasn't all fighting."

"I know you, Bella. You'll forgive him eventually, and one day he might even forgive himself. In a few years it will be as if today never really happened and you'll be able to look back on all the happy memories without anything spoiling them."

"A few years." I chuckled. "That's nothing to you, is it?"

"Every second counts." He told me, smiling strangely.

"But the seconds are more important to me. In a few years I'll be twenty." That was a fairly horrible thought.

"I'm twenty." Jasper grinned. "Sort of."

"Yeah? Ok then." I nodded to myself. So I wasn't as old as Jasper yet, I felt better. "How old is everyone else?"

"Emmett was twenty when he was changed, Rosalie eighteen, and Alice was nineteen we think. Carlisle was twenty three, and Esme's the oldest at twenty six."

How stupid I'd been to worry that I was getting older than everyone else. Now that I was no longer with Edward I wasn't worried about being older than him. I'd just have to convince Carlisle to change me before I was twenty. I told myself that had nothing at all to do with Jasper's age.

I yawned and Jasper carried me to the bathroom. "Give me a shout when you're done and I'll come and get you." He told me going back to my room.

It was the first time I'd looked in the mirror since this morning, and I didn't like what I saw. How Charlie hadn't noticed the marks on my neck I didn't know, they were much more obvious than the ones Jasper had left. I'd have my work cut out to cover them up for school tomorrow.

The scratches were nothing; I couldn't remember the last time I'd been entirely without cuts of some sort. The bruises annoyed me the most, they'd take ages to fade, and couldn't be explained away if Charlie caught sight of any of them. I was definitely going to hit Edward when I saw him. If I saw him.

Jasper came back to get me and I made him push the camp bed up against mine. He didn't seem to think there was anything strange about that, but I had an excuse ready just in case.

He pulled the blankets up to my shoulders and brushed my hair back out of the way, his cool fingers lingering for a moment at my jaw. For half a second I thought he might kiss me good night, but he turned away and got into his sleeping bag instead. I hoped he didn't feel my disappointment or that if he did, he didn't understand it.

We laid on our sides facing each other in the darkness; I wanted his face to be the last thing I saw before I fell asleep.

**An: Go, on, you know you want to press the button and tell me what you think : )**


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**An: Thanks for all the reviews, you make my day, every day lol! Lots of love to my fab beta ladyofkeegan!**

Chapter Seventeen

She'd woken up in the night after a bad dream, but all she'd done was mumble my name and search for my hand. As soon as she was holding it, she'd fallen asleep again and she'd barely moved or made a sound since then. Bella was even more beautiful when she was sleeping peacefully like this. She spent so much time trying to please everyone else that she was often stressed and it showed. It was good to see her relaxed for once.

I wanted this to happen every morning from now on if possible. Watching Bella wake up was the highlight of my day and I'd done it two days in a row now. The great thing is that it was ok, Charlie knew about it and even bought me a camp bed. I felt like part of the family.

I just wished I could see what Bella saw me as. Her emotions had been all over the place for the last few days, often changing before I had a chance to grasp what they were. I'd felt a lot of love, as always, but also a lot of guilt. She was often excited but it never lasted long.

On the outside, she usually appeared to be happy in my presence but her swirling emotions told a different story. In truth, I had very little idea of how she felt about me at all. She _must_ love me, at least a little bit though, or she'd avoid me and she certainly wouldn't look to me for a shoulder to cry on.

I'd thought about that kiss almost constantly since it had happened and I was still deeply annoyed that I'd missed my chance to kiss her back. What if it had been more than the punch that had made her kiss me? I didn't think she felt anything for me but friendship or at worst brotherly love. Friendship I could work with but if she was already thinking of me as a brother, I had no chance at all.

I frowned remembering the conversation I'd overheard between Esme and Carlisle last night.

"_He loves her you know. I asked him about it and he denied it, but it's obvious." Esme had stated before they were even in the car. _

"_Are you sure you're not just seeing what you want to see?" Carlisle had chuckled and I'd heard her slapping at him playfully._

"_You know I'm right." She'd teased. "You didn't see how they were sitting. When I walked in he was rubbing her feet. If that's not love then what is?"_

"_Yes Esme." Carlisle had given in by this point, knowing he wouldn't win against Esme. "Giving a foot rub always means you're in love with someone."_

_She didn't seem to notice his slight sarcasm and moved onto Bella. "And Bella, I hadn't thought about it until today, but she was so angry when she found out we were blaming him. And look at how much time she spends with him. Surely she's falling for him too. Everything will work out fine, you'll see."_

"_Don't interfere. Leave them to it." Carlisle had begged, but I hadn't heard her answer as they'd pulled away._

Knowing Esme she'd start dropping hints as soon as she saw me. I just hoped she wouldn't start on Bella.

I heard Charlie coming out of the bathroom and heading towards our room. I was tempted to let go of Bella's hand and turn away from her, but decided against it. I didn't want to hide anything from him that I didn't have to. He was trusting me with his daughter, and he deserved to see the way things really were.

He stood in the open doorway and I awaited his reaction. A flicker of anger at first, smothered by worry and then a happy acceptance. From where he was standing he could clearly see that the cot was pushed up against the bed and how close we were lying and even that we were holding hands, but he was beginning to like what he saw. I wanted to open my eyes and tell him how grateful I was that he was allowing me this, but I didn't dare.

Things were going so well, but I knew that today could be a turning point. There were two things to worry about. Bella's reaction to my painting, and the dinner tonight. I wasn't worried about dinner. It would be awkward, and uncomfortable for me in more ways than one, but Bella would still like me at the end of it.

The painting was the thing that worried me more. It was stupid of me to draw her but I couldn't think of anything else. From the moment Miss Fenwick had told us to draw something beautiful that we wished we could see again and again, all I could picture was Bella's face.

She'd know what it meant as soon as she saw it, I was sure. When I'd begun I hadn't even realized I was falling for her, not really. It hadn't occurred to me that she was the only thing I could see because she was the only thing I wanted. Because she was everything.

I couldn't pinpoint exactly when I'd fallen in love with her, it had crept up on me without my permission or even my knowledge. Before Alice had left I'd liked her, I found the way she had been willing to give up her life to save her mother fascinating, and the fact that she had worried about all of us more than herself even more amazing, but I certainly hadn't loved her.

With Alice around there hadn't been room to love anyone else. Sometimes, and I could barely believe this now after everything that had happened, I'd wished Bella away. She made my lack of control more prominent but it hadn't been her that had scared me out of the house, it had been my desire to protect her. Even before I'd gotten to know her, I'd known that she was important.

If she left me now, it would be far worse than when Alice left. Even thinking about it made me want to wake her up and hold her, make her promise again, that she would always be here.

_But she won't always be here._ Some sadistic voice in my head told me. _What if she doesn't want to be a vampire anymore?_

That wasn't something we'd talked about. What if it was true? She'd wanted to be a vampire so that she could spend forever with Edward. She didn't want Edward anymore, so it followed that she wouldn't want the forever either. She was free to live a normal life now, to go to college, get a job, marry someone. The thought was torturous. I could see her in my head, standing in front of a house with some nice normal boy like Newton, her stomach swollen with child and his arms wrapped around her middle.

She could have all of that now, everything Edward ever wanted for her. I knew it was selfish but _I_ didn't want that for her. I wanted her to be strong like me so she would always be safe. I wanted her to be able to defend herself when I wasn't around. I wanted her to be with me. Forever.

I could make her happy, if she'd let me. I'd do anything for her and I wouldn't stifle her, the way Edward had. There would never be anyone else for me, it was something I was certain of. I'd loved Alice very much, and I supposed I always would in some ways, but Bella already outshone her by miles, and I loved her more with every passing minute.

Whenever I thought about her I got a strange, full feeling in my chest, and the urge to laugh and cry all at once. When I was with her the feeling was stronger, and I basked in it whenever I wasn't busy trying to work out how she was feeling.

A quiet click from outside distracted me and I listened carefully for a threat, but it was only Rosalie getting into her car. I assumed she'd already checked it for scratches.

Bella grumbled something unintelligible beside me and slowly opened her eyes. She looked at our joined hands and then up at me with a breathtaking smile. I was wrong. She was more beautiful now than she had been when she was asleep. I felt my own lips turning up and mirroring hers. The warm, full feeling intensified.

"Good morning." She breathed, still smiling.

"Sleep well?"

She frowned, blushed and let go of my hand. "Y-es, fine thank you." The almost constant love and guilt were back, this time with just a little nervousness. She scooted down to the end of the bed and stood carefully, testing the weight on her ankle. _Please ask me to carry you._

She smiled vaguely at me before leaving the room. I heard the water running in the bathroom and the rattle of the pill bottle, and worried about how much pain she was in.

She probably wouldn't be able to make herself any breakfast, and she'd seemed to enjoy the omelette I'd made her, so I headed downstairs to attempt another culinary creation.

While I mixed the batter for pancakes I heard her shuffling about in the bedroom. With every passing minute she became more frustrated and angry. "Ow." She cried, and had me sprinting up the stairs to her aid.

"Are you alright?" I checked, crashing into the room with about as much grace as Emmett usually displayed. Annoyance turned quickly to embarrassment and indecision. "What's wrong? Have you hurt yourself?"

"No more than usual." She laughed, turning to face me. "I can't fasten my buttons with one hand."

Her shirt hung open over a little pink camisole. I was staring and I couldn't seem to stop. _Get it together!_

"C-c-can I" Oh god, I couldn't even form a sentence. I shook myself, hugely thankful that all my staring and stuttering had only taken a second. She might not even have noticed. _Now be a gentleman!_

"Would you like me to help?" That was good, right? I didn't sound too eager and offering to button up a shirt was surely ok.

"S-s-sure." Well at least I wasn't the only one having speech problems. She was looking at me weirdly. Oh right, I was supposed to be helping. I stepped towards her and held the bottom edges of the shirt together to fix the first button. My fingers didn't seem to want to co-operate. Vampires are not supposed to fumble, but I could feel the heat of her skin through the thin cotton and it was distracting me.

I finally managed to get the stupid bit of plastic through the buttonhole and risked a glance at her face to see if she'd noticed my less than brilliant co-ordination. She was biting her lip and watching my hands move towards the next button. I sucked in a breath in an effort to calm myself down.

This was torture. No other word for it. All I could feel was nerves and lust, was that me or her? I couldn't concentrate enough to find out, but something told me that she was unlikely to be turned on by my fastening her shirt. Maybe if I was taking it off instead.

I took another deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut to get my mind out of the gutter. Why had I offered to do this? What good could come of it? I rushed over the other buttons at vampire speed, not daring to let my hands linger any longer.

"All done." I smiled hoping my voice didn't sound quite as strained as I thought.

Bella tilted her head back to smile up at me, a faint blush tinting her cheeks. "Thanks." She whispered, and her warm breath brushed across my jaw. As I looked down into her eyes I realized how close we were still standing. All I needed to do was lean down a couple of inches and our lips would touch. _Why not? Just a friendly little peck, that's all._

I moved forward an inch and gauged her reaction. She was still smiling but I was still too fogged up by my own lust and nervousness to feel her emotions. Another inch, she smelt delicious, but it wasn't just her blood, and her big brown eyes seemed to be dragging me closer.

"Is something burning?" She asked, snapping me right out of fantasy land. I stepped back from her quickly, horrified. I didn't know what bothered me more, the fact that I hadn't got to kiss her, or the fact that I'd been about to try in the first place. "I can smell smoke."

I sniffed the air and found that she was right. Running downstairs I berated myself for my stupidity. What had possessed me to try to kiss her? I had no idea how she felt about me yet, kissing her now could wreck everything. I needed her in my life even if she was only ever a friend, I couldn't scare her away.

Well, the pancakes were black. They were practically welded to the bottom of the pan and smoke was curling into air above them. Bella came down the stairs slowly, gripping the banister and she was laughing so hard she almost fell. I caught myself wishing she had slipped so that I could catch her.

"'S not funny." I grumbled attacking the blackened mess with a knife which bent and then snapped. Bella just laughed harder and slumped into a seat at the table. "How do I fix it?"

"It's not really fixable." She giggled. "The coating's burnt off the pan. Throw it in the bin, but rinse it under the tap for a minute first, we don't want to burn the house down."

"Sorry." I mumbled, doing as she asked. I'd wanted to do something nice for her, and instead I'd ended up wrecking her stuff. "I wanted to make you breakfast."

"Maybe you should stick to omelettes in future." She sighed going over to the cupboard for a cereal bar. "Would you mind driving today?"

It took me a few seconds to understand what she'd asked as I'd been busy turning the almost kiss into a real kiss in my head. I had a very vivid imagination.

"I... uh... yes. I mean no, I wouldn't mind." There was something wrong with me.

"Are you feeling ok?" She frowned.

"Perfect." I gave her my best smile, trying to cover up how much she was affecting me. I did not stutter. I did not fumble. And I certainly never got nervous. Except when I was with her.

Was this what falling in love felt like for everyone? I had no experience. I'd been alone and depressed one minute and with Alice the next. She told me that she'd love me and I would love her, so I did. It was as simple as that. There was none of this hiding feelings and stumbling over my words. I hated it. How was I ever supposed to get Bella to like me if I couldn't even string a coherent sentence together?

_____________________________________

Emmett was leaning against his car in the parking lot when we arrived, grinning like an idiot. "I bring gifts." He shouted far too loud as I helped Bella out of the cab. "I've got clothes and homework for Jasper and information for Bella!"

He threw a dufflebag at me, and I recognized Esme's scent all over it. She'd started already. This was a clear sign that she didn't expect me to come home for a while. I didn't mind in the least, I'd stay at Bella's forever if she'd let me.

"So, guess what happened this morning?" Emmett sang poking Bella when she didn't answer immediately. "C'mon, guess. I bet you can't."

"Rosalie ran away with the milkman and you're going to join the circus?" She grinned poking him back.

"Nope. As if Rosie would ever leave me." He laughed.

"Are you actually going to tell us what happened?" I was getting impatient.

"Right, yeah. So, Eleazer called this morning, to tell us that Edward is hiding in their basement." He burst out laughing, not recognizing how un-amusing Bella found his story. She was worried and annoyed in equal parts. "D'you think he's scared we'll beat him up?"

"No, I think he's probably feeling pretty ashamed." I corrected quietly, hoping he'd drop the subject.

His eyes flicked to Bella. "Well so he should!" He grumbled back.

I put my arm around her. "You ok?"

"Hmm." She didn't look ok, and she didn't feel ok, but I didn't want to push her, especially not out here where Emmett was likely to make some stupid comment that would only upset her more.

Emmett dragged her off to the gym, where I knew she'd spend an hour and a half sitting out because of her wrist, and thinking about Edward. She was feeling guilty again, and I hoped she wouldn't talk herself into giving him another chance. I knew she wasn't stupid, and she was angry with him for what he'd done, but she always wanted to please everybody, often overlooking what she wanted herself.

Spanish was spent watching the clock. The hands moved more slowly than they ever had before and every little 'tick' felt like it was vibrating through me. For the first time ever, when the teacher asked me a question, I was completely stumped.

I was thinking about the almost kiss, the possibility of Bella taking Edward back, the possibility of Bella finding out I loved her, and how slowly the clock was moving. There was no space left in my head for the irritating man who spoke worse Spanish than I did.

I felt the general surprise of the class as I failed to answer a second question. There was another thing to add to my list of strange, love induced behaviors; constant distraction.

Only five minutes left now until I could see Bella again. It was an eternity. My whole life up until this point had passed more quickly than the last eighty minutes. I literally ached to be beside her again. I was even jealous of Emmett for god's sake, simply because I knew he could see her right now. He was in the same building as her, he could probably even pick out her heartbeat from all the other noise around him if he wanted to.

Two minutes. I could live with that.

Who was I kidding, no I couldn't. I groaned as I remembered that she had biology later, while I had chemistry. Another ninety minutes when I'd be forced to endure the miserably slow passage of time. At least I'd have Emmett with me then, he'd keep me occupied. A little. Maybe.

I should have convinced her to skip school today. Her injuries were easily to excuse enough and I could have spent the day looking after her. Or more likely, she'd have spent the day making sure I was ok. I loved her for that. Actually, I pretty much loved her for everything.

The bell rang, and I hadn't even noticed those last two minutes passing! Now all I needed to do was walk to Math like a human and not fly across the school like I wanted to. This would be a real test of my control. I casually shoved past everyone who got in my way and walked far too quickly through the door.

"Where are you rushing off too?" said the sweetest voice from behind me and I whipped around, almost knocking down Lauren Mallory in the process. I didn't wait to see if she'd recovered her balance before I shoved my way back through the fractious crowd towards Bella.

She was leaning against the wall outside the door to my Spanish classroom smiling at me.

I bit back the 'I love you' that tried to escape as I reached her and asked her "What are you doing here?" instead.

"I sneaked out early." she grinned. "No one noticed, not even Emmett."

She'd sneaked out to meet me. I was jumping about on the inside. _**When had I turned into a love-sick teenager?**_It was mortifying. I was glad no one else could see what I was thinking and feeling. _Calm down! She sneaked out to meet her best friend, not to marry you!_

I wrapped my arm around her and chanced kissing the top of her head. That was allowed or at least it should be. She rested her head against my shoulder and I felt tenderness coming from her. But what did that mean? Was that the type of brotherly love I'd been dreading?

"How was Spanish?" she asked as we walked slowly to our next lesson. There was no rush now that I was with her.

"It was... boring." That seemed like a safe answer, and it wasn't entirely untrue.

"Gym too" she laughed. "I couldn't wait for it to end."

As we walked down the hallway I noticed several people whispering and looking at us. I'd thought the rumors had died down, but apparently not. With a bit of luck they might be true soon. I listened in on one conversation and heard a sophomore telling her friend that Bella and I were a couple, I liked the sound of that.

Someone else was regaling a whole group of friends with a story about me beating up Edward, he even went as far as saying that he was in hospital recovering. That one was interesting, and not one I'd heard before. I wondered where he'd heard it. Bella was becoming uncomfortable, she'd noticed all the staring too.

"Ignore them" I whispered, hoping she wouldn't pull away from me in an effort to squash any gossip, but I needn't have worried. She snuggled further against me and my heart soared.

As we entered the classroom all the students fell silent and Bella tensed again. I squeezed her shoulder and led her to our desk where Emmett was sitting with an incredibly suspicious expression of innocence.

"What have you done this time?" I muttered sitting down. Bella pulled her chair as close to mine as possible. She did that a lot. I filed it away to think about later.

"Nothin'" he grinned in an overly offended tone. "I get the blame for everything."

"That's because things are usually your fault." Bella laughed, relaxing into taunting Emmet.

"That's not true" he pouted. "I only do about half the things I get the blame for. Anyway, have you heard the latest rumours yet?"

"Do you mean the one's about me putting Edward in the hospital?" I glared at Emmett. I was sure he had something to do with this.

"That's even better."

"Better than what?" I growled.

"Uh, nothing... I just didn't s- hear the part about him being in hospital."

"You have to be the worst liar I've ever met." Bella said rolling her eyes. "You started that rumor didn't you?"

"Nope." He grinned across at her and licked his lips. "I said that Edward and Jasper fought over you, and Jasper won. I may have also mentioned that Edward had gone away for a while to lick his wounds."

"Why would you do that? Don't you get enough attention as it is?" She was angry, but she was also fairly amused.

"Well, I thought, we've got to explain Edward's absence somehow and we might as well do it in style. See, this way, Jasper's reputation gets a boost, and no hormonal boys will be sniffing round you cuz they'll all think you're taken." He was actually proud of his story, but Bella's mounting anger told me he wouldn't be feeling that way for long.

"What if I _want_ to go on a date?" she said dangerously. Emmett looked a little fearful. "What if Jasper wants to go out with someone? Did you even think about the fact that this is yet another thing that will have to be explained to Charlie? I'm telling Rosalie."

"Oh god, please don't," he begged. "I'm sorry, I'll tell everyone it was a joke, don't tell Rosie on me. I can't take another sex ban this soon, and I've only just got the jeep back."

Bella stared him down for a full minute before she started laughing. "I'm not that bothered really you big lug." She giggled. "But it would be nice if you discussed things like this with us in the future."

He actually wilted. "So you won't tell Rosie?"

"Your secret's safe with me." She smiled and then turned to face the front as the lesson began. About five minutes after we'd started work she ripped a scrap of paper out of her book and handed it to me under the table.

_We are getting him back for this : )_

I felt myself grinning in anticipation, I couldn't wait until we were home so we could plot against the man who claimed to be the master of pranks.

_______________________

Chemistry wasn't quite as bad as Spanish had been, but I found I couldn't even listen to Emmett, let alone be distracted by him. I was too busy worrying about art again, there was only lunch left between now and revealing my picture to Bella. I suddenly wanted to slow time down instead of speeding it up.

Bella barely touched anything at lunch and she was feeling almost as nervous as I was, but she was also excited. My curiosity took my mind off things a little.

Something else that was keeping me occupied was what Bella had said to Emmett. She'd said 'what if I want to date'. Was that true? Did she want to date? And if so, who? It better not be Newton, he's not good enough for her. So I'm lying to myself again, no one is good enough for her. I'm not good enough for her, but I'd love her better than anyone else.

On the other hand, she was sort of joking when she'd yelled at Emmett. She might not have meant it at all. She probably wouldn't want to get into a relationship this soon after breaking up with Edward. Any relationship. I didn't know how long I'd be able to conceal my feelings. Which brought me right back to my picture and we were conveniently right outside the door to the classroom.

All the easels were exactly where we had left them at the end of the last lesson, except that they'd been covered with dust sheets and turned to face the middle of the room. I got more nervous and felt Bella do the same. I wished she was calm so that I could feed off her emotions to calm myself down.

We strolled towards our section at the back of the room, equally hesitant to reach it.

"Ok class, I want you to present your paintings to whoever you're sitting with and explain why you chose your subject. I'll come around and speak to you all individually." Miss Fenwick just had to choose today of all days to turn up on time and start the lesson quickly didn't she.

"Ladies first?" I tried, hoping to hold off the inevitable a little longer.

Bella gaped at me and shook her head. "No, show me yours first, please?" How could I refuse her?

"Ok." I said. "Ok." I stood in front of the easel to block it from her view as I removed the sheet. It had taken me a grand total of seventeen tries to get this right, and I still wasn't completely happy with it. I prayed that Bella wouldn't read anything into it. But how could she not?

"Oh" Bella gasped peering over my shoulder.

I felt the need to explain quickly. "It's... it's the way you looked at me. That's the thing I wish I could see again and again. You looked at me like I was something special, like I was worth something. And I wanted to keep it." I knew I sounded defensive, but I wasn't even sure she was listening.

She was feeling happiness, sadness and love. No guilt this time. Her eyes were glistening with tears as she stared at the charcoal sketch. I'd drawn her the way she'd looked the first time she saw me in the sunlight, my perfect recall making it easy to remember every detail. She'd been wearing my hat and cradling a hot mug of tea, her mouth slightly open and an expression of wonder in her eyes. It was the way she'd looked in the split second before I'd turned to face her fully.

No one had ever looked at me quite the way she did.

Out of nowhere her emotions changed to amusement and joy and she started laughing. "What? It's not that bad, I know it's not my best, but you don't need to laugh." I groused.

She could barely speak through her giggles. "It's... not that... it's beautiful... you've made... me far too... pretty. But look... come and see mine."

I wanted to tell her that I hadn't made her too pretty, the opposite was true, I hadn't been able to make her beautiful enough, but my curiosity was piqued so I followed her over to her canvass.

She pulled off the sheet with a flourish, all traces of nervousness gone, and what I saw shocked me speechless. I understood why she was laughing. She'd painted the opposite of my picture. It was me lying in the grass by Esme's roses.

Only it didn't look like me, really. The Jasper in the picture looked more like a god than a man, glowing faintly in the sunlight. It looked like something out of a fairy tale. Bella was looking at the world with different eyes than everyone else, I was sure. If this was how she saw me it was no wonder she'd looked at me the way she had.

The happiness, sadness and love were all my own this time, and I understood exactly how she'd felt when she'd seen the picture of herself. In the bottom corner in tiny writing, she'd written _'Perfectly Imperfect' Bella Swan_.

I wanted to tell her everything, but all I could do was stare between the painting and her face as she ginned at me.

"Is that really how you see me?" I finally choked out.

Her smile softened and she reached for my hand. "I see you exactly as you are."

"Ahh... young love." Miss Fenwick sighed as she reached us. I was sorely tempted to snap her neck for interrupting. Bella blushed brightly and released my hand. "I don't think these need much of an explanation, but I do wonder why you've both chosen to draw what you can see whenever you want to anyway. I asked you to paint something you'd once seen that you wished you could see again."

"I haven't just drawn Jasper, Miss, it's the way he looked in that particular moment." Bella mumbled avoiding my eyes. "He was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen."

I knew Miss Fenwick had started discussing Bella's technique, but I didn't hear a word. She'd said I was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen! Me! She thought I was better looking than Edward! I was truly touched, but my ego was swiftly taking over. I felt like strutting around the school telling everyone I met that Bella thought I was beautiful. And she'd even seen some of my scars.

"Jasper?"

Miss Fenwick seemed to be waiting for me to do something. I should probably have been paying attention. Bella, still blushing nodded pointedly at my picture and I took the hint.

I didn't want to tell her about the way the pictures were linked, that was private, a secret between Bella and I, so instead I told her about my failed attempts. She didn't ask any more questions after that and left us to it.

I glanced at Bella wondering where we stood. She was pleased, amused and relieved. Did that mean she knew how I felt, or that she didn't? She'd painted me. Did that mean she felt the same way I did? I wished I had the confidence to come out and ask her.

We sat down at our desk and I could almost feel the awkward barrier dropping into place between us, but apparently, Bella could not. She shifted closer, as always, until we were bumping shoulders. I relaxed as her body heat spread through me. She was happy enough to sit quietly with her own thoughts, so I took a bit of time to analyze her.

Certain things told me that I was in with a chance, but it all came down to interpretation. For example, every time she moved closer to me I wondered why. Was it something she wanted, or was it something she did because she thought it was what I wanted?

She'd made more of an effort to make me get to know Charlie than she had with Edward, but why was that? We had become very close, very quickly, was she just introducing me to Charlie as her friend? Why was Charlie allowing me to stay at their house? Did he like me? Or had Bella told him that we were like brother and sister? I hoped it wasn't the latter.

I'd heard the others talking of course, and I knew why Bella had made such an effort to help me. It was simply because she had made a promise to Alice. I knew that that had changed now, Bella genuinely liked spending time with me, and she trusted me more completely than anyone else ever had. But was she spending more time with me than she wanted to because of the promise she'd made almost a month ago?

"What are you thinking about?" Bella whispered, kicking my foot under the table.

Honesty. I could be honest about this without worrying her, and I'd know if she was lying. "I'm thinking about the promise you made to Alice."

"I didn't know you knew about that." She muttered flushing.

"Well I do, I've known since the beginning. I wanted to know if you're still keeping your promise."

She frowned at me and I felt her confusion. "I don't know? Am I helping you? You're the only one that knows the answer to that."

"Of course you're helping me, but that isn't what I meant. I was wondering if you're spending so much time with me because Alice asked you to."

"Jasper, I haven't even thought about that promise since the weekend she left. I like being with you." She explained, and her emotions changed to worry. "Do you... do you not want to spend so much time with me?"

"How could you possibly think that?" I reached under the table for her hand. "Best friends, remember?" I mentally cringed.

She relaxed instantly. "Ok then. Looking forward to dinner?" She giggled.

"Can't wait." I scowled at her.

"Sorry. I'll try to make it as bearable for you as possible, and I'll do my best to keep Billy off your back."

"I've been meaning to ask about that. Charlie said something about his prejudices, and you were really uncomfortable when he said they were coming for dinner. What's the problem?"

"You must know about the treaty, right?" I nodded. "Well Billy's a descendent of whoever made the treaty, and he believes in all the mythology."

"Mythology?" I laughed. "It's all true. Or do you think that us being vampires is all an elaborate hoax?"

She rolled her eyes and laughed. "Of course not, but to most people, all the old Quileute legends are just mythology. Even Billy's son Jacob doesn't believe that you're really the 'cold ones'."

"So... dinner's going to be a riot then?" I laughed uncomfortably.

"It will be fine. I'll protect you from Billy." She smiled squeezing me hand.

"_You_'ll protect _me_, will you?"

"Yep." She managed to keep a straight face, but I knew she was perilously close to laughing. One raised eyebrow pushed her over the edge and into a fit of giggles.

She shrieked abruptly and almost fell off her stool in her haste to look under the table. "You nearly gave me a heart attack!" she whispered loudly as Emmett's head appeared.

"What are you doing in here?" I asked him as he smirked up at us.

"My class got out early so I thought I'd come and wish you luck with dinner and see what you were doing."

"But why are you under the table?" Bella scooted her chair away so he could stand up between us, but he chose to remain on the floor, glancing around suspiciously.

"I didn't think your teacher would like me barging in, so I crawled really fast. It was like something out of _Mission Impossible,_ only more fun and without Tom Cruise." He edged out a bit and looked around again. "Isn't this supposed to be an art lesson?"

"It is an art lesson." Bella said looking pointedly at the room full of canvasses and art supplies.

"If it's an art lesson why were you just sitting here holding hands under the table?" He smirked. "Where's your paint and stuff?"

"We've finished for today." I told him.

He looked over my shoulder at my picture of Bella and started laughing, and whispered "You got it bad." Too quietly for Bella to hear. I knew it was obvious. So either Bella knew, but wasn't bothered, or she'd become exceptionally unobservant. Childishly, I wished that Emmett would notice Bella's picture and make some snide comment to her too, but of course he didn't.

"What's for dinner then Bells?" Emmett asked when he'd calmed down.

"Pasta." She told him. "And no, you can't come."

"Didn't want to anyway." He said. "I don't like pasta. I just want to be able to imagine how much fun Jasper's having later when I'm bored."

"Thanks Emmett." I shook my head at him. "You really know how to make me feel loved."

He shrugged. "You don't have to go to dinner, you could have just said you were busy. It's your own fault, so don't look at me like that."

After laughing at my picture again, we watched him crawl out of the room and saw him ducking around the windows once he was outside.

__________________________________________

"So, I was thinking we could photocopy that picture of Emmett in costume and put it up all over the school tomorrow morning." Bella suggested as she added the tomatoes I'd chopped to the sauce. She put me in charge of making a salad now, not trusting me near the oven so soon after this morning.

"You do realize that if we do that he'll keep trying to get us back? And it whatever he does won't be pretty."

"What can he really do though? I can't think of anything truly awful he could do to us, and let's face it, it's not like either of us have a sparkling reputation to worry about." She was less bothered by that fact than I'd expected her to be.

"Well, let's look at what he's tried so far, getting you to think you've fallen for Carlisle, bleach in your shampoo, the Denali's all over Charlie and spreading rumours this morning." I counted. "Not that all of those worked, but he doesn't have a limit on how far he'll go. If you put that picture up..."

She turned to give me a mischievous smile. "Let him try. I'm putting it up tomorrow, I'll even go to school early."

"Fine. I'll help you, but if he asks I had nothing to do with it." Actually, I'd happily take all the blame.

"Do you need to hunt before dinner?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Charlie will be home in about an hour." She was always so concerned.

I didn't feel very thirsty, and the smell of the food was putting me off eating all together. Besides, if I hunted now I'd lose half of what I drank later when I had to bring up the human food.

"I'm sure. I think this salad is done, what should I do now?" As I finished speaking we heard someone pulling into the drive.

"Stick it in the fridge and keep an eye on the sauce for me? I'm going to see who that is." As she walked to the front door I started to feel the emotions from whoever was outside. Hostility, anger and worry from one person. Excitement, desire and impatience from another. I didn't like it and I was tempted to stop Bella from answering the door, but I didn't want to be like Edward. I listened carefully, instead, ready to go out there and get rid of whoever it was if need be.

"Bella!" The voice was young and happy and definitely male. I scowled to myself.

"Hey Jake. Billy. You guys are early." She laughed uncomfortably, but she was still fairly calm. "Come on in, Charlie's not home yet."

The sounds of them moving into the house confused me at first, only one set of footsteps, and the quiet squeak of wheels. I worked out that one of them must be in a wheelchair.

"Make yourselves at home. Would you like a beer Billy?" It was clear that despite her worries about how Billy would behave towards me, she actually liked these people, and I resolved to make tonight as easy as possible for her.

"Wouldn't say no." Billy said gruffly.

"D'you want a soda Jake?"

"Please." I could hear the smile in his voice, and I wasn't at all fond of his feelings, but he seemed harmless enough. "How long will dinner be? I could eat a horse."

"A while yet, sorry. I could get you some chips?" Bella offered. "I can't believe how huge you are, you must have grown a foot since I last saw you."

Jacob laughed, and I could feel his pleasure at her comment. I would need to keep an eye on him tonight. Bella came back into the kitchen and went to the fridge for beer and soda.

"Do you want to meet them now?" She asked, struggling to open the beer.

I took it from her as I contemplated hiding out in the kitchen for a while longer. I didn't actually have chance to make a decision as Billy rolled through the door and stopped short as he saw me.

"The leech is here, then?" He growled to Bella without taking his eyes off me. "Can I speak to you alone?"

Bella looked at me and I left the room, taking the soda and chips with me. I'd be able to hear everything that was said anyway.

"Cullen." The boy on the couch nodded at me, smiling as he saw the food. He looked familiar in a vague way, maybe I'd passed him on the street once.

"Hale." I corrected him, trying to smile non-threateningly. "It's Jasper Hale."

I sat on the opposite end of the couch and waited for him to speak. He was glaring at me. "You're that kid they said Bella was sleeping with."

I resented being called a kid, by someone I was probably ten times older than, but I couldn't exactly say that. And it would probably best for everyone if I explained the situation.

"That was all just rumors, and it was mainly Edward's fault. Bella and I are just friends." I aimed to keep my voice calm as he stared at me.

"Good." He said firmly, turning back to the TV. I didn't think we were going to become friends. I could hear Bella poking about in the cupboards as she tried to avoid Billy.

"That _boy_ is no good." He started. "He's not safe to be around."

"I'm grateful for your concern, honestly, but I know what I'm doing." Bella said evenly.

"But you don't, you don't know what he's capable of."

"I do Billy." She sighed, impatience creeping out. "I _know_. I know what he is."

"How can you know?" He was very surprised that Bella knew about us, and it made him uncomfortable.

"I figured it out." I could hear the smile in her voice as she moved about the kitchen.

"They are dangerous creatures Bella. I don't know what they've told you, but they aren't safe, they're killers."

"Do you see this Billy? Do you know what it is?" I was dying to run into the kitchen and see what she was showing him, but I kept to my seat.

"A bite! They've broken the treaty." He was equal arts horrified and excited. It worried me.

"No, they haven't broken it. I was bitten by another vampire who was travelling through the area. Do you remember the _accident_ I had in Phoenix? I didn't fall down any stairs, I was attacked by a vampire. The Cullen's risked their own lives to save me. Edward fought his blood lust to suck the venom out of the bite and Carlisle stopped me from bleeding to death. Emmett and Jasper killed one of their own kind to keep me safe."

"Don't tell me that I don't know what they're capable of, because I do! I've seen it first hand, I felt it. You're the one who doesn't understand. If it weren't for them I'd be dead, several times over and I love them all. They are family and you will respect that. You don't have to like them, but while you are in my house you will be polite to my friend." She was furious with him. "His name is Jasper, and you will use it. He is a good man, and he deserves to be treated like one."

I wanted nothing more than to sweep into the kitchen and kiss her. She called me a good man.

"So... D'you like cars?" I gaped at Jacob. My brain struggled to catch up with his words, still lost in Bella's speech.

I cleared my throat. "I'm more of a bike man."

"Have you got one?" Jacob asked, turning to face me and pulling his feet up.

"But Bella-" Billy said in the kitchen.

"No Billy. That's the way it is, if you don't like it you can leave. No one is forcing you to be here." She snapped.

"I've got a 2003 Harley-Davidson VRSCA V-Rod." I might have enjoyed this conversation if I wasn't so busy eavesdropping on the one in the kitchen.

"Cool." Jacob said, grinning now. "You should come down to La-Push…" He trailed off realizing his mistake and I felt his frustration and confusion.

"Don't worry about it. Parents, huh?" I wanted to put him at ease, remembering that I'd promised myself I'd make things easy for Bella.

"So… where's the other one that's usually hanging around Bella? Edward, I think?" Jacob was obviously trying his best too.

"He's gone to stay with family for a while, he and Bella broke up." I told him distractedly. I couldn't hear anyone speaking in the kitchen now, and I wondered how long it would be until I could go back in.

Jacob swelled with anticipation and desire. "They did? That's good." He grinned.

I wished I hadn't told him I was only Bella's friend now. He would probably spend the rest of the night flirting with her, meaning I'd have to spend the rest of the night trying not to kill him.

"I'm going to see if Bella needs any help." I muttered moving to the kitchen as slowly as I could manage.

Bella was setting the table while Billy glared at the stove. I could tell he was trying to make a decision. His eyes snapped up to meet mine. "I'm sure you heard all that." He spat. "And while I will respect Bella's wishes, you should know that we're keeping an eye on you. You can tell your _family_ that there are wolves on the reservation again."

Bella's previous emotions were taken over entirely by curiosity. "There are werewolves in La Push? Real ones?" She gasped.

Billy nodded and quietly made his way out of the kitchen. "Did you know?" She asked me.

"No. As far as we knew the last of the wolves died years ago. These must be a new generation." I typed out a quick message to Carlisle as I spoke. The wolves shouldn't cause us any problems, but it was always better to be informed. "Thank you for what you said. It meant a lot."

Bella shook her head and smiled. "It was all true. Did you speak to Jake?"

I scowled. "I did."

Bella frowned at me. "You didn't like him?"

"I don't really have an opinion of him." I lied sniffing the sauce.

"He's great once you get to know him, and he's not like Billy, remember. Give him a chance." We heard Charlie coming home and Bella dumped a huge amount of pasta into the waiting water. Charlie greeted his friend and all three of them came into the kitchen. I wanted to leave, Bella was the only human I was used to spending any length of time with, and I felt uncomfortable.

"Smells delicious Bells, do I get a taste?" Jacob was standing far too close to her for my liking.

Bella laughed and held out the spoon for him to try some sauce. I tried not to let my jealousy get the better of me and went to the counter to grate some cheese for Bella. I couldn't help but watch them as he teased her, trying to get more of the food and more of her attention.

Well I wasn't going to let him stop me being close to her. I crossed the kitchen and stood behind her, thrilled when she leaned against me. I was stupidly pleased when the boy noticed my hand resting on her hip. "Don't I get to try the sauce?" I whispered, loud enough for both Jacob and Bella to hear.

She frowned up at me no doubt wondering why I would needlessly put myself through the horror of human food. I smile reassuringly and she shrugged and held up the spoon for me to taste. "Best I've ever eaten." I said honestly. It was the only time I'd ever tried it. The tomato sauce wasn't quite as bad as I'd imagined, but still pretty terrible.

Bella giggled and elbowed me so I'd let her go. She gave me a look which promised an interrogation about my odd behavior later. I helped her serve up the plates, avoiding the garlic bread which smelled worse than anything else.

Bella sat between Charlie and Jacob, leaving me to sit between Charlie and Billy. I wasn't happy.

No one spoke for a while, except for making the odd noise of appreciation for the food, and the atmosphere was slightly tense. Only Jacob seemed totally at ease, shovelling his food down like he'd never been fed and grinning like an idiot at Bella.

The worst part of it was, Bella returned all his smiles, and every time he smiled at her she cheered up a little. I made him feel slightly lethargic hoping he would pay less attention to her, but it didn't work. I pushed another forkful of the food into my mouth and swallowed quickly, trying to hold back a grimace. Bella smiled sympathetically at me, but the boy claimed her attention again almost immediately.

"That was great Bells, is there any more?" Not wanting to be outdone I cleared my plate quickly and held it out for more too. Charlie grinned at me doing the same and Bella looked confused as she dished up more pasta.

When Jacob took one of the dreaded pieces of garlic bread, so did I, and whenever he made a comment about the food I made sure to make a better one. I think he might have caught on to what he was doing, because after a few minutes he slung his arm across the back of her chair. I growled quietly and tried to convince myself not to kick him under the table.

I glared at him when his hand came to rest on Bella's shoulder and he whispered something to her making her laugh. I was so busy trying to control myself that I didn't even hear what he said.

Bella tapped my foot with hers and smiled at me. For a minute I felt better, knowing she hadn't forgotten about me but it didn't last long. I felt a short surge of lust coming from her and she blushed. Did she like him? She couldn't could she?

I'd ask her later.

Finally everyone had finished eating and moved back into the living room so I was able to get rid of everything I'd eaten. It wasn't a pleasant experience. When I got back to the kitchen Bella and Jacob were hugging and she was agreeing to go and see him soon. I was already forming plans that would keep her too busy to head down to La Push.

I started washing up as Bella couldn't really do it with her brace, and she cleared the table and put the small amount of leftovers in the fridge. "So." I kept my voice casual. "You like Jacob then?"

"Yeah." She smiled. "He's a nice kid."

I liked the fact that she'd called him a kid, but she hadn't quite answered my question. "I meant, do you _like_ him?"

"No, what on earth made you think that? He's sort of like the little brother I never had." She laughed.

"You seemed close, and he certainly likes you as more than a friend." I shrugged. I wanted to chase after the Blacks and tell him he didn't have a chance. On the inside I was grinning from ear to ear.

Bella didn't answer me and I worried that I'd made her uncomfortable by mentioning Jacobs's feelings.

I splashed some sudsy water at her to cheer her up and she scooped up a handful of bubbles and smeared them over my face. Charlie came in and laughed at the state we were in.

"I was just going to put a movie on." He informed us. "Why don't you two clean up and come watch it."

Bella agreed and started towards the stairs.

"And if you're staying again you'd better call your parents and make sure it's ok." He grinned at me and left me standing in the kitchen, beaming at my reflection in the window. Dinner had gone well.

**An: Love it? Hate it? Want to kill me because they still haven't confessed all? Let me know x**


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**An: Massively huge gushing thanks to the fantabulous CellaCullen for making an icon for this story! Again, I love you! And extra cookies to my wonderful Beta **_**ladyofkeegan**_** for turning this around so quickly. Now, POV jump around quite a lot in this chapter, so look out for that. On with the story...**

Chapter 18

_Bella_

I was sitting alone in the hotel room feeling like an idiot. Rosalie had spent the last hour telling me about her human life, the reason behind her change, and finding Emmett. Then she'd explained exactly why she'd spent so much time avoiding me.

It turned out that both Edward and Jasper had been right to a certain extent, she was jealous of the future I could have more than my actual humanity, and she had thought I was weak. She told me that I sometimes reminded her of herself, she had never really made her own choices as a human girl, and it had ruined her life, and eventually ended it.

Of course, me being me, I'd ended up crying and Rosalie had thought she'd offended me. Then she'd disappeared. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she'd given up on me and gone back to Forks without me. She poured her heart out, and told me things that must have been incredibly difficult for her to talk about. After all of that, I'd burst into tears when she'd tried to apologise for the way she'd treated me.

If she hadn't run off I'd have explained that I wasn't upset, just happy that we'd finally gotten to know each other like I'd been hoping for so long.

What would I do it she didn't come back? I didn't know where the theatre was, and even if I did I wouldn't dare go there alone, especially not dressed like this. Rose had told me it was opening night so we had to make an effort and she'd loaned me a beautiful dress.

When she'd told me that everyone there tonight would be in formal wear I'd almost faked an illness to avoid going, but she'd looked so excited that I'd agreed. Thankfully, the dress she'd picked wasn't that bad at all, much less fancy than anything Alice would have forced me into anyway. It was very basic but beautiful. A sheath of green silk that fell straight to the floor, held up by thin straps. The best part was that it was long enough to get away with wearing flat shoes.

I stared dejectedly at the door, wishing she'd come back, when someone knocked on it. I hesitated, wondering who could possible need to knock on our door, but eventually decided that I should answer it.

Rosalie was standing on the other side wearing a sheepish smile and holding a huge chocolate sundae. "Sorry." She said offering it to me.

I took it from her and put it down so I could hug her. "I'm sorry, you didn't upset me, I was just so glad that things were cleared up." I laughed, realising we were both as stupid as each other.

She joined in and pushed me back into the room. "Eat your ice-cream, but don't you dare get any on that dress, I didn't bring a spare."

I tucked into my treat thinking about the past week.

Every day since Tuesday morning, flowers had arrived from Edward, and I was sick to death of the smell of them saturating the house. I'd called him again, several times, but he hadn't answered, and when I'd called Kate, she'd told me he was hunting. Every bunch of flowers had come with a single white card with two lines of text that I assumed had been written by the florist. _Forgive me. I love you._

The first card had made me feel guilty, but now I was just irritated, I was only calling him in an effort to make him stop the daily deliveries. Nevertheless, he was avoiding me, and I didn't understand that, if he wanted me to forgive him, surely he wanted to talk to me.

Slurping a spoonful of chocolate sauce, I thought of how much Emmett would want to try it. "He's driving me nuts." I said to myself.

"Who is?" Rose laughed applying makeup that she didn't need.

"Emmett. He hasn't given up on pranking me yet. Did he tell you that we put up pictures of him as a medieval lord all over the school?" I waited for her nod. "He loved it; everyone was calling him Lord Cullen! He's been swaggering about the place all week. So I decided to tell Jess that he liked Lauren, I thought she'd follow him around and annoy him, and she did, but I woke up yesterday and he'd filled my room with balled up newspaper! I was waist high! I nearly broke my neck trying to get the bathroom because I couldn't see what was on the floor."

"Have you thought of just not getting him back?" She smirked. "If you lose interest in the game so will he."

I shook my head. "I'm not giving up, I'll think of something to do to him that will make him too scared to retaliate."

I finished my ice cream ignoring that she was laughing about the fact that I thought I could best her husband. "Can I do your make-up?" She asked once she'd calmed herself down.

"Not too much, please." I begged as I sat down at the vanity with her.

"You look like a vampire today." She mused. "Why've you got these big circles under your eyes?"

"I haven't been sleeping very well." I muttered.

"Why's that?"

"Jasper hasn't stayed since Monday." I said without thinking, and then blushed furiously. "I mean, I don't like sleeping on my own."

She looked at me shrewdly and pursed her lips. "You can trust me, you know?" she said softly.

I knew I could, and I felt like I owed her something after all the personal things she'd told me tonight. Besides, it might be good to tell someone. "Ok, the thing is... I think... no, I know... I love him."

"Ok, to clear up what you are saying; you're in love with Jasper?" Her face was blank and I worried she thought I wasn't good enough for him, or that she thought I was being stupid. I squeezed my eyes shut and nodded in confirmation.

Rosalie squealed.

I cracked open one eye and found her beaming at me and bouncing on her seat, much like Alice would. "I'm so glad you told me! I knew of course, but it's nice to be told."

"You knew? How did you know? Am I that obvious? Oh god, does Jasper know?" I babbled.

Rosalie giggled and put her arm around my shoulders. "I don't think anyone else has noticed men are oblivious to these things. Esme's been in an exceptionally good mood recently though, so she might have an idea."

I remembered Jasper saying Esme was feeling hopeful the day Edward had left, and cringed. "I think you might be right. How can I stop? How do you stop loving someone?"

"Why on earth would you want to? Do you think Jasper's not good enough for you is that it?" She growled and I leaned away from her.

"Of course I don't think that. If anything, it's the other way around! How could I ever hope to compare to Alice?" I choked back a sob as my insecurities got the best of me. "I want to stop loving him because it's useless, he doesn't feel the same, and it's getting hard to hide my feelings around him."

"What are you talking about? You're already better than Alice is, you'd never leave him, would you? And I know being around us all the time makes you feel inferior, but you really are beautiful Bella, inside and out." She stroked my hair laughed off my protests. "And as for him not feeling the same, are you stupid? Edward always said you were so observant."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, look at the way he is with you, you're like a couple all ready. Whenever you're together you're always touching, holding hands, hugging, sitting as close as you possibly can. He looks at you like you're his whole world."

"But Rose, he looks at me that way because I make him feel better when he's missing Alice. Moreover, all the hugging and handholding is usually instigated by me, at school, I'm always the one who moves my chair closer. He just accepts it."

"If he didn't like it he wouldn't let you do it, and I'd be willing to bet that if you didn't do it he would. He's better at home now, but it's obvious he's missing you."

"If he's missing me so much why doesn't he come and see me? Or call me? It's Alice he's missing, maybe he wishes I was there to make him feel better, or distract him, but it isn't me he really wants."

"He's over Alice, Bella. You know he is. She called him when you were in danger and it didn't bother him. He was far too worried about you. In addition, he probably didn't come to see you for the same stupid reason that you didn't come and see him. Or call him." She smirked at me again and poked me in the side.

"I didn't call him because I knew he'd come over even if he didn't want to." I said petulantly. "I know he doesn't feel the same because I kissed him. And he didn't kiss me back."

"You kissed him?" She squealed, missing the most important part of what I'd said. "When did this happen? I want details!"

"It was the night of Angela's party. I'd had a little bit too much punch and he looked so unbelievably gorgeous that I'd barely been able to function properly all night. When we were going to bed I wanted to fix his hair because it was till all scraped back and he didn't look right." I was blushing already, remembering my own stupidity. "So I got on his lap and I had my hands in his hair, and before I knew what I was doing I'd kissed him."

"And...?" She prompted.

"And nothing. He didn't kiss me back; he just sat there like a statue. I realised what I was doing, felt awful, and got off him. He said he understood that I was drunk and I went to sleep. In the morning we pretended nothing had happened."

Rosalie gaped at me. "Maybe you surprised him. Or maybe he didn't kiss you back because he thought it would be taking advantage." She shrugged.

"Or maybe he was just disgusted." I added.

"Of course he wasn't disgusted. He spent half the night staring at you too. Emmett and I thought there was something wrong with the pair of you when we came out into that hallway; it was as if you were in a trance. There are plenty of possible reasons he didn't kiss you, but being disgusted definitely isn't one of them." I thought she might actually hit me if I dared disagree with her. She was looking at me like I was a naughty child that refused to listen.

I nodded weakly, hoping the conversation was over. The last thing I needed was for her to give me hope, but I couldn't stop a small part of me believing what she said. Maybe there was a small chance that Jasper might want me too.

Whatever the case, I couldn't wait to get home. I was looking forward to the ballet, but I was even more excited about staying at the Cullen's tonight. I hadn't spent any time with Jasper outside of school for days and I felt awful. I couldn't believe I'd become so attached to him so quickly.

When I wasn't with him, I was thinking about him. Fantasising about him would be more accurate. Apparently, I had a very vivid imagination, and quite a dirty mind. At school I could hardly concentrate because I was so busy trying not to think about everything I wanted to do to him. The only lesson I have to daydream in was biology, simply because I had the whole desk to myself with no one to look at me when my mind wandered off for a while

As Rosalie twisted my hair up, I glared down at the stupid brace on my hand. I was sure Jasper had felt the ridiculous amount of lust that must have been pouring off me when he'd fastened my shirt. In my mind, I'd been screaming at him to take it off instead and when he'd finished, he'd looked at me so strangely I was sure he knew.

I'd tried my best to smile innocently, but I wasn't sure it had worked. Only the burning pancakes had saved me from what was sure to have been an awkward conversation.

There were a few things that made what Rosalie had said seem possible. Jasper had drawn a picture of me. On the other hand, he'd explained that he was drawing not me exactly, but the way I looked at him. I didn't know quite what to think of that. I wished I could borrow his gift for a while and find out how he felt.

There was also the dinner. He'd asked for seconds, and tried to keep up with Jacob. Why had he done that? There was no need to do it; he didn't even need to eat everything that had been on his first plate to look human. I quickly squashed the thought that he'd been competing with Jake for my attention.

I'd started fantasising about him again at the table, which was awful. All I'd done was tap his leg to get his attention and make sure he was ok, and the next thing I knew I was imagining running my foot up his leg.

Later he'd asked me about my feelings for Jacob, and he hadn't seemed jealous, only interested. It was a lost cause; I'd never be able to work out how he felt.

"All done." Rose said, pulling me to stand in front of the mirror with her. We looked good.

________________________________________

_Jasper_

I buried the deer carcases under a tree and sat down to wait for Emmett to finish. I could hear him not far away, enjoying himself as he hunted. I scowled as I felt his joy flicking at me.

I hadn't seen Bella since three o'clock yesterday, well over twenty-four hours ago. It was the longest I'd gone without seeing her in a month and I wasn't coping very well. I switched between depressed and irritated every few minutes and thought longingly of when Rosalie would bring her back. I had about another six hours to go.

Tonight she was sleeping in my bed, with me, unless she actually asked me to leave. It had been too long. I'd gone home after school on Tuesday because she hadn't asked me to stay, and Esme had looked livid when I'd walked through the door with Emmett. She'd actually asked me why I was there, as if I didn't live there anymore.

And to top it all off, Bella hadn't asked me back since. I wondered why. I hadn't done anything wrong, and she hadn't acted any differently around me at school, but she didn't want me at the house. I tried to keep busy at home to keep my mind off her, but that hadn't worked.

I'd played games with Emmett until we needed new controllers and I'd submitted to Esme's cooking lessons with good grace, I knew she was teaching me to cook for Bella. Rosalie had pestered me to let her tinker with my bike and I'd even given in to _that_ so I'd have something to worry about for a while.

No one seemed to suspect anything was wrong until I ran out of things to do and ended up asking Carlisle if I could borrow a few medical textbooks. I'd come up with the less than brilliant excuse that I was thinking of going to medical school this time around. My control had improved greatly, but we both knew that there was no way I could be around fresh blood for very long without snapping.

Being Carlisle though, he'd let me get away with my lies and his precious books. I was grateful that Emmett had been bored without his wife and decided to drag me hunting. We were a little further from home than we usually bothered to travel for a quick hunt, and I'd mostly been kept occupied for the last hour, but I was done now. I didn't play with my food the way he did.

So now I was back to thinking about her again. I had thought, briefly, about calling Alice to see if she could see anything in the future for Bella and I, but it didn't seem right to ask her about it.

"C'mon Jazz, I asked you to come hunting, not to sit on a rock and brood." Emmett moaned slumping beside me. He was filthy, which wasn't unusual for him. "I miss Rosie, but you don't see me sitting around like my life's over do you?"

"What do you mean?" I asked him carefully. Did he suspect that I had feelings for Bella?

"I mean, you miss her right? You do have a thing for Bella! Well, she'll be back soon, so buck up." He rolled his eyes at me and grinned.

"I'm not that obvious am I?" If _Emmett_ of all people had managed to see it, surely Bella knew. That was probably why she didn't want me staying over.

"Not really, but with the picture you drew, which by the way, I've seen you staring at every time I walk past your room, and the way you've been alternately moping about and trying to keep busy, it wasn't hard to come to this conclusion."

"D'you think Bella knows?"

"Not a chance. She barely even believed Edward wanted her for ages, even though he told her all the time. I think you're in the clear. Stop worrying about it." I supposed he was probably right, Bella didn't have a very good opinion of herself, so it was unlikely she thought I loved her.

"What should I do?" I knew asking Emmett was probably a mistake. I didn't think he knew how to be subtle about anything.

"Why don't you just bang her a few times?" Yep, mistake. "That'll get her right out of your system."

"Because I love her." I told him dejectedly. If only it were as simple as a bit of lust.

"You love her?" He beamed. "Dude, that's great." He shoved my shoulder, and I could feel his genuine happiness.

"You have to keep this to yourself Emmett. You can't tell anyone, not even Rosalie. Ok?"

He groaned. "If Rosie ever finds out, you better not tell her that I already knew then, ok? She would kill me if she thought I was keeping secrets from her." We shook hands in agreement.

"Deal." I smiled; glad to finally be able to tell someone how I was feeling.

"So, how far have you got with her?" He waggled his eyebrows and settled back against a tree, probably hoping for a sex-filled story.

"Nowhere." I told him, and watched as his face dropped.

"You've spent the night with her how many times? And you've done nothing!?! I don't believe you." He exclaimed. "I've seen you holding hands and stuff. What about when we went to that party, she was practically drooling over you, well until you made her cry." He rolled his eyes.

"I didn't make her cry. I didn't do anything to her at all; in fact, I only danced with her once."

"You did, she said it was because you sang to her." I folded his arms and stared me down like he expected me to argue.

I didn't remember her crying when I'd sung to her. However, Emmett had swept her away from me and Edward had needed to talk to me, so I'd been distracted. I hadn't done anything wrong, and the song wasn't really that sad, it just fit. I'd wanted so desperately to tell her I loved her, but I couldn't so I'd sung it to her instead, hoping she wouldn't notice.

"I don't know what I did to make her cry." I told him. "What did she say?"

"Well after I offered to hit you for her." He laughed. "She told me that you hadn't upset her and that she was just emotional, but it was something you did, I know it."

"She kissed me that night you know." I said casually, knowing Emmett would appreciate this bit of knowledge.

"And...? What happened?" He said eagerly, leaning forward.

"And nothing. I was so surprised, I didn't kiss her back, and then she was feeling so guilty and embarrassed she started crying. She'd had too much to drink." I spoilt it for him with the truth.

"You're actually more of an idiot than I thought." He laughed.

"What?"

"Well, firstly, humans have lowered inhibitions when they're drunk, which means Bella probably wanted to kiss you anyway, the punch just gave her the courage to do it. Secondly, how would you feel if you kissed her and she didn't kiss you back?"

"Awful." I answered without thinking.

"So maybe Bella felt so bad not because she'd kissed you, but because you didn't return it." He shook his head. "Think about it, could her emotions mean anything different?"

I mulled it over. Shame and Guilt. The guilt was easy, she was still technically with Edward, kissing his brother was bound to make her feel bad. Was it possible that she had been ashamed because she thought she'd done something I didn't want? I'd seen her drink four cups of the punch, and it wasn't strong, she hadn't been drunk, just a little giddy.

"I don't know. Maybe." I answered him vaguely when I felt his impatience. "I haven't been able to read her very well recently, her emotions shift about so much, and sometimes I can't feel hers because mine are so strong."

"You do realise that as soon as Esme figures out you like her she'll start matchmaking right? It really would be better for you to take matters into your own hands." He sniggered.

"Esme already has a fair idea of what's going on. Haven't you seen the way she looks at me every time I come home? That's because she wants me to be with Bella. I want to be with Bella. I think she's getting a bit sick of me hanging around all the time."

"Have you ever thought that maybe she doesn't want you to feel like you have to spend every minute with her? She might be waiting for you to go over there, or invite her over here. You really haven't a clue have you. I don't know how Alice put up with you for so long." He laughed, and then gulped. "Shit! Sorry man, I wasn't thinking."

"Don't worry about it." I soothed his guilt quickly. "Alice hurt me, but Bella fixed me. Alice left because we weren't right for each other, and she knew there was someone out there who would be right for her. I'm glad she did. Think how much worse it would be if I'd fallen in love with Bella while I was still with Alice, and I would have done eventually. She's the one for me Emmett."

"You think she's your mate? This calls for a plan of some sort. You have to tell her, man. You need to know if she feels the same. And Jasper, I've got a pretty good idea of what you're worried about, and you don't need to be. Even if she doesn't feel the same, she'll still be your friend."

I hugged him. I don't think I'd ever hugged him before. He surprised me by hugging me back.

"Right, let's put operation 'Make Bella Fall in Love with Jasper' into action. We'll call it the MBFLJ for short." He winked. "Let's go and surprise them in Seattle. If we leave now we'll get there roughly when the Ballet ends and we can take them to a hotel instead of them having to drive back tonight."

I thought about it. I'd get to see Bella several hours earlier than if we stayed here. That made the choice obvious. I leapt up. "Ok, but remember you said you'd keep this to yourself. Not a word. No innuendos or anything, understand?"

"Fine." He said balefully. "You spoil all my fun."

We ran back to the house, Emmett falling behind quickly.

I waited for him in the living room. "Oh, let's take the bike!" He shouted.

"I'm not riding all the way to Seattle with you on the back."

"Think it through Jazz. If you take the bike, you can ride to the hotel with Bella. Don't you want her all pressed up against you?" He grinned suggestively.

I'd had Bella on the bike with me once before, and I had to admit it was an experience I'd like to repeat. I agreed and sent him upstairs to put a clean shirt on while I wrote a quick note for Esme, who'd be worried if no one came home tonight. I knew she'd be ecstatic when she found out I'd be spending the night with Bella again.

______________________________________

_Bella_

The theatre was huge, far more impressive than I'd imagined, and we'd been treated like royalty from the moment we'd arrived in Edward's Vanquish. I understood now why Rosalie had wanted to take it, it screamed money and ensured that we were treated in the way that she was used to.

I was also pleased to note that most of the people entering were dressed similarly to us. I didn't stand out at all. We had a good giggle about the odd man or woman that had gone overboard and turned up in a taffeta ball gown or a top hat and tails.

Then there were people on the other end of the spectrum, students that were frowned upon by the ushers for daring to arrive in jeans. I blushed just thinking about what I would probably have worn without Rosalie's guidance.

I picked up a programme while Rose ordered me a drink for the interval and we were guided to a box. A box! We had a whole box to ourselves. I remember going to a theatre once when I was about seven and watching a woman sitting up on the balcony instead of watching the performance. I'd thought she was a princess and that one day, I'd be one too so that I could sit up there.

I glanced at Rose as we waited for the curtain to rise and she seemed just as excited as me.

"I haven't been to a ballet since I was human." She whispered.

"Why not?" I couldn't believe that she couldn't find the time or the money to see one.

"At first, it would have been too hard to be around so many humans." She told me. "Then I found Emmett and we were fairly busy for a decade or so. And I suppose it never occurred to me to come after that, no one else really likes it, and it's not something I'd like to do on my own."

"We'll have to do it again then." I offered, smiling. I was glad we'd found a common interest.

An usher entered our box with a tray bearing two glasses of champagne and set it down between us, disappearing without a sound. I looked askance at Rosalie, but she only smiled and looked pointedly at the curtain, which had begun to rise as the music drifted up towards us.

_________________________________________

_Jasper_

"Explain again why we're stopping." Emmett whined as I pulled onto the forecourt of a gas station.

"For the last time, we're almost out of gas. If you'd like to make it to Seattle in time to surprise them, I need to fill up. Make yourself useful and go inside and pay." I snapped. The closer we got, the more impatient I became, knowing I was less than an hour away from Bella was torture.

I was about to get back on the bike when my phone rang. I panicked immediately. It was Alice. She would only be calling me if there were a problem. I flipped the phone open and looked around for Emmett. He was still waiting at the counter inside.

"Yes?"

"Jasper, you need to get to Seattle as fast as you can." She rushed.

"I'm half way there. What's going to happen?" Bella was in Seattle. There was something wrong with Bella. I had to fight with myself to listen to what Alice had to say instead of jumping on the bike.

"Victoria, Laurent, and another I don't recognise are going to ambush Bella and Rosalie outside the theatre." She spoke only just slowly enough for me to understand. "I'll call them and tell them to wait inside, which will buy you some time, but you need to move it. If you're fast, there will be no casualties on our side."

I dropped the phone on the tarmac and mounted the bike, feeling Emmett jump on as I pulled away. "What was that about? Were you trying to leave me so you could have them both to yourself?" He laughed.

I was shaking with fear and rage. I would not lose her now.

"Victoria." I spat. "Laurent and another. Going after Bella and Rosalie."

Emmett's emotions matched mine perfectly as I pushed the bike as fast as it would go and weaved in and out of the traffic.

_____________________________

_Bella_

The curtain fell and Rosalie and I were on our feet clapping and whistling along with the crowd below us. The performance had been fantastic; I'd enjoyed it so much I'd even forgotten to be jealous of the grace the dancers possessed.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Rose stick her hand down the front of her dress and whip out a cell phone. She frowned at the screen and put it to her ear.

"What?" She snarled, and I figured it was someone she didn't like very much. I imagined she would have answered the phone to me that way a few weeks ago.

She nodded once and held the phone out to me. "It's Alice." She spat. "She wants to talk to you."

"Hello?" I asked confused.

"Make sure Rose is still listening, this is important." She told me. I glanced up and saw the curious expression on her face.

"She is." I informed her.

"Stay calm. Do exactly as I say and everything will be fine." I started to worry. There was nothing like being told to stay calm to make it impossible. "Victoria, Laurent, and a friend are waiting outside. Victoria wants Bella as revenge for James death. Jasper and Emmett will be with you very soon."

Rosalie held her hand out for the phone as I struggled not to freak out. I couldn't believe this was happening again. It had taken both Jasper and Emmett to kill James, this would be three against three, and I didn't like those odds. And it was all my fault. Again. I was going to put my family, and the man I loved in danger. Again.

"No." I said. "I'll give myself up."

Rosalie looked like she might knock me out as she whispered furiously with Alice and then handed me the phone again.

"That's the stupidest idea you've ever had." Alice growled. "For one thing, Rose won't let you do that, and for another, do you honestly think that if you went out there and let them kill you that the others wouldn't fight them anyway? You will do exactly as I say Isabella Swan. You will stay inside the building to buy yourselves some time and when they come in after you, which they will, you must keep Victoria talking. If you do that, Jasper and Emmett will arrive in time and everything will be fine. There are no other options that lead to a good outcome. Now give the phone back to Rose and sit down."

I slumped back into my seat. Alice had never been angry with me before. I knew that what she saw wasn't set in stone. What would happen they decided to come inside sooner than she'd seen, or if Jasper and Emmett got stuck in traffic, or if I couldn't keep Victoria talking for long enough?

There was too much that could go wrong, but she'd said that this was the only plan with a good outcome. Did that mean that if we didn't do this exactly right one of us would die?

Rose was still on the phone behind me as I watched the crowd trickling out of the room. How long until we were alone?

Rose sat down beside me, her face tight.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Don't be. Alice said it will be fine, and Alice is always right." She said firmly taking my hand. The room was almost empty. "She told me that the third vampire is young, a newborn. Newborns are unpredictable and volatile and they are faster and stronger than older vampires are. It is especially important that you don't make any sudden movements, and for god sake don't cut yourself. Emmett and Jasper are close now, and they know how to fight. Jasper has dealt with newborns before so if we can keep them talking for long enough there should be no problems."

I concentrated on breathing. There was no one but us left; even the staff had cleared out. It wouldn't be long before they realised we were still inside and came looking for us.

It was horribly quiet, and the noise of our breathing seemed magnified. I almost jumped out of my skin when Rosalie moved and her dress rustled.

Then the inevitable happen. A door in the stalls creeks open and Rosalie and I tensed. Victoria came through first, as catlike as the last time I'd seen her. I repressed a shudder.

She looked like she'd made a basic effort to fit in, her clothes from what I could see from here, were smart and clean, and her hair was pulled back from her face. Her eyes scanned the lower part of the room and I kept as still as possible.

Laurent followed her, taller and broader than I remembered, and much more frightening. The third man was pale with brown hair, from this distance I couldn't make out his features, not that it mattered, he'd be a lot closer soon. I knew he must be the young one I was supposed to be careful of. There had been no need for Rosalie to tell me to be careful. I remembered perfectly the way Edward had told me to behave last time I'd met strange vampires.

Victoria's head snapped up and her gaze met mine. My heart stopped then kicked in again and beat wildly. Rosalie pulled me out of my seat and further back towards the door as Victoria appeared in front of us. The men swiftly followed, landing either side of her.

"Hello little Bella." She purred. "Long time, no see."

I swallowed. "Victoria. Laurent. I hope you left the Denali's well." I was amazed at the polite tone of my voice, carefully hiding my fear.

"Quite well, yes." Laurent answered, an amused smile playing across his mouth.

"This is not the time for pleasantries." Victoria straightened up. "I suppose you'd like to know why we're here."

I bit my tongue to stop myself from telling her I already knew. Alice said to keep her talking. "You mean you didn't come to see the show?" Rosalie sneered sarcastically from beside me.

"I've come for you, Bella." She looked at me, ignoring Rose completely. "You see, your mate made a big mistake when he killed mine. It will be quite poetic, don't you think? A mate for a mate. Your Edward took away mine, so I'm going to take away his."

"I have no mate." I said carefully.

I watched something flash over her face as she faltered.

Rosalie spoke up again. "In fact, it wasn't even Edward that killed James." She seemed to be enjoying the confusion on Victoria's face.

A pale blur shot towards me, I felt Rosalie move, then there was a crash below us, and I was alone on the balcony with Laurent and Victoria.

I lurched to look down at them and saw them rolling about on the floor, they moved too quickly for me to see what was happening and I prayed the others would get here soon. He was faster and stronger than her and I didn't know how long she would last.

"Much better." I spun back to face Victoria. "Now the chatty bitch is gone Laurent and I can take our time with you. Tell me Bella, how long did it take for my James to die?"

"I d-don't kn-know." I stuttered, trying to keep looking down at Rosalie without turning my back on the other two vampires. "I was a-almost unconscious."

She laughed at me, and the sound was both beautiful and terrifying. "Aww, did he hurt you before your precious Edward got to you? I don't know what happened, you see. The last time I spoke to him, he said he had lured you to him. Tell me what he did to you. I want to know."

I shrugged trying not to give way to the fear I felt whenever I thought about that day. "He threw me around a little, and then he bit me."

"Don't lie to me. If he'd bitten you, you wouldn't still be a pathetic human." She snarled, and I shivered.

I held up my trembling hand so she could see the scar and tried to block out the horrifying noises coming from below us.

Her eyes widened almost comically, as did Laurent's. "What happened to him?" She whispered, and for the first time I felt a small twinge of sympathy for her.

I couldn't answer. I knew that as soon as she had all the information she wanted, I'd be dead, and then the three of them would almost certainly finish off Rosalie.

"Tell me." She growled taking a fluid step closer.

"He, was... they killed him." I mumbled, closing my eyes. I didn't want her face to be the last thing I saw before I died.

I heard her snarl and the creek of the boards as she sprung, and I felt a breeze whip past my face, but no pain. I wondered if she'd killed me instantly, and this was death. But I could still hear the snarling from below, louder and more feral than before.

I opened my eyes just in time to see Emmett crash through the open door at the back of the box. He looked between me and Laurent and I understood that Jasper must have taken Victoria. My heart swelled with a mixture of hope and fear.

I remembered Rosalie fighting with the newborn and grabbed Emmett. "Help Rosalie." I shouted, trying to push him to the side. He looked at Laurent again, his face torn with indecision. "Please. She'll die! I'll be fine."

He was gone so quickly that I almost didn't let go of him in time and stumbled towards the low wall of the balcony. Two strong arms wrapped around me and pulled me back. "We wouldn't want to waste all that delicious blood, would we?" Laurent whispered into my ear.

"You could run." Alice had told me everything would be fine. Somehow, I could convince Laurent to leave me. "If you kill me they will hunt you down. You know they will."

As if to punctuate my shaky statement something white smacked into Laurent's leg and fell to the ground by our feet.

Both of us looked towards it, and my stomach lurched as I recognised it as a severed hand. Laurent's arms fell away from me. I didn't check to see if he'd gone, I couldn't take my eyes of the twitching limb.

It was a woman's hand, and I prayed it belonged to Victoria and not Rose. The fingers twitched and wriggled, and then started to drag the rest of the hand and a few inches of arm along the floor. I climbed up onto one of the seats away from it.

There was less snarling and snapping now, and more of the terrible screeching I remembered from the ballet studio. Chunks of flesh were flying. They were moving too fast for me to see who was winning. All I could tell was that the group furthest from me had three people in it, so I knew Jasper and Victoria were closest.

I glanced down at the hand again. Could it be reattached? It was still 'alive' for want of a better word. If it belonged to Rose, she would probably want it back, and if not, I knew it needed to be burnt. Gingerly, I picked it up at the wrist.

The fingers jerked and tried to reach for me, but in this position, they could do no harm. Clear liquid dripped slowly from the torn end. I swallowed, trying not to gag and decided to make my way downstairs.

My legs were shaking and I was still terrified, visions of Emmett, Rosalie and most of all Jasper, hurt or worse, filled my head. I slipped and fell several times on the stairs in my haste to reach them. Out here, I couldn't hear what was going on any longer, and though the silence was a relief, it was also unsettling. I followed signs for the doors to the stalls and hurried down more steps. Clutching the arm tightly, I pushed open the door and found more silence.

My heart thudded. I stumbled further into the room and almost collapsed with relief as I saw Emmett and Rosalie kissing furiously as they checked each other for injuries. But there was no sign of Jasper.

A horrible ache started in my chest as my eyes scanned the room, finding only pale clumps and shreds of clothing. He couldn't possibly be dead.

My head spun and my vision clouded, but I welcomed the darkness. Then something snapped me right back to reality. The most beautiful sound I'd ever heard came from the balcony above me. "She's gone." Jasper called. His voice sounded broken, but it was still the most welcome sound in the world.

"Jasper?" I yelled. I'd meant to tell him I was down here, or ask him who he'd lost to make him laugh, but I could only speak his name.

He landed on the ground right in front of me and stared at me for a second. The next thing I knew I was on the floor being crushed in a hug far too tight, but I didn't care in the least. He could crush me completely as long as he was ok.

I think Rosalie and Emmett pulled him off me before I scrambled to my feet and launched myself it him. "You're ok." I squeaked breathing in his scent and holding him as tightly as I could. I knew he was speaking too, but it was too fast for me to make any sense of.

"I'm fine too, Bella." Emmett laughed. "Thanks for asking"

I pulled back the slightest bit to see that Emmett and Rosalie were both smiling at us. And they were both whole. Rosalie's dress was wrecked and her hair was a mess for the first time I'd ever seen, but other than that, they were ok.

"I had an arm." I muttered looking at the floor around our feet.

Emmett doubled up with laughter. "I thought it might be Rosalie's." I defended. He just laughed harder, even Rose was grinning.

Jasper let go of me, but I kept hold of him. "Are you hurt?" He said.

"I'm fine. Laurent ran away."

Jasper spun around out of my grasp and faced Emmett. "You left her! How could you leave her up there with him?"

"My mate was in danger." Emmett answered quietly; the intensity of his gaze was shocking considering he'd been laughing seconds ago. "Wouldn't you have done the same?"

I tucked myself into Jasper's side again, as he stared back at his brother, I felt like I'd fall over if I couldn't touch him. "I told him to leave me. Rosalie needed help." I told him firmly. "Don't argue with him. We're all ok, so we must have done everything right."

"I did not need help!" Rose groused making us all chuckle.

She and Emmett went off to collect up the pieces leaving us alone at the edge of the room. I watched them weaving in and out of the rows of seats for a minute.

Jasper pulled my arms from around his waist and stood me in front of him. His eyes scanned me slowly. "None of them even touched me." I pouted, wanting to be back in his arms again.

I looked him over carefully. He looked fine until I reached his neck. On the left, where his neck met his shoulder was a mark just like the one on my hand. It had almost closed and was very nearly the same colour as the rest of his skin, but it was still seeping the same clear liquid that had come from the hand.

Without thinking, I reached up to touch it and he hissed as my fingers made contact. "I'm sorry." I whimpered snatching my hand away. "You're hurt because of me."

He gripped my wrist and tugged me into his arms again. "That mark, will be the single scar I am proud to bear." He whispered against the top of my head. "I'd get a thousand more to keep you safe, and I'd take them gladly."

It didn't make any difference to me whether he was proud of it or not. The fact remained that he was hurt, because yet again he'd had to fight for me. And it could have been so much worse.

"Stop it Bella. Did you ask for this? Did you want Victoria to come for you? Did you ask me to fight on your behalf? Did you ask Rosalie or Emmett to? No? Then how can any of this possibly be your fault?"

"Because if it wasn't for me you'd still be at home, enjoying yourself and you wouldn't be hurt."

"Bella, if it wasn't for you, I'd still be curled up in a ball crying over Alice. If it wasn't for you- Christ Bella, I'd rather be ripped to pieces than lose you." He growled and scooped my up into his arms. He carried me over to Emmett and they had a quick conversation that went completely over my head.

I couldn't stop thinking about what he'd said. My chest burned with the warmth his words had created, but I needed to make him promise that if something like this happened again, he wouldn't get himself killed. I couldn't imagine life without him. I knew there would be no life for me without him. _I'd_ rather be ripped to pieces.

Before I knew it, we were in an alley somewhere and Jasper was setting me down. He grabbed hold of the bottom of my dress and tore it straight up the side almost to my hip.

"What are you doing?" I gasped. "That was Rose's, she'll kill you."

"How do you expect to ride the bike in that dress?" He asked, getting astride his bike that I hadn't even noticed. "Hop on. We're going to a hotel. Emmett and Rose will meet us there later."

______________________________

I stood in the shower making the water as hot as I could stand it. I hoped I could wash the night away.

Jasper hadn't spoken to me since I'd got on the bike, other than to tell me to take a shower. He must be angry with me. Maybe he'd realised that I was right, and that all this really was my fault.

I got out of the shower and looked in the mirror. I was a mess as usual. Bruised, pale, with dark rings under my eyes. I laughed at myself for believing earlier that I had the slightest chance with Jasper. How stupid of me.

I kicked the ruined dress across the floor and listened carefully to see if the others had arrived. I could hear nothing, and I wondered if even Jasper had left.

I dried off quickly but remembered I had no clothes, the things I'd worn to travel here were in a bag in the car, and the dress was useless. I poked my head out of the bathroom door and was relieved to see Jasper still sprawled on the bed.

"Jasper, could you see if there are any robes in the closet. My clothes are in the car." While he was looking, I quickly put my underwear back on and waited.

"Nothing. You'll have to wear my shirt." He muttered.

That was no bad thing in my opinion. I opened the door a few inches and he shoved his shirt through the gap. It smelled like him. It only fell to mid thigh and I had to roll the sleeves over a few times, but it was probably the nicest thing I'd ever worn.

When I came out of the bathroom Jasper was sitting at the vanity, and I had to concentrate very hard not to ogle his shirtless back in the dim glow of the bedside lamp.

I knew if I let my eyes wander towards him at all, I wouldn't be able to stop looking. I got into the bed quickly and pulled the blanket up over my legs.

I waited for him to speak for five minutes before I cracked.

"Jasper? Are you mad at me?"

"No Bella." He sighed. "Of course I'm not mad at you."

I risked a quick glance at him. Just long enough to take in the way he was hunched over the desk, but not long enough to get distracted.

"Aren't you coming to bed?" I asked timidly.

His voice was flat, emotionless when he replied. "I don't think that would be a good idea."

"Oh." What did that mean? "Ok." There was definitely something wrong. I moved down the bed to put my head on the pillow and pulled the blankets up to my chin but I was still cold. I couldn't shake off the fear that had surrounded me in the theatre, or the coldness in Jasper's voice.

My throat tightened and my eyes burned as I struggled not to cry. Across the room, Jasper growled and thumped his hand against the desk. I flinched.

"What's wrong Bella?" He said, softly now.

"I need you." I begged as the first tear spilled onto my cheek.

He stood up and walked slowly towards the bed, staring at the floor. As he came level with the lamp I saw I thin white scar that ran over his shoulder and under his arm, and I couldn't stop the gasp that escaped. I pictured the limbs I'd seen scattered about the room tonight and drew the conclusion that Jasper had lost his arm at some point in his life.

He refused to meet my gaze so I moved back in the bed and lifted the sheet; he slipped in quickly, pulling it up to his chin as I had.

Beneath the covers, I put my hand on his shoulder and traced the faintly raised skin of the scar. "What happened to you Jasper?" I whispered, not expecting an answer.

He closed his eyes tightly. "How much do you know about my past?" He asked quietly.

"Very little. Edward never mentioned it, and Alice only told me that you'd had a very different life before you joined the Cullen's, so I shouldn't be surprised if I noticed a few scars." I told him. "You don't have to tell me. If it's hard for you, I don't need to know."

"You should know. I should have told you before; you should know what's holding you while you sleep." He began. As he told me the story of the southern vampires, his human life and his change, his voice became more and more detached.

I was horrified by everything he'd gone through. I couldn't imagine a life with so much horror, and everything had been worse for him as he'd felt the fear and pain of everyone else around him. If I ever met this Peter and Charlotte, I'd thank them in some way for saving him.

When he told me about meeting Alice, I'd started crying again. It was like getting to a happy ending in a book and then finding out it wasn't for real on the next page. I understood now why Jasper had fallen apart so completely when she'd left him.

He picked up the lamp and brought it close the skin of his chest as he pulled down the sheet. There were so many scars his skin looked mottled. There must have been thousands of almost-white crescents marking him.

"So you see." He said quietly. "I don't look like an angel at all. I look like the monster I am."

He put the lamp down and sat up. I put my hand on his back, though I couldn't see any scars there, I could feel them. "You're not a monster to me. You're a man who would die to protect his family."

"I'm not a man." He smiled sadly. "I may not be quite a monster anymore but I'll never be a man again. I killed a lot of people Bella. People with families, lives, and dreams. Men and women who looked into my face and saw death coming for them."

"That wasn't your fault. You didn't know any better. Now you do." I tugged him to lie down again and traced the only scar I could still see, the one that ringed his arm.

"You forgive me, don't you?" He said with wonder.

"There's nothing to forgive you for. You didn't do those things to me, and I didn't know you then. I only know who you are now. A man with a battle scar to be proud of." I smiled up at him and carefully kissed his newest wound. I still wished he hadn't got it, but I understood now why it meant so much to him.

He rolled me onto his chest and kissed the top of my head. "I don't know why I'm surprised. You never do what you're supposed to." He laughed.

I tried not to think about the way my bare legs moved against his jeans, or the fact that nothing separated my chest from his but a thin shirt, and snuggled against him. "What exactly was I supposed to do?"

"You were supposed to run." He sighed.

"Never. I murmured sleepily. I'd been told to run before. "I promise."

I had never been in a better position than this, and I was glad I was too tired to think about it much. I knew exactly where my mind would take this situation. Instead, I breathed in the comforting smell of him and felt the last of the tension leave my body, just in time for the door to crash open.

Jasper sat up, dragging me with him and I turned to face the door. Emmett and Rosalie were staring at us wide eyed. "That was fast." The said in unison.

I shook my head frantically at Rosalie, knowing she'd got the wrong idea, and feeling pretty pissed that she'd clearly told Emmett what I'd told her.

She caught on quickly and moved across the room to sit at the vanity.

Emmett wasn't quite as observant. "Dude." He laughed.

"Bella had to borrow my shirt." Jasper said calmly. I prayed he hadn't caught on to what they'd said. "Her clothes are in the car."

"Right. Sorry." Emmett said, not looking sorry at all and nodding exaggeratedly.

"Would you like me to get them Bella?" Rose asked.

I shook my head quickly. "I'm fine." I may never take off this shirt.

"Well, everything's sorted." Emmett informed us kicking the door shut and dropping onto the bed beside us as Jasper settled back. "Victoria and the other one are no more." He said dramatically.

"Alice called again and said there's no need to look for Laurent, he'll be boarding a plane to Russia within an hour." Rose laughed. "I think we scared him off."

"I told him you'd kill him if he hurt me." I said triumphantly. "And then Victoria's arm hit him in the leg and he ran off. If I hadn't been so scared it might have been quite funny."

Jasper held me a little tighter and pulled up the blankets. I fell asleep surrounded by the only arms I wanted, with the quiet hum of my family talking around me.

**An: So after the last chapter, I was surprised at how few people wanted to kill me for not getting our favourite couple together yet. After another nine thousand words with no kisses, how many of you have changed your minds? **

**Press the button and let me know. Creative death threats welcome x**


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**An: Massive, huge, astronomical thanks to all who reviewed! We hit the thousand mark! Yay!**

**As always, thanks to my lovely beta **_**ladyofkeegan**_** for convincing me this chapter was postable, and making it readable for you guys.**

Chapter Nineteen

_Bella _

The last two months had flown by and it was almost Christmas. Jasper and I had settled into a routine, I spent from Friday night to Sunday afternoon at his house and he spent Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday at mine, the door stayed open for Charlie's benefit. Wednesdays and Thursdays were total hell, but I didn't want to push Charlie's generosity by asking if he would let Jasper move in. Those days we had to be content to talk on the phone for a few hours.

I was well aware of the fact that our relationship was unusual. Friends did not spend this much time together, especially those that had only really known each other three months. In the beginning we had been together so much because Jasper was sort of dependant on me, but now I was dependant on him too. A day without seeing him was my worst nightmare. It probably wasn't healthy, but I didn't care.

He still seemed oblivious to my feelings though, and I was both grateful and disappointed by that. I'd almost resolved to give in and tell him, but I was a coward and it would take me a while yet to drum up enough courage to take such a huge risk. Rosalie prompted me to do it almost daily and even Esme gave me thinly veiled hints whenever I was with her.

She regularly found reasons to send us out alone, or for everyone but us to be away from the house for a few hours. I wondered if Jasper was aware of what she was doing. He was doing so well now. I couldn't say he was back to normal, because I didn't really know what he was like before Alice left since Edward never let me get to know him, but he was happy.

Sometimes he had a faraway look in his eyes, as if he was lost in a dream or a memory, but he never looked sad. I thought he might be remembering some happy moment from his relationship with Alice now that it didn't hurt him so much to do it.

I was in his room now. _Our_ room, really. I always had clean clothes in the closet and my shampoo and shower gel stood next to his in the bathroom. As far as Charlie knew, I slept in Alice's room when I stayed here, which was somewhat true, or had been in the beginning at least.

Every time I saw our things together, either here or at Charlie's, I was hit with a jolt of love and happiness. Sometimes I worried that I wasn't being fair to him, because our friendship meant something different to me than it meant to him. I thought keeping my feelings to myself might be unfair, but I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable by telling him the truth. I was stuck.

Jasper was out hunting, something I'd had to get used to, but it wasn't too bad, as he was never gone long, and always chose to remain behind when the family went away for longer hunting trips. I could hear the TV on downstairs and went to investigate as I'd thought I was the only one home.

As my foot hit the top stair, I heard the TV turn off, a soft thump and a quick rustle.

I found Emmett sitting on the sofa staring innocently at an upside-down copy of the TV guide. I held down a giggle as he smiled up at me. What had he been watching? The remote control was on the opposite sofa, where I was sure he'd thrown it. I picked it up and turned on the TV, just in time to see the end of the _Powerpuff Girls_.

I turned back to face him slowly, my shoulders shaking with barely suppressed laughter. "Powerpuff Girls, Emmett?"

"I wasn't watching it." He said quickly, avoiding my eyes.

"Yes you were, I heard you from upstairs." I giggled, throwing myself into the seat beside him.

"I had the sound on low." He groused, then cursed quietly as he realised he'd admitted it. "I'll give you a thousand dollars to keep this to yourself."

I mulled it over as I watched him get more and more worried. This information was worth far more than a thousand dollars. "Nope, sorry."

"C'mon, please Bella?" He gave me such a sorry expression I almost cracked. "You wouldn't want to upset your big brother would you?"

"I'm sorry Emmett, but you've had a little humiliation coming for quite some time. I'm sick of checking everything I use for bleach and dye, and I've had enough of wandering around in Charlie's clothes because you've hidden all of mine." I grinned in anticipation, Jasper and Rose would tease him mercilessly.

"Ok, I'm sorry. A thousand dollars and I'll stop pranking you. All you have to do is keep quiet." He begged. I liked that, I would have some cash to add to my Christmas shopping fund and I'd have a quiet life back. Nothing I'd done to Emmett had put him off so far and I was swiftly running out of options.

"Deal." I told him shaking his hand.

He sighed with relief, then snatched the remote and changed the channel just before Esme and Carlisle walked in.

Esme smiled at me, raising her eyebrows in silent question. I knew what she was asking; she wanted to know where Jasper was. It annoyed me a little that she thought I'd know. We weren't joined at the hip. Quite. I gave in and told her.

"He went hunting about half an hour ago."

She looked a little disappointed, and I guessed she'd thought of some ridiculous errands to send us on. Last week she'd sent us to buy salt for something she wanted to cook for me, it was some special kind that we couldn't get in Forks. We'd driven all the way to Port Angeles for her, only to be told at the store that the special 'lateral isotonic rock salt' didn't exist by a laughing clerk.

To be fair, I don't think either of us had expected to find it, it wasn't the first time we'd been sent on a wild goose chase. When we'd got back Esme had laughed, apologised, and claimed she must have written the recipe down wrong. Yeah that's believable; the vampire with perfect recall and perfect vision copied a recipe wrong.

Carlisle went off to his study to do some paperwork and Esme joined us in the living room while Emmett flicked through the channels.

"When are you putting your decorations up?" I asked, Charlie and I had decorated our tree a week ago, and most of the houses in Forks had been glowing with lights for a few weeks already.

Esme waved a hand dismissively. "We don't do Christmas."

"What do you mean? You can't not do Christmas. It's... well, it's Christmas! Is it a vampire thing?"

"We just don't do it." Emmett shrugged. "Never have. Every decade or so Carlisle tries to make us get into it, but we don't like it."

That was unbelievable. How could anyone possible dislike Christmas? I shook my head at them and went looking for Carlisle. How awful for him to be left out of Christmas because his family didn't want to participate. Well, he'd have Christmas this year.

I knocked on the door and let myself in. I'd long ago learnt that I wouldn't get a reply loud enough for a human to hear.

I leaned against the edge of the desk and waited for him to finish the sheet he was working on. It still surprised me to watch his hand move across the page with lightning speed while the perfect handwriting appeared as if by magic.

"What can I do for you Bella?" he asked as he put aside his work.

"I've just heard something horrifying." I said dramatically.

He smiled and raised his eyebrows. "And what would that be?"

"I've heard that this family is full of scrooges, and you're the only one with Christmas spirit."

He frowned. "It's true. They are a lost cause." He said. "None of them like Christmas, they don't enjoy any holidays actually."

"Well I think we should have Christmas anyway. We could get a tree, some decorations, and some silly little presents. I'd invite you to our house for Christmas, but I think Charlie might find it a little weird if you came without everyone else." I was getting kind of excited now. "And we could just decorate in here so it doesn't bother them. On the other hand, we could do it in the living room! You never know, we might even convert a few of them."

He looked sceptical. "I don't know Bella. I haven't celebrated Christmas in... a very, very long time, and I've never had modern Christmas, like you have now."

"Aww, please. You know you want to." I tried giving him the look that usually made Charlie cave. I figured if it worked on my real dad, it might work on my second father too. "I spend half my time here, you wouldn't want me to miss out on anything, would you?"

"Fine, you win." He laughed.

I hugged him quickly. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" I shrieked. Christmas turned me into a four year old. "When can we get a tree? Have you finished? Can we go now?"

Tree shopping was one of the best bits and Charlie had done it without me on his way home from work one night. I was sure I could convince Carlisle to get a huge one to go in the living room.

He chuckled and ruffled my hair. "Give me half an hour and we'll go. I'll assume you know where we can get what we need?"

I frowned realising I hadn't thought this through. "I'll call Charlie and ask him where he got ours from." I offered, dancing out of the room. I called Charlie, who was at Billy's house. He found it odd that the Cullen's hadn't needed a tree before, as they'd lived in Forks for two years now. I made up a quick excuse about Christmas vacations and got the details I needed.

Esme watched me while I talked to Charlie, looking baffled. Emmett looked intrigued.

"Where are you going?" He asked casually.

"Tree hunting." I told him, almost bouncing in my seat as I waited for Carlisle. "Want to come?"

"Hunting?" He mused, making me laugh.

"Yep, for a tree."

"Hunting for a tree." He repeated slowly. "I'm in."

I wondered if he thought we were going to be doing something entirely different, but I let him think whatever he wanted. I knew he would be the first to start enjoying Christmas.

"Would you like to come Esme?" I asked sweetly.

Her lips twitched, but she controlled the smile and shook her head. "No thank you." It didn't bother me, I was sure she'd crack once she saw her husband happy. And if that didn't bring her over to our side, the decorations would.

By the end of the week, I'd have the whole family as excited about the festivities as I was.

How easy would Jasper be to convince? And where was he anyway? He'd told me he'd be back soon and it had been almost an hour. I told myself that I was being stupid, but it didn't stop me from staring at the door while I waited.

When Carlisle came back into the living room, I couldn't help but laugh. He'd put on a huge parker, gloves and a scarf, even though he didn't need them. "What?" He said sheepishly as I struggled into my own coat. "I wanted to look the part."

Emmett, not wanting to be outdone, ran upstairs and came back similarly overdressed. It wasn't even all that cold, even _I_ didn't need gloves.

"We should take the truck." I announced to groans. I knew they hated it. "It will be easier to get the tree home that way. Do you really want to get one of your cars covered in scratches and sap?"

They both looked horrified, and I couldn't help but grin at how easy they were. Threaten one of their vehicles and you had them in the palm of your hand.

We eventually decided that Carlisle and I would take the truck as this was 'our' thing, and Emmett would follow us in the jeep. As we got in the truck, I gave one last look around, hoping Jasper would get back in time to come with us, and saw him come running out of the trees.

I hoped Carlisle wouldn't notice, or at least not comment on the sudden acceleration of my heartbeat. It happened every single time I saw him. Or heard him. Or smelled him. Did I mention I was pathetic?

I watched in the rear-view mirror as Emmett and Jasper had a quick conversation, then Jasper darted into the house. I was disappointed.

"He's only gone in to get a jacket Bella." Carlisle chuckled. I hated being so easy to read. "Let's get going, they'll catch up."

I obeyed and started down the drive, mentally going over the directions Charlie had given me and hoping I remembered them right.

"Any thoughts about which college you want to go to yet?" Carlisle asked conversationally.

This was something else I'd been trying to pluck up the courage to talk about. Since Victoria's attack, I'd been more determined than ever to become a vampire. And I wanted it to happen as soon as possible. I had it all planned out. I could tell Charlie I was taking a year off from school to go travelling. That way I could be changed right after graduation. I'd spend my newborn year away from anyone I could possibly hurt and no one would wonder where I was. It was perfect, but I'd yet to tell anyone else about it.

"Bella?" He prompted, when I didn't answer.

"I don't want to go to college." I said carefully. This was perhaps the best chance I'd get to talk about this without anyone trying to interfere or change my mind. In any case, it was Carlisle I really needed to discuss it with.

"Why ever not? You're a very intelligent girl Bella, you shouldn't waste that." I could see his confused expression out of the corner of my eye.

"Thank you. I would like to go to college one day, but maybe not for a few years." I was dragging this out. How could I actually ask him to bite me? Without sounding like a psycho, preferably.

"You want to take a break first?"

"Um, sort of." I mumbled. "I was hoping I would have an endless amount of time to fit in college."

"You were hoping- oh. You mean you'd still like to be changed?" He'd caught on more quickly than I'd expected him to, and every speech I'd prepared for this moment flew out of my head.

"Um... Yes." _Well done Bella. That will convince him that you deserve to live forever. Your eloquence astounds me._ I frowned, annoyed at myself.

"Esme and I have discussed it of course." He said, completely surprising me. "We were going to speak to you about it after you graduated. It's difficult for me to know what to think about it. I had always seen this life as a last resort, but you see it as a choice. As you know Edward was against you giving up your human life, but I believe the rest of us would be heartily relieved to have you safe, with the possible exception of Rosalie. Have you thought this through, Bella?"

My mind was reeling. They'd talked about it? It was something they wanted? I wasn't in the least offended that he thought Rosalie would be against it, she had her reasons, which I respected. He was talking about it as if it was a real, valid option. Every time I'd imagined this conversation, I'd had to persuade, beg, and plead.

"I've given it a lot of thought." I told him eventually. "I hoped that if I could convince you to do it, it would be right after graduation."

I explained my plans, and the excuses I'd give to Charlie and Renee. He listened without interrupting as I told him everything I understood about what being a vampire would really be like. This was something I'd planned. Edward had spent a lot of time telling me how horrible being a vampire was, and everything I'd have to give up if I became one. I didn't want Carlisle to do the same.

"Do you understand that you might never have enough control to see your parents again?" He asked softly when I'd finished speaking. "Or that even if you can control yourself, you might look too different, and have to stay away to avoid arousing suspicions."

"I've thought about that." I nodded. "It would be hard, I've already been away for my mom for months, but we keep in contact with emails and phone calls, and it's bearable. I could do the same with Charlie."

He gave me a sad smile, and then brightened considerably. "Now for what I think is the most important question. Why do you want to be changed?"

The most important question was also the easiest. "At first, when I was with Edward, I simply wanted to be able to stay with him forever. Now it's that I want to stay with all of you. I want to be part of the family for real, but more importantly, I don't want to be a hindrance. Don't deny it, we both know that twice in the last six months the simple fact that I'm human has put the family in danger. First with James, and then with Victoria."

"I can't stand by while people I love fight for me. I want to be able to look after myself, and let's face it; I don't seem to be too good at that." I smiled, turning off the main road and onto a dirt track that should lead us to the tree place. I left out the part about hoping to spend forever with Jasper.

Carlisle remained silent. I worried that I'd answered wrong.

The tension coiled within me as I pulled the car to a stop and turned off the ignition.

"Bella, have you thought about anything else over the last few months?" He laughed finally. "I think you've covered everything. You sound like you've been plotting this for a long time."

I felt my face burn. "I have been thinking about it quite a bit." I whispered, embarrassed to be caught out.

"We should really talk about this as a family, but I think it's safe to say that you'll be sparkling this summer." He grinned across at me and I'm sure I felt my heart leap right up into my throat for a minute. He'd taken me seriously. I was going to get what I wanted. We both laughed at his ridiculous statement.

The Jeep pulled to a stop beside us and I watched Emmett and Jasper shoving each other and laughing. My heart fluttered again.

_______________________________________

_Jasper_

I was really going to have to give in and go on a real hunting trip soon, the elk population had taken a huge hit over the last two months and I was dying for some real prey. I hadn't tasted a carnivore in months.

It was my own fault, of course. The thought of spending a few days away from Bella made me feel terrible. The only thing that helped me believe I wasn't a complete idiot was the fact that she didn't like being away from me for long either.

Spending the night with her was both heaven and hell. Heaven, because there was nowhere else in the world I'd rather be, and hell, because I had to constantly remind myself that to keep my hands off her.

It was horribly frustrating, especially at Charlie's, not to be able to touch her. Her dreams were the worst part. Though it didn't happen often, when she started throwing off lust and writhing about in the sheets, I had to get out of bed and stand on the other side of the room. With both her desire, and my own affecting me, it was almost impossibly hard to resist her. And she didn't even know she was doing it.

I always listened to what she said during _these_ dreams, much more than any others. She had said my name only once while she'd been dreaming like this, and I wasn't all that sure I hadn't imagined it. I'd been standing across the room, as usual, trying to control my lust, when she'd whimpered and breathed my name. The sound shocked me stupid for several minutes, and by the time, I'd collected myself, she was sleeping peacefully again.

It gave me hope.

She talked in her sleep most nights, and I'd heard my name often, but no _more_ often than I'd heard Emmett's, Esme's, or Charlie's. I knew because I kept count. I was fully aware of how obsessed I'd become. I was also aware that I probably shouldn't be spending the night with her, it wasn't right.

How would she feel if she knew I spent every night thinking about everything I wanted to do to her? I was so desperate to touch her, but I was careful to do nothing that would betray the trust she placed in me by falling asleep in my arms.

I stroked her hair, kissed her forehead and her cheeks. All things she allowed me to do when she was awake. But nothing more. I was always careful to put some distance between us if I felt the need within me grow too strong.

The more time I spent with her, the more I wanted her, and the more difficult the nights became. But I wouldn't give them up for anything. The two nights a week without her were much harder to bear than my own internal struggles when I was with her.

Thinking about being without her made me miss her, and I decided I'd had enough to eat. It was time to go home.

I almost crashed into several trees in my haste to get back to her, and when I reached the yard, she was sitting in her truck with Carlisle. Where were they going? It was only Friday; she was supposed to be here until Sunday. I convinced myself not to panic. She wasn't hurt, or else she wouldn't be driving, and the fact that Carlisle was with her meant she was almost certainly coming back.

Emmett's jeep pulled out of the garage and stopped twenty feet behind the truck. It looked like he was going with them. I raced over to see what was going on.

"Where are you going?"

He smirked at me, knowing I only cared because Bella was involved. "Tree hunting."

"Tree hunting." I repeated. "What are you talking about?"

"I don't actually know." He frowned. "Bella was in the study with Carlisle, and the next thing I know, she's asking me if I want to come tree hunting with them. It sounded like fun."

"Wait for me." I told him as I ran into the house to grab a coat. I still had no idea where we were going, but wherever it was Bella would be there.

"Have fun!" Esme yelled as I ran back out a minute later. She was really starting to drive me mad. Sending us out for imaginary salt was taking things a tad too far in my opinion. I was amazed Bella submitted so willingly to all the trips Esme sent us on, even when it became obvious that there was no need for them.

Sending us out for balls of wool had been another low point. She'd claimed she was thinking of taking up knitting, but the wool we'd procured had never seen the light of day. Esme wasn't quite as skilful at matchmaking as she believed, and she seemed convinced that we didn't suspect that there was anything odd about her frequent requests for items we never saw again.

When I got into the car, Emmett was leaning back in his seat humming to himself. I waited for him to start the engine. He didn't. I felt his amusement and anticipation and realised he was trying my patience on purpose.

"Today would be good Emmett." I growled. He continued to ignore me, but he was fighting his laughter. "Do you know where we're going? If not, I suggest you get a move on before we lose them."

"Spoil sport." He laughed turning the keys. "Have anything nice to eat? I had some great lynx last week."

I glared at his reflection in the windshield as he taunted me. "It was adequate."

"How's the MBFLJ plan coming along? Or have you given up?" He turned down the radio and waited for my response. He'd been bringing up that stupid plan far too often for my liking. Even referring to it in front of Bella, and I'd had to tell her I didn't know what he was going on about. She didn't believe me.

"Of course I haven't given up." I snapped. "I just haven't decided on the best course of action yet."

"Right." He snorted. "Scaredy cat."

"I will do something about it Emmett, perhaps if everyone else stopped interfering I might get around to it."

"Esme's really pushing the boat out huh?" He laughed. "I can't believe you fell for that last one."

Emmett had been doing his part too. At school, he made himself scarce at lunch a few times a week, and in the few lessons we both had with Bella, he'd switched seats with me so that I could sit with her.

At home, he came up with plans. He'd thought of everything from surprising her with a candle lit supper, to buying her expensive jewellery, to kidnapping her and taking her for a weekend in luxury hotel. I appreciated the effort, but I wouldn't dare do any of those things until I knew for sure that she wouldn't freak out and reject me completely.

She already knew about the worst parts of me. And she'd accepted them as easily as if I'd told her I I'd once lost a library book. I'd almost managed to convince myself that nothing would faze her, that even if I let her _feel_ how much I loved her she'd stay. Everything I knew about Bella reinforced this belief, but a part of me still worried that I might be wrong, and that part of me was terrified by the prospect of losing her. I knew I wouldn't cope very well without her. I wouldn't cope at all.

As we pulled up behind the truck, I noticed a huge sign outside a cabin. I smacked the back of Emmett's head. "Tree hunting? We're here to shop for a Christmas tree!"

"Don't be an idiot." He grunted shoving me. "I told her we don't do Christmas... Oh. I guess she and Carlisle are having their own Christmas."

"How could you possibly have a conversation about Christmas, and then agree to go tree hunting without linking the two up?" I pushed him back and he retaliated immediately.

"She said hunting. I was just thinking hunting, ok. I did wonder about the tree part though." He stared thoughtfully at the sign and I gave him another push before getting out of the car and joining Bella and Carlisle.

They were both full of love and happiness, but Bella was also relived, and Carlisle thoughtful. I sent him some curiosity, but he just shook his head and smiled at me. Bella skipped close and grabbed my hand, still bubbling with happiness, which intensified as she reached my side. "I'm glad you came." She grinned up at me.

I was glad too, even if I had to help find a tree. I'd do the whole Christmas deal if it would keep her as happy as she was now.

Carlisle was grinning like a child as he grabbed her other hand and dragged her off into the cabin. It was difficult not to let their excitement rub off on me as I waited by the cars with Emmett. He wasn't too happy with the situation. I wasn't surprised.

None of us had ever held any enthusiasm for Christmas, for many different reasons. In Emmett's case, it was because he had quite clear memories of spending the holidays with a huge human family, giving gifts, eating special food and being too excited to sleep. That was what Christmas was about to him, and he couldn't do those things anymore.

For me, it was different. I had spent one hundred years as a soldier without ever even remembering Christmas existed. By the time I joined the Cullen's and reacquainted myself with human ways, Christmas had lost all meaning. It was just another day.

I hoped Bella knew what she was doing, only Carlisle would truly appreciate this, and I was worried that she'd be upset when no one else joined in.

I couldn't hear what was going on in the cabin over the hum of carols and a crackling fire, but I could feel the pleasure of several people inside.

After about ten minutes of waiting, we were about ready to go in and drag them out, but Carlisle appeared in the doorway holding it open for Bella. She had a huge brown bag in one hand and a hot drink in the other, while he was carrying a small axe and saw.

I heard Carlisle clear his throat and saw him look up at a plant hanging above them. Bella blushed, laughed, and kissed his cheek. Jealousy surged through me.

"She likes Carlisle." I sighed.

Emmett was feeling both amused and incredulous. "Are you blind now, as well as stupid?" He exclaimed. "There was mistletoe. Kissing beneath it is traditional, and she only kissed his cheek. She thinks of him like a father, and he loves her like a daughter. You know this Jasper. You're getting ridiculous, if you don't tell her how you feel soon, I will."

I glared at him, even though I knew he was right. When Carlisle and Bella got closer, I couldn't help poking into their emotions more closely than usual. Emmett was right, they had a strong, familial love for each other, and were happy, but that was all. I knew I was being stupid, but I couldn't seem to stop myself.

I had to admit though; this was my most misplaced jealousy. It was Carlisle, for god's sake. What was I thinking? Emmett was right; I had to do something about this soon.

I didn't have to actually tell her I loved her. Maybe I could just ask her on a date. I could take her to the cinema, that way if it didn't go well I could easily pretend it wasn't a date at all. Man,

I am a complete coward!!!

I turned to look at the mistletoe again. If I could get her under it, I could kiss her, and gauge her feelings.

I slowed my pace and grabbed Emmett's arm, waiting until Bella and Carlisle had pulled a fair way in front of us before speaking.

"I need a favour." I whispered. "Can you help me get Bella under the mistletoe?"

I thought his grin might split his face. "Catch up with them and I'll grab it and hold it over you, she'll think I'm just joking around and she won't suspect a thing."

That would probably be less romantic than I'd hoped, but at this point I was willing to try anything. "Ok." I felt my own nervous anticipation building. I was finally going to get to kiss her.

"Shit, wait I can't risk it." Emmett muttered.

"What?" I was already speeding up, distracted by visions of Bella's plump pink lips against mine.

"I promised I wouldn't prank her anymore." He shrugged.

"Why? That's not even a prank anyway."

"We made a deal." He mumbled, something was embarrassing him. "She might see it as a prank. Sorry man, but you're on your own this time."

He ran off to collide with Carlisle before I had chance to question him any further about it. I could still do it, it would take a little more courage on my part, but I was determined. Once we'd found a tree, we would have to pay for it and return the tools, which meant Bella would be going back into that cabin. I'd grab my chance then.

By the time I caught up with them again, Emmett was helping himself to a box of chocolates Bella had bought from the cabin.

"I've done it." He crowed, after his fifth try. "This is good. Seriously guys, you have to try it." He stuffed another chocolate in his mouth as we gaped at him.

Carlisle was the first to crack and take one of the chocolates, and I swiftly followed, biting into mine quickly. It was a milk chocolate shell full of some sort of liqueur. And it was vile. I spat it out and saw Carlisle doing the same. We turned on Emmett, ready to retaliate, only to see him helping himself to another.

"You don't like it?" He asked, baffled.

"It's just as bad as every other food, son." Carlisle explained.

Emmett shook his head furiously. "No, they're good. I mean, they're not as good as blood by a long shot, but still..." He trailed off popping in another one.

Bella smiled, rooting through the box for more of the chocolates he liked, and eating a few of her own. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt so elated. I was with Bella, and everyone around me was happy, and I got to feel all of it.

If this was what Christmas did to people, it was easy to see why Carlisle had wanted us to participate. I couldn't believe what I'd been missing.

___________________________

_Bella_

As Emmett helped himself to more chocolates, I wondered if he'd forgotten that he'd have to bring them back up later.

I hadn't had this much fun in years. The four of us strolled through the trees, with no real aim, chatting about anything and everything. Emmett was thrilled he'd finally found decent human food, Carlisle had turned into a little boy and Jasper looked happier than I'd ever seen him before. It was easy to understand why. Everyone we'd passed had been as happy as us, and he was soaking all that up.

We must have been here a lot longer than I thought, the sky was rapidly darkening, and it was getting cold. I'd already stolen Carlisle's gloves and Emmett's scarf. I didn't mind, it was more fun when it was dark, Renee always used to wait until night time to take me tree hunting.

I'd been enjoying the walk so much I'd forgotten to pay any attention to the trees and I figured I should probably start, or we'd be here forever. There were small signposts every so often, explaining about the qualities of the different sections of trees. I didn't pay attention to them, I just wanted a tree that looked right, I didn't care where it came from, or what type of needles it had.

"What about that one?" Carlisle asked, pointing to a fairly pathetic specimen.

I could feel myself gaping at him. "It's horrible." I whined.

He shrugged and started walking again. I reached into my bag for more chocolate, only to realise that Emmett and I had eaten it all. He was going to be so sick soon. I looked around for him, and found him and Jasper had fallen way behind us, and Emmett was doubled up against a tree. Maybe soon was now.

We made our way back to them, Jasper's laughter reaching us on the way.

"You ok?" I asked Emmett rubbing his back. How did you help a sick vampire?

"My stomach _hurts_." He moaned.

Carlisle and Jasper continued to chuckle behind us. "That's what happens when you eat human food and don't get rid of it, son."

"Uh." Emmett grunted, clutching his stomach. "I forgot."

I started feeling quite ill myself once he began to retch. Carlisle and I left Jasper to laugh at him while we continued to look for the perfect tree.

He wasn't very good at it. So far, he picked out seven trees, which he thought were 'fine'. I had explained that we weren't looking for 'fine', and in any case, his choices were all far too scrawny.

After hours of searching, I finally found it.

It was about ten feet tall, hugely bushy and full and overall the most perfect tree I'd ever seen. And it was going to end up next to the piano if it killed me.

"This is the one."

"Bella, that's far too big, we'd never get it in the study." He rolled his eyes at me. I think Christmas was a bad influence on him; he was starting to act the age he looked. It was kind of scary.

"It's not going in the study; it's going in the living room." I said firmly.

"If we take that home, Esme will kill me." He complained. "You said we could have Christmas in the study. We can't force this on everyone else."

I needed back up. Where the hell were the others? I looked around and found them ambling towards us as if there was no rush. I growled. Carlisle started laughing at me. I glared at him.

I was tired, too much chocolate was making me jumpy, and I wanted this tree. Also, my feet were going numb from the cold.

I decided to put my foot down. If Carlisle were going to act like a child, I'd have to take charge. I figured Emmett would enjoy cutting the tree down more than anyone else would, and once it was down, it was mine.

"Emmett!" I yelled, much louder than necessary.

He was at my side in an instant, as was Jasper. I tried to ignore Jasper for the moment, knowing how quickly my train of thought would veer wildly off course if I focused on him.

"This is the one. Want to cut it down?" I could tell he was impressed by the size of the tree, but he was eyeing the tools Carlisle held with something like pity.

It quickly became obvious why. Turning his back on the offered tools, he stared challengingly up at the tree, as if he expected it to fight back. Then he stuffed his hand through the branches, gripped the trunk, and kicked the bottom of the tree.

He lifted it effortlessly over his head. "Where'd you want it?" He asked, his voice muffled by the branches, as his head was completely obscured.

"Put it down." I hissed. If anyone saw him lifting that, they would know something was wrong. He dropped it immediately. "Be careful!"

"Sorry Bells." He grinned, brushing pine needles out of his hair. "Now don't get me wrong, I like the tree, but you know Esme will never let it in the house, right?"

"I did tell her." Carlisle said, smiling triumphantly.

"You'll see." I promised, sticking my tongue out at the two of them and heading back to the cabin on Jasper's back. I was cold and tired, and after two nights with very little sleep, I wanted nothing more than to get home and snuggle down in bed. I'd carry on my attempts at spreading Christmas cheer in the morning.

_____________________________________

_Jasper_

I had missed my chance with the mistletoe. Bella had fallen asleep on our way back to the cabin and only woken up long enough to pick out several boxes of decorations.

I was driving the truck home now with Bella sleeping against my shoulder. Carlisle had actually tried to take her from me so that they could drive back together. I'd growled at him. The look on his face had been priceless and Emmett had laughed so hard he'd scared away a family that had pulled up beside us. If I'd have been able to blush, I was sure I would have.

"Mmm." Bella mumbled, pressing her face against my shoulder. "Smells nice."

I checked and found she was still asleep. She nuzzled my arm and hummed again. I was annoyed we were almost home, and briefly contemplated driving around for a while so we could stay like this, but realised that I wouldn't have a great explanation if Bella woke up while we were on the other side of Forks.

I turned reluctantly up the driveway, and when I reached the house, found that Carlisle was trying to persuade Esme to let him bring the tree in. My laughter woke Bella.

She sat bolt upright and looked around, then relaxed once she knew where she was. "What are you laughing at?" She mumbled, settling back against me.

"Esme won't let Carlisle bring the tree in." I pointed out.

She looked across the yard at them, a small smile tugging at her lips. "Help me convince her?" Her big brown eyes gazed up at me, pulling me in and rendering me momentarily speechless. I nodded mutely.

"All you have to do, is look really pleased about the tree, and agree with whatever I say, kay?"

"Of course." How could I possibly do anything other than agree when I could feel how happy this made her?

We carried the boxes of decorations over to where Carlisle was deep into negotiations. "Bella chose it." He pointed out. It looked like he'd given up, and was now trying to shift the blame. I wasn't surprised, angry Esme was scarier than Rosalie was on a bad day.

Esme turned her glare on us as we approached. I expected Bella to give up immediately, but she just smiled and ignored the fact that the tree was still outside, and Esme obviously did not intend to let it in.

"Oh Esme, thank goodness." Bella gasped. What was she doing? "Jasper and I can't decide on the theme for decorating the tree."

Esme curiosity was piqued; I could not believe Bella was going to win her over so easily.

Bella opened one of the boxes she was carrying and pulled out a huge ugly star that I hadn't seen her buying. It was striped in fluorescent green and orange, with purple, glitter covered feathers sticking out of the back of it. Esme was horrified already.

"You see Jasper and Emmett think we should put these star things all over it." She explained plaintively. Esme glared at me, I was going to kill Bella later. "But me and Carlisle thought these would look better."

I watch Carlisle glace worriedly between his wife and Bella as Bella opened the largest box. He needn't have worried. The box Bella opened contained some of the ornaments we'd all agreed on in the cabin. This box was full of delicate glass snowflakes, cream and gold bells, and clear fairy lights. Bella was a genius.

Esme's eyes practically glazed over as she stared at the real decorations. I could actually feel her trying not to get excited. Bella had already won, but she decided to add a little more. "Won't they look beautiful on the tree if we put it by the piano? You agree don't you Esme? These will look much better than the ones the boys picked out."

Esme glared at me again. "There is no way the tacky stuff you picked out is going on my tree. I thought you had better taste than that!" She muttered. "Carlisle honey, bring it in won't you, so we can get the lovely ornaments set out."

Carlisle was practically speechless with incredulity as he followed his wife back into the house with the tree, casting an awed glance back at Bella.

Bella giggled. "Told him I could do it." She grinned. "Sorry for blaming you for the ugly thing."

As we walked into the house, laden down with boxes and bags, and leaned down to whisper in her ear. "You'll have to make it up to me."

Her cheeks flushed instantly, and I felt a quick flickering of desire coming from her, before it was squashed by confusion and disappointment. What did that mean? Was the desire directed at me? I thought about what I'd said. I could think of plenty of fantastic ways for her to make it up to me, none of them I'd ever actually ask for though. Was she thinking something along the same lines?

I didn't want to actually ask her, but maybe I could subtly bring it up again later and see how she reacts. I realised I was still standing just inside the door and that Bella had gone into the living room. Carlisle had already set up the tree, and Esme was stringing the lights all over it.

Emmett and Bella were standing whispering in the corner. I heard her mention Rosalie, and saw Emmett agreeing and go running upstairs. A few seconds later, Rose followed Emmett back down. She saw the tree and scowled. She would not be as easy to convince. I sat back and waited to see how Bella would tackle her. Emmett plopped onto the couch beside me, grinning from ear to ear.

"Five hundred bucks says Bella won't get her to join in." He whispered, nudging me.

He hadn't seen Bella work on Esme. I knew Rose would be difficult, but I had no doubt Bella would win her over in the end. "You're on." I whispered back.

We watched as Bella approached Rosalie, holding a small white box. I knew what was in it, and I also knew with certainty, that I was about to win the bet.

"I got you something." Bella smiled shyly. I could feel her anxiety; she really wanted Rose to like the gift, even more than she wanted her to join in with the whole Christmas thing. She opened the box, and Emmett strained to see what was in it. "I thought we could have one each to go on the tree."

Rose was practically flinging out pleasure and love. "Oh they're beautiful!" She gasped.

While Bella had made Carlisle pay for most of the decorations, she'd bought these particular two herself. They were little glass ballerinas, one in an ivory outfit, the other in gold.

I held out my hand to a grumbling Emmett while the girls hugged and joined Esme at the tree.

He shoved me. "You cheated! You knew she had those, didn't you?"

"I might have." I smirked, and left him to his muttering to help with the tree. Once again, I was wrapped up in the happiness of everyone else. My personal highlight of the decorating was lifting Bella up to put the star on top. I had another little flicker of desire from her again. I was beginning to think there was hope for me yet.

Bella and Carlisle went off on their own to the study to make plans, and then came back to tell us we would be having _our _Christmas on Christmas Eve. They had a box with little bits of paper in it, and made us each choose one. Apparently, we were doing secret Santa, as it was our first try at celebrating Christmas.

Carlisle said we were to spend no more than a thousand dollars and that we had to get lots of small gifts, instead of one big one. I picked out Bella. I had an excuse to buy her presents. And I had no idea where to start.

___________________________

If there was one man that seemed to know exactly what a situation called for, it was George. He'd helped me out before, and I didn't doubt he'd be able to help me find a perfect gift for Bella. It was the dreaded Thursday, I'd already gone one night without her, and I figured getting her presents would keep my mind off the fact that I had another one to go.

Of course, Wednesdays and Thursdays were the only chance I would get to shop for her, as she was with me every other day. I'd felt her lust a few more times since the weekend, always just after I'd touched her. And every time I'd been close to telling her how I felt, but she always squashed it. It seemed like something she didn't want to feel.

I'd tried flirting with her a little, and always got the same confusing mix of emotions. Hope and shyness, followed swiftly by irritation and disappointment.

I didn't understand it, and when I'd told Emmett, he was no help either.

Emmett flirted with pretty much every woman he met; it was just his way, so I started paying more attention to how Bella felt when he spoke to her. She was only amused, nothing else. All that told me was that she had different feelings for me than she had for Emmett, which didn't really help.

I put that to the back of my mind and focused on shopping.

He opened the door before I got to it, and not for the first time, I wondered if he was something more than human.

"All alone today Mister Whitlock?" He greeted, sending me his usual crinkly-eyed grin. "Come in, come in."

"Good afternoon George." Somehow, the front room of the shop seemed even more cluttered than the last time I'd been here.

"How are the family?" He asked, already looking in the back of a cupboard. "Miss Bella is well, I trust?"

The way he said it made me feel like he knew exactly why I was there, and exactly what I felt for her. I remembered him telling Bella she'd be bringing him some business and chuckled.

"She's fine." I told him, moving to look at the little animals, as I thought of what else he'd said. "Is she ready for the tiger yet?"

George came out of the cupboard with an armful of dusty boxes, and an amused frown on his face.

"Don't ask me." He laughed. "It's your tiger; you're the one that has to trust her with it."

"You said she wasn't ready for it." I was confused. "I don't understand."

He sighed and smiled patiently. "The tiger is a metaphor." His sarcasm was evident.

I wanted to ask him what I was a metaphor _for_, but I decided I'd looked stupid enough for one day. Therefore, I just nodded.

"Now, you need a gift for the little one." He said, opening up the boxes he'd brought out. "She doesn't like grand gestures, does she? Wouldn't even accept something that was already hers." He muttered.

I inspected the boxes; in each was a single jewelled hair slide thing. I wished I'd brought Rose or Esme to help. I'd intended to get her a bracelet or something, but George had never steered my wrong before, and now I thought about it, Bella didn't really wear jewellery. But which one should I choose?

"You need something delicate and beautiful." He said, as if answering my unspoken question. "Simple, but complex."

"It should be perfect." I muttered, poking through the boxes, hoping one would stand out.

"She struck me as a girl who appreciated flaws." George prodded. I mulled it over. He was right.

"You're right. How do you always know everything? What are you?" It was something I'd wanted to ask for a long time.

He smiled. "I am George, Mister Whitlock and I know what I know. No more, no less."

"You know what I am though, don't you?"

He smiled again, though this time there was more humour behind it. "You are a man in love." Oh, he knew.

He seemed to know everything, I wondered if he could help me. "Do you think I have a chance with her?"

"I rather think you should ask the lady that question." He told me sternly. I actually felt like I'd been told off. It was unsettling. "Now, which of these would she like?"

He was acting very strangely, every time I'd seen him before, he'd given me one item, and I'd never questioned his choice. Why was he making me choose all of a sudden? What if I got it wrong?

"What do you think?" I tried.

He frowned, and I felt thoroughly chastised again. "I think you should learn to make decisions for yourself. Miss Bella, it seemed to me, would cherish a twig if you gave it to her."

I wouldn't go that far, but I knew what he meant. I thought about how genuinely pleased she'd been by the ridiculous pig Emmett had got for her. I looked through the slides again. This time, one stood out.

I knew I'd chosen right when George beamed at me, like I'd passed some sort of test. I waited while he cleaned up the box and wrapped the little tiger in tissue paper.

As I was leaving, he called me back. "The tiger and the swan, Mister Whitlock. When they break, which they will, bring them back to me. I have plans for them." He smiled serenely and waved me off.

He was the strangest man I'd ever met. How would the animals get broken? And what did he intend to do with some broken bits of rock?

He'd also said that I was supposed to trust Bella with the tiger, did that mean I had to trust her with the metaphor tiger, and that she'd break it? If the tiger was supposed to be me, did that mean I meant to trust Bella with myself, and that she'd break my trust? Thinking about it was starting to make my head hurt.

I'd had enough of over thinking everything.

I had just over a week to go until Christmas, and I decided I was going to tell Bella I loved her by then. There would be no downplaying my feelings, or asking her on a date. I would simply tell her how I felt. She deserved the truth, and I was sick of trying to hide my feelings while looking for hers.

I started making plans.

______________________________

**An: So... Tell me what you think of my fluffy filler chapter... pretty please? You know you want to...**


	20. Chapter Twenty

**An: I'm so, so, sorry I didn't reply to many reviews, I've been pretty busy this week. Hopefully this chapter will make up for that. And I promise to reply to you all from now on.**

**Credit for a huge chunk of this chapter goes to **_**cutthecrepe**_** and **_**firstsong1 **_**(whose story Delivered you MUST go and read right now) thanks guys!**

**And, as always, huge thanks to my wonderful beta ladyofkeegan, for making this chapter at least twice as good as it would have been without her.**

Chapter Twenty

I was so glad I hadn't picked out Jasper's name for Secret Santa. Half a second after I'd suggested the idea to Carlisle, I'd realised it was a mistake. I'd never be able to find a gift good enough for him, without making it blatantly obvious how I felt about him. When I'd opened my scrap of paper and seen Emmett's name, the relief I felt was immediate and intense.

At the time, I was still reeling from not one, but two ridiculously dizzying moments with Jasper. My first flash of giddiness came when he'd whispered 'You'll have to make it up to me'. The sexy way he said it had filled my head with delicious visions of what he could mean. Of course, not a single one of them involved wearing clothes. I squashed down my desires as fast as I could, but I was sure he'd noticed this time. He'd stayed in the doorway looking blank and I'd run off to the living room before I slipped up again. Then, when he put his hands on my hips, and lifted me up to put the star on the tree I'd almost died. Even brushing my shoulder against his sent a shiver through me. I swear any more contact than that and it became a battle to control myself.

Nevertheless, I couldn't _not_ touch him. I just couldn't stay away. I'd spend the rest of my life in his lap if he'd let me and I was starting to get the feeling that he would. Sometimes, he looked at me the way I was sure I was looking at him. Every so often, he'd say little things that could mean more than they seemed to. I was even starting to think that he might be flirting with me, but I was always quick to remember that it was probably just his way. After all, Emmett was a constant flirt, and he never meant anything by it.

Jasper consumed my every waking thought, and probably, my sleeping thoughts too. I knew that by now I must have sleep talked about him, and he must have heard. Thankfully, I also knew that I talked about everything from toast to parrots hopefully he would simply dismiss anything I said.

I hated the fact that he could feel my emotions, and I wondered if people projected feelings while they slept. If they did, I was surprised Jasper hadn't teased me about some of the dreams I'd had recently. My personal favourite so far, had started innocently enough. I'd been showering in our bathroom, washing my hair, when a cold hand had brushed along the heated skin of my back. As the feelings from my dream started to overtake me again, I shook my head to clear my thoughts. The problem with this dream especially was how vivid it had been. I already knew exactly what it felt like to have Jaspers cold skin against mine just after a shower and it felt good, far too good to be allowed.

Every time I drifted out of a Jasper daydream, I felt guilty. He deserved to know how I felt, even if it meant he kept his distance for a while. However, a part of me knew that he wouldn't do that. He wouldn't leave me, no matter what. Even if he never loved me the way I loved him, he definitely did love me in some way. He told me once when he thought I was asleep, but I heard the whispered words, and I'd been treasuring them for the past month.

As I drove out to Port Angeles to meet with Rosalie to due our Christmas shopping, I realised I'd finally talked myself into telling him. All I had to do was pick a time. My body buzzed with nerves. I was really going to tell him. I'd just have to spit it out, and let him decide what he wanted to do with the information. I could finally get things out in the open and stop trying to hide everything from him. Of course if he didn't feel the same way, I'd live, because he'd still be my friend. I wouldn't lose him.

As I pulled into a parking spot, I started thinking about the ways I could tell Jasper my feelings. Rosalie was at my side before I even got out of my car. Rose gave me a questioning look but said nothing. I followed her into a computer game store and as soon as we were alone Rose started questioning me. "What's the matter? You look like something huge has happened."

I scowled. How I'd managed to hide something so big from Jasper for this long was beyond me. The only thing I can figure out is that Jasper is clueless because I was still an open book. "Nothing's happened……..yet." I whispered. "I've decided I'm going to tell him."

"You are?" She beamed at me. "That's great. When are you going to tell him? What are you going to say?"

I rolled my eyes and turned away to pick up some games for Emmett. "I don't know when, I was thinking Christmas Eve would be nice, and I'm just going to tell him exactly how I feel."

She nearly squashed me as she pulled me into a hug. "I'm so happy for you!" She gushed.

I wriggled out of her grip before the need to breathe got desperate. "Don't be happy for me yet. He might tell me he thinks of me like a little sister." I shuddered at the thought.

Now it was Rose's turn to roll her eyes. "I've told you forty seven times that he feels the same. I don't know why you refuse to believe me. I've known him for sixty years, and I've spent most of them pretending to be his twin sister. I know Jasper, and I know what I'm talking about."

I wouldn't and couldn't allow myself to believe her, because if I did, and she was wrong, it would hurt so much more. I was thankful that she let it drop when I started looking through the games again.

"Did you get Emmett?" She laughed, and I realised we hadn't told each other who we were buying for yet.

"Yep, who did you get?"

She smiled slyly at me and pulled a scrap of paper out of her pocket. She had Jasper. I was stupidly jealous for a moment, before I remembered I hadn't wanted to get him.

"What are you going to get him?" I asked, finally deciding on a few games that looked suitably bloody and farfetched for Emmett's taste.

"Games." She grabbed a handful without even checking what they were. "Books and maybe some new clothes."

I ended up doing pretty well out of that one shop. On the counter, there had been a few DVD's and I'd spotted _Brother Bear_, which Rose assured me Emmett had never seen. I'd also managed to buy a _Powerpuff Girls_ key chain without Rosalie seeing it.

"Would you do me a favour Bella?" Rosalie asked me as we left the last store we needed. I agreed immediately. "If Emmett got me, I want you to hint to him, actually, forget hints just tell him, that I want that dress we saw earlier." I grinned. I wondered if Emmett had bought her bad presents in the past, I could easily imagine him buying things at random and hoping she'd like them. It was quite sweet really.

True to her word, Rose had bought Jasper an armful of new clothes that I'd helped pick out. Remembering how good he'd looked in the one at Angela's party, I'd grabbed some nice tight t-shirts Rosalie had given me a horribly knowing smirk that I'd done my best to ignore. I'd also helped her picking out books, as she had no idea what Jasper already had, and knew I spent a lot of time in his study. It was nice helping her. I felt like we'd really become more than friends now, we were truly sisters.

Shopping with Rose was a very different experience for shopping with Alice. I was actually allowed to chose things for myself and voice opinions without being scowled at for my choices. Don't get me wrong, I loved Alice, and I was beginning to forgive her for the way she'd treated Jasper, but I preferred Rosalie's more relaxed attitude. It was also good to be able to have little arguments without being told I was going to give in anyway.

We went back to our cars and parted ways. I'd be seeing her again tomorrow anyway.

Back at home, I set out Emmett's gifts on the bed. It was a good haul. Rose had told me she was impressed at how well I knew her husband. As well as the games and DVD, I'd bought him Twister and a remote control car from a toyshop. Then I'd found a t-shirt which showed a man fighting a bear and said 'extreme hunting' on the front. I was particularly proud of the shirt, and I was positive he'd love it. I'd also bought him a huge box of the brandy chocolates he liked, though I didn't think he'd actually eat them this time.

As I'd bought far too much wrapping paper, I decided to be cruel and wrap each of Emmett's presents several times. I wondered if he'd be patient enough to keep unwrapping or if he'd just tear the whole thing apart. I was betting on the latter.

Charlie's presents were already wrapped up and waiting to go. I'd bought him some new fishing gear that I was positive he would love. Last Wednesday, I'd gone down to La Push after school to ask Billy for advice. He hadn't been back to our house since he and Jake had come over for dinner, and I'd wanted to smooth things over between us. He'd been a little gruff with me at first, but he'd ended up apologising for his behaviour, which had really surprised me. He'd even agreed that perhaps the Cullen's weren't entirely bad, but he'd made me promise to call him immediately if they ever got out of hand.

My conversation with Billy just made me even more curious about the wolves. I was dying to see one but Billy had told me that I'd only ever see them if I was in danger. I was determined to see them at some point, but he wouldn't even tell me who they were. I'd formed a pretty good idea on my own though. As I was leaving, three of the largest men I'd ever seen had walked into Billy's house as if they owned the place. They'd ignored me entirely until the tallest drew level with me as his head had snapped towards me while he'd sniffed harshly.

"This is Bella Swan," Billy had said sternly, "Charlie's daughter."

I got the impression that Billy was warning them off. Could they smell vampires? The taller man nodded, no trace of emotion on his face, but one of the men next to him snarled quietly. He'd looked a bit put out when I hadn't even flinched. I was used to growls, and to be fair, _I_ could do a scarier growl than he just had. They'd wandered away into the kitchen after that and I'd left, a little disappointed that they hadn't been friendlier. I really wanted to see what they looked like as wolves.

After I had finished all my gift-wrapping and was bored so even though it was earlier than I usually called Jasper, I decided I wanted to talk to him.

"Bella." He answered. The warmth in his voice sent a corresponding heat straight through me. "Did you have fun in Port Angeles?"

"Yes, I got some great stuff for Emmett. Who did you pick out?" None of us were supposed to know who each other was buying for, but that had fallen apart as Rosalie and I had cracked already.

There was silence on the other end of the line. "Jasper? Are you still there?"

I heard him clearing his throat. "I'm still here. I got you."

A nervous thrill ran through me. "You did?" I felt myself smiling.

"I did." I heard him sigh. "I bought you something today."

The thought of him buying me presents was strange. It was usually something I hated, but right now, I felt hugely pleased about it. "Did you stick to the rules?" I asked, I really wanted to know what he'd got for me.

"I did." He laughed. "Although I thought one of the rules was that this was all supposed to be secret."

"Well, that rule wasn't important." I rolled my eyes and then remembered he couldn't see me. This was probably a good thing as I was wearing one of his shirts, and he might think that was a bit odd. "Are you going to tell me what you bought?"

He laughed again. "You'll have to wait and see, there's only a week to go."

"Fine," I pouted. "Then I won't tell you what Rosalie bought for you."

"Rosalie's buying my presents?" He moaned. "I dread to think what she chose."

"Hey! I helped pick out your things. You'd better like them."

"If you chose them, I'm sure I'll love them." He whispered something else I couldn't make out but the way he spoke with his whispered breath made me freeze. I think I actually moaned a little but before I was able to question myself, I heard him drop the phone and scramble after it. "Sorry." _Did a vampire just drop the phone? _I needed to change the subject and save going over his responses for later.

"I want to get Carlisle and Esme something."

"You're the one that decided we should only get presents for one person each." He sounded relieved for some reason. "What did you want to get for them?"

"But getting something for mom and dad is different than the Secret Santa. I was thinking about painting something for them, we could do it together, you're much better than me."

I imagined Jasper standing behind me, guiding my hand across a canvass as I leaned back against his muscled chest. His other hand wrapped around my waist, sliding down over my stomach. My breath hitched in my throat and I gasped.

"Bella? Are you ok? Your heart's beating pretty fast."

I swallowed hard and internally cursed myself. Thank goodness, he wasn't here with me now. "I'm just excited about Christmas. It's our first Christmas together." I laughed feebly as I realized what I said. "As a family, I mean."

"What do you think about the painting?"

"I don't know." He muttered. "Esme prefers photographs."

"She's got hundreds of photographs, besides, your paintings are better than photos."

"They are not." He laughed. "All vampires can draw; it's just observation and a steady hand. Still, they aren't quite as good as photographs."

I was just about to pout when he said, "It's the anniversary of their first wedding just after the new year, why don't we save it until then?"

"Fine," I looked up at the huge picture on my wall. A photograph wouldn't have captured everything so perfectly. "Your pictures are so full of life far better than photos."

"You think so?" He sounded so unsure of himself. It made me wish he was with me so I could hug him, and so he could feel my sincerity.

"I know so. I'd rather have something you'd drawn for me than a photo."

I heard his breath hitch half a second after I'd spoken. Did he like what I'd said? Or did he think I was weird? Why didn't he respond? I decided I needed to get off the phone so I could analyse the conversation in peace.

"Um, well, I'd better go. Goodnight Jasper, love you." I purposely kept my voice light so he wouldn't read anything into my words. I still wanted to tell him how I felt, but not over the phone. _Did I just say love you? Maybe he didn't hear me or wasn't paying attention._

It took him a few seconds to answer. "Love you too, goodnight." _He said love you too, did he mean it like I love you, marry me? Or like I love you little sis? _

I hung up and stretched out on the bed. This little after-phone-call session had become a regular thing. Every Wednesday and Thursday I spent at least half an hour going over his responses, sometimes I even called Rosalie for help when I could be sure Jasper wouldn't overhear our conversation.

Tonight was... promising. He'd said he'd love anything I chose. I felt the same way, he could give me anything, and just the fact that it came from him would make it a perfect gift. But after he'd said it, he'd sounded a little off, like it had just slipped out. Was that because he didn't mean it, or because he'd realised how it sounded to me? And when I'd talked about his art, he hadn't answered me. Was that because he liked what I'd said? Saying that I preferred his drawings was similar to what he'd said about his gifts.

It was so difficult to work out what some of the things he said meant. He was my best friend, and in any other situation, the person I'd ask for advice. It drove me mad that I couldn't ask him what he thought about the situation. I could just see how that would go.

**Well, I'd have his take on things soon enough. **

I got in bed and curled up with Emmett Jr, who had become my substitute Jasper. I stared up at his picture on the wall as I tried to go to sleep, and that night, for the first time, I dreamt that Jasper loved me too.

__________________________________

_Emmett_

"For the last time, I am not dressing up as Santa!" I growled at Carlisle. He and Esme had been going on about it all morning. Carlisle thought it would be a great idea to give out gifts to the sick children at the hospital. I was all for doing that, as long as it wasn't me giving out the gifts. "Why can't you be Santa?"

"I've explained this three times now." He played the part of exasperated-dad far too well in my opinion. "The children see me every day. I can't be Santa because they'll recognise me."

I shook my head and looked away from them. It wasn't fair. They were ganging up on me. Rosie sauntered over, swaying her hips and sat down straddling my lap. "Please baby? For me?" She pouted, wriggling her hips.

I shook my head again and tried to think about anything but the way she felt in my lap. This was definitely not fair! She was totally cheating.

"Please Emmy," she whispered, her lips touching my ear. "Bella and I were so looking forward to being your hot little helpers." I felt my resolve weakening. When she started describing just how short the outfit she'd be wearing was, I cracked.

"Fine, I'll do it!" I pulled her in for a kiss then she got off my knee and went to join Esme in the kitchen, leaving me speechless. I really had to learn to say no to that woman. Carlisle made sure to laugh at me before he left the room. Jerk. I started plotting a way to get Rosie to come and help me rearrange the woods.

My phone rang, and I both cursed and welcomed the distraction. It was Alice. She never called with good news anymore.

"Put your plans on hold for a while lover boy." She laughed. "Something's come up."

Well whatever it was, she didn't sound worried. "What's up Ali-kins?" I realised I hadn't spoken to her at all since she'd left. I missed the little pixie.

"Put me on speaker phone and rally the troops, I need all of you." She ordered.

"Jasper and Bella are in town and Edward's in Alaska." I told her, and then shouted the others into the living room.

"I know that Em, you idiot." She sounded annoyed. I winced as the rest of the family joined me around the coffee table. I put the phone on speaker and set it down.

"Is there trouble?" Rosalie asked. She was still angry with Alice for leaving, despite the fact that her visions had saved Bella's life twice since then, and Jasper was doing much better.

"Yes there's trouble." Alice growled. "What are you all playing at?"

The four of us stared at each other. What had we done? After a few seconds had passed, I noticed everyone was eyeing me with suspicion, as if I was the one doing something wrong.

The cell phone sighed. "Emmett, why have you decided you can keep secrets all of a sudden? Why haven't you told Rosalie what Jasper told you?" I winced again as Rose growled at me.

"Thanks Alice." I tried smiling innocently, before I remembered that didn't work on my wife, and never had. "Jasper's in love with Bella." I gave in and told her.

"Is that it?" Esme groaned. "I've known that for _ages_."

Alice spoke up again. "Now Rose, tell them what Bella told you."

"She loves Jasper." Rose grinned.

This time Esme actually shrieked, it was painful. "I told you Carlisle!"

"So everyone knows they're in love with each other, but them." Alice stated. "And every single day, for two whole months, without fail, at least one of them has decided to tell the other, or to ask them on a date, or to kiss them. It's driving me absolutely nuts! I can't take another bloody vision of them so happy, followed by another one with them messing around and chickening out again."

She was speaking so fast that even with my super vampire hearing, I had trouble understanding half what she said, but I got the gist of it.

"Wait a minute." Rose snapped. "Bella's going to tell him on Christmas Eve, Alice."

"No, Bella _was_ going to tell him, but she's chickened out. Again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At first, I didn't mind, because Jasper was going to tell her, but he's changed his mind too. Something has to be done about them before I lose my mind. We've already seen that telling them there's nothing to worry about because they have feelings for each other doesn't work. Neither of them thinks they've got much of a chance. It's down to you four." I'd never heard Alice sound so irritated in all the time I'd known her. It was pretty scary.

"What can we do?" Esme asked. "I've tried everything to get them together, and nothing has worked so far."

Alice started laughing. "I've seen your plans Esme, and quite frankly, I'm appalled. You do realise that both Jasper and Bella know exactly what you're up to right?"

Esme had the grace to look ashamed for about half a second. I grinned remembering the salt debacle again.

"I say we just lock them in a closet." I suggested. That would be fun.

Rosalie slapped the back of my head, I hate that everyone does that to me. Either they really like my hair and want an excuse to touch it, or they're all trying to kill me. "A locked door isn't going to keep Jasper anywhere." She pointed out. So my plan had flaws, it was still better than anything anyone else could come up with.

"Wait, wait, and wait." Alice whispered. I guessed she was having a vision. "That could work. You're going to the hospital in a few days. The outfits are perfect by the way, Rose; just get some red and white stripped stockings. So..."

I stopped listening after she mentioned the stockings. I loved stockings, and Rose in stockings was just... edible. Maybe I could convince her to hop in a closet with me. Hospital sex!!!! With stockings!!!!!!!!!!! Mmm...

"Emmett!" The phone shouted, spoiling my fantasy. "Pay attention! You know Rose will never agree so give it up. Now, there's a closet on the fourth floor small enough that they'll have to get really close, and the door's too sturdy for a human to break. There's a security camera outside, which means Jasper won't be able to break the door down without exposing himself as a vampire, so they'll have to wait for you to let them out."

She trailed off again, and I took a glance at Rose, hoping she'd somehow missed Alice telling me off. No such luck, she was glaring at me. I hate this family; they're always getting me into trouble.

"Oh it's perfect." Alice laughed. "It will take them exactly two hours, eleven minutes and thirty three seconds to crack. Emmett you are brilliant!"

I puffed out my chest, and tried to remember why I was brilliant. Oh yeah, this was my idea. Oh crap, did shoving them in a closest count as a prank? "Wait, I'm not taking the blame for this." I said quickly. "Me and Bells have a deal, someone else has to lock them in."

Alice snickered quietly, and I gathered she knew about our deal. I prayed she'd keep it to herself.

"Everything will be fine. Jasper will be too busy ogling Bella in the elf costume to notice Carlisle shoving him before it's too late, and instead of getting out of the closet, he'll have to catch Bella when Rose pushes her in. Then Esme will close the door, and the rest will fix itself."

Now I thought about it, I wasn't too sure I liked the idea of stuffing my little sister in a closet with a man, especially not in the outfit Rosie had described.

"Emmett Cullen don't you dare!" Alice screamed. I hadn't even decided to do anything yet, and now everyone was glaring at me.

"But-" I tried to explain, but as usual, I was overruled.

"No buts! Bella is an adult, and if she thought you were trying to keep her away from Jasper, she would find a way to beat you to death. I'm not kidding!" Alice growled. I pouted.

"Fine, but if he tries anything I'm going to hit him."

Alice giggled. "Bella's just as bad as he is, possibly worse. Six months of frustration from Edward plus two months fantasising about Jasper... well, I'll let you draw your own conclusions."

I scowled at the floor and ignored the others laughter. I'd give them exactly two hours and fifteen minutes, and then I was letting them out.

__________________________

_Jasper_

I hadn't laughed like this in... well... ever. Bella and Rose had forced Emmett into an elaborate Santa costume, complete with wig and beard, stuffed him full of pillows and padding to make him fat, and now he had one of them on each knee, putting blusher on his cheeks. The weirdest thing was, he was just sitting there, taking it as if he had no other choice but to let them work.

I'd somehow let Bella talk me into wearing a sweater with a Christmas tree on it, and Emmett had laughed and called me whipped. This was priceless. And I was going to get pictures, even if he took my head off for it later.

I'd only come upstairs because I'd heard Bella giggling, and I was so glad I had. I'd been sitting on the bed for the last half an hour, shaking with laughter until I couldn't sit up while they turned Emmett into a perfect Saint Nick. He'd only tried to protest once, when Bella got the makeup out, but Rosalie had silenced him with a single whispered word. _Stockings_. I tried not to think about what that meant.

"Right Santa, go practice your 'ho ho ho's while we get changed." Bella laughed, getting up so I could see the full effect of Emmet's costume. "You too, Jasper."

I frowned. "What's wrong with what you're wearing?" She looked lovely enough in her jeans; then again, I thought she looked lovely in anything. I'd probably want her if she were wearing a paper bag.

Rosalie grabbed me and Emmett and shoved us out into the hallway. "We're Santa's little helpers, now shoo!"

I followed Emmett down the stairs, confused. The only Santa's little helper I knew, was the dog from the Simpsons and I couldn't see why they'd want to look like that, or how they'd manage it.

"What are they wearing?" I asked Emmett as he scowled at himself in the mirror.

He turned back to me, grinning, projecting a frightening amount of lust. "Rosie said they're going to be my hot little helpers and they have these really short little dresses, and stockings, Jasper. Stripy stockings..." His lust increased as his eyes glazed over.

I pictured Bella in a tiny dress and stockings. Someone out there was trying to kill me. I'd be lucky if I could keep my hands off her, I was sure I wouldn't be able to take my eyes off her that would be a lost cause. My only hope was that Rose had lied to Emmett to get him to play Santa.

Half an hour of waiting impatiently for the girls to come down and I found out that Rose had been telling the truth. And my imagination hadn't done Bella justice. It was the costume party all over again, only worse. She was wearing dark green pumps over red and white striped stockings that clung to her lovely legs up to mid thigh. Her dress, if you could even call it that, started a few inches above the tops of the stockings, revealing a few tantalising inches of skin below the ragged hem. The dress was the same colour as the pumps, low cut and skintight.

I thought they were supposed to be giving out presents to children. I assumed Rose had chosen these outfits; there was no way Bella would have picked them. I was aware that my mouth was hanging open and that if I didn't look away soon, things would become uncomfortable, but I couldn't help it. Emmett's lust really wasn't helping matters at all.

Without any warning, his desire was cut off by anger, protectiveness and a little fear. I snapped out of my daydream and found him glaring at me.

"Bella!" he growled. "Go and put some clothes on."

"I'm wearing clothes Emmett." The goddess said patiently, I noticed she had something on her skin that made her look like she was glowing a little.

"But not enough. Rosalie, take her back upstairs and make her get dressed." He whined. I couldn't understand his reaction at all, and I was quickly losing my hold on concentration as I stared at Bella again.

"Emmett, we talked about this. Bella is wearing the same thing as me, and she's keeping it on." Rose didn't sound pleased. I was hugely thankful that Bella was too busy looking at Emmett to notice the way I was looking at her.

"No, no, no!" Emmett shouted. "My little sister is not going out in public wearing that!"

Bella got a little angry. "As sweet as that is Emmett, I'm not actually a little girl, and I can wear what I want." She glared at him. "Like Rose said, we're wearing the same thing, and you aren't trying to make her get changed!"

"But Rosie won't be in- I mean, well, she knows how to handle herself, and you- and men and- hands" He spluttered, and then kicked me hard in the shin. I would have been annoyed if he hadn't timed it so perfectly. Bella looked at me just as I tore my gaze away from her.

"Emmett, I'm not sure what you're trying to say, you might want to try using sentences and speaking English," Bella said, still looking at me. For the first time, a little embarrassment and self-consciousness coloured her emotions.

"I don't think _he's_ sure what he's trying to say." Rose said, still glaring at her husband. "Perhaps you should let it go, _honey_."

We left the house, Emmett still grumbling under his breath. "Two hours, my ass. He won't last two minutes. I'm waiting outside." I heard him mutter. I got the distinct impression I was being left out of something.

The ride to the hospital was difficult. Bella sat in the back of the jeep with me, and the skirt of her dress rose another two inches when she was sitting down. I almost bit through my lip in an effort to distract myself. I was actually looking forward to the temptation of blood in the hospital, the burn might keep me occupied enough to remain a gentleman. I had been a little worried about how I'd cope, though my control had improved hugely over the last three months, I had never been around a large amount of blood. I'd never set foot in the hospital before, knowing I'd slip. All my nervousness had disappeared the moment Bella had stepped into my line of sight. I was willing to bet that if the world's most delicious blood was spilled in front of me right now, I'd walk past it to get to Bella instead. She was irresistible. There was no way that I'd be able to control myself around her all day. I prayed that Carlisle would separate us for some reason so I didn't end up making a fool of myself, or making her uncomfortable.

Emmett kept shooting me dirty looks through the rear-view mirror. I didn't doubt that he knew exactly where my mind was wandering, but I didn't understand why it bothered him. A few months ago, he'd been telling me I should just sleep with Bella to get her out of my system, and now he was looking at me as if I was some sort of pervert. I glared right back at him.

Carlisle and Esme were waiting for us in the reception area, each holding a sack of presents. Carlisle had gone into his happy little boy mode again, but there was something mischievous underneath the joy. Esme was almost shaking with anticipation, and she was far happier than the situation called for. Something was definitely going on.

"Um... you all look... nice." Carlisle muttered as we joined them. I felt his faint disapproval of the girls' costumes, but he was used to his 'daughters' dressing this way after so many decades of it, and he'd learnt early on not to say anything about it. His happiness quickly got rid of his less fun emotions.

The scent of blood was thick in the air, and I realised it was affecting me more than I'd expected. I took a deep breath, hoping to get used to the scent out here before we went deeper into the hospital and the smell got stronger. My throat was on fire, but I wanted to stay here, with Bella, more than I wanted to sate the thirst, so I kept hold of my control. As if she knew what was going on in my head, Bella stepped closer, the back of her hand brushed mine, inviting me to take it. I ignored everything else around me, but her hand in mine, holding it tight. Her presence relaxed me, and her scent, instead of adding to the burn, seemed to ease it. It was as if even whatever monster there was inside me knew how much I needed her.

The others were worried; I could feel it, but Bella, always so confident and trusting, wasn't worried at all. She was happy, nervous and loving, and I fed off the love until I was completely sure I posed no threat. There was a collective sigh of relief when I smiled to let them know I'd be ok. For a moment, I was angry that they had believed, even for a moment that I was incapable of controlling myself. Then I remembered that if I'd come here three months ago, I _would_ have been unable to control myself. I picked through what they were feeling now, to make sure that they trusted me, and was overwhelmed by the pride Carlisle was feeling. He was looking at me in the same way he used to look at Edward.

To tell the truth, I'd always been a little jealous of the bond they shared. Edward was Carlisle's 'first born' son. As such, he was more trusted, and more respected I think, than the rest of us. Thinking about it now, he ran the family more than Carlisle did. For the sake of fitting in, we pretended we were all the adopted children of Carlisle and Esme, but behind closed doors, it was Alice and Edward that made the big decisions. Their gifts gave them an advantage over the rest of us. If Alice told us we needed to move, we moved. If Edward said someone was suspicious, we believed him. It was useful, but also frustrating. I never got the chance to test myself, or truly become used to humans, because I was pulled out of any potentially dangerous situation immediately. Since the two of them had been gone we'd all grown closer to each other, and things had been more relaxed. We didn't need Edward to listen in and see if people were suspicious, because we already knew they weren't. Some of the humans from school had even started talking to us, and I was sure it was because we were acting more like teenagers without Edward's restraint. Carlisle and Esme had stepped back into the role they should have had, they were more like real parents now, and I found I actually liked it. I knew Edward would come back eventually, an event I wasn't looking forward to, but the family knew they could cope without him now, so when he did come back, he'd have to get used to being ignored. I think Esme was the only one that _really_ wanted him to come back anyway.

Then there was Alice. I wasn't sure what to think about her returning. It wasn't that I was worried that seeing her would upset me. I wasn't even bothered by the thought of seeing her with a new mate. My concern was that I didn't know what sort of relationship we would be able to have. I was still mad at her for leaving me without an explanation. After sixty years, surely, I deserved that much. I wasn't looking forward to her visions being a part of my life again. I liked letting the future arrive at its own pace, rather than being told what's about to happen all the time, and then being expected to make sure it does happen. Her visions were useful, that was undeniable, without them I'd have lost Bella, I just wished she'd keep the little things to herself. No one needed to know that they'd lose a game or that the clothes they'd decide to wear tomorrow would look wrong. With Alice and Edward around, we weren't even allowed to think about making a mistake.

Life was more normal without them.

While I'd been busy ogling Bella, squashing my bloodlust and thinking about my absent siblings, we'd made our way up to the third floor, and were outside the first ward.

The emotions up here were difficult to deal with. Confusion seemed most prevalent among the young patients, but their parents were swamped in sadness and worry. Bella let go of my hand to walk into the room with Emmett and Rose.

The children were instantly ecstatic, and even the adults cheered up a little. I realised why Carlisle had been so eager for us to do this.

I stood back with Esme, watching the others. Emmett sat in a chair at one end of the room, with Rosalie helping him give out gifts to the children who came to talk to him. Bella went around with Carlisle to talk to the children who couldn't leave their beds. I fell in love with her a little bit more as I watched her making a little boy laugh by pulling faces, and hugging a little girl with a rash.

Something tugged the leg of my pants. Standing beside me was a little girl, who I thought was probably about four, grinning up at me. With curly brown hair and pale skin, she looked like a mini Bella.

"Hey mister, are you ok?" She whispered, tugging on my leg again. I looked around for help. The child was adorable, but I didn't know what to do with her. Everyone was busy, Esme had wandered off as soon as she'd realised this was another opportunity to mother people. I looked down at the child again; she was staring up at me with huge brown eyes. I squatted down next to her, as that seemed polite. I tried a non-threatening smile.

"I said are you ok?" She repeated. "What's your name?"

"I'm fine thank you. My name's Jasper." I held out my hand for her to shake. "What's yours?"

She looked at my hand suspiciously, and then pushed it out of the way. "You're silly. I'm Lilliana Elizabeth Grey." Before I could stop her, she stood up on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around my neck in a hug. Hugging her back was automatic. She was so light and frail that I was afraid I might crush her, but she can't have been as weak as I thought, as her grip on my neck was like iron. While I was holding her, I felt an enormous wave of love hit me. At first, I thought it was coming from the little girl, but when I glanced up, I saw Bella sitting on the edge of a bed, gazing at me like I was the whole world.

The emotions coming from her were so strong I had to look away and focus on the child again to avoid falling over.

"I like your hair." The little girl piped up, tugging on a piece of it. "It's pretty."

I hadn't had any experience with children before, and I was surprised at how much I liked her. I wondered if all children were this accepting, or if she was special. I pulled one of her curls gently and watched it bounce back up. "You're hair's lovely too." I didn't know what else to say to her. I heard Emmett asking one of the other children what they wanted for Christmas, and decided that seemed like a safe topic of conversation. "What do you want for Christmas?"

She went from happy to disappointed, in about half a second. I worried I'd gotten it wrong, maybe some children didn't like Christmas.

"I did want a Barbie dream house, but mommy says that costs too much money." She pouted. I instantly decided that she was going to get a Barbie dream house, whatever that was.

"Really? See Santa over there?" I pointed out Emmett, and her face lit up, but I could tell she was too shy to go over and talk to him. "Well he's my friend, and if I tell him what a nice little girl you are, I'm sure he'll be able to get one for you."

She got excited and started bouncing up and down, and stopped and frowned at me. "I'm a _big_ girl." She said firmly. "Not a little girl."

"OK." I chuckled to myself. "Why don't you go and talk to my friend Bella over there while I make a call to the elves at the North Pole. They'll need to know what to make for you." I silently thanked Bella for making me watch Christmas movies with her.

I slipped out of the room and went to Carlisle's office to use his computer. The house was easy to find, but it I was baffled by all the different things you could buy to go with it. How was I supposed to know which things you needed to put in it? After ten minutes of mounting frustration, and a new hatred of the colour pink, I gave up and called the nearest toys r us. Once I handed over my credit card details, they were falling over themselves to help. I explained that I wanted the house, and whatever they thought should go with it shipped to the hospital tomorrow, which was Christmas Eve. They even agreed to gift-wrap everything. I only wished I'd get to see her face when she opened it all.

By the time, I got back to the family they'd moved on to a different ward and I was disappointed that I wouldn't get to see my little friend again.

"Where did you go?" Bella asked as soon as she saw me.

"I had to make a call." I grinned, enjoying my little secret.

"Oh my God, you got her the Barbie dream house didn't you?" She whispered, beaming at me. "She told me you were going to tell Santa to get it for her. And she sent you this." She reached up and kissed my cheek, then flounced off to play with the children again, leaving me stunned.

I spent the next hour Bella-watching; it was my new favourite hobby. She caught me at least four times, but she always smiled when I expected her to glare.

Carlisle stopped us in the corridor on the fourth floor to explain that we were going into a burns ward.

I wasn't listening, Bella was pulling on the top of one of her stockings, and it was very distracting. The next thing I knew I was hitting the back wall of a tiny supply closet. I figured Emmett had seen me looking at Bella and shoved me in here, but Carlisle was the one by the door, smirking at me. As I straightened up and tried to get out, Rosalie pushed Bella towards me, and as I caught her, Esme closed the door on us.

For a few seconds, we simply stood trying to adjust to our new surroundings. I could hear the family laughing outside the door and the muffled protests of Emmett as they walked away from us. Was this what they'd all been so excited about? I couldn't understand the point of it.

I realised I was still holding Bella, which was a problem. I tried to concentrate on her heartbeat, instead of how thin her dress was between us. It was difficult though, as no matter how I tried, there always seemed to be a part of my mind focusing on how she looked, or smelled, or felt. Bella sighed and pulled herself away from me to stand up on her own, there was still only about an inch between us. It was too much space, and not enough all at the same time.

"How long do you think they'll leave us in here?" Bella groaned. She pushed my back until I sat down on a crate, and perched on my knee. I had to take a minute to collect myself before I answered.

"I have no idea. Carlisle at least, can be trusted to remember you have human needs, so it shouldn't be too long."

The first hour passed in relative silence, and if only Bella would stop wriggling, I'd be fine. If she scooted back another inch, she'd know _exactly_ what was going through my mind right now. And that was not the way I wanted her to find out I had feelings for her. In fact, it was possibly the worst possible way it could happen. She wriggled again, and I grabbed her hips to keep her still. Her warm hands covered mine, her thumbs brushing against mine. I was almost sure that I could feel some lust coming from her, but it was difficult to tell when I was so full of my own. I tried to focus more on what she was feeling; only getting a few rapid flickers. Love, lust, nerves, excitement, shame, disappointment, lust again.

I started to worry I was projecting my own emotions on her without noticing.

Bella took my hands and moved them slowly down from her hips, to the bare skin of her thighs, laying them palm down and keeping her hands over them. What the hell was she doing? My thumbs swept once across the soft heated skin, they had minds of their own. I couldn't stop them. Her heart sped up. I shifted as my jeans tightened even further. My thumbs resumed their lazy sweeps. Her breathing hitched. My eyes followed the curve of her neck as she tilted her head. I needed to touch more of her. My hands slipped a few millimetres higher. She stopped breathing.

I wished I knew what was going on in her head. Did she want what I wanted? I had to ask, I had to be sure.

________________________________________

_Bella_

"What are you thinking?" Jasper asked.

"I love you." I blurted without thinking and tensed waiting for his answer. I supposed it was better than telling him what else I was thinking, which was something along the lines of 'I want to rip your clothes off'.

"I know." He chuckled almost sadly, his hands stilling. "I love you too."

My spirits sank, knowing he hadn't meant it in the same way. Couldn't he tell how I felt? I was suddenly sick of it all. "No. I mean I _love_ you. I'm in love with you! You must know. How could you not. I am so in love with you and I think I always have been. I'm so sick of wondering how you feel, and if you know." Every word seemed to make me lighter; I couldn't believe I was finally getting it out. "Can't you feel how much I want you? How much I love you?"

He didn't speak or move for a full minute and I felt like I was dying. When he finally responded his voice was quiet and husky. "Say it again." He whispered.

"I... I love you."

Without warning, I was crushed against the closet door and his lips were on mine. I poured every feeling I'd bottled up for the last two months into the kiss. My hands tangled in his hair as I fought to get as close to him as possible. A wave of lust slammed into me making me shudder. As his hands cupped my ass and he lifted me, my legs wrapped around his waist of their own volition. I could feel exactly how much he wanted me. It made me shiver.

I'd never been kissed like this before. He pulled back allowing me to breathe and rested his forehead against mine. "Bella," He breathed.

I felt like I was on fire, and pushed my lips against his again. This was everything I wanted and I couldn't believe it was finally happening. That he might feel for me what I felt for him was mind boggling, and his body against mine stopped me from thinking clearly enough to process it.

And then the door was no longer against my back. Jasper stumbled forward a step, his hands gripping my thighs to keep hold of me, and we were standing in the corridor of the hospital surrounded by four grinning faces.

"Finally!" Emmett crowed. I was so surprised I didn't even blush. And Jasper didn't let me go. My heart swelled.

I was surprised to find that the rest of the world was still here. I'd forgotten there was anything other than Jasper.

"I'm... so... happy... for you." Esme sobbed.

I released my legs and slid down Jaspers body as his arms wrapped around my waist to keep me close. I was never going to be able to let go of him. I was absolutely, positively sure of it. We may as well have been welded together. I looked up at him for the first time and found him staring back down at me, his eyes dark, full of lust and love. Something in my stomach throbbed in response. We moved together, meeting in the middle to kiss again. I'd never get enough of the taste of him, of the feel of him. Every kiss was like a first kiss, and at the same time, it felt as if I'd always been here with him, as if we'd practised these kisses a thousand times before. I moaned into his mouth reaching up to wrap my arms around his neck.

Carlisle cleared his throat behind us, and the blush that had been waiting to make an appearance since we'd tumbled out of the closet finally made its self-known. My cheeks burned furiously, and I hid my face against Jasper's cool neck for a second before I turned to face my family.

"Perhaps you'd like to go home, I'm sure we can manage without you." Carlisle chuckled.

"Oh no, I don't think they can be trusted to be alone." Emmett boomed. "Look at how they're behaving in a hospital full of people." He sounded like Charlie. I wanted to hit him.

Rosalie did it for me. "Shut up." She growled at him. "It's taken them long enough, they deserve some privacy."

I smiled at her gratefully, and she returned it with a look that screamed of an interrogation later.

"Fine, I'll come with you to supervise." Emmett offered.

"Don't you dare" Jasper warned, holding me tighter. "What would the children think if Santa disappeared?"

Esme, still sobbing, pulled both of us into a hug then winked. "We'll be home late." She promised conspiratorially.

_______________

**An: I am positively dying to know what you think of their first kiss. Did it live up to your expectations? Are you surprised/pleased/disappointed about how it happened? Let me know x**


	21. Chapter Twenty One

**An: So, you all liked that last chapter huh? Well I hope this one doesn't leave you **_**too**_** frustrated with me.**

**Thank you once again to my wonderful beta, **_**ladyofkeegan**_**. You are awesome honey!**

Chapter Twenty-One

_Jasper_

"What are you thinking?" I had to know.

"I love you." She said it so matter-of-factly, that it hurt.

"I know." I laughed at my own stupidity. Of course, she didn't want me as much as I wanted her. When she had said "I love you" she meant as a brother. Putting my hands on her legs was obviously only a friendly thing for her, and as usual, I'd failed to read her emotions correctly. My thumbs stopped moving. "I love you too."

Disappointment. Anger. Resolve. All three came rolling off her in waves.

"No. I mean I _love_ you. I'm in love with you! You must know. How could you not. I am so in love with you and I think I always have been. I'm so sick of wondering how you feel, and if youknow."_ What?!?! Am I hallucinating? She didn't really say that. I just wanted her to, so that is what I heard_. As she spoke her feelings changed, she was relived at first, and then anticipation took over. "Can't you feel how much I want you? How much I love you?"

For a minute, I couldn't move or speak as I tried to process what she was saying. Could this be real? Was everything I wanted finally happening? Bella's mounting sadness pulled me back from my thoughts.

"Say it again." I whispered. I needed something to prove that this wasn't all in my head, that I wasn't insane.

She answered me hesitantly. "I… I love you." They were the sweetest words I'd ever heard. I felt as if some barrier had lifted and now I could truly feel the depth of her emotions for the first time. She really did love me. She really did want me. In the same way that I had wanted and loved her for so long.

In a movement that took less than a quarter of a second I stood us up, turned her around and pressed her against the closet door to finally claim her lips in a kiss. No amount of imagination had prepared me for the experience of her warm plump lips against mine. I could feel everything, both the curves of her body as it molded to mine, and every emotion she was experiencing. It was as if she was giving me access to everything she felt all at once.

Her hands reached up and her fingers threaded through my hair, pulling me closer. I complied eagerly, and then caught the faint scent of her arousal in the air. For a moment, I lost control of my gift, and all the lust I was feeling was broadcast straight onto my sweet Bella. She trembled against me in response. My hands that had so far remained on the door to either side of her decided to join in, running down her sides, over her hips, and onto her ass. I wanted more. I needed more. As I lifted her up, trying to bring her closer to me anyway I could, she wrapped her legs tightly around my hips.

The burning heat of her core scorched me through my jeans, and I forced myself to pull away from the kiss before I lost control completely. I breathed her name as our foreheads touched in a gesture that seemed even more intimate than anything that had happened before.

She initiated the second kiss, it was just as desperate, and passionate as the first. Before I had a chance to fully respond, light flooded the room. The door disappeared from behind Bella, and I took one, shaky step forward into the corridor, too shocked to keep my balance without moving. My hands shifted to the backs of her thighs to get a more secure grip of her as I tried to remember where we were. It was then I saw my family standing around us, smiling.

"Finally." Emmett boomed. His emotions were as scrambled as mine were. He was feeling everything from anger to joy. I decided it was all his fault we'd been interrupted. He would pay later.

Bella seemed entirely baffled by the change of circumstances, as if she'd forgotten life outside the closet existed. I glanced down at her, expecting to see her face crimson from being caught, but she wasn't even blushing. I kept a tight hold of her.

Esme was a wreck. "I'm… so… happy… for you." If I'd thought about it at all, I'd have expected this reaction from her. After all, she had been planning this moment for two months. It was only then that I figured out they'd locked us in there for this exact reason. The whole family had conspired to get us together. I didn't think it was possible, but somehow I managed to get even happier.

Bella's legs released their grip and slid down my body deliciously. I tried not to growl while I held her snugly against me. This was mainly because I couldn't bear to let her go, but it also served the purpose of hiding my fairly obvious erection from people who'd probably rather not see it.

For the first time since her declaration, Bella tilted her head to look up at me, and smiled. Her pupils were still huge and full of lust, but her gaze held so much love that my long dead heart almost beat again. I felt her desire escalate as she looked back into my eyes, and then we moved together to kiss again. This time it was tender at first but it quickly grew into more. Her arms wrapped around my neck, pulling me down to her as she moaned into my mouth.

I was about to pick her up again when Carlisle cleared his throat loudly. Thank goodness he was there, Bella's kisses made me forget that we were at the hospital.

The illusive blush finally put in an appearance, and she pressed her burning face against my neck. After a few seconds of embarrassment, she turned with me to face the family.

Carlisle grinned at us. "Perhaps you'd like to go home, I'm sure we can manage without you." He offered, laughing.

"Oh no." Emmett interjected. "I don't think they can be trusted to be alone. Look at how they're behaving in a hospital full of people." When had he turned into our father? I was about to snap at him when I realized he was only feeling protective of Bella. I understood his earlier reactions now too. Instead of being annoyed, I found I liked him more for wanting to keep my girl safe. My girl. I liked that. My Bella.

Bella on the other hand, was getting thoroughly irritated, but she cheered up immensely when Rose smacked the back of her husband's head. "Shut up." She growled. "It's taken them long enough, they deserve some privacy."

I gave her a grateful smile and saw Bella doing the same. Rose ignored me, grinning at Bella and feeling an enormous amount of curiosity. I had a feeling Emmett and I would be kicked out of the house soon so that they could have a good gossip.

Emmett couldn't quite deal with the arrangement. "Fine." He grumbled. "I'll come with you to supervise."

"Don't you dare." I warned him, holding Bella a little tighter.

"What would the children think if Santa disappeared?" Rosalie said while she dragged him away. He was complaining about leaving Bella with me.

Esme pulled both of us into a hug, and winked through her dry sobs. "We'll be home late." She promised, before taking Carlisle's hand and following the others. Carlisle turned and tossed me his car keys, smirking at something Esme was whispering to him.

All alone again, now all I wanted to do was pull her back into the closet and lock us in there for another few hours, but I knew that I shouldn't. Bella was worth far more than that. "Home?" I asked hopefully.

Bella grinned and reached up to press a quick, soft kiss to my lips. "Home." She nodded, taking my hand in hers and tugging me towards the stairs. This time, I stared unashamedly at her ass as she walked, and remembered that I'd been touching it just a few minutes ago. I groaned and wished there was some way to turn back time, and end up back in the closet.

Bella laughed, and tucked herself into my side. I knew she was feeling pretty much the same as I was. I'll never know quite how we made it out into the parking lot without ending up in another closet, or worse, making out in the hallway. I know we both wanted too.

The second the doors of the car shut, awkwardness descended. I had absolutely no idea what to say to her. We had gone from friends to… something we'd yet to define, in the last half an hour. In the hospital, all I could think about was getting her out of her clothes, but out here, I realized there was a lot we needed to talk about.

I started driving in the hopes that I'd be able to collect my thoughts by the time Bella was ready to talk. Bella. My beautiful Bella. She feels the same. I wondered how long she'd felt this way, and how much time we'd wasted. Why hadn't I been a man, and just come out and told her the truth?

I thanked my lucky stars that Bella was staying tonight with us. It was Christmas Eve tomorrow, and we were going to celebrate. I'd never dreamed I'd have so much to celebrate. Tomorrow night she'd be back at her home, ready for Christmas with Charlie.

Thinking about Charlie reminded me there was something I'd need to address quickly. Charlie liked me, I'd even spent some time with him alone while Bella was busy, and we'd watched sports together while Bella cooked. More importantly, he trusted me with his daughter. Something I would forever be grateful for. He deserved to know that our relationship had changed. I decided I'd go and see him, to ask for his permission. I wanted things to start out right, and getting Charlie on my side would be a big step in that direction.

With my mind made up on that front, my thoughts turned to Alice. I was certain she knew what had happened, and something told me she might even have been part of it. In any case, I was now more eager for her to come home. If we both had new mates, things would be easier. Maybe one day we'd even have the sort of relationship Bella and Emmett had.

My happiness faltered when my thoughts turned to Edward. He wouldn't take this well. He still loved Bella, and possibly always would. He'd stopped sending her flowers now, but she told me that he sent her at least one text a day to either profess his love or apologize again. I now knew without a doubt that Bella would never want him back. Edward being the sullen brooding vampire he was, he would unquestionably complicate things.

I noticed she was starting to get worried. Why was that? Was she frightened that I would jump her the moment we got home? I reminded myself that she was probably inexperienced, and to take things slowly as torturous as that would be. I didn't think that was the problem though, as she was even starting to get a little upset. How could she be sad? I knew she loved me like I loved her, and I was beyond ecstatic to have found out.

Shit. I hadn't told her that I really loved her. After she said she loved me, I'd let my lust take over completely. Was that it? Was she worried I didn't feel quite the same? As I turned down our drive, I sneaked a look at her. She was chewing her lip and fiddling with the hem of her dress, becoming more disheartened with every second. I stopped the car.

"Bella, angel, tell me what's wrong."

She blushed and started to feel nervous. "I was just wondering… how exactly… you feel about… me?" She asked haltingly. I was right. I am an idiot and I felt awful.

"I'm so sorry; I should have told you already." I was tempted to hit myself for making her feel this way. "I love you. I've loved you for months. In fact I think I have ALWAYS loved you. You're everything to me."

"You love me?" Bella frowned. I smiled and nodded. "You really love me? Like, you're _in_ love with me?"

It was like listening to myself from half an hour ago. I hadn't believed it at first either. "I am more in love with you than I have ever been with anyone in my life." I pulled her out of her seat and into my lap, to kiss her. This time I was tender and I let her feel exactly what I felt for her. She gasped against my lips and pulled back to look at me, her eyes full of awe.

"Is that how you feel?" She asked breathlessly.

"That's only a fraction of it." I whispered back, showing her a little more. She crashed her lips to mine again, and this time I couldn't resist tasting her properly. Her lips parted the second I ran my tongue across them. She was as eager as I was, tasting me as I tasted her. She was delicious.

One arm wrapped around her waist, the other rested on her knee for a moment, before slowly sliding upwards to continue the path I'd been on before. The amount of desire coming from her doubled as my fingers brushed her skin above the top of a stocking. It was like touching soft fire. There was no other way to describe the feel of her silky skin burning my hand. She trembled and I growled, and then a car back fired somewhere in the distance, pulling us both out of our lust-induced haze.

Bella blushed crimson and giggled. "I don't think this is the best place to be doing… this." She whispered, climbing back into her own seat. I felt her loss immediately, but she was right. I didn't want to make a mess of this. I wanted to do everything right, I wanted it to be perfect.

"You're right." I sighed. "I'd like to talk to Charlie anyway."

She was confused. "Why?"

"He trusts me with you, and I don't want to lie to him. I was hoping you'd let me ask him for permission to… well, date you I suppose." I explained. She was a little angry; I was getting it wrong already. "I mean, I know it's up to you who you date, but I would like to speak to Charlie. I think it would make things easier for us in the long run."

"Are you saying you want to be my boyfriend Jasper?" She grinned at me. I nearly hit myself again; I kept getting ahead of myself. Love is sure messing with my vampire brain. Vampires are supposed to be able to focus on mainly things at once but I seem to be only able to focus on My Lovable Bella.

"If you'll have me."

"Of course Jasper, I love you." I had it right somehow, she was pleased now. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, there's no need. Why don't you relax at home while I go and speak to him now, man to man." She chuckled at that.

I started the car up again and drove the rest of the way to the house. "I love you Jasper Whitlock." She told me, giving me a quick kiss as she left the car.

"I love you too, Bella Swan" I knew I was grinning like a fool as I drove away, watching her smiling at the car through the rearview mirror, but I didn't care. I had never felt so whole, or so happy. I had everything I wanted in the world. I drove to Charlie's almost without noticing where I was going at all. Every bit of me was busy shouting that Bella loved me. Me!

When I was about a minute from the house, I started to think about what I was going to do. The nerves came crashing down. What if he said no? What if he stopped me from seeing her? Would she do as Charlie asked and stay away from me? Was this about to end before it had even really begun?

No. I was hoping Charlie would see me asking for his approval as a good thing, and I was almost sure he would. I gave a little thought to coaxing him into agreeing by using my gifts, but decided that would be far worse than sneaking around behind his back. I was on my own on this one.

Besides, it was stupid to think Bella would stop seeing me because of what her dad said. She'd done everything in her power to spend time with me even while we were only friends, and from what I'd felt from her today, she saw me as much more than that. The love she was projecting was stronger than any emotion I'd ever felt from a human.

Despite the fact that I'd convinced myself this was only a formality, I still wanted it to go well. Charlie's blessing would give our relationship a good start. My whole family, except Edward, was happy about us being together, if Charlie felt the same, it would make everything easier for us, and more importantly, for Bella. I didn't want her to have to make sacrifices to be with me.

I got out of the car, straightened my stupid sweater and attempted to tame my hair before I knocked on the door. If I were human, I'd have sweaty palms by now I was so nervous. I'd never done anything like this before.

I could tell Charlie was in a good mood as he approached the door, and I started to calm down a little. The door in front of me opened, Charlie smiled at me and then looked around, frowning.

"I thought Bella was with you?" He asked.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "She's at my house. It's you I've come to see Chief." I usually called him Charlie, as he asked me to, but that didn't feel quite right now.

He stepped back and opened the door wider for me, feeling curious and worried.

"Sit down then." He said, grabbing himself a beer as I perched on the edge of the sofa. "Are you in some sort of trouble son?" I smiled foolishly at him. He'd never called me son before.

"No, it's nothing like that. I have to tell you something…. Um, ask you something I mean." I stumbled over the words and wished I'd agreed to bring Bella with me. She would have handled this so much better. I decided to go with the truth and blurted out. "I love Bella."

He shook his head and laughed. "I know that son, is that it?" _Charlie_ knows? It seemed like Bella was the only person I'd managed to hide it from.

I gulped. "She told me she loves me too today." I couldn't entirely hold back the pride in my voice, and I worried Charlie would misinterpret it.

"I know that too." He grinned. "Are you honestly telling me that the two of you have taken this long to do something about it?"

"Err… yes?" I felt like a complete idiot. "Does that mean you're ok with it?"

He stopped smiling. "Well to be fair, I thought it was happening already." He confessed. "I appreciate that you're being honest with me, and telling me Jasper. I'm just wondering why it's you and not Bella telling me about it."

"I… um… I came to ask your permission to date Bella." I muttered.

"You have it." He said without hesitation. "I can think of no one who would take better care of her. I get the feeling you'd die for her, or kill for her if the need arose. You look at her as if you can barely believe she allows you to be near her. You look at her like you don't deserve her."

I could only stare dumbly back at him as he basically told me he could see right through me.

"What I don't think you realize, is that all those things mean you _do_ deserve her. These last three months, she's really grown up, and I like the woman she's grown up to be. I think you had a big part in that. Once upon a time, I liked hearing that Edward was keeping her out of trouble, but it pleased me even more to know that she was capable of going against him, and dealing with things for herself. I think you keep her safe without smothering her, and that's what she needs."

"Aren't you going to say you'll shoot me if I hurt her?" I couldn't believe it could possibly be this easy. He told me I deserved his daughter, without a trace of sarcasm, he felt only love. My throat tightened with tears I was unable to shed.

He laughed loudly, throwing his head back. "I don't think I need to, do you? She's still my baby girl, but she can take care of herself. Something tells me she'd sort you out for herself if you ever did anything to hurt her. Besides, I trust you not to do that." He said, becoming more serious again. "Hurting her would hurt you too."

I nodded. He'd never know quite how right he was. Thinking back to the night I'd attacked her still killed me. And knowing Bella had been hurt again because of me, this time by Edward, was even more painful. I'd never hurt her again.

"What would you have done if I'd said no?" Charlie asked. His face was stern, but he was amused.

"I don't know." I answered honestly. "I'd try to make you change your mind first, but I wouldn't give her up. She means too much to me. If she respected your decision, I'd have settled for being a hopeful friend." I smiled, hoping I'd answered right.

It seemed like I had. He held his hand out to me, and shook mine unflinchingly. He'd grown used to me being cold; Bella told him I had poor circulation. "Welcome to the family kid. You should stay on Christmas Eve and have Christmas with us."

"You're still going to let me stay here?" I had thought there was no chance of letting me spend the night in Bella's room once he knew there was something more than friendship between us.

"If I tried to stop you, I'd have to face the wrath of Bella, and she's scary when she's angry." He smiled. "The door stays open though, that's never going to change, not even when you're married."

"Married?" I choked.

I could tell he was only playing with me, but the thought was there. Maybe one day she would marry me. I could see her gliding towards me in white, looking even more like an angel than usual.

"Breathe son. I'm not expecting you to ask me for her hand anytime soon." He chuckled.

I shook my head, and felt that stupid smile making an appearance once again. "But if I asked you if I could marry her, you'd say yes right?" He paled considerably, now it was my turn to have a little fun. "I can't wait to make her Mrs. Hale."

"Now, don't rush into anything Jasper. You're still in high school. Let's talk about this again in a few years." He was feeling just a little overwhelmed. "And while we're on the subject, please don't make me a grandfather."

"I was kidding Charlie. I'd love to spend the rest of my life with her, but I'm not making any big plans . . . . . yet." I smiled at him, and he glared, realizing he'd been duped.

"Get out of here. Go and take care of my little girl." He ordered, turning back to the TV, feeling hugely relieved. I felt exactly the same way. I got in the car and drove home as fast as the traffic would let me.

________________________

_Bella_

I watched the Mercedes pull away and head off down the drive, and for the first time in three months, I wasn't sad to be parted from Jasper. I think it was simply because I knew he was coming back, and more importantly, he was mine.

My mind was on repeat, screaming '_he loves me'_ again and again. I couldn't remember a time when I'd felt this joyful, or this peaceful. Everything had fallen into place. Jasper loves me, and he knows I love him. I wasn't even nervous about him going to speak to Charlie. Charlie liked him. At times I even thought Charlie liked him more than me. I grinned like an idiot and realized I had yet to move.

I practically danced into the house, my clumsiness not even impeding my progress. The house that usually felt so horribly empty when I was in it alone, now seemed fine. I didn't feel alone. I skipped into the kitchen to grab a can of soda. Since I'd started spending half my week here, there was always food in the kitchen. I had tried to buy it myself, but realized that was never going to happen, as Esme always bought things for me whether I'd bought my own or not. And I knew she loved to do it, so I'd given in, and decided that if it made her happy I could cope with her spending a little money on me.

I went upstairs to change out of the ridiculous outfit Rosalie had forced me into. I'd had intended to burn it after spreading some Christmas cheer at the hospital, but Jasper seemed to like it, so I decided to keep it.

My phone buzzed as I went back downstairs and I yanked it out of my pocket, ready to tell whoever it was my joyous news. Sadly, it was just another text message from Edward.

**Loved you yesterday,**

**Love you still.**

**Always have,**

**Always will.**

I never replied, and today was no exception. As much as I'd like to send him a message telling him I was now with Jasper, I knew that would be cruel and unhelpful. He was content to bug me with daily declarations of love through texts, but he was still refusing to speak to me like an adult. I was actually quite glad of that now though. If we'd talked things through he might have come home, and there was no way he would have let everyone pull what they had today. If Edward had been here, I probably wouldn't have confessed to Jasper.

As I was putting my phone away, it rang. "Hello?" I answered, I could hear the excitement in my voice as I hoped it was Jasper, or at least someone I could talk to about him.

"Oh Bella." The voice on the other end of the line breathed. I froze. Why had he chosen now to finally call me? He was spoiling my high.

"Edward." I said shortly, tempted to simply hang up.

"I'm so sorry my love, I just had to hear your voice. I miss you so much Bella. I need to come home to you. I desire to make it up to you." He sounded so broken I almost gave in, but then I thought about what his presence would do to me and Jasper.

"No… you can't." I stuttered. "You, we, I… Edward…"

"Please my love." He begged. My heart constricted.

"I'm not your love anymore, Edward. Stop calling me that." I whispered.

"Don't say that Bella, please don't say that. I know I did wrong, and I'm sorry, so, so sorry for that. I hurt you, and I'll never forgive myself for it. But I can't be without you."

"Edward… we can't be together, not ever, even if I could forgive you for what happened." In truth, I had already forgiven him; I knew that he hadn't meant hurt me. I wanted nothing more than to tell him he could come home and make him happy again. I hated hearing him sound like this. Maybe I would have done a few months ago, but I wasn't about to give up Jasper, and everything I wanted simply to make Edward happy. He needed to move on.

My life wasn't Edward anymore. My life is now my own with Jasper being a huge part of it. I had grown up since I wasn't living under Edward's shadow anymore.

"Why Bella? You're all there is for me. If I can look past your infidelity, surely you can give me another chance too."

"My infidelity?" What the hell was he talking about now?

"What I saw, in Esme's mind. I saw how she caught you and Jasper." He spat out Jasper's name like it was poison. Things began to click into place. He'd misunderstood what he'd seen. He'd attacked me, not because he thought Jasper had, but because he'd thought there was something going on between us.

I tried to imagine Jasper's attack from Esme's point of view. I was practically shirtless, Jasper's hand was tangled in my hair, and he was lapping at my neck. It hadn't been sexual at all, but I could see how it might have looked that way to someone seeing it from the outside. He must only have caught a glimpse from Esme's mind, and added things up wrong. Edward thought I liked the danger of being with Jasper, and he'd tried to recreate it in a last desperate attempt to keep me. This was a bit too much to take in.

"What you saw, between Jasper and I, it wasn't like that at all." I began. I heard him scoff and got angry. "Shut up Edward, I am only going to explain this once, and you'd better listen. That night I got a call from Esme, asking me to come and help her with Jasper. Alice had called, and Jasper was distraught. If you remember, he also hadn't eaten for at least three weeks. When he saw me, he lost it, and attacked me. What you saw was Jasper playing with his prey. He realized what he was doing before it was too late, and stopped. I didn't cheat on you Edward, and I can't believe you think so little of me."

He was silent for a long time, and I was about to hang up when he spoke. "He attacked you? I'll kill him Bella. I'll keep you safe. You should have told me." He rambled.

"I AM safe Edward. If you touch Jasper I swear to god, I'll never look at you again. Your 'attack' caused far more damage than Jasper's did, even though when Jasper hurt me, he was almost wild. He was heartbroken and didn't know what was reality and what wasn't. I forgave him immediately. You hurt me deliberately Edward. If I need to be kept safe from anyone, it's you."

I knew that wasn't really true, and I knew the words would hurt him terribly, but I didn't care. He threatened my Jasper. My heart beat furiously as I thought of my man getting hurt. I had to hurt Edward in the only way I knew how, to keep him away. To keep Jasper safe.

"Bella please, no. I will never hurt you, never touch you like that again. I love you more than life Bella. You have to tell me you know that. I never meant…" He sobbed and I felt like my heart had been squeezed.

"It's ok." I soothed, fighting back my tears. I hated that I'd hurt him so much, but I couldn't find it in me to regret it. He wasn't thinking about hurting Jasper anymore and that was all that mattered. "I know Edward. I know you wouldn't. But I don't think you should see me for a while. You need to stop loving me. You need to understand that we are finished."

"Don't say that Bella. I love you. I'll wait forever if I have to." I couldn't stand the sound of his pleading. It was killing me.

"You really will be waiting forever Edward." I whispered. "I'm in love with someone else."

"No, you just think you are." He said desperately. "It's a… a rebound… that's it. We are meant to be Bella. We're mates. I'll wait as long as it takes. You just have to call me and I'll be there."

"No Edward, this is not a rebound. Please try to move on, like I have." I felt like I might break down any minute. I was feeling so guilty about hurting him this much, and angry that he dared to call Jasper a rebound. He was so much more than that.

"I can't move on. Everywhere I go you are all I see. Everything I do is for you." He whispered.

I couldn't deal with this anymore. I'd had enough. "Edward, I have to go. Please think about what I said, and try to understand. I'll call you in a few days."

He sighed into the phone. "I'll try Bella, but it won't work. I love you." I hung up without replying. While a part of me did love him, I knew saying that would give him hope, which wasn't fair.

I sank onto the sofa feeling drained as I scrubbed the tears from my cheeks. My good mood had completely evaporated. Why did it have to be today? I wonder if Edward was secretly psychic like Alice. I sipped my soda and tried to calm down.

It was difficult to believe I'd said such hurtful things to the man I'd once loved more than anything. He didn't deserve it. Not so long ago, I'd have given in and taken him back, simply to stop him from being upset. I realized I was stronger, and I didn't know how it had happened, or if I liked it.

My phone rang again, and just as I was about to stamp on it, I recognized the tune. Vanilla Ice. Emmett. He would cheer me up.

"What's up Emmett?" I sniffed, realizing too late that I sounded like I'd been crying.

"What's he done? I'll kill him. I'm coming home right now."

"He's not here Emmett. He's talking to Charlie. But before you hunt him down, it's not Jasper who upset me, its Edward." I babbled on, hoping to stop him before he made a scene at the hospital.

"Edward? What did he do? Is he there at the house? I'll be right there." He growled. "I still owe him a good beating."

"No he's not here. He called to tell me that he loves me."

"Why did he have to do that? Is he coming home? Can I beat him up for you?"

I laughed, feeling instantly better. "I don't think he's coming home Em. You'll have to wait. He was apologizing, sort of." I explained.

"Did you tell him about Jazz?"

"No, I did tell him I was in love with someone else though." I frowned. "He didn't even ask me who it was."

"He probably thinks you're either confused, or lying. You know what Eddie's like, it will take him a good while to believe that you might like someone else more than him. He is the ego king after all." Emmett pointed out.

I snorted. "Yep, he told me it was just a rebound thing, and that we were meant for each other. Well we clearly aren't."

Emmett laughed. "So, Jasper isn't with you then?"

"No, he's gone to ask Charlie for permission to date me." I was so proud of him for that, it was adorable.

"Ok, I'll call you every half hour to make sure things are ok. You just tell me if he touches you and I'll be home in ten minutes, ok?" He'd have made an excellent father, I thought, giggling.

"What if I want him to touch me?" I asked innocently, and was well rewarded by the incoherent muttering Emmett replied with for several seconds.

"No Bella, absolutely not. You do not want him to touch you. In fact, you don't even want to kiss him, ok?" He managed to grind out once he'd recovered.

"Emmett, I really do think it's lovely that you're being so protective, and if it were any other man I'm sure I'd appreciate it. But this is Jasper, your brother. You know he'd never hurt me."

"Yes he's my brother." Emmett sighed. "But he's also a man, and I know what you're wearing. I don't like the idea of you in that outfit with any man, brother or not."

I laughed again and blushed. "Emmett, Jasper won't do anything I don't want him too. If he does, I'll call you right away. How does that sound?" I only said it to placate him, as I was fairly sure there was nothing I didn't want him to do to me.

"Ok." He grumbled after a few more seconds of muttering. I could hear laughter in the background and assumed either Rosalie or Esme was listening in. The laughter was followed by some scuffling, the sound of the phone hitting the floor and then Rosalie's triumphant voice.

"Sorry Em, it's my turn, you've whined enough for one day." She goaded her husband. "Hi Bella, time for a quick chat?" She asked excitedly.

"I suppose so." I grumbled, though I was secretly just as excited.

"Well? What happened, I want to know exactly what happened from the moment we shut the door."

I stretched out on the couch, smiling at nothing again. "Nothing happened for ages, and then Jasper grabbed my hips, I think he was trying to keep me still. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but ended up moving his hands to my legs." I blushed remembering my forwardness.

"I don't really know what happened then. I wanted him so badly, and it seemed like he wanted me too, he was stroking my legs, but then he asked me what I was thinking, and I told him I loved him. I couldn't keep my mouth shut. He said he loved me too, but he wasn't saying it the right way, and he stopped rubbing my legs. I got a bit angry and cracked and told him how I felt."

I was so glad Rose kept quiet while I rambled.

"The next thing I know I'm having the best kiss of my entire life. Honestly Rose, I thought I was going to melt or explode or something..." I slipped into my new favorite memory. Well, it was joint favorite along with Jasper telling me he loved me.

"Bella?" Rosalie laughed. "Are you still there?"

"Huh?"

"Stop daydreaming for a minute, I want to know what happened next."

It took me a moment to remember what part of the story I was on. "Um… oh, right, that was when we were so rudely interrupted. Whose idea was that by the way?"

"Emmett's obviously. He didn't want to leave you with Jasper for any longer than necessary." She giggled, and I heard Emmett muttering again in the background. Then I heard a far more welcome sound. The Mercedes coming up the drive.

"Sorry Rose, Jasper's home, I have to go. I'll talk to you later." I promised. "Or tomorrow." I closed the phone, cutting off the sound of her protests and ran to the door, opening it just in time for him to walk through and pick me up.

"So? How did it go?" I asked quickly. I wanted to get the discussions out as fast as possible so we could get on with more entertaining things.

He sat on the couch, bringing me with him. I curled up in his lap with my back against the armrest. "He thought we were already together." Jasper smiled. "He's pleased about it I think. He even asked me to stay for Christmas."

"He asked you to stay for Christmas?" To say I was surprised would be an understatement. I couldn't imagine Charlie letting me have my boyfriend stay overnight. "Did he say you had to sleep on the couch?"

Jasper shook his head and grinned. "We just have to keep the door open. Nothing will change there." He told me. I get to keep him. I thought back to that day in art class when I'd wondered about what it would be like to be with him. I'd thought things would be the same, only with the bonus of kissing. I'd been right. And wrong…..because honestly, our relationship had just started and it was already incredible. It can only get better.

"Could you promise me something?" I asked tentatively. I needed only one assurance from him before I gave myself over to this relationship.

"Anything." He whispered seductively. I briefly lost my train of thought.

He chuckled and I came back to the present. This was important to me, and I wanted to get it out of the way now. "I need you to promise me that you won't be like Edward. I can't cope with someone I love smothering me again, or keeping things from me all the time. Promise me you won't change."

"I promise never to withhold anything from you." He said formally, smirking a little. "And I promise to _try_ not to be an overbearing asshole when you manage to walk directly into danger."

I slapped his chest and kissed him. I knew what he meant by walking into danger. It seemed to be unavoidable for me. In my defence, I'd steered clear of near death experiences for over two months now. Maybe I'd somehow been cured of danger-magnetitus. Fingers crossed.

I let my eyes trail over Jasper's face taking him in without having to worry about him catching me staring. Eventually my eyes came to rest on the spot just below his ear where his jaw ended. I licked my lips. That one inch of skin had been taunting me for weeks. I gave in and kissed it. Jasper groaned and shifted beneath me.

"Not now Bella." He said huskily. God he sounded sexy like that. "There's something I want from you too."

I tried desperately hard to make sense of his words instead of delving into what I wished they meant. He had agreed to my request, so I focused on him, looking into his eyes to await his. He looked terrified. I put one hand on either side of his face and concentrated on all the love I felt for him to make him feel better. "What is, Jasper?"

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. "I need you to promise me that if you ever stop loving me, if things don't work out, you won't just leave." He whispered shakily. Any ground Alice had gained in being forgiven was lost in that second. She had scarred him badly. "If your feelings change, I need you to tell me. I won't be mad, I'll just be your friend again, I'll be whatever you'll let me. Please promise me Bella."

"I promise Jasper, but I can go one better than that. I promise I'll never leave you because it would kill me. My feelings won't change. I can't explain it, but I know that you're all there is for me." He pulled me closer and rested his head on top of mine for a moment before speaking again.

"Thank you." His relief was easy to hear in his voice. "You're all there is for me too."

I nuzzled my face into his neck and breathed in his scent, relaxing completely. I'd got my forever, and forever started today. I realised I'd yet to talk to him about my plans for graduation. Now seemed like the perfect time to bring it up, as we were already spilling our guts.

"How do you feel about me becoming a vampire?" I asked timidly without raising my head. I was worried that he would feel the same way Edward had, and I didn't know what I would do if he did.

"Is that something you still want?"

"I... yes. I've already spoken to Carlisle about it, and he's agreed to do it after graduation." I spoke quickly, before I chickened out.

"That's the best news I've heard since you told me you loved me." He laughed. I was sorely tempted to get up and dance. He wanted me forever too.

One of his hands slipped under my shirt to stoke my back, I was reminded of the first time he'd done that, on my birthday, and how I liked it even then.

"I wish I could be human for you." He said quietly, breaking a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"Silly man." I scoffed. "Sixty years would never be enough. Even forever won't be enough time with you." I really meant that. As far as I was concerned, I'd never be able to get enough of him. I wouldn't want him to be human, if he was I'd have to worry about losing him all the time. Edward used to worry about me that way, the difference was, _he_ wasn't willing to do anything about it.

Jasper held me tighter, and I felt all his love again, along with gratitude. I loved when he did that, talked to me without words. It had taken me a while to get used to him asking me to explain myself by making me curious, or telling me that something interesting was happening by making me excited. But I loved it. Sometimes I tried to answer him in the same way, but it usually just made him laugh, as I wasn't too good at making myself feel things. When I tried he usually only ever felt frustration from me.

My phone rang yet again, and I worried for a moment that it would be Edward, but then I heard Emmett's ring tone again. He was going to drive me nuts if he kept this up. I turned the phone off without answering. Jasper waited for me to explain.

"He's already called me once to make sure you're behaving yourself." I sighed. Jaspers laughter rumbled through me, making me join in. I loved his laugh.

"He'll get used to it soon, and if not, Rose will keep him busy for us so that we actually have some time to ourselves."

Time to ourselves. We'd already done more than Edward and I ever had, what else could we do? I thought back to when we'd been in the car, and the way Jasper's hand had felt, cool against the heat of my skin, the way his touch had somehow burnt me, and made me shiver all at the same time. I realised I was breathing a little fast, and that Jasper was laughing again.

"What?" I grumbled, already knowing the answer.

"How did you manage to hide that for so long?" He chuckled.

Play dumb, he might think he imagined it. "Hide what?"

"Would you like me to take you to bed, Bella?" He whispered. I trembled and tried not to moan. He laughed again. "That."

I knew he could feel how much he was affecting me. Stupid powers. "It's your fault." I pouted.

He kissed my lips lightly, only intensifying what I was feeling. "How is it my fault?" He said, and then slowly kissed his way along my jaw. He was pure evil, teasing me like this.

"Because…" was the brilliant answer I came up with as he pressed his lips to my neck. I couldn't think of anything else. He was driving me mad. I needed to make him stop before he got me even more worked up. I couldn't cope with him pulling away while I wanted him this much.

I sat up a little straighter, and he stopped. The fact that it was me that had stopped him didn't make it any less awful. A huge part of me wanted to forget my original plan and let him do whatever he wanted, no matter how much it would hurt when he decided it was dangerous to continue.

Trying to calm myself down as he continued to rub my back was difficult, so I decided I'd tell him about my other phone call.

"Edward called me after you left." I told him, maybe talking about Edward wasn't the most romantic topic, but I was still upset about it, and I wanted to know what Jasper thought I should do about him. "I was horrible to him." I admitted.

"How were you horrible? What did you say? What did he say?" He never stopped his soothing rubbing, and made me feel better about what I'd said before I even told him about it.

"I told him I thought he was a danger to me. I made him think I didn't trust him anymore, and I told him not to come back." I felt guiltiest about the last statement. I was effectively keeping him away from his family, which was selfish.

"Why did you do that?" He asked. There was no judgement in his voice. He wasn't mad at me for what I'd said, only curious.

"He wanted to come back to me, and I told him no, and he said that he'd looked past my 'infidelity'." I spat. "From what he'd seen in Esme's mind, he thought that she'd caught us together, he never did know the truth. I filled him in on what had really happened, and he threatened to kill you, so I hurt him to keep him away."

His hand stilled behind me, and he brought me closer to him. "You did it for me?" He whispered.

"I couldn't stop myself, I just saw red and panicked." The guilt crept back. "It was awful, he was sobbing, and I tried to make him feel better, but I couldn't really take it back, because it meant you were safe."

I only realised then that Jasper was more important to me than anything else in the world. I'd do anything to protect him. It scared me that I could feel that deeply. My love for Edward had never even been close to this, but that didn't mean I'd stopped caring about him altogether.

"What do I do? I want him to be happy, and he should be here with us, but I don't think coming home would help him."

"I really don't know." Jasper said after a while. "I don't like him upsetting you, and I'm not sure I'd trust him around you if he came home. Regardless of anything else, he won't be desensitised to your scent anymore." When he'd said he wouldn't trust Edward around me I'd been immediately disappointed, thinking he'd broken his promise already, then I remembered that I wouldn't trust Edward around him either, so I guessed it was ok this time.

"Staying away is probably for the best right now. Seeing you with me would only hurt him more I think. Did you tell him we were together?"

"No." Should I have? No, hearing I was with Jasper would almost certainly have prompted him to come back. "I did tell him I was in love with someone else, but I didn't tell him who, and he didn't ask."

"You're in love with someone else?" He asked curiously, and I couldn't resist sitting back to smile up at him. "Who might that be?"

"Oh, I don't think you know him." I told him dismissively.

He smirked. "Humour me."

I turned around so I was facing him properly, with my knees either side of his hips on the couch. "He's tall." I whispered. "And strong... he has the sexiest golden curls and eyes that make me think I might melt when he looks at me."

"What else?" He grinned, clasping his hands behind my back. "He sounds familiar."

"He's the most beautiful man I've ever seen, and when he kisses me everything else disappears." I felt my cheeks heating up as he gave me a cocky smile and inched closer.

When he spoke again his lips were almost brushing mine as his breath swept across my face, dazzling me a little. "What's the lucky man's name?"

"I don't remember." I mumbled before crashing my lips to his again. For a while, there was nothing else in the world but his mouth on mine and his hands on my hips. It was heaven until I had to stop to catch my breath. I was a bit proud when I noticed Jasper's breathing was as ragged as mine. I made him like that.

I watched, fascinated, as he closed his eyes and slowed his breathing, visibly calming himself down. I wished I could do it as easily. His throat moved as he swallowed once, and then opened his eyes. They gave him away completely, he was struggling with his desire as much as I was. We laughed at each other.

"How long have you loved this dashing man?" He asked, playing with my hair.

I didn't need to ask what he meant. "I feel like I've always loved you, but I suppose it started that day in the garden." That was only two days after Alice had left. Had I really started falling for him so quickly? I knew it was true. Though I hadn't thought about it at the time, I knew now that seeing him in the sunlight, and then telling each other unimportant secrets later had started me on the path to loving him.

"But I didn't know I was falling in love with you until you sang to me at Angela's party." I thought back to my impulsive kiss, and wondered how long he had wanted me.

"For me I think it started from the moment you held me when I broke. I didn't know it was happening until Esme asked me how I felt about you the night after I lost control. That's why I came to your house. I wanted to be sure that Esme was wrong. I was trying to prove to myself that I only loved you as a friend. It backfired. You fell asleep in my arms and I realised I was in very great danger of falling in love with you."

I smiled at him, thinking about the night he'd turned up and sat staring at me for a few minutes. He'd said he just wanted company. Liar.

"By the time Angela's party rolled around, I was actively trying to make you like me back in the same way. That's why I dressed as Spike." He gave me such a sheepish look I was sure he should be blushing. "And why I sang to you. It was my way of telling you I loved you without really telling you."

"But if you loved me even then, why didn't you kiss me back?"

If possible, he looked even more embarrassed. "You surprised me." He shrugged. "I'd spent most of the night watching you, and thinking about you, and wondering if I'd ever get the chance to kiss you, and when it happened it took me off guard. The thought that I'd wasted my only chance plagued me right up until today."

"How could you not know Jasper? You're supposed to be an empath." I giggled. "You must have had an idea at least. Even without your gift, you should have known. We spend five nights a week together, and I talk in my sleep."

"I caught little flickers sometimes, enough to keep me hoping, but never enough to be sure of what you felt." He explained and then gave me a full on Cheshire cat grin. "And I know you talk in your sleep Bella. You've been having some very interesting dreams lately."

So he did know about my less than innocent dreams. Right when I thought I was about to die of shame, he started talking again.

"You have no idea what a temptation you were." He groaned. "The way you moved, the way you smelled, the way you moaned." His arms shifted until he was pulling me flush against him. "Nothing in my life so far has ever been as hard as keeping my hands off you."

"I... really..." I gasped as he ran his nose along my neck. "... wouldn't have..." He kissed his way back down and over my collarbone. "...minded." The last word came out as a whimper as his hands shifted down to my ass and he growled quietly against my throat. I was dying, and I was going to die happy.

Or at least I had hoped I was, until Jasper stopped altogether. "Emmett's home." He whispered.

There were two choices now, and neither of them allowed us to continue. We could either go upstairs, and Emmett would interrupt us in less than a minute, and probably give us a lecture, or we could stop now, and hopefully avoid the lecture. I chose the second and moved reluctantly from Jasper's lap to sit a few inches away from him.

The look of sheer frustration and disappointment we shared was enough to have us laughing by the time everyone else entered the living room.

Their faces were priceless, and I didn't need Jasper to tell me what they were feeling. Emmett came in looking ready to kill someone, probably Jasper, but as soon as he saw us, he grinned and squeezed into the too small space between us.

Carlisle and Rosalie looked baffled, and Esme was obviously quite disappointed to find like this. I knew they'd all expected to find us either not here at all, or in a much more compromising position. Their expressions were almost, but not quite, worth the interruption. Why on earth hadn't we thought to go somewhere else? Oh yeah, because Esme had promised they'd be home late. I glared at her.

"Why didn't you answer the phone, Bells?" Emmett asked throwing an arm over my shoulder.

"I was busy." I snapped, already plotting a way of escaping with Jasper.

"Doing what?" He growled, now looking at Jasper, who grinned. Emmett thumped him in the chest, so I whacked Emmett and probably bruised my hand.

Jasper moved to sit on my other side and took my throbbing hand between his while I glared at my oaf of a 'brother'.

After a few seconds of silence, Rosalie was the first to crack. "Bella, I really need your help upstairs." She said with an all too obvious wink. I sighed, resigned to my fate. Maybe if I finished the story quickly I'd be allowed to escape. I wondered how Jasper felt about an extended holiday in Siberia. I hadn't waited ten weeks just to be kept away from him all the time.

Emmett stood up and towered over Jasper. "I think you and I need to have a talk." He said seriously. "A very important talk. In the woods. With Carlisle. Now."

Well if we were going to be forced to separate, I wanted a kiss goodbye, family or no family. I twisted around and kissed him for all I was worth until Emmett physically removed me from the sofa and set me down next to Rosalie. He looked like he might be sick. Jasper looked like he wouldn't be thinking about anything but me for a long time.

Emmett yanked him out of the house, Carlisle shrugged and followed them, chuckling.

I was so busy staring after him that I didn't even notice Esme and Rose had pulled me back on to the couch and were sitting either side of me.

"We want to know everything." Esme beamed.

Siberia was looking better all the time.

**An: So... Did you like it? Let me know. Jasper kisses to all who click the button!**

**I've got a new Jasper/Bella story (**_**very**_** different from this) that should be up on Wednesday. Put me on author alert if you feel like giving it a go.**


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

**An: Yay! It's been Beta'd now. Thanks to ladyofkeegan **

Chapter Twenty Two

_Jasper_

I yanked my arm out of Emmett's grip and ran rather than being dragged into the woods. My brother was 'thinking' hard. He was angry, but not as much as he had been earlier. I suspected Rose had gotten to him and I decided to thank her later. I might have to make another trip to see George soon to pick up a few bribes for her. I had a feeling a few diamonds would convince her to keep Emmett out of the way for a while. Failing that I'd hand her two tickets to Paris, she loved it there, and she'd force her husband to come along for the ride.

My mind quickly drifted to everything Bella and I could do if we had a little privacy. She seemed as eager as I was to get some 'alone time'. I thought of the look in her eyes just before she'd pressed her warm lips against my jaw. The skin there burned in response. My mind quickly turned to other places she could put her lips if we were ever left alone for long enough.

Amusement encroached on my rapidly building lust and I took in my surroundings. I'd stopped running, how had that happened? Carlisle was standing in front of me with a shit eating grin on his face.

"What?" I growled. He'd interrupted my fantasies.

His smile widened. "Is there any particular reason you're standing there with your eyes rolling back in your head?"

I growled again. I could tell by his face he knew exactly what had distracted me enough to leave me staring into space in the middle of the woods.

"Jasper!" Emmett growled from somewhere ahead of us.

Beside me, Carlisle laughed.

"Come on son, you're only prolonging the torture by hanging about out here."

I glared at the ground and started walking at human pace towards what was sure to be an irritating conversation. I was twice Emmett's age, what right did he have to tell me what to do? He was keeping me away from Bella. Then I realized that I was keeping _myself _away from her by dragging this out so I started running.

We found Emmett standing in a small clearing on top of a fallen tree. He had his hands on his hips and a stern look firmly fixed on his face. It was a gesture I was sure he picked up from Rosalie, and he looked ridiculous. I tried not to laugh.

Fifteen minutes later I was still waiting for him to begin. I was getting bored and pissed off. Carlisle was still enjoying the situation, and for the very first time since I'd met him, I wanted to hit him.

The three of us stood completely still and quiet and it was driving me nuts.

Finally Carlisle got bored too. "Come on! Lets start this conversation. I'm sure you've got lots to say, Emmett. We need to finish this soon because Esme has plans for us all tonight."

What plans? I hoped she hadn't included me and Bella in those plans. I had plans of my own.

Emmett sighed loudly and hopped off the tree to sit down on it. He looked expectantly at me, and I sat just out of arms reach. Carlisle sat on my other side, grinning again. I ground my teeth and waited.

"We need to have a very serious talk Jasper," Emmett began "about boundaries."

I said nothing, Carlisle sniggered. This was not funny at all.

"Now I know you love Bella, we're not debating that." Did he know how serious he sounded? Or how stupid? I doubted it. "And I know you're used to having sex on tap with Alice, and that you've been going through a bit of a dry spell lately."

"What?" I tried to keep my voice level.

He looked at me as if _I_ was the idiot. "You haven't been getting any since Alice left right?" He pointed out. Then he got angry again. "Don't you tell me you've been sneaking off somewhere. If you've been cheating on Bella I'll take your head off."

I felt my jaw go slack as I stared at him. Carlisle intervened on my behalf.

"Emmett, there will be no violence. And you know as well as I do that when Jasper's not with Bella he's moping around the house. Besides, he and Bella have only been together for a few hours, I don't think he's had time to cheat on her." He pointed out. "Perhaps you should try to keep this a little less... personal."

"Only been together for a few hours?" Emmett laughed. "They might have only just made it official but he's been hers for three months now."

I smiled and nodded at the truth of what he said and then remembered I was annoyed at him and scowled.

"Back to the point. What I'm saying is, I know what you want to do to my little sister, and I'm just telling you, that you're not to do it, under any circumstances."

"She's not your sister, and what we do is none of your business." I said calmly. I was quite proud of myself for keeping it polite.

"She might not be related to me, but she's as close to family as it's possible to get, and you know it, so don't give me that bro." He glared at me. "And yes, it is my business, because I care about her and I don't want to see her hurt. Even if we overlook the fact that you could actually kill her by accident, there's still the fact that she's an innocent little teenager, and you shouldn't be trying to push her into anything."

Yet again he left me speechless, and this time polite was out of the window. What the hell was wrong with him? He was like a whole new person. When I got my voice back, my words flew out of my mouth on a snarl. "I would never push her into anything she didn't want to do. What the fuck are you accusing me of Emmett? Are you suggesting that I'd take advantage of her? She's not a child, she can make her own decisions, and I will respect them, whatever they may be. And just so's you know, she is very much up for the things you think I'm going to have to 'push her into'." I couldn't resist that last little dig. I was so sick of people not trusting me.

Emmett smashed into me half a second later, but before either of us could land a single blow Carlisle was holding us apart. Neither of us struggled, the look on his face was enough to dampen our anger.

"I. Said. No. Violence." He said slowly, setting us down and staying in between us. "Emmett, explain exactly what you meant by that comment."

I smirked at Emmett, glad that he was the one in trouble.

"Bella would do anything to please you Jasper." He wasn't feeling as angry now, but he was worried. "I don't want her feeling like she has to do things she isn't ready for. I know you wouldn't try to make her do anything. I _know_ that Jazz, that's not what I meant at all."

He was still seeing her as Edward's Bella. _My_ Bella wouldn't do that, we actually talked about things. And with my gift, I knew how she was feeling. I could tell she wanted me as much as I wanted her.

"The only thing that pleases me is seeing Bella happy." I explained carefully. "I know what she's feeling, and I wouldn't ever expect her to do anything she was uncomfortable with. She is not the child you seem to think she is Emmett, she has her own mind, and she will make her own decisions, as will I. It's nice that you love her and you want to protect her, but you will never have to protect her from me."

"I suppose I know that." Emmett grumbled. "It's just that I had a sister once, a real one, and I never liked the idea of any man near her. She was twenty two. Bella's only eighteen. You should wait a while; let her grow up a little more first. Or better yet, wait 'til she's changed."

He was agreeing that I wouldn't hurt Bella, but not agreeing to back off. "I'll wait until Bella's ready, no longer."

He growled. "Have you forgotten the issue of the fact that she's breakable. Edward never did anything with her, and they were together more than six months. You can't risk it Jasper."

"Actually, I had some thoughts about that." Carlisle interjected. We both turned to look at him, curious. "As long as you hunt regularly, I don't see there being any problems with... um... making out. And before you go any further, there are several things to take into account. Firstly, have you thought about the fact that she might bleed?"

"Stop right there. Bella would be mortified if she knew we were discussing this." Hell, I was mortified. "I'm sure this is something for another time, perhaps without Emmett in earshot."

"Of course son. We'll talk about it tonight." Carlisle agreed easily.

Emmett's anger turned on him. "I can't believe you're abetting him! Bella is like a daughter to you."

We started walking back to the house with Emmett still muttering as he followed. Eventually, I got sick of him.

"Tell you what Emmett, you ask Bella if she wants you to keep me away from her, and I promise, if she says yes, I won't even hold her hand without your permission."

He looked satisfied with that. I hid a smile, and saw Carlisle doing the same. Emmett was going to get an earful later, and it might even be enough to keep him off my back.

As we neared the house Rose came out of it and dragged her husband right back into the woods. From the emotions she was giving off I only hoped they had the decency to get out of earshot quickly.

Carlisle and I stood side by side, watching Bella and Esme in the kitchen. Both of them were wearing aprons over their clothes as they stood working. Esme was chopping something while Bella stirred several different pans on the stove. Her face was flushed from the heat and her hair was curling and sticking to the side of her head. She was smiling down at one of the pans as if it had made her day.

Esme bumped Bella out of the way with her hip and threw something into the pan Bella had been gazing at. They laughed quietly and returned to what they were doing. I felt Carlisle's love reflect my own as we watched the women we loved.

How did I get this lucky? To find a love like this must be something special but to have it returned seemed almost too extraordinary. Absolutely everything had become perfect somehow. The world was a brighter place because I had MY Bella.

Maybe it was too perfect to last. Surely no one could feel this good for long. What if our love lost its shine? What if something else interfered and took her from me? I couldn't quite believe that this was all real, that Bella really did love me. How could I, of all people, deserve to feel something this good?

She looked up and caught my eye, her smile widening. She dropped her spoon, splashing what looked like soup onto the counter and ran towards me.

"I missed you." She whispered as she wrapped her arms around me. And I knew right then that this was for real, and that nothing would ever come between us. She was radiating happiness, and more importantly, contentment. It was exactly what I felt when I was with her. Almost like the missing piece had been put into place, and I could finally relax.

After a few minutes of holding each other, Esme called Bella back to the kitchen so I sat at the breakfast bar to watch. Bella caught me staring and smiled. It was a smile she only ever gave to me, and I wondered why I hadn't noticed it before. She never smiled at anyone one else in quite that way.

She laughed when I told her about Emmett wanting to talk to her, but she was already feeling embarrassed in anticipation. I hoped Rosalie would keep him busy for a long time yet.

It was strange how watching a human cooking could be the most fascinating thing in the world. Well, as long as the human in question was this one. Despite the fact that she was surrounded by things that could do her serious harm, she displayed no caution, and amazingly, none of her usual clumsiness interfered. She moved around our kitchen as if she had always been in it, which was odd, as Esme did most of the cooking here.

I liked watching her interact with Esme too. They moved around each other as if they were constantly aware of what the other was doing. They even handed things to each other before they were requested, like they were having a silent conversation only they could hear.

Every so often, Esme would glance at me, and feel a sudden surge of triumph and affection. She had finally got her wish.

While Bella ate her soup and Esme cleaned up the kitchen, I drifted off into another daydream. When Bella finished eating, I was going to take her up to our room, and hopefully, pick up where we left off earlier. Carlisle would have raised some sort of real objection if he thought there was a chance of me hurting her, but I'd speak to him about it later anyway.

At least he'd said making out was ok. Hearing him say that phrase had been fairly odd thought, it just didn't sound right coming out of his mouth.

The second she lifted the last spoonful to her lips I took the bowl away from her and washed it quickly. She knew exactly what I was up to, and her sudden pooling of lust only fuelled mine. It took all my concentration not to grab her up and run with her. That would be too obvious.

"Where do you think you're going?" Esme asked sternly as we reached the foot of the stairs.

We turned back to face her with identical looks of innocence. She didn't buy it.

"This is our Christmas Eve, and we're having family time. I have movies and snacks for Bella, and we made eggnog. You two aren't going anywhere." My spirits slumped. I didn't like Christmas anymore, it was getting in the way.

Bella bravely attempted to argue. "But-" She didn't get very far.

"But nothing. This was your idea." Esme pointed out. I glared at Bella, when had she had this brilliant idea? "Bella, go and find Carlisle, Jasper, call Emmett and Rose."

I stepped outside, yelled, and came back in. If they were close enough to hear they'd come home, if not, I wasn't going looking for them.

Bella followed Carlisle downstairs, looking faintly disappointed as he chattered on about one of the films they were going to watch. She caught my eye and shrugged. We were stuck for a few hours at least.

Emmett and Rose ambled in only mildly disheveled and both feeling hugely frustrated. At least I wasn't the only one whose plans had been put on hold.

The four of us slumped into seats around the living room and tried not to glare at our 'parents'. Bella moved into my lap while Esme started the first movie. All I noticed about it was the title, after that, all my attention was on Bella.

She shifted slightly and I tried to hold her still. First she felt a little confused, then amused and mischievous.

Slowly, she moved around in my lap until she was sitting sideways across me. Her lips brushed mine teasingly for half a second then she wriggled again and turned her eyes back to the TV. A minute later she rested one hand lightly on my knee and brought the other up to play with the hair at the back of my neck. I knew exactly what she was doing. Minx.

This was the side of her I'd only seen once before, when she'd distracted me with a spoonful of ice cream. It was a side of her I couldn't wait to see more of.

She shifted again, looking as if she was trying to get comfortable, but I knew differently. And so did a certain part of my anatomy that was currently making himself known. I knew the instant Bella noticed, as her lust bloomed, causing me to pull her in for a kiss which would probably have been better left for a private moment.

Emmett growled, Rosalie smacked him and Esme giggled. Bella blushed scarlet and turned back to the TV. I was disappointed that the game had ended so quickly, but then she surprised me, swiveling her hips and stroking her fingers across the back of my neck.

For the next ten minutes, she continued her wriggling, stroking and occasional kisses, slowly driving me mad. I decided it was my turn to play. First, I ran my fingers slowly back and forth along the strip of skin between her jeans and her shirt. She shivered, but leaned in closer, wriggling a little more. I kissed her neck. She kissed my lips, running her tongue over them for a second before she pulled away.

I swallowed a growl, and ran my hand from her knee to mid thigh. Carlisle cleared his throat; Bella squeaked and clamped her legs together over my hand. I smothered my laughter against her neck, which somehow turned her on even more. This time, when she moved against me, it was involuntary.

I waggled my trapped fingers and Bella opened her legs a little. Then the light came on, the credits were rolling and Esme was walking in from the kitchen. I was beginning to hate my family. We rearranged ourselves a little which was fairly useless, as I could tell by Esme's face she was aware of what we'd been doing.

While Carlisle put in the next DVD, Esme plied Bella with snacks, and a glass of some sort of pale yellow liquid which smelled revolting. The scent coming from the glass was so bad that even Emmett decided not to try it. Bella seemed to like it though.

The light went off again, and I was about to start up the game again when Rosalie shrieked, "Jurassic Park? Why do we have to watch that again? It's not a Christmas film!"

Esme sighed patiently. "Emmett went out and bought them, so I said he could choose one. This is what he chose."

Emmett had watched this movie everyday for a year once, and we were all thoroughly sick of it. Except Bella. She seemed as enthusiastic as Emmett about it. By the end of the movie they were sitting side by side on the floor in front of the TV sharing snacks. Rose was thrilled. I had a good idea of what she was thinking. She'd never have to watch stuff like this again if Bella liked it. I realized she wasn't only my missing piece. She was the missing piece of the family.

It was almost eleven when the third film finished, and I was hoping to finally be allowed to take Bella upstairs, but the look Esme gave me when I stood up, had me slumping back onto the couch in a second. Apparently, now that we were actually together, she had no intentions of 'helping' us anymore. Well that was just fine. I could stand to watch one more movie.

Sadly, Bella couldn't. She fell asleep ten minutes into _It's a Wonderful Life_. I was sorely disappointed, but managed to content myself with the fact that I could hold her however I wanted tonight.

I carried her upstairs and she woke up just long enough to stumble into the bathroom and change. Once she was asleep again I slipped out to speak with Carlisle. His study was the only completely soundproof room in the house, and the perfect place for this conversation.

Luckily for me, he was already in there and I assumed he was waiting for me, as he was doing nothing but sitting at his desk, staring at the wall.

I closed the door behind me and leaned against the wall, surprised at how much I was dreading this conversation. "So..." I began awkwardly. "You had something to tell me about... the ... um..."

He chuckled at me, and I ended up laughing at myself. This was a little strange, but I was a grown man, I'd been a grown man for more than one hundred and fifty years. I wasn't some snotty teenager with his first crush, and there was no need to feel as nervous as one.

"I'll keep this brief." Carlisle smiled, thankfully taking the lead. "You don't seem to be having any problems kissing her like Edward did."

"Edward had problems kissing her?" How could they have possibly have had any semblance of a normal relationship if he even found it difficult to kiss her?

"Yes, his blood lust was a constant problem. I don't believe it was quite as much of a problem as he made it, but yes, it was difficult for him. He also struggled with the idea that he'd be unable to control his strength. How are you finding the blood aspect?"

I thought about it. While I was kissing Bella, I wasn't thinking about her blood at all. In fact, I didn't ever really think about her blood. "It's not a problem." I shrugged. "My mind is focused on things more interesting than blood."

Carlisle smirked. "I can imagine. With your mind so preoccupied how do you remember to be gentle?"

"I don't." He looked worried so I tried to explain. "What I mean is it just comes naturally. If I'm holding her hand, I just hold it as tight as feels right and the same follows for everything else. Honestly, the only thing I'm really struggling with is the desire to run away with her so I can have her all to myself."

"That makes things easier then." He smiled. "Now I'm going to assume you've done nothing more than kiss so far, and I think that would be a good idea for a while. I think it would be best to slowly work your way up to more, um, dangerous activities. And I suggest that at least until you've been out for a real hunt you keep things all about Bella. That way you're less likely to lose control."

All about Bella. I ignored him for a while to plan out everything I could do to Bella without getting completely distracted.

"...and as for intercourse" Oh right, we'd moved on time to pay attention and drag my mind back out of the gutter. "You should use protection, just to be on the safe side."

_What?_ I was hardly going to get her pregnant. "What?"

"Venom son, we don't know exactly how that would affect her, plus if there's any tearing and the venom makes contact it could start to change her, and I'm sure that's not something you want right now." He explained.

I was going to have to buy condoms. Nervous teenage Jasper reared his head again in horror. Emmett would laugh himself to death if he found out and I would never hear the end of it. It would have to be a covert mission.

I also needed to go on a real, satisfying hunt. "Hunting this weekend?" I asked hopefully. I wouldn't trust myself to go too far with Bella without being sure the bloodlust was truly sated first and I didn't like the idea of having to wait for long.

He gave me that stupid knowing smile again. The one I was beginning to hate. "Leave it to me. I'll find somewhere for us to go."

I thanked him quickly and headed back up to our room.

All night I held her and watched her sleep. For the first time since I'd ever spent the night with her she was completely silent and completely still. I missed her muttering, but at the same time, I was pleased she was sleeping so peacefully.

_______________________________________

Bella woke slowly as usual, until she became suddenly excited and sat bolt upright. She looked down at me and got more excited, with surprise and happiness mixed in. She leaned back down to kiss me and I had high hopes of a morning make out session, but they were quickly dashed when she jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom. Less than five mines later she was back and pulling me out of bed.

"Merry Christmas." She beamed at me.

I'd forgotten. "Merry Christmas."

She was giving off the same sort of feelings as a child on a sugar rush. It was exhilarating and annoying in equal measure, but I found I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

"Make me breakfast while I rally everyone else?" She grinned hopefully. Who was I to refuse? Plus I was secretly thrilled that she trusted me with food again, something she hadn't done since I'd killed the pancakes and her pan.

Carlisle was waiting in the hallway near our door. I decided not to tell Bella he'd been there since four am, too excited to do anything else but wait for her to wake up. I smirked at him on my way downstairs, letting him know I had something on him now. Emmett would torment him mercilessly if he knew what a kid he was being. Or at least I thought he would until I found him sitting cross legged by the tree feeling presents to see if he could work out what he was getting. At least the girls were still acting like adults.

"Rose, you have to put pajamas on or it won't be right." Bella complained from upstairs.

"Fine, but you owe me." She agreed, sounding reluctant but feeling amused.

I could hear Carlisle searching for suitable clothes in his room and Esme joining him to do the same once Bella found her.

Emmett finished prodding the parcels and raced upstairs to join them all. I made Bella an omelet, as it was the one thing I'd successfully made on my own before so I was pretty sure I wouldn't make a mess of it.

From the kitchen I watched the family gather around the tree, all dressed like they'd actually been to sleep. Bella and Carlisle were by far the most excited, but every moment around the presents brought Emmett and Rosalie closer to the same level of anticipation. Esme just enjoyed watching everyone else be happy.

Bella ran a critical eye over my clothes as I handed over her breakfast. Sweat pants and a long sleeved t-shirt was the closest I was going to get to pajamas, and Bella looked like she knew it. She shifted closer to Carlisle to make space for me beside her, and then used my knee as a makeshift table while she ate her food in record time.

"Can I have my presents now?" Emmett groaned the second she finished. Without hesitation Bella and Carlisle divided up the gifts between us and we all tore into them.

Rosalie was extremely pleased with most of her gifts, but I noticed her sending thankful glances to Bella, rather than Emmett, who had bought her presents. Maybe Bella had helped him out again. That was probably for the best, I'd seen him buy Rose a toaster for an anniversary. She'd kicked him out of their room for two months, and they were both hell to live with when they were fighting.

I opened my gifts, which were fairly typical, but here again I noticed Bella's influence, I'd have known she'd helped even if she hadn't told me. There were books no one else would have chosen for me and the sort of clothes that I wore because I liked them, and not because of the way they looked.

I thanked Rose, but sent Bella a wave of gratitude. For once she answered me perfectly, without meaning to. Love, my favorite emotion. That was a gift in itself.

She was taking her time opening her gifts, and I was eager to see if she liked any of things I'd found. I had asked Esme for a small amount of help, but I wasn't admitting to that if I could help it. I'd stretched the budget to the limit, but kept within it, and I was proud of that. The first gift she opened was the least special, just a box of chocolates, but she liked them. I'd almost got her heart shaped ones, but chickened out. She opened them and stuck one in her mouth before she moved on.

The next was a gift basket full of all her favorite bath products, along with a few things I was just hoping she'd like because they smelled nice. This time she grinned at me and sent me her own gratitude.

The next gift was a wide leather belt. This one was a bit selfish. She liked the hat and the boots, and I was hoping that by buying her a belt too, I could convince her to put the whole outfit on again. I hadn't come up with a good reason for her to get dressed up yet, but I was sure something would come up.

She gave me such a knowing look I ducked my head. It was only a belt. How had she managed to see right through me? I peeked up at her, but she was laughing, not mad like I'd expected. Then she winked. That wink held promises, I was sure, and I just didn't know quite what she was promising.

When she opened the books she spent ages pouring over them and reading all the blurbs. It was driving me mad. I wanted to see if I'd bought the right hair slide. Not that she'd have the others to compare it to, but if it was right, I'd know.

She finally moved on to the last and smallest box. I smiled as she tensed, probably expecting it to be some expensive piece of jewelry. She lifted the lid cautiously and then grinned. She was surprised, but she definitely liked it, I could tell that much without my gifts.

I wasn't all that sure what you were actually supposed to do with it, but I did know it was some sort of hair decoration. Bella seemed to know though. She pulled back a lock of hair from either side of her face and clipped them into place with her gift, effectively holding back most of her hair. The tiny moonstone and sapphire flowers on it glittered in the low light, somehow making her look even more beautiful.

She waded through the wrapping paper to plant herself in my lap. With a quick muffled "Thank you" against my lips, she was kissing me again. I could quiet happily sit here doing this for the rest of my life.

Emmett had other ideas. A miniature version of his jeep roared to life and zoomed across the floor to crash into my leg. Bella turned around, picked it up and set it back down on its roof. The wheels spun uselessly in the air as her lips tangled with mine again.

"For god's sake, not where I can see!" Emmett growled retrieving his car. He set it down carefully, out of our reach, and then stole Bella to hug her and thank her for his gifts. He put her back down between himself and Rose, where I couldn't get to her.

He opened his last gift, which was a t-shirt. I grinned when I saw the front of it. It was perfect for him and he clearly loved it. Emmett pulled his shirt over his head, and I saw Bella's eyes flick across his chest. She felt no desire at all, but that didn't stop me raising an eyebrow at her and waiting for an explanation.

"What?" She asked, her cheeks coloring slightly. "I might be yours, but I'm not blind."

The others laughed while I got caught up by the word _yours_. It was something she never let Edward say. She was willingly saying she was mine.

I tried to tell her with my eyes that I was hers too.

"Bella dear, we have a small gift for you." Esme interrupted.

"Esme!" Bella scolded. "We did secret Santa, and I don't have anything for you."

Carlisle waved her off. "This is only a tiny thing, and it's not even really a present, we just didn't think about it until now."

Bella took the small box and opened it. Inside was a key, and I recognized the pattern of the grooves that meant it fit the front door.

I watched her frown at it, turning it over in her hands. "What's it for?" She asked nervously.

"The front door." Esme supplied.

Bella was touched by the gesture, but also confused. "The door's never locked." She pointed out.

Esme shrugged and smiled. "We did lock it once." She pointed out. "Besides, it's more symbolic than anything else." There was a lot of love and sappy feelings going around this family lately. I was worried it would turn me into a sissy soon. Then Bella smiled at me and I didn't care anymore.

Emmett shoved the sofa violently against a wall causing the pictures to shake. "Who's for a game of twister?" He grinned expectantly at us and we quickly got caught up in his enthusiasm.

_____________________________________

_Bella_

I cheated at twister by keeping a firm hold of Jasper. The Cullen's played the game a little differently than the instructions specified. As they all found it easy to balance, and to stay in one position indefinitely, they'd added an extra challenge. The rules were out of the window, and the object of the game was to make each other fall.

Even hanging on to Jasper I was gone in seconds when Rosalie started tickling me. Esme followed quickly after Carlisle kissed her. Rosalie whispered something to Emmett, and the look on his face as he tumbled made me glad I couldn't hear what she'd said. "I'll hold you to that." He purred at her as he left the mat.

Jasper and Rosalie squared off, looking ridiculous in their awkward positions. Rose looked so determined that if we were gambling again I'd have put all my money on her. And I'd have lost it. Five seconds later she started giggling uncontrollably and crashed to the floor.

"No powers." She gasped between the still present giggles. "That's cheating."

Esme and I escaped to the kitchen to make lunch while the others hashed out the finer points of the new rules. I couldn't help but laugh when Emmett came into the kitchen to ask Esme for paper and pens so he could write out the new rules. It was the sort of thing I used to do. When I was five.

The turkey Esme put into the oven would have easily fed ten. Either she was trying to fatten me up, or she intended to force everyone else to eat with me. Either way, it didn't look good.

Then she pulled out far too many vegetables too. I was tempted to say something, but I knew she enjoyed cooking for me, so I left it alone. I didn't want to risk upsetting her on today of all days.

I peeled them while she chopped and put them in pans and steamers to cook later. I noticed she was keeping half of the prepared veg back and bagging it up.

"What are they for?"

"I thought we could freeze them, and then you won't have so much to do tomorrow when you make dinner for you and Charlie." She smiled, tossing the bagged carrots into the freezer. It was actually a brilliant idea, and I wondered why I hadn't thought of it myself. A crash in the living room caught my attention; alerting me to the fact that twister had started up again.

Carlisle was wisely sitting out, spinning for them. The crash had obviously come from Jasper and Emmett, who were tangled up a few feet away from the mat.

"What the hell was that?" Jasper growled, righting himself. His hair was all messed up, and I was tempted to run over and play with it, but decided that would probably look a little bit strange.

"Rosie told me to." Emmett grinned, pointing at his wife, who was still balancing on one hand just to show off.

"Emmett, you were out. You can't jump on people once you're out of the game." Carlisle said patiently.

Emmett picked up his 'rule sheet' which I noticed he'd written with different colored pens and decorated. "It says nothing on here about what players who are out can and cannot do." He told Jasper and Carlisle smugly.

Jasper snatched up the sheet and handed it back to him two seconds later. I'd only seen him move his hand across it, but I knew what he'd done. "Yes it does. Right there, number seven: Once a player is out of the game they must not interfere. So I win, because Rose cheated by getting you to help."

Carlisle ended up deciding the game didn't count and made them start again. "I think it was a wise decision to make a start on lunch." Esme giggled as she watched her 'children' tangling themselves up again.

I set myself a place at the table a few hours later while Carlisle carved the turkey and Emmett tried a few things. He'd finally come to the conclusion that he could just lick things to taste them, instead of actually eating them and having to throw them up again later. On the down side, this meant that I had to share pretty much everything with him, and he didn't seem to think putting his slobbery foods back on my plate was in anyway disgusting. The things you do for family. I rolled my eyes at him as he took a seat beside me and waited expectantly for his first taste of turkey. It turned out to be one of the worst things he'd tried so far.

When I had almost finished I noticed everyone was still watching me, and Esme was holding a bowl of mashed potatoes, waiting to put more on my plate.

"Why don't you all go for a quick hunt? You should have Christmas dinner too." I was hoping to avoid exploding from eating too much, and I had an idea Esme wasn't going to believe I was full.

Emmett was up and waiting at the door within a second. Rose swiftly followed.

"Are you sure? I don't like leaving you all alone, especially today." Esme said worriedly, already putting more food on my plate.

"Honestly go, I want to use some of my new bath stuff anyway. Go and have some fun. You'll be back in a few hours anyway, right?"

Jasper lingered after the others were gone. "Why don't I stay and keep you company?" He grinned.

"Nope, you're going out." I told him, his smile slipped off. "But you could always come back early so we can squeeze in a little time to ourselves."

His eyes darkened a fraction before he pulled me up for a quick but heady kiss, and then he darted out of the house to follow the others into the woods.

I washed my plate and covered up the leftovers before taking my basket of bubble baths upstairs. The house was finally quiet and peaceful, and though this morning had been fun, I was glad Christmas with the Cullen's would only happen once a year. I needed to relax.

I'd almost reached our room when I remembered Edward had a bath in his bathroom. I'd wanted to use it for months, but I hadn't yet found time. Now I had at least an hour to myself before Jasper would be home, and I could truly relax and try out some of my gifts.

I dug around in the basket noting that Jasper had played it safe by buying me things I already used but he'd also picked out a few new things. I found an orange blossom bath bomb that smelt delicious and dropped it into the running water. The whole room filled up with the fragrance as the water turned a pale peach color. I was slightly worried that I'd enjoy the bath so much I'd never get out.

Quickly stripping off my pajamas I sunk down into the hot scented water. It was heaven. I felt like I was slowly turning into jelly as I relaxed. Everything was perfect, and I wasn't just thinking about the bath.

I soaked until I was at the point of going pruney, thinking mainly about Jasper. OK, only about Jasper. The only reason I emerged from my Jasper induced daydream, and the bathroom, was because I heard him come home. And I was pretty sure real Jasper beat imaginary Jasper hands down.

In my haste to get dressed I managed to pull a button off my shirt, and fall over twice while trying to stuff my still damp legs into jeans. It could have been worse.

When I reached our room I found him pacing and then he stopped and stared at me. "Have you changed your mind?"

Well that made buckets of sense. "About what?"

"Us." He said dejectedly.

"Of course not. Where is this even coming from?"

"You were in Edwards's room." He seemed to think that one sentence contained a perfect explanation. Well it didn't.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well you were either in there because you wanted to stay away from our room, or you were in there because you miss him." He said sadly.

"Or, and here's a really strange reason, I was in there because I wanted to take a bath and we only have a shower."

He stared at me dumbly for a few seconds before a smile spread across his face. "You were just taking a bath? We're ok?"

"No, we're not ok! I promised you, only yesterday that we were forever and you didn't trust me. Why? I've never given you any reason not to trust me, have I?" I was upset that he doubted me already, and over such a small thing.

"Alice said we were forever too and-"

"I'm not Alice." I snapped. "Jasper, get it through your stupid impenetrable vampire skull. I love you. I will always love you. I'm not going to leave you, and I'm certainly not going back to Edward. Please tell me you believe all that."

He closed the distance between us in two strides and wrapped his arms around me. "I'm sorry angel, I know you're right. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions like that."

"No, you shouldn't." I mumbled into his chest.

"It's hard to believe that all this is real sometimes, but I am starting to accept it. I just don't know what I've done to deserve you, or how you can possibly love me the way you do."

"You're very easy to love Jasper." I laughed, remembering how easy it had been to slip into loving him, and how hard I'd tried to ignore it without success. "And there is no deserving or anything else. I love you and you love me. That's all that matters."

He held me tighter and I reached up on my tiptoes to kiss him. "Stupid vampire."

"What did you just call me?" He growled, apparently forgetting our conversation altogether as his hands slid down my back to my ass.

"Sexy vampire." I amended quickly, praying that this time the family would have the decency to keep hunting for a good while longer. I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to do, but I did know I wanted more.

I wasn't aware that we'd moved, but my back was against our mattress and Jasper was settled above me, his legs between mine. This new intimate position made my cheeks, and my stomach burn.

"That's better." He whispered huskily trailing kisses up my neck before claiming my lips. While I was busy being totally unable to think at all, Jasper's hands slid under the fabric of my shirt and moved slowly over the skin of my stomach before trailing up my ribs, I felt like he was setting me on fire.

Only a fairly desperate need for oxygen had me pulling back from him. Slowly, my thoughts filtered back while he waited for me to catch my breath. What were we doing? Whatever it was, it was more than Edward had ever been comfortable with, and it was driving me wild.

Jasper inched closer, about to kiss me again and I quickly put my hand over his mouth to stop him. "Wait."

He raised one eyebrow and kissed the fingers covering his mouth. His thumbs moved in circles just below my breasts, distracting me for a moment. I decided the only way I'd actually get to talk to him about what I wanted to was if we weren't touching at all. I wriggled out from under him and giggled as he scowled down at the empty space below him.

"I just want to ask you something and then we can get back to... that." I blushed and felt the now almost constant throb beat low in my stomach.

"Ask away." He prompted, sitting up.

My cheeks burned again as I tried to work out a way of wording my question. "I was, um, wondering, um... I wanted to know, um..." Well this was going brilliantly.

"Yes Bella?" He asked, amusement coloring his voice.

"Well, see, the thing is, it's just that we've already done more, or I mean, been more intimate, I suppose, than I was with Edward. And I just wanted to know where the boundaries are, for you, because I don't want to be upset and spoil things when you pull away." I spoke as quickly as I could as if that would somehow lessen the embarrassment.

He frowned and took my hand, stroking his thumb in circles across my palm to relax me. "I don't quite understand. We haven't really done anything other than kiss, how could you have done less than that with him?"

"Well, he kissed me, but not like you kiss me. He was worried about his teeth accidentally cutting me, and he worried about the venom too, so we never, um, you know, he kept his mouth closed." I mumbled avoiding his eyes. "And he didn't let me get too close to him like this, if I tried to kiss him back like I kiss you back, he would push me away."

I thought he might think less of me for being so inexperienced, but I couldn't have been more wrong.

"So I'm the first man to kiss you properly?" He grinned at me.

"I guess so." I smiled back, hugely relieved.

"So, you want to know what the boundaries are. Well, what are you boundaries?" He asked, running a finger over my wrist.

"Um, I don't think I have any." And I was blushing again; I really wished I could control that.

Jasper gave me a delighted smile, but he had a wicked glint in his eyes. "No boundaries?"

I shook my head. "I don't think so. What about you?"

"I have no boundaries either." I very nearly jumped on him, but he started speaking again. "I spoke with Carlisle last night, and he gave me some guide lines though."

I was instantly mortified. "You spoke to Carlisle about our sex life?" And then I was even more horrified that I'd just said sex life, out loud, when we didn't even really have one yet.

"He asked me to speak with him about it; I think he was just worried about your safety." Jasper brushed it off, but I was seriously worried that I'd never be able to look my second father in the eye again. "Anyway, he thinks that what we've been doing is fine as long as I hunt regularly, which I have been doing, but he suggested we work our way up to more, and that I go out for a real hunt with some decent prey before we go much further."

"You really mean no boundaries? You mean we can do everything?" He nodded and my body buzzed with excitement and nerves. "When are you going hunting?"

He laughed and pulled me back below him. "At the weekend." He whispered before kissing me again. "There might be times when I will have to pull away though, and I want you to know that it has nothing to do with you. I'll only ever pull away from you if I feel like I'm losing control. I don't want you to feel bad if that happens."

I nodded mutely, hoping he'd finish quickly so we could get back to making out.

"And I think we should keep things above the waist, just to be on the safe side, at least until I've been hunting." I shivered. His hunting trip was only a week away.

I was sick of talking. If we were going to work our way up to things, we should really start now, and cram in as much as we could. A week wasn't really very long at all. I pulled his lips back down to mine and kissed him hard. I couldn't stop the little moan that escaped when his tongue met mine. His answering growl shot straight through my body and I bucked my hips up against his without meaning to. It was like I'd lost control of myself, and I began to understand why this could be dangerous if Jasper was feeling the same way. I just didn't care.

He ground his hips back against me, letting me feel just how much I was affecting him, and it sent a thrill of confidence through me. I slipped my arms around him and under the back of his shirt so I could feel his skin the way I wanted to. I couldn't feel enough of him though, and tried to lift his shirt up.

He stopped kissing me as soon as he realized what I was doing and inched back to stare down at me. I didn't understand the expression that crossed his face. He looked almost afraid. Letting go of his shirt I let my hands wander over the skin I'd already uncovered, ghosting over all the little raised crescents I could feel as I watched him, waiting for an explanation.

As my finger brushed over a larger, more ragged scar his eyes dropped from mine and he shuddered.

I stilled my hands quickly. I couldn't have hurt him, but I must be doing something he didn't like. "I'm sorry, should I not do that? Does it bother you?"

His eyes met mine again, incredulous. "Doesn't it bother _you_?"

"Doesn't what bother me?"

"The scars." He whispered, this time keeping a careful watch of my face.

"No." I let my hands wander again, and it seemed to bother him much less this time. "They're just a part of you." I kissed the one on the side of his neck, the one he said he was proud of, and felt him relax. "And I love all of you."

I tried pulling up his shirt again, and again he tensed. "You don't have to do that Bella, I don't mind keeping it on."

"Well I mind you keeping it on." I huffed. The only time I'd gotten to see him without a shirt on was months ago in the hotel, and I hadn't been in the right sort of mood to enjoy it properly then. Then I remembered the look on his face, the way he'd hated me seeing him without a shirt on, the way he'd covered up quickly. "I'm sorry, you can keep it on if you want to, I don't mind. I didn't mean to push you." I pulled on the hem of his shirt until it covered him up, feeling guilty.

"I don't mind if you don't mind Bella. I just don't want you to have to look at all my scars." He whispered cautiously.

"Jasper I can't even see most of them unless the light's bright, and even if I could, I wouldn't care. I love you, and you're the most gorgeous man I've ever seen. Honestly." He gave me a half smile, shifted and then I was staring at his bare chest. He'd taken it off for me.

Who knew when I'd next get an opportunity to ogle him properly; I took full advantage of it. One strong, muscled arm caged me in from either side, but it was the kind of cage I would never mind being trapped in. I pressed on his shoulders getting him to back up a bit so I could see him properly and licked my lips.

"Wow." I whispered, and then clamped my lips shut to avoid embarrassing myself anymore. I let my hands wander from his shoulders to his biceps and then back up and down his chest, across his pecs and over his abdomen, noting the way every muscle twitched under my touch. The way his hip bones dragged my eye to the bulge in his pants made me blush, but it also made me regret the 'nothing below the waist' rule. Part of me very much wanted to see if I could talk him out of his pants too.

My hand detoured on the way back up, moving around to trace his back this time. I had no idea why he was so insecure about me seeing him like this, because scars or no scars, he was utterly perfect. Just looking at him made me tremble. I lightly traced the one scar I could easily see, the one that ringed his shoulder.

Once again he looked away from me. "Why do you let them bother you?" I whispered, not stopping my hands this time.

"They're ugly." He shrugged. "And they're a constant reminder of who I used to be."

"Yep, who you used to be, not who you are now. I have scars too you know, and if you think they're ugly, then I'm never going to take my shirt off." I said playfully.

His eyes widened for a second. "Obviously, I wasn't thinking straight. Scars are beautiful. I love them." He grinned. "Let's see then, I showed you mine." He waggled his eyebrows, and I instantly regretted saying anything.

I did however have a very nice bra on, and the idea of being almost completely skin to skin with Jasper was a thrilling one. I bit my lip as I debated. Jasper popped the bottom two buttons of my shirt and gave me a puppy dog look that made me giggle. He opened another two and looked up at me again.

I sucked in a deep breath and nodded. It took him less than a second to have the rest of the buttons done and the shirt flying to the other side of the room. I think my entire body blushed as he stared unabashedly at my chest for more than a minute with his mouth hanging open.

"Beautiful." He whispered eventually, looking back up at me. His hands started at my waist, moving constantly to touch every inch of skin, only pausing to wait for an explanation when he came to the scar over one hip from falling out of a tree when I was little, and again when he noticed one on my side from another accident.

He was kissing his way along my collar bone when his hand finally came up to cup my breast through the fabric of my bra. I stopped breathing for a second as his thumb brushed across my nipple and I arched up against his hand wanting more of this new sensation.

Stupid bra. I bet it would feel way better without that in the way, and I was hot. Surely taking off more clothes would help with that.

My cell rang from somewhere in the room, but I ignored it and pulled Jasper down to kiss him so that he wouldn't want to answer it either. If it was important they'd ring back later.

The phone kept ringing and Jasper attempted to pull away but I kept hold of him, deepening the kiss and he quickly changed his mind, sliding his thumb beneath the wire of my bra to brush along the bottom of my breast. The phone went blessedly silent as his touch sent a shock running from my chest to my core. I gasped into his mouth and tried to move my hips against his as his other hand got in on the action and moved up to my other breast.

He smiled against my mouth and whispered my name as his hands pushed my bra upwards an inch.

"Off." I breathed. He wasted no time, and I briefly lamented the loss of his touch as his hands moved behind me to the clasp.

I sat up a little to give him better access and kissed his neck and then the door opened. "Charlie's on the phone Bella." Esme called, striding into the room. I froze. Jasper froze. Esme froze. "Sorry." She giggled closing the door again.

I couldn't decide whether I was more embarrassed or frustrated. I bit my lip and groaned then swatted Jasper when he chuckled at me. I made a half hearted attempt to get out from under him, giving in immediately when he grabbed my hips to hold me against him as he kissed me.

"Bella? Charlie's waiting." Esme called from downstairs. Jasper growled as he released me and it was my turn to laugh at him. I pulled his shirt over my head and barreled downstairs to speak to Charlie. Being me, I tripped on the last step and went head first towards the ground. Esme caught me just in time, and righted me before she handed me the phone.

"Hi dad." I said, a little breathlessly.

"Why didn't you answer your cell?" He asked suspiciously.

"It's on silent; I didn't know you'd called." I lied, my cheeks flushing as I thought about exactly why I'd ignored the call.

"I just wondered what time you'd be home, it's almost seven."

I spun around to look for a clock and discovered he was right. I'd been entirely lost in Jasper for almost two hours. "Um, we'll be there in about an hour. Have you eaten? We could pick up pizza on the way home." I offered, feeling a little guilty as I'd planned to be home before dinner.

"Sure Bells, sounds great. Extra mushrooms on mine." He added, as if I didn't know.

"K dad, see you soon." He hung up, never one to drag out a conversation. I gave Esme the phone and found she was still laughing at me.

"What?" I scowled.

She grabbed my shoulders and moved me until I was standing in front of the big mirror in the hall way. My lips were red and a little swollen, and my hair had that just got out of bed look, only worse. "Oh."

"I'd clean up a little before the others get home, they'll only be about five minutes." She grinned. "Unless you want a lecture from Emmett."

I raced back upstairs and through our room to the bathroom. I brushed my hair until it looked vaguely respectable and then pulled it up into a quick ponytail. The lips weren't quite as fixable, but I was counting on no one noticing them if I kept quiet and didn't smile too much. I switched Jasper's shirt for one of my own, knowing what Charlie would think if I walked in wearing his clothes.

Back in the bedroom Jasper had changed into jeans and one of the black t-shirts I'd picked out for him. I was beginning to think they may have been a mistake, as he looked far too good like that. If I wasn't careful I could seriously end up drooling all over him in front of Charlie. He made the bed in seconds and joined me at the bedroom door.

"Aren't you putting a shirt on?" I had expected him to put something else on over the top which would hide the way the t-shirt clung to his chest from me. He never wore anything that left his arms exposed if we were leaving the house.

He hesitated in the doorway. "Do you think I should?"

"Well that depends." I smiled. "Do you mind if end up jumping you later because you look too good like that?"

"Not a bit." He grinned, taking my hand and pulling me down the stairs.

We hugged Esme and Carlisle goodbye and headed outside.

We'd almost reached the bike when Emmett caught up to us. "Bella, have you got a minute before you head off?"

Oh God. Jasper snickered quietly beside me. "I suppose so." I mumbled, trudging off for what was sure to be a really fun conversation. Not.

**An: Um... Please review... That's about it :)**


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

**An: Um... sorry again. I know I've been pretty pathetic with updates lately. My only excuse is an uncooperative little bitch for a muse. Blame her, not me : )**

Chapter Twenty Three

_Bella_

"Make it quick Emmett, Charlie's expecting us." I said as I reached him, crossing my arms in an attempt to show him I wouldn't make this easy.

"Us? What do you mean us? Is Jasper going with you? Is Charlie ok with that?" He spluttered. I tried not to laugh.

"Yes he's ok with it. In fact, Charlie invited him. He's been staying at my house for more than two months Emmett. You do actually know this." I pointed out.

"Yeah, well, it's different now." He glared at the floor and rubbed the back of his neck. "Listen Bells, well, see I asked Rosie to do this, but she was being stubborn, so I'll have to do it..." He muttered, more to himself than me I think.

"Spit it out Em, I really do have to leave."

"Ok, right. So, I just wanted you to know that you don't have to do anything... physical... with Jasper. I've already spoken to him about it, but he's refusing to listen unless you tell me to keep him in line. So, if he err... goes too far, you just tell me and I'll beat the crap out of him, ok?"

"Emmett, I'm fairly sure we've already had this conversation. And I remember telling you then, that I would let you know if Jasper did anything I didn't want him to do." I was trying very hard not to yell at him. "And if you so much as _try_ to 'beat the crap out of him' I will find a way to break your neck, or I'll set you on fire. Ok?" I asked him sweetly.

"But Bella..."

"But Bella nothing." I snapped. "What I do with Jasper is really none of your business Emmett. It's between him and me. Jasper would never try to make me do anything I didn't want to do." I couldn't quite resist taunting him. "And there is nothing, I repeat nothing, that I don't want to do."

He grinned then looked a little sick. "Oh gross! Don't say that. Bella you don't know what you're saying."

"Shut up Emmett. Why are you being like this? You never used to talk to me like this when I was with Edward."

"I barely really knew you when you were with Edward, and let's be honest Bella, there was no need to do this when you were with the king of self denial." He chuckled and I couldn't help but laugh along with him. "And to be honest, I'm not sure exactly why I feel like I need to do this. I just feel like I should be protecting you, and then there's the fact that thinking about you and Jasper gettin' physical makes me feel ill." He shuddered.

"Don't think about it then, dumbass." I rolled my eyes at him. "And by the way, the thought, and occasionally sight, of you and Rose doesn't exactly appeal to me either, but you don't see me trying to interrupt do you?"

"Well no, but Rose and I have been married for more than half a century." He pointed out.

"What difference does that make?"

"We're old enough to be having sex, you're still a kid."

"I'm not a kid!" I shouted, and then I grabbed a rock off the floor to throw at him. It made me even angrier when it bounced harmlessly off his chest and fell to the floor. "I'm an adult Emmett, just because I'm not ancient like you doesn't mean I'm a child, or incapable of making my own decisions. You will keep out of my business from now on, understand?"

He was staring down at the rock, fighting a smile without much success. I calmed down from my outburst and realised how stupid throwing the rock had been. It was fairly childish too, something I'd been trying to prove I wasn't.

"Sorry." I grumbled, only making Emmett roar with laughter.

"I can't believe you threw that at me. You're like a mini Rosalie when you're angry. 'Cept she would have found a boulder." I giggled too then, and once we'd calmed down we stood staring at each other, warily waiting for the rest of the argument to start.

"Sorry I called you a kid." He muttered eventually. "I didn't mean you were a child, but you're a little sister to me. It's my job to scare away the boys."

"Not this one though Em. I love Jasper, really, truly love him with all my heart. If you managed to scare him away I'd never speak to you again."

"You love him more than you loved Edward?"

"Edward doesn't even compare. Jasper is... he's just; I can't describe how I feel about him. There aren't enough words. But whatever it is, it's forever."

He gave me a soft smile. "You're just as sappy as him. He's been talking like that since before Seattle you know."

I felt the return of the goofy smile and blushed. "He has?"

"He has. And I guess if the two of you really are mates there's no use in me trying to pull you apart."

"No use at all." I mumbled dreamily.

"But just for my peace of mind, promise me you will tell me if he ever does get out of line?"

"I promise." I grinned at him.

He swept me up into one of his crushing hugs. I was sure he'd actually end up breaking my ribs one day. "Love you little sis." He laughed, swinging me round.

"Love you too." I gasped dizzily, a second before he sat me down on the back of the bike and crammed a helmet on my head.

"Hear that Jazz? She loves me, you've got competition man." Emmett laughed, punching Jasper's shoulder so the bike tilted dangerously. I held onto him tighter, glad for a reason to wrap my arms around him.

"I'm so jealous." Jasper said sarcastically, revving the engine. Emmett's booming laughter followed us all the way down the drive.

_______________________________________

_Charlie_

I heard that damn bike again. Why couldn't he have a nice safe Volvo like Edward? That was the only thing I missed about that kid. I wandered over to the window to make sure she was at least wearing a helmet and sighed with relief.

I watched them climb off the bike and Jasper remove his helmet almost too quickly, before taking Bella's. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him the second the headgear was out of the way and I made my way back to my chair. I may have liked the kid, but that didn't mean I wanted to see him making out with my daughter.

They took longer than they needed to, to come into the house and I tried very hard to believe they were just talking on the drive. Bella walked in first, a bright smile on her face. She'd lost the dreamy look that had been in her eyes over the last few months, and I realised this was the first time I'd seen her since she and Jasper had become a couple.

She looked complete somehow, as if she'd only been waiting for him all along, and now she was done. He had the same look on his face as he followed her into the house, watching her instead of where he was going. My little girl wasn't so little anymore and from where I sat, they looked like man and wife rushing into the warmth of their house.

When she caught sight of me her eyes brightened and she stumbled over to hug me. "Merry Christmas dad." She said. "Thank you for inviting Jasper."

I felt my cheeks burning as I responded in kind, and stood to take the pizza Jasper was holding along with a bag of frozen vegetables I didn't bother asking about. He was still watching my daughter. I chuckled at him on my way to the kitchen and listened to their easy banter as they hung up their coats and settled down.

When I came back into the room I saw they were sitting on opposite ends of the couch. I'd never seen them that far away from each other while they were in this house. I was used to seeing them sitting impossibly close together, or one of them sprawled out with their head or feet in the others lap. They looked wrong like this, and I understood exactly why they were sitting this way.

"You don't have to start acting like you barely know each other in front of me you know." I chuckled.

Bella giggled and blushed, but she turned around and curled up next to him just the same before they accepted plates of pizza from me. Jasper still looked nervous.

Since I first met Dr Cullen I'd thought there was something a little strange about the family. Why did they all have exactly the same eyes and pale skin, despite the fact that a lot of them were unrelated? On the other hand, none of them really looked at all alike, apart from Jasper and his sister. Sometimes I wondered if there was more to the family than met the eye, but I pushed it away. The Cullen's were good people, and they loved my daughter like family. That was good enough for me.

Jasper relaxed slowly while they ate and they told me about the gifts they'd given and received. Bella proudly showed off some sort of hair ornament thing. I thought it a slightly odd gift to give to a woman you love, but it seemed like Jasper had gotten it right. I could see how much she loved it. Now that I thought about, it was kind of perfect for her. Special, but not the kind of hugely-expensive-special that made her feel awful. I liked him a little bit more for knowing her so well.

When she finished her slice of pizza she helped herself to his half eaten slice, and he only smiled. When a growing boy lets his food go it's a sure sign he's either dying, or very much in love. I couldn't help but smile at them as he handed her his soda and watched her drink as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world.

"So, how are Alice and Edward?" I asked partly because I was interested to know how they were taking the idea of their formers getting together, and partly because I wanted to keep them talking.

They looked at each other and shared a silent conversation in the space of two seconds.

"We haven't spoken much, but Alice is fine." Jasper said calmly, still looking at Bella. He wasn't bothered by her any more. The last time I'd asked him about her, not long after he'd started staying here he'd looked like he might collapse for a minute.

"And Edward is, well, Edward." Bella added. She didn't sound happy.

"Is he still down with Alice?" I asked quickly, if he'd been bothering my daughter I'd slap a restraining order on him quicker than he could blink.

"He is." Jasper answered, followed by another silent conversation between them. "He called Bella while I was here yesterday."

"Let me guess. He's sorry for everything he said, and he wants you back?" I asked my daughter. The scowl on her face evened out into a smile and Jasper chuckled.

"That's about it." She laughed. "I told him there was no chance, but that I'd call him in a few days."

"You said you'd call him? Why?" Jasper asked, half a second before I could.

"Because I didn't want him to come back." She whispered furiously, like she'd forgotten I was in the room. "I thought if he knew I was going to talk to him he'd stay away longer."

Jasper sighed. "Either that or you've made him think he has a chance." He pointed out. I agreed.

"Jasper, I made it perfectly clear that he had no hope of getting me back, I told him I'd moved on. I just wanted to get him off the phone." She gave him another look, another silent argument that he seemed to understand as he dropped the topic. I wasn't done.

"I'm going to wish Mom and Phil a Merry Christmas in case I forget tomorrow." Bella said, getting off the couch and closing herself in the kitchen with the phone.

"Why is she so adamant that he stay away?" I asked him quietly, hoping I'd have a better chance of getting the truth out of him than I would have of getting it out o f Bella.

He regarded me silently for a few seconds and I got the feeling he was coming up with a plausible lie, but when he spoke it sounded like the truth.

"She didn't tell him we were together, and she knows seeing us will hurt him. He's an ass, but he really does love her, and she still cares about him." He rolled his eyes, but I didn't think he was jealous. "And you know what Bella's like, she's frightened Edward will fight with me over her."

I didn't like the sound of that. "Is he violent?" What exactly had I been letting my daughter spend time with?

"No, he's not violent at all, Carlisle wouldn't tolerate that. He's practically the world's biggest pacifist." He sighed. "Edward just loves Bella, and he doesn't think too clearly when it comes to her. He wouldn't hurt her, Charlie, don't worry about that. Besides I can take him." He smirked.

I nodded and made plans to keep a close eye on that kid when he came home.

"No mom... Yes, I'm sure I love him... He's beautiful; you'll have to see him to understand... I don't know... no... Are you coming up for graduation? ... Well, you can meet him then, you'll love him mom... no mom... of course I don't know where that is... "

I listened to Bella rave about Jasper to Renee and weave in and out of every conceivable topic before settling back on Jasper again. He was watching the door, looking like he was trying not to listen, but the smile on his face told me he could hear every word as well as I could.

"She never did that with Edward, you know?" He looked at me, confused. "She never called Renee to tell her all about him like that."

His smile widened, and he relaxed completely for the first time all night. He finally looked away from the door and leaned back, content. I remembered what it felt like to feel that secure and that loved. The difference was these two felt exactly the same. I could see it in their eyes, hell, I could practically feel it rolling off them in waves.

I had no doubt that they would keep each other happy forever.

I got up to close the blinds and saw the snow falling in thick clumps outside. We were going to have a white Christmas.

___________________________________________

_Jasper_

I understood why Charlie wanted to us to leave the door open, but that didn't mean I was happy with it. So far, every time Bella and I had started getting somewhere, we'd been interrupted. The whole family was a bunch of cock-blockers and I was sick of it. Now we were finally away from them, we had Charlie to contend with. It just wasn't fair.

Bella, as usual, was laying on the very edge of her bed, one arm and one leg on the camp bed. The leg was thrown over mine and her hand was busily playing with my hair. She sighed and I risked another look at her, which was dangerous the way she looked right now. The snow had piled up outside and the moonlight glanced off it, lighting the room in an eerie glow.

She was wearing the 'angel' pyjamas that she'd dazzled me in once, and the way the reflected moonlight bathed her skin only added to her ethereal beauty tonight. Either she didn't know how wonderful she looked or she was trying to kill me. To be honest, I didn't mind either way.

She caught my eye and grinned, edging just a little closer. Her lips were an inch away from mine and resistance was futile. I'd wasted so many weeks by hiding my feelings that I wanted to grab every chance to show her now with both hands.

I listened once more for Charlie's heavy, slow breaths, convincing myself he wouldn't be interrupting us for a few minutes at least. There was time to taste her lips at least once more before she slept. I returned her smile with a more predatory one of my own. Her eyes widened slightly, holding an impossible mixture of nervous innocence and unbridled lust. She licked her lips once, while watching mine, and I had no desire to hold off any longer.

Propped on one elbow, I reached across to brush her hair away from her neck, kissing her there first before I let my lips wander up to touch hers. I traced my tongue across her lower lips and was granted entrance immediately. The heat of her mouth always left a haze over my mind and I gave myself ten seconds in which to enjoy her. I couldn't possibly get too lost in ten seconds.

I started counting down. I'd reached eight when her hand slipped from my hair to the back of my neck. Six, when my free hand traced the silk of her camisole until if found bare skin. Three, when she moaned into my mouth and rolled on top of me. Minus seventeen, when Charlie stirred and sat up.

Who was I kidding? As if ten seconds would ever be enough. The twenty seven and a half we'd had hadn't been close to enough even though I'd made every second I counted last three in the real world.

I disentangled her from me, and pulled the blankets up over her before she had a chance to protest. "Charlie." I whispered by way of an explanation, pleased when she understood and closed her eyes, curling into a ball. I rolled onto my stomach, which was uncomfortable, but it would save Charlie a broken hand from hitting me when he saw the tented sheets.

Bella, who had been trying to calm her frustration, was suddenly trying not to laugh as she noticed my predicament.

Charlie walked past the door on his way to the bathroom, feeling amused. I wasn't surprised by that. Bella's attempts at feigning sleep were somewhat ruined by the way she shook with repressed giggles. Her dad probably had a fair idea of what was going on. I kept careful watch over his emotions as he left the bathroom and went back to his own room. The amusement had faded, to be replaced by worry and indecision. He moved past it quickly though and was soon asleep again.

"Is he asleep?" Bella whispered ten minutes later.

"Yes." I whispered back.

She was back on top of me in a flash and for a few seconds I was lost in her, not thinking about anything else. Then I remembered the open door and the man down the hall that trusted us not to do this and gently moved her back to her own bed.

She pouted at me and I growled quietly to myself and closed my eyes. "Are you trying to get me shot?"

When I looked back at her I found her smiling and sitting up. "Would it hurt?"

"Yes actually." I smirked.

The come hither look in her eyes instantly changed to one of worry. "You got shot? When? Are you ok?"

I couldn't help but chuckle at her concern. "Yes, once. It was more than eighty years ago though, so I'm fine."

"It hurt you though? I didn't think anything like that could hurt you."

"Oh it hurt, and it left a dent that took three weeks to fill out." I explained.

I watched her bite down hard on her lip and try not to laugh. "A dent?" She squeaked.

I couldn't believe she found it funny. "How can you be laughing because I got shot?"

"It's not that, it's just I was so worried when you said you'd been shot, and then when you said all you got was a dent I realised how stupid I was being. And you're going to tell me about that one day." I loved that she didn't need to know right now, content that we had time to learn all the little stories. She chuckled quietly, tracing one finger along my collarbone. "Did I mention how good you look in that t-shirt?" She added huskily.

My resolve to respect Charlie's unspoken rules weakened considerably as she moved her finger in a line down my chest. "We can't." I said without much conviction.

She pulled her hand back to her side. "Is it too hard?"

I bit my tongue to avoid making some smart comment about her word choice. She thought I was pulling away because of blood lust; something I guessed had been an everyday occurrence with Edward.

"It's not that. I just don't want to risk Charlie's ire."

"But you said he's asleep, and you'll hear him if he gets up."

"Bella, he trusts me with you, like he has right from the beginning and I don't want to break that trust. Not under his roof with him sleeping in the next room. It isn't right."

Her lips quirked up in the tiniest smile and her eyes looked damp. "I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too." I whispered back quietly, pressing one last chaste kiss to her lips before she curled into my side to sleep.

"We'll just have to make up for it when we have some time alone." She mumbled sleepily. Another promise.

"Will you let me take you on a date on Boxing Day?" I was almost positive she would have no objections, but I was still nervous as I waited for her answer.

"Yes." She whispered through a tired smile. "Where are we going?"

"I was hoping you'd let me surprise you." I coaxed hopefully.

"Ok." She agreed without a fight. "I like your surprises."

I thought of strawberry ice cream and breakfast in bed while I stared at the ceiling all night.

_______________________________________

_Bella_

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was the smell of pancakes. The second was Charlie's roaring laughter coming from downstairs, and the third was the empty camp bed beside me.

I rolled into Jasper's bed intent on soaking up his scent as he'd abandoned me without a good morning kiss. I sniffed his pillow and ended up laughing at myself for doing something so odd. The smell of pancakes was calling me, so I got out of bed and cleaned up quickly before going downstairs.

Jasper was at the stove, while Charlie, still chuckling tucked into a huge stack of syrup soaked pancakes. "What are you laughing at?" I asked, only stopping to risk giving Jasper a quick peck on the lips. Thankfully Charlie either didn't see or decided it was wise not to comment.

"I was telling Charlie what happened to your old pan last time I tried to surprise you with breakfast." Jasper answered, smiling. I remembered the reason he'd got distracted and let them burn. He'd been helping me get dressed. My cheeks burned as I realised he'd like me then, and that was probably the reason he'd forgotten about cooking. Jasper winked at me.

He handed me my own plate of breakfast and started washing up. "This is pretty good, son." Charlie commented around a mouthful of food. "Aren't you going to have any?"

"I never eat breakfast." Jasper explained, giving me a little grin. He never ate anything if he could help it.

After breakfast was finished we moved into the living room to open presents. The stuff under the tree looked fairly pathetic compared to the piles of gifts there'd been at the Cullen's. There were only two actual presents here, one from me to Charlie, and when I checked the tag on the other; I saw it was from Charlie to Jasper. I didn't know whether to be pleased or horrified.

I hadn't suspected for even a second that Charlie would have bought something for Jasper. What could it be? I was dying to find out. All of my 'gifts' were somewhat predictably, cards with cheques in them. Even Renee had obviously run out of gift ideas, something I was pleased about as she invariably bought me things that she thought I would like because she liked them. And we had very different taste.

Charlie loved all the fishing stuff I'd bought for him, and by all accounts, I had a fair amount of cash. I was already planning ways to spend it when Charlie finally handed Jasper the present I'd seen under the tree. I held in a giggle when Jasper looked completely speechless. I suppose, like me, he hadn't expected it.

He unwrapped the lumpy paper so slowly I was sorely tempted to take it off him and do it myself. Eventually he tossed the paper away to reveal a slim canvass bag about four feet long. I recognised the bag, because I'd seen it in the hunting and fishing shop Billy had recommended to me. Charlie had bought him a rod.

Jasper opened it up and looked from the rod inside back to Charlie, who looked shy, an expression I'd never seen on his face before.

"I figured if you're going to be with my daughter, I should at least teach you how to put a fish on the table." He mumbled, blushing almost as red as I usually did.

Jasper gazed down at the rod like it was something really special. "Thank you." He whispered eventually, beaming at Charlie. Then he did something else I hadn't seen coming. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a thick white envelope and handed it over to my dad.

Charlie frowned down at it and raised an eyebrow. "What's this?"

"It's a Christmas present from... my family." Jasper smiled, looking almost as nervous as Charlie had when he'd handed over Jasper's gift. I was pretty sure that the other Cullen's had little involvement in this, it was down to Jasper.

With a quick, inquiring glance at me, Charlie gave up and opened the envelope. I watched his face go from curiosity, to shock, then on to happiness, and excitement.

"What is it dad?" I asked hating to be left out. He handed over a sheet of paper, keeping back what looked like a small brochure. I read it quickly, discovering that Jasper had bought him a weekend sea-fishing trip. It couldn't have been more perfect, and Charlie was clearly floored by it.

"This is too much Jasper." He grumbled.

"It's not that much Charlie, honestly." Jasper told him hastily. "And there are several different dates you can use it on, so that you can fit it in when you have some time off."

I was beginning to feel all mushy inside. My two favourite men in the world were sitting here, together with me, and we were all happy. My throat felt tight with happy tears.

Charlie was wearing what I assumed was the same expression as I was wearing, and he gathered up his gifts and took them upstairs. He never liked showing emotions much, so it didn't surprise me when he basically ran off.

Jasper pulled me into his lap and kissed me properly. "You know?" He said when we broke apart. "Between the two of you this morning, you're killin' me."

"I can't help it." I huffed. "That was so sweet. You didn't have to do that, and why didn't you tell me about it?"

"I bought it not long after he started letting me stay here, but I couldn't really find a good enough excuse to give it to him, so I forgot about it. I found it yesterday before we left. It's no big deal Bella. I like the guy and he's done a lot for me."

I wasn't entirely sure what Jasper meant when he said Charlie had done a lot for him, but I didn't press him for details. I was just glad they were getting along.

"Anyway, I have another little gift for you." Jasper whispered. "Close your eyes and hold out your hand."

"But you already bought me loads of stuff." I protested half-heartedly, doing as he asked anyway.

"This is just a small thing." He promised, dropping something carefully onto my outstretched palm. I opened my eyes and discovered the little tiger from George's shop.

"When I went to see him, I asked him if you were ready for the tiger yet." He smiled while I inspected the tiny animal. "He told me that the tiger was mine, and that I just had to trust you with it."

I frowned at him, waiting for more of an explanation. "It's a metaphor." He shrugged, sounding as clueless as I felt.

"It's made of Jasper right?" I asked.

"Yeah, I was thinking along those lines. I think he means that it represents me, and I'm trusting you with myself, or my heart or something."

I liked the sound of that. Handing Jasper the tiger I raced upstairs and climbed onto my bed to retrieve the little glass swan I'd placed on a high shelf, where I couldn't break it accidentally.

Charlie followed me back downstairs, now dressed and looking less of a wreck than he had a few minutes ago. I sat back down beside Jasper and gave him the swan. "Merry Christmas." I whispered.

He didn't get it.

I rolled my eyes at him and explained. "If the tiger is you, maybe the swan is me. You should have it." I smiled. He grinned back, holding it carefully.

He looked a little worried as he set the two animals carefully on the coffee table. "Bella, George told me to bring them back when they break. What does that mean?"

"That he can fix them?" I offered, not really seeing why he was so worried.

"But if we're supposed to trust each other with them, and they're metaphors for us, and they're going to break, doesn't that mean we're going to break up, or break each other's trust or something?" He was really bothered by this.

"Jasper, nothing like that is going to happen. If they break, it will be because I'm clumsy, and it won't mean anything but that." He stared into my eyes for a long minute.

"You realise you kids are crazy, right?" Charlie laughed from behind us.

**An: Short, I know, but hopefully not too boring. Let me know. Next chapter will be the first date, and it's going well so far, so it should be up on time!**

**Please review…**


	24. Chapter Twenty Four

**An: I'm so sorry, I owe you all a huge apology for taking so long (so long in fact that some of you thought I was dead, or that the story was finished) I have no brilliant excuses other than a lack of time. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, you all rock my socks. Even the crazy ones :) **

**As always thanks to my lovely beta ladyofkeegan **

Chapter Twenty Four

_Jasper _

"So what do you think?" I asked Rose nervously. This was new territory for me. Sure, I'd taken Alice on dates, but as she'd been able to see where I was taking her in advance, I'd always known whether or not she'd like it in advance too. I was used to planning a date and having Alice tell me what she'd rather do instead. This time, I'd have no idea if I was getting it right until Bella actually saw what I had planned.

"I think she'll love it." She smiled. "I'm sure she will actually, but you do realise that you could probably take her to the nearest dump and she'd be happy because she was there with you, right?"

I let out the breath I'd been holding and relaxed a little. "Will you help me set it up?" I gave her my best puppy dog look for good measure and she agreed, smirking at me.

"Ok, we have four hours until she gets here, which should be plenty of time. If you write me a list, I'll go into town and buy the food." She offered. The nerves kicked in again. So far, I'd only made breakfast foods without help, and I was worried I would be overstretching my capabilities tonight.

"How are you at cooking?" I only sounded the tiniest bit desperate, maybe she wouldn't even notice.

"Pretty good actually, I've taken classes at every school we've been to. How about I buy double and we have a practise go before we set everything up." She offered. I was definitely going to have to buy Rose diamonds for this.

The time I spent alone with Rose had always been limited, but this was a reminder of just how much I actually enjoyed her company. To the outside world she often seemed vain and cold, but once you got to know her, she was brilliant. I couldn't have asked for anyone better to play my twin. Fiercely protective of her family and collected in a crisis, always ready to help if she was asked. I loved her like a true sister.

She had changed a lot recently too. Particularly since Edward left she'd been much happier, and more relaxed. I wondered if that had more to do with the absence of Edward and Alice, or the newfound friendship between her and Bella. She'd always been a firm part of the family, that had been obvious from the day I'd joined the coven, but now she seemed like a more involved, and important part of it.

"Thank you." I grinned, giving her a quick hug. When I pulled back she looked at me like I might be one sandwich short of a picnic. "What?"

"That's the first time you've ever hugged me." She pointed out. Surely she must be mistaken, I hadn't lived with her for sixty years and never hugged her. Maybe I'd been a bit lax in the family affection department. "What brought that on?"

"I was just thinking how lucky I am to have you as a sister." I explained.

"Oh." A smile spread across her face, and I felt almost warm with her happiness at the compliment. "Love you too, brother." She laughed, before running off to find paper and a pen for the list.

I scribbled down everything I'd need quickly, and ending up asking her to get three times as much stuff as I needed in case anything went badly wrong. Once she left I started collecting everything else I'd need. When she got back an hour later I'd amassed a collection of pillows and cushions almost as tall as I was. Hopefully it would be enough. Rosalie laughed at me and said I was over thinking things.

We'd just got started on cooking when her cell phone rang.

"Hi Bella." She answered, grinning over at me as I tried to eavesdrop while not burning anything.

"Hey Rose. Are you busy?" She sounded excited. I wondered if it was because of the date or something else. Either way, I liked that she was happy. Rosalie looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

"I am. Is it important?" She asked. I really hoped it wasn't important. I wasn't sure how well this would go if I was left to try and do it alone.

"Not really." Bella answered, sounding a little disappointed. "Hey, do you happen to know where Jasper is taking me?"

Rose stifled a giggle as I glared at her in an attempt to make her keep quiet. "I've been sworn to secrecy." She answered, stealing the spoon from me as I'd stopped keeping an eye on the food.

"Aww, please Rose?" Bella whined.

"Sorry, no can do." Rose laughed. "Anyway, I need to get back to... working hard." She added vaguely.

"Fine." Bella huffed. "See you later."

"I wonder what she wanted." Rosalie threw her phone on the counter and didn't answer.

____________________________________

_Bella_

I can't believe Jasper is taking me on a date! I've no idea where we're going either since its Sunday and everything closes early in this small town, especially when there is still three inches of snow. I guess a picnic is out of the question.

I've already tried to get him to tell me with no luck, and now Rose is being mean and withholding information too. I wondered what kind of "work" she was doing.

Staring around my room at the clothes strewn everywhere I started to panic. I wanted to look perfect for our first date and nothing looked right. I didn't have any idea where we were going, so I didn't even know if I should wear something dressy or something casual.

I had been hoping that Rose would at least give me some sort of hint about where I was going, and I'd really wanted her to come over and help me get ready. She could make my hair look gorgeous, and she had a way with makeup that would probably take me decades to learn. I was going to end up going on a first date in jeans with mascara smeared across my eyelids at this rate.

All was not lost, though, there was still Esme. I hadn't heard her when I'd spoken to Rose so I was hoping that meant she was free. Even if she couldn't come over she might give me a little advice over the phone, or a hint about where I was going.

I found her number and dialled hopefully.

"_I'm sorry I can't take your call at the moment. If you leave me a message I'll get back to you as soon as possible... If this is one of the children and it's an emergency, call your father. If this is Emmett, the answer is almost certainly no._"

I laughed out loud at the last part of the recording and decided not to bother leaving a message. Charlie was at Billy's, not that I thought he'd be any help, which left me with three options. I could carry on alone, and never actually make it to the Cullen's, I could call Alice, but I was still mad at her, and asking her for help with this would just be weird. This meant I had to call Emmett as a last resort.

He'd been with Rosalie long enough that he must have picked up some sort of fashion sense, and even if he hadn't, he'd probably keep me entertained enough that I'd stop being so nervous. I called him, and he took so long to answer that I was worried he was busy too.

"What?" He asked when he finally picked up the phone.

"That's not very polite Emmett." I laughed.

"Sorry Bellarina, what's up?"

"Well firstly, please don't ever, ever, call me that again."

"Ok, noted." He laughed.

"What are you doing? Are you busy?"

"Erm... can you keep a secret?" He whispered.

Already dreading his explanation I agreed that I could.

"I'm at a pet shop. I'm trying to decide between a Boa Constrictor and Carpet Python. I always wanted a pet snake."

"Emmett, have you checked with Esme?" I sighed.

"Yes." He said cautiously.

"Really?"

"Well… sort of. See she's got this thing on her answering service, that says-"

I cut him off. "I heard it. It says the answer is no." I pointed out.

"True. See I was calling to ask if she had any objections to me having a new pet. And if the answer is no… do you see where I'm going with this?"

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. "Where exactly would you keep it? You'd need an awful lot of stuff you know."

"I know. I was thinking if I kept it in the attic Esme might never even find out. She's not the problem anyway really. It's Rosie that hates snakes."

"Ok Emmett, I have a deal for you. Go and ask whoever is running the store for a book on snake care and bring it to my house. Buy absolutely nothing else ok? Then you can help me get ready, and I'll help you with your pet problems. How does that sound?" By 'help' I really meant dissuade, but he didn't need to know that right now. Besides, if he did end up getting a snake I'd just pretend I had nothing to do with it.

"Fine." He sighed. "Give me half an hour."

I threw the cell down on the bed, grabbed my favorite underwear and robe and ran to the shower.

With no help from Rosalie coming, I was relying solely on my conditioner to work miracles, so I combed through my hair while it was on, and left it for twice as long as usual with my fingers crossed.

Once I was well scrubbed, and my hair had been given the best possible chance I got out and routed through the stuff Jasper had got me for Christmas. I was hoping that since he'd bought it, he must like the smell.

After a few seconds searching I found a tub of lotion that smelled fairly delicious, though I had no idea what it was, and I smoothed it all over my skin before putting my underwear on. A muffled crash from down the hall alerted me to Emmett's arrival, so I threw on my robe and went back to my room.

"Bella, it's two in the afternoon, why aren't you dressed?" He greeted me, sprawled on my bed with his shoes leaving mud on the comforter.

"Shoes off." I ordered grabbing a comb. "I'm not dressed because I don't know what to wear, you're helping me."

"Why me?" He grumbled, pulling his new snake book out of his back pocket as he kicked his muddy sneakers onto the floor. The book was already bent almost in half and looked like it had been read through a few dozen times.

"Everyone else is busy. Do you know where Jasper is taking me?"

"No. I'm not allowed to know. He said he doesn't want me interfering so he wouldn't tell me. I think Rosie knows though, you could ask her." He shrugged, opening the book and pointing to a picture of a huge black snake. "What do you think of this one?"

"I think you should start out small if you're set on getting one. And I already asked Rose, she wouldn't tell me."

"Yeah, she likes her little secrets." He grinned, his eyes unfocusing for a moment before he turned back to his book. "Let's get on with it then. You put something on, I'll tell you what I think, and you'll end up wearing the opposite of what I say." He said smugly.

"No I won't." I frowned. "I'm sure Rosalie must ask you what you think sometimes, and she always looks beautiful."

"Yeah, Rosie asks. If she can't decide between two outfits, she asks me which is best, and then wears the one I didn't pick." He smiled. "So, get on with it."

"I don't even know where to start." I whined. "I don't know how dressed up to be."

He gave me a long suffering sigh and pulled out his phone. The conversation was too fast for me to follow, but I saw Emmett frowning and then smiling.

"Rosie says you should wear something comfortable, and not to listen to me too much." He shrugged. That helped buckets.

I opened my closet and used the door as a screen to change behind, while Emmett read me passages about snakes that I tried hard not to tune out. Comfortable… hmm… I pulled on faded jeans and my favorite blouse, already deciding that this was too casual.

"What do you think?" I asked stepping out from behind the door into Emmett's line of sight.

He gave me a quick glance and shrugged. "Boring."

After proclaiming the next five outfits similarly every day, I started to worry I'd never find anything to wear and turned to the bags in the bottom that I'd been avoiding. I didn't even know what was in half of them; they were all full of 'gifts' Alice had felt the need to force on me at least once a week before she left.

In the first bag I found a pair of tight black jeans and a low cut, halter-top of red silk. It might not be comfortable, but it looked better than anything else I'd tried so far. I got dressed, unsurprised when the clothes fit like a glove.

"No." Emmett said the second I stepped out.

I closed the door so I could see myself in the mirror. I actually looked kind of… sexy. I shocked myself by liking it. "What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing, if you want him to jump you the second he sees you." He scowled.

"I do." I said without thinking, and then blushed furiously as Emmett laughed.

"I think I may have underestimated you." He chuckled as I ducked back behind the door and waited for my cheeks to cool down. "You really would set me on fire if I kept him away from you wouldn't you?"

"Yep." I agreed, coming out of hiding to attempt to apply some makeup.

"You're doing that wrong." He commented as I nervously traced eyeliner across my lid.

"I'm what?" Brilliant, now it was on my cheek.

"You're not doing it right." He sighed, throwing down his book and stealing the pencil.

I scooted away from him fearfully. "How would you know?"

"Jasper dared me to take hair and beauty classes in the eighties." He shrugged and moved the pointy object close to my face again. His huge fist looked like it could snap it any second, and I didn't at all relish the idea of him putting it near my eyes.

"No offence Emmett, but I don't want you to help." To be honest, I wasn't sure he was capable of helping anyway. Emmett was quite possible the manliest man I'd ever met, I doubted he would have gone to beauty school, even if it had been a dare.

"I can do it, you know." He grumbled.

"Do your eyes first then." I suggested. He amazed me by walking over to the mirror and doing just as I'd asked. He even did it just as perfectly as Alice or Rosalie would have. I got an idea.

"Fine Em, I trust you." I smiled, and let him do my eyes too. I repeated the process with eye shadow, mascara and finally lipstick. How he hadn't caught on to the fact that I was slowly getting him to give himself a makeover I didn't know.

I bit my lip hard to stop myself from laughing as I handed over a dark red lipstick I'd found and watched him apply it carefully. Smiling, making himself look even funnier, he approached me with the lipstick. "See, no smudges or anything. Honestly, when are you going to believe I can do it?"

"I believe you. I guess you were telling the truth, but I think I'll just stick with a bit of lip balm, that's just not my colour." I escaped to the bathroom, knowing if I looked at him any longer I'd start laughing and give the game away.

I looked into the mirror above the sink and felt a little bad for getting him to put that junk all over his face. He'd done a really good job on me. For once, I didn't look ordinary. I was still me, just a slightly sultrier version. My hair had dried and through some sort of magic, it was falling in perfect waves, looking almost as good as when Alice or Rose spent half an hour on it.

When I got back to my room I found Emmett pulling my jewelry box out from under my bed. "What are you doing?"

"Alice just sent me a message saying that you should wear the necklace with the little black beads on it, and that is was under the bed. She also said Jasper will be speechless when he see's you." He shrugged, beginning to rummage through the box, scattering the contents all over the floor.

"I wish she would stop meddling." I snapped.

Emmett held out the necklace she'd mentioned. "No you don't." He smiled slightly. "How often has her 'meddling' saved your life?"

"I'm grateful for that, of course I am." I fumed. "But why does she feel the need to interfere with the little things? I can choose my own jewelry, and I'd like to see things for myself before she starts telling me about them."

"She did you a really big favor a few days ago." He said as he inspected a pair of magnetic studs.

"Did she? What was that?"

"She called us and told us to do something about you and Jasper. You probably wouldn't be together now if it wasn't for her."

Oh. I got on the floor to help Emmett put my things away and thought about Alice. She was only trying to help. I was torn between despising her for how much she'd hurt Jasper and loving her because she was trying to make it right. I was grudgingly thankful for her part in helping us get together, but I was also childishly upset that she had had anything to do with it.

"Let it go Bells, Alice is Alice. That's all there is to it. She's just doing what she thinks is for the best, and let's be fair, she has a better idea of what's for the best than most." I started giggling and was soon laughing so hard it hurt. He had such a kindly, serious look on his face, but with the addition of the makeup he looked even more ridiculous than he had before.

"What?" He asked as I struggled to breathe. "I didn't say anything funny."

"I know… sorry. It was a nervous laugh, I'm just nervous about this date." I lied. If I could get him home without him remembering he was still wearing makeup it would be one of my greatest achievements. Just like that my mind switched back to the reason he was here in the first place. I was still nervous about the date. What time was it anyway? Was I late?

"Should we leave?" I heard how high pitched my voice sounded, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was quickly sinking back into panic mode.

Emmett raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, 'cause it takes an hour to get home." He pointed out sarcastically.

I hated feeling nervous, and I wasn't fond of the butterflies the feeling left in my belly either. All I wanted to make me feel better was Jasper, which was ridiculous, as he was what I was worrying about. Why was that anyway? Over the last three months I'd spent masses of time with him and no one else, why was I worrying about doing that now? We'd even done date-like things, although we'd only been as friends at the time.

All this date was, was a chance to get some alone time and have fun with my boyfriend, who I loved. There wasn't a single part of that that didn't make me feel all warm inside. The alone time was particularly appealing. I thought of the way my body responded to him, the sensations he created with just a few kisses, and let my mind drift to what we might actually get around to if we were uninterrupted.

"Earth to Bella?" Emmett laughed, poking my harder than necessary in the cheek. "Why are you blushing?"

"I'm not." The denial would possibly have been a little more effective if I wasn't feeling my cheeks prickle with renewed heat. Emmett just smirked at me in a way that let me know he'd guessed where my mind had wandered.

"Whatever." He said, getting back on the bad. "Now about this snake…"

I groaned and settled back in the chair, knowing I had a good half an hour in which to try and convince him that it wasn't a good idea to sneak a snake into his house. After ten minutes I lost interest completely and only nodded or hummed occasionally in response. I decided I should probably tune in again to make sure I wasn't missing anything really important.

"…and you're sure I'd never get away with keeping it in the attic?" He asked.

Well I must have answered at least one question right. "I'm completely sure Em. They'd be able to smell it wouldn't they?"

"I guess." He sighed. "Hey, how about we keep it here? Charlie wouldn't mind, right?"

"Yes he would. He hates snakes. No way would he let me have one in the house." I lied quickly. Snakes might not bother me, but there was no way I wanted one in my room all the time. Plus they ate dead mice, not something I had any desire to witness.

"Pity. We could have named him Bob."

"Why Bob?"

"Just 'cause I like it." He shrugged. "I always call my pets Bob."

"You've had pets before?" I grabbed a bag and jacket at random, stuffed my feet into my boots and took one last glance in the mirror, knowing it was time to leave, but also wanting to hear Emmett's stories.

"Oh yeah. Let's see." He said thoughtfully as we got into the truck. "The last five were all fish, but they don't last long, at least not with me they don't and they're boring too. Before that was a frog, but he escaped when I took him to the pond. Erm… I had a little white cat before that, but when it scratched up some of Rosie's stuff she gave him away. There was the ant farm, but I knocked it over and the ants got all over the house. I'm not allowed insects anymore. Ooh and there was the cow, but Esme made me take it back to the farm. I had a Dalmatian just before Alice and Jasper joined us, but then Alice came along and ate it. And my very first pet was a kitten, but we were playing hide and seek, and I never did find him."

"And they were all called Bob?" I checked, desperately trying to contain my laughter.

"Not all the fish." He told me, straight faced. "That would be stupid."

I couldn't hold it any more; I had to pull over because I was laughing too hard to see the road. Emmett grumbled to himself while he waited for me to control myself. "Everyone laughs at me." He muttered.

"I'm sorry." I panted. "You must see that it's funny that all your pets have had the same name, and that none of them lasted very long."

"'s not funny. I loved my pets." He pouted as I started driving again. "And Bob's a perfectly good name."

"Sure it is." I muttered, my thoughts turning rapidly back towards Jasper. The nerves were now almost completely gone, replaced only be excitement. I knew that whatever Jasper had decided we should do would be perfect. He knew me well enough to know what I would and wouldn't like to do, and really, even if he made a mistake and planned something awful, the day wouldn't be a total waste because I'd be there with him.

"I got it!!!!! Lizards, how does Charlie feel about them?"

"What?" Somehow, I'd stopped listening again. I hoped I hadn't missed anything too important.

"I said the store had loads of different lizards. Maybe one of them would be better. Is Charlie ok with them or does he hate all reptiles?"

I tried to catch up. Why did it matter if Charlie liked them or not? Oh God, he was still planning on keeping something at my house.

"I think Charlie just dislikes animals in general really, but he hates scaly things the most." I wasn't all that sure that sounded plausible, but there was no way I was going to end up saddled with some hideous creature living in a tank in my room.

"Pity." He muttered, staring out of the window as we turned down the drive.

"Maybe you should just stick to fish. Get some that are less boring this time." I suggested hopefully.

"I'm sick of fish. Unless… maybe I could get some piranhas, or a small shark."

I said nothing. I was clearly having very little luck persuading him to drop the idea of a new pet, and I didn't want to involve myself further. I loved Esme and Carlisle as well as if they were really my parents, and I really didn't relish the idea of them somehow finding out I'd helped Emmett acquire a shark.

My truck crawled to a standstill by the garage as I risked one last glance at Emmett's impeccably made up face and stifled my giggles. He would surely get me back for this, but it was so worth it, and to be fair, he had done it to himself.

I had to run to the house to keep up with his massive strides, there was no way I was going to miss the reactions. He barrelled through the front door and into the living room with me hot on his heels. I prayed everyone was home as we wandered towards the kitchen. I could hear Rosalie's voice and what sounded like someone washing up.

Seconds later, Emmett and I came to a standstill, side by side on the opposite side of the breakfast bar from Jasper and Rose. Jasper looked me up and down, then did it again, and then grinned across at me. I briefly forgot about Emmett, gazing back at the beautiful man in front of me. He opened his mouth, then closed it again and continued to smile almost stupidly at me. Alice was right, he was speechless.

"Emmett... why...?" Rosalie's baffled voice, made us break eye contact long enough to look at her. I knew what she was talking about immediately, Jasper didn't. He followed her eyes to Emmett's face and promptly doubled up laughing.

"What?" Emmett asked, turning to me for help as his wife joined in the laughter, though hers wasn't as free as Jasper's, she still looked somewhat horrified.

I wondered if I could get away with it. "Oh Emmett." I gasped possibly a little too dramatically. "You forgot to take the makeup off."

His expression changed from confusion to understanding, and finally he laughed. "I suppose you just didn't notice until now?"

I adopted my very best look of wide eyed innocence and shook my head sorrowfully. Emmett raised one eyebrow, letting me know he didn't believe me in the slightest and headed off to the nearest mirror to inspect his handiwork again.

Jasper righted himself, still chuckling while Rosalie looked at me for an explanation. "He was helping me with my makeup but I didn't trust him so I made him do himself first." I shrugged as Emmett came back into the room grinning.

"And I did a mighty fine job." He commented. "We look kind of alike. I could pass for your much larger, manlier sister right now."

The three of us stared at him for a minute before Rosalie broke the silence. "Do you think you could wash it off? It's a little unsettling." Emmett pouted and flew off upstairs, Rose right behind him, mumbling about locking up all of her cosmetics.

Jasper was staring at me again, this time with a new level of intensity that made me blush. "You look beautiful." He whispered.

"Thank you." I swallowed hard, suddenly nervous again. It was strange to be going on a first date when we seemed to be so far past that stage already. "Are you going to tell me where we're going yet?"

"No." He grinned, moving around the counter to pull me close to him. "But we can leave now if you're ready."

"I'm ready." I grinned, shifting from foot to foot, at once eager to see where we were going, and wanting to stay here where it was familiar. Emmett's reappearance convinced me that it was best to leave soon, before he decided he would be following us.

"We can walk, which will take about an hour, or I can carry you and we'll be there in five minutes." Jasper whispered into my ear, making me shiver. Obviously, where ever he was taking me was somewhere we couldn't drive to. Did that also mean that we would be the only people there? I hoped so. The thought of possibly being alone with Jasper in less than ten minutes made the choice clear. "Carry me!"

He scooped my up bridal style, letting my wrap my arms around his neck and give him a quick kiss.

Emmett stood blocking the door with his arms folded. "Where are you taking her?" The fact that he hadn't done a very thorough job of removing his eyeliner did spoil the effect of his firm voice and threatening stance.

"It's a surprise and I'm not going to ruin it by telling you now so that you can come and bother us later." Jasper said firmly, and glanced over his shoulder as Rose came back downstairs.

"Well what time are you going to bring her home?" Emmett asked, not looking the least bit happy with Jasper's previous answer.

"After breakfast." Jasper smirked at his brother, and then glanced nervously down at me, as if he expected me to be upset that we were staying out all night. When had spending the night with him ever been anything other than perfect?

"No. No, I'm not allowing it. I want her home by ten."

"Emmett, remember how we talked about this. Several times? Remember how you're not my dad?" I complained. As much as I liked being in Jasper's arms I did feel slightly stupid being held by the front door while they argued over the top of me.

Emmett's glare faltered for a moment, and Rosalie took that as her cue to join in. "Emmett..." She purred, slinking around us to stand in front of him. He was already distracted as she ran her hand down his chest and pouted up at him. "I bought some new lingerie last week and I haven't had a chance to show you yet. Would you mind coming upstairs for a while?"

I neither saw nor heard him answer her, but the doorway was suddenly empty and there was a clattering on the stairs, swiftly followed by a slamming door and giggling.

"Huge diamonds." Jasper muttered as we stepped outside.

"What are you talking about?"

"Diamonds for Rosalie. She's been such a help lately- she promised to keep Emmett distracted until at least lunch time tomorrow so that there was no chance of us being interrupted." He adjusted his hold on me slightly and started running straight into the woods. I closed my eyes against the speed and tried to remember where you would end up if you went far enough in this direction. I didn't know, but I didn't really care either, so that was ok.

I could smell the snow and the trees as cold air whipped against my skin, tickling rather than burning, letting me know Jasper was moving far more slowly than he was capable of, but still far faster than any speeds I could hope to achieve. Letting my forehead rest against his neck I registered the way the weather had made him colder than I was used to. I hoped wherever he was taking me it was warm. Of course, I'd put up with the cold to be with him, but I'd rather be warm.

Jasper spoke, but the words were carried away before my ears could pick them up. Though I knew he probably wasn't saying anything important, I wished I'd heard them. I didn't like missing anything that involved him if I could help it.

Soon, much sooner it seemed than the five minutes he'd promised, we slowed and stopped. I opened my eyes to find we were stood in what looked like an overgrown garden. The way the snow lightly blanketed everything gave the place an almost magical feel. Jasper set me down and waited for me to get my bearings. Footprints marked a path between a border of what seemed to be smallish shrubs, and I followed the path with my eyes until I saw a cottage.

It was the sort of cottage you see on Christmas cards, the covering of snow making it look almost cake like. Masses of sleeping ivy and honeysuckle covered so much of the walls that I was unsure what colour they might be, and most of the windows were little more than small gaps in the green and brown curtain. I felt Jasper take my hand and begin leading me towards the front door, an old wooden thing with a few scanty chips of blue paint still clinging to the warped wood.

It was perfect.

"What is this place?" I was little embarrassed at how awed I sounded. It was only a ruined cottage after all, but to me it was beautiful.

"It's mine. Well, I'm the only one who comes here. It's on the edge of our property." He explained, and somehow, the little house became even more special. He had brought me to a place that was his. When he spoke again he sounded nervous. "Would you like to go inside? It isn't much better on the inside but I've done my best to clean it up."

I tugged him forward, curiosity getting the better of me. When he opened the door, with what looked like a well practised wriggle of the handle, I was amazed. Though I hadn't had any time in which to form expectations, I was pleasantly surprised by what I found. As the door creaked open the first thing to hit me was the heat, inside the little house it was deliciously cozy. The room we entered was tiny, only large enough to take four steps forward or two to the side, and seemed to be an entrance hall. The door, held to the wall by a single hinge was open, revealing a larger room beyond.

The second room was alive with light. In the centre of the far wall stood a fire place, already roaring and spreading its heat into the room, warming my cold hands and face. Candles in vases, glasses and jars of every description and colour stood on the floor around the walls and clustered together over the mantle piece. The light played across the walls in rainbows of flickering colour.

I took a few steps further into the room, worn oak boards groaned quietly in protest. Like the walls, they were dull and faded, but obviously clean. Everything was remarkably clean, and I could smell the faintest scent of something lemony over the deep woodiness of the fire.

On the floor, a few feet from the fire pillows, cushions, quilts and even a huge beanbag sat heaped together, inviting me to throw myself onto them. An open bottle of wine and a single glass waited beside the 'bed', the light of the fire glowing orange red through the liquid inside.

Beneath the rooms largest window, this one less obscured by ivy than the others, stood a camping stove, a cool box and a small table.

"Is this... is it ok?" I couldn't understand how he could possibly not know how very ok this was. "I just wanted to do something for you, for us, and nowhere was open. I should have waited. I'm sorry, this was stupid."

"Jasper, this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me." I told him, turning away from the room to face him, and letting my happiness well up and take over to make sure he could feel it. "It couldn't be more perfect."

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth and his shoulders relaxed. "You like it?"

"I love it."

___________________________________________

Watching Jasper cook was an experience I would treasure. He was usually so sure of himself, but as he poked experimentally at the steak he looked absolutely terrified. I could hear him muttering under his breath and moved closer, hoping he would be distracted enough not to hear me before I heard him. Luck was on my side.

"You've done this twice already Jasper, this is exactly the same. She said three minutes. This is not complicated, you chose something easy. You can do this."

I bit my tongue and edged quietly back to my place by the fire. I was so tempted to take over so he wouldn't have to worry, but it was obvious that this was something he wanted to do. I contented myself by turning over the baked potato he'd forgotten about after he'd nestled it in the flames and hoped he wouldn't notice I was helping on the sly.

The warmth of the fire and the quiet music soothed me, lulling me almost to sleep as I curled up on the huge beanbag. Jasper brought me a glass of wine, waiting nervously for my verdict. It was sweet and fruity, much nicer than anything Renee had ever given me to try, and I wondered what had made him choose it as he couldn't possibly have known what it tasted like. I smiled and nodded, too relaxed to do much else, and he went back to his little stove.

"How often do you come here?" I asked him as I stretched my feet towards the fire.

"It depends." He shrugged, keeping his back to me as he spoke. "This is where I come to be alone. Feeling the emotions of others all the time gets difficult sometimes, and the house if far enough away that when I'm here I only have to feel my own. The others know not to come out here."

So this was his place. And he'd brought me here. It made it more special, made me feel special really, that he was sharing this place with me.

"The last few months I've come here more than I used to. At first it was to escape their pity. They all tried to help me, but they always pitied me too, and I hated that, I felt weak enough already. But the more time I spent with you, the less they needed to pity me, and I found myself coming here just to think about you. Without anyone else around it was easier to pretend you were with me. This is where I made most of my plans, in the beginning, I was thinking of ways to stop myself from really loving you. That only lasted a few days."

He turned to face me, lighting up my insides with a rueful smile I hadn't seen before. I wondered how long it would take me to discover all his expressions, to learn every smile and what each one meant. I could quite happily spend all eternity watching him.

"Once I realised I was truly head over heals in love with you, my plans changed. I started thinking of ways to make you like me, analysing your every emotion, and later, trying to pluck up the courage to tell you how I felt. I started trying to fix this place up then, hoping it could be somewhere for us one day, instead of just somewhere for me."

I glanced about the room again, wondering what exactly he'd fixed up. While clean, everything looked fairly old, and in some cases almost derelict. I knew he could have set the room up like this in half an hour, but he was implying he had started doing something months ago.

His chuckle smoothed the frown from my face, and I assumed he caught the gist of my thoughts.

"All I've got done is the bathroom. I'll show you after dinner, it's nothing special, and there's no hot water yet, but it's functional."

Again I was touched by him thinking of it. Not only had he brought me to his place, he was changing it for me too. This was where he came to escape, and it seemed he was mainly escaping the emotions of others. While I was here he certainly couldn't be feeling only his own. I worried I would be taking away the one place he had to feel like himself alone.

"I love that you've brought me here, and that you're fixing the place up, but doesn't my being here sort of defeat the purpose of you being here. You still have to feel me after all."

"I like feeling you Bella." He purred.

I tried very hard to ignore his tone and the double meaning of his words as my cheeks prickled. "You know what I mean."

"Bella, your emotions aren't as strong as theirs for one thing, and for another, why on earth would I mind being blanketed in love all the time?" He grinned. "You feel love more than any other emotion. I like feeling what you're feeling anyway, it's like an extra link between us."

"You have an unfair advantage." I grumbled. I wished I could feel his feelings too. He complied with my silent request instantly and for a few seconds I felt dizzy, trying to separate everything I was feeling and make sense of it. The warm glow of love I felt whenever I thought of him was more than doubled, I felt almost as if I was being dazzled. Beneath it was happiness, contentment and excitement, they were all familiar too. But something else encroached on that, and though the feeling was weaker by far than the others, it spoilt them, made them less than what they were.

It took me almost a minute to place it, possibly because I hadn't felt it myself for a while. Inadequacy, guilt and nestling alongside them, just a hint of shame. It baffled me.

"What? I mean, why?" I fought past the strength of his gift, the almost tangible feelings slowing my mind and found some middle ground. I could still feel everything, but I could think clearly too. "What are you ashamed of? Why don't you feel good enough?"

As soon as I'd asked I wanted to take it back. I felt as if I'd read his diary, or opened a box of secret things I never should have touched. He took control again, leaving me with only my own emotions, and I felt suddenly bereft. My own didn't seem like enough anymore.

"I am ashamed of many things Bella, with a past like mine it's difficult not to be, and the guilt is always going to be there, no matter what. And how could I ever hope to be good enough for you?"

"But you are good enough for me. I didn't think I was good enough for you, but I am and you are. It's just the way it is. We're exactly right." I didn't have any of the right words to explain it, I couldn't even really explain it to myself in my head, but something in me knew, without doubt, that I would always love Jasper and that he would always love me. There was no question. And that was enough.

"And I wish you wouldn't still feel guilty. I know you did a lot of terrible things, and there is nothing you can do about that. What matters is that you're not doing them now. You've learnt to be a better man. Can't you feel proud of yourself for that instead?"

His smile was wistful, almost hopeful. "Maybe one day."

"Good." I announced, vowing to help him with that in any way I could. "Now give them back."

"Give what back?"

"Your feelings, I miss them." It was true, I did. I was somehow more complete, and in a strange way more myself when I could feel him too.

Once again there was a dizzying moment of confusion before I tidied them up again. The love was stronger, the inadequacy less noticeable. I had helped just a little, but it would do for now.

"Spiders." I blurted my mind moving on to a new topic.

Jasper jumped and scanned the floor and walls. "Where?"

Laughter threatened, but the genuine fear on his face helped me tame it. "No where." I said quickly. "That's the point. This place should be full of them, but there are none. Not even any cobwebs."

His shoulders slumped. "Every time I come up here I put citronella everywhere. It keeps them away." He explained his back to me once again. That explained that lemony smell anyway. The thought of Jasper hiding away from spiders amused me even more now than it had when he'd first told me.

I enjoyed a few minutes of imagining him standing on chairs to avoid tiny little spiders. He started feeling a bit irritated and I gathered he'd guessed what I was thinking about.

He told me everything would be ready in five minutes, and I carefully turned over the potato again before standing up. I needed to wake up a little before I ate something so I wandered to the door hoping the cool air would work for me.

I took in more of the garden this time, noticing a little stone birdbath, what I was sure would be roses come spring, and even a small pond. I didn't want to ever have to leave here. This place already somehow felt like home, despite the fact that it had none of the things I really needed. Goosebumps began to creep across my arms and my head felt much clearer so I wandered back into the living room. Not that it was really a living room, just the only room that was in any way liveable.

Back in the house Jasper was plating up my food and I reminded myself to thank him later for putting up with a bloody steak for me. Glancing quickly at his eyes when he smiled at me showed they were still a deep toffee colour, so the blood couldn't have bothered him too badly.

I tried to make sure where I was sitting was fairly stable, not wanting my clumsiness to ruin the food that smelled delicious, and that Jasper had put a lot of effort into.

"Shit!" He shouted. He turned towards the fire, pulled out the foil wrapped potato with his bare hands, and unwrapped it so that it fell onto the little table. I grinned to myself as I felt panic, then incredulity and finally watched relief flood his face when he realised it wasn't ruined. Luckily he had little enough experience with food that he didn't seem to suspect I had anything to do with it.

"I hope you're hungry." He laughed, and my stomach chose that moment to growl loudly.

He set a tray on my lap, and the plate on it was huge. The steak looked perfect, as did the potato and sour cream. He'd even fried a huge mushroom for me, something I loved. He sat down beside me as I cut into the meat, holding the wine bottle in one hand and a small bowl of salad in the other.

Everything was delicious, and as I ate Jasper told me stories. I learnt that he had a brother that used to get him into trouble all the time when they were children. He told me about seeing the pyramids by moonlight with Alice and Edward and climbing Mount Everest with Emmett because they thought it would be fun. He had a way with words that made me feel like I'd been there with him.

When I finished eating he asked me about my life, and I told him about Renee's crazy schemes and my usually futile attempts to curb the insanity. I told him about making mud pies with Jacob and going to work with Charlie when I was little. At some point the dishes disappeared and we ended up curled up on the pillows at the fire side.

___________________________________________

_Jasper_

Things couldn't have gone better so far. Bella looked beautiful, she genuinely liked the house, I hadn't ruined the food, and she said the wine was lovely. I was sorely tempted to get up and do some sort of happy dance, but something told me that might wreck the mood.

Letting down my own internal barriers was always a relief. I naturally projected everything I felt to a certain extent, and being able to do that always made me feel better. Since meeting Alice, I had done it only once in her presence and she didn't like it. She told me it was suffocating. At the time her reaction hadn't bothered me in the least, I often felt bombarded by other people's emotions, and I was used to it. For her it had been too much.

Tonight was the second time I'd shown Bella my feelings. The first time had been only a few days ago on the way home from the hospital, and I'd only shown her how I felt about her, carefully controlling how much I allowed her to feel. This time I had let her feel everything, and she had reacted completely opposite to the way Alice had.

When she asked me to show her again, after I'd hidden the feelings away, I felt almost as if a whole new part of me had come to life. She not only accepted that part of me, she liked it.

I was amazed by how much she actually cared about the little stories I was telling her. Her feelings matched mine throughout each story. It was a strange experience for me. I'd never been much of a talker and I'd certainly never felt this need to share things with anyone before. I liked it though, particularly taking about my human days and my family was soothing. I wondered how I had spent sixty years with Alice without ever telling her my brother's name, or the fact that we lived on a small farm. I didn't seem possible that she had never cared to ask and I had never cared to tell her.

As much as I was beginning to enjoy talking, I found I enjoyed Bella's stories more than my own. Her mother sounded like a real character, and I could tell that while Bella felt some irritation towards her, she loved her deeply. Every tale taught me something new about her. With a mother like Renee it became easy to see why she had bonded so easily with Esme, I saw that though she didn't often show it she loved Charlie enormously and was extremely proud of him.

When she talked about her vague memories of La Push I felt a sort of longing coming from her, which I put down to her missing the simpler times as a child.

Then she started talking about me. She told me in detail, about every moment that had led to her falling in love, and about her struggle to squash the feelings in the beginning partly because of Edward and partly because of the conviction that I didn't feel the same. My favourite part of this story was the way she said she couldn't sleep without me. It proved to me that she needed me as much as I needed her. It was a first for both of us. Neither of us had ever been in a relationship as equals really. The fact that I was a vampire ceased to matter in any way, because it simply wasn't a problem for us.

My thoughts triggered a memory. "You told me once that I don't make you cold. Is that true?"

She smiled and nodded her head, then frowned. "Well, sort of. Being around you makes me feel warm, and I guess that staves off the cold. Plus, I warm you up, so after a while, you're not cold anymore anyway."

I couldn't resist. "So what you're saying is, I make you hot?"

"Yes." She grinned, half a second later her eyes widened and crimson crossed her cheeks. "I mean no."

She was throwing off a lovely mix of embarrassment, anticipation and desire. "No?" My voice came out lower than I intended as I got caught up in her emotions, adding fuel to mine. In the space of a second I had her beneath me, wide eyes staring up at me with huge pupils. I lightly kissed both corners of her mouth before kissing her properly, and deliberately pulling away when she made a move to deepen the kiss. "Are you sure I don't make you hot?"

Her breath came raggedly between swollen, parted lips. I was sure I was going to win this one, and leant up on my elbows to wait for her to give in. This had the added bonus of bringing our hips closer together.

I got a little worried when instead of confirming what I'd said, a slow smile spread across her face and she wriggled beneath me. "Maybe it's me that makes you hot." She suggested huskily. While a part of me wanted to deny it, to win the game, a much larger part of me was telling me to give in. Giving in meant kissing Bella, and possibly getting that little red scrap of a top off. I was only a man after all.

"You win." I agreed, probably too fast for her to hear. "It's all you." The next ten minutes were spent making her breathless again. I kissed her, enjoying the way she always kissed me back with equal fervour. The way she trusted me so completely, even when my lips were against her pulse point filled me with confidence in myself and in us.

While kissing her was wonderful, it just wasn't enough, for either of us. I so wished I hadn't spent so long avoiding real hunting trips, waiting for this one was driving me mad. I paused for a moment to take stock of the situation. As usual, I felt no desire for her blood. I wasn't even thirsty at all.

While the possibilities certainly weren't endless at this moment in time, I felt sure enough of my control that exploring all available possibilities seemed like a brilliant idea.

When Bella tugged my mouth back to hers, I took the opportunity to slip my hands behind her neck to the ties of her shirt. She stilled beneath me as I pulled gently on one of the ribbons but then shifted, allowing me better access as her lips resumed their game.

The free exchange of emotions amplified everything, making even the lightest touch seem incredibly intimate. As my fingers brushed against the heated skin on the back of her neck I felt her lust increase, my own grew, projected back at her and again fed mine in turn. In seconds one tiny touch had us both gasping.

Finally her top came undone in my hands, the silky material at the front went slack and I pushed it downwards without waiting for further permission. Her bra was red with black polka dots but otherwise plain. Nothing about it distracted me for more than a quarter of a second, leaving me free to appreciate the soft swell of her breasts above it for a moment before Bella became impatient and starting trying to remove my shirt.

This time, there was no need to stop her or to worry about what she would think. This time there was only us. She pushed me upwards and sat up in front of me, biting her lip as she fumbled through each button. My hands found their way to her hips, stroked across her waist and around to the small of her back, tracing patterns and raising goose bumps on her skin.

My shirt fell open and Bella's hands ghosted over my skin drawing the same patterns in sync. I pulled her onto my lap, bringing her lips back to mine as she pushed the material off my shoulders bringing us almost skin to skin. We would have to stop soon if there was any hope of keeping to the guidelines Carlisle had given me, but I was determined to squeeze in a little more before we broke apart.

I listened carefully ensuring we were truly alone this time before I brought my hands up to the clasp of her bra. I was sure Bella was well aware of my intentions, and I expected to feel at least a little apprehension, but none came. My fingers were less cooperative than usual but they still got the job done in under a second.

Our bodies were so close that the spotty material was trapped between us, still separating us, which just wasn't good enough in my opinion. Bella solved the problem herself while I was busy being distracted by a particularly sweet spot on her collar bone.

She moved backwards half an inch, the cloth fell away and her nipples brushed against my chest, making her gasp. A wealth of words flew to mind in that moment, but her name was the only one I spoke as my gift overcame us both.

Bella hips rocked against mine as she rode her climax, then fell against me as if she had no bones left in her body. It took me several minutes to break through the fog surrounding me. I stoked my fingers through her hair in wonder. That had never happened before. I had often had little choice but to feel the lust of others, and living with Emmett and Rosalie it was a fairly regular occurrence, but it had never affected me like this before.

I fell back against the pillows, pulling Bella with me and still revelling in our uninterrupted closeness. She was tired and would be asleep in minutes and I wanted a few more moments with her before I went to get cleaned up. I knew she was blushing when I felt the extra heat against my neck.

"Wow." She laughed quietly.

I grinned like the Cheshire cat and kissed the top of her head. "Yeah."

**An: I have little to say here, mainly because it's three in the morning and I'm knackered, so maybe you could leave me some lovely reviews to wake up to... please?**


	25. Chapter Twenty Five

**An: I only have one thing to say here: My internet and computer are fixed YAY!!!**

**Oh, and thank you ladyofkeegan for being a fabulous beta! I think that's two things, but never mind...**

Chapter Twenty Five

I kissed Jasper as fiercely as I could manage before he jumped into the back of Carlisle's car and sped away. I knew he was going hunting for a reason, so that we could be more intimate with less risk, but I so very badly wanted him to stay. This would be the longest time we'd ever been apart since the morning Alice had left.

I wandered despondently back into the house and grabbed my purse. I didn't much feel like spending the weekend at home alone as Charlie was fishing, but at least my house was a small place to be alone in. Already bored, I wandered outside and started counting down the hours until they came back.

"And where do you think you're going?" The booming voice, while instantly recognisable as Emmett, scared me witless and I toppled to the ground in my haste to turn around.

Emmett scooped me up, not the least mindful of my rapidly developing bruises and slung me over his shoulder. Before I had time to ask what was going on I'd been dumped in the passenger seat of the jeep.

"What are you doing?" He was turning the key with one hand and roughly strapping me in with the other. "And what are you doing _here_? I thought everyone was going hunting."

"What, and leave the world's most accident prone human all alone for the weekend? Not likely. I volunteered to have some brother/sister bonding time."

"Did Jasper ask you to stay and look after me?" I asked irritably, thinking of the way Edward used to do that as if I was incapable.

"Nope." He grinned, driving too fast already and we were only on the driveway. "It was my idea."

I settled down, feeling a little guilty about jumping to conclusions. "Where are we going then?"

"Bowling then dancing." He declared swerving wildly to overtake a Prius.

I clutched my seat and closed my eyes. "I don't dance Emmett. Do you want me to kill myself, or innocent bystanders? I didn't think so. Please slow down, breakable human in the car."

"We'll see." He said smugly. "And I'm already driving slowly."

We got to Port Angeles faster than I ever had before, and while I was glad I wouldn't be alone all weekend, I didn't think I should have to have so many near death experiences in Emmett's Jeep to earn some company.

Emmett was his usual impatient self, lifting me out of the car and across the lot before dragging me inside and up to the counter. While I tried to regain at least some sense of balance, he paid for a lane, declined shoes, and then dragged me over to an empty booth. It was only when we were at our lane, that I noticed the huge duffle bag he was carrying. He dumped it on the table between us and pulled out two pairs of bowling shoes. The first were red and black with metallic silver writing down the side spelling _McCarty_. The second were a much smaller white and blue pair with _Swan_ on the side.

"Emmett McCarty?" I guessed. He beamed at me and dropped my shoes in my lap. "Thanks. How long have you been planning this?"

"About four and a half days." Shrugged tying his shoes. "Esme likes bowling too, but she thinks it's embarrassing so I can hardly ever get her to come, so I decided you could be my new victim."

"What makes you think I like bowling?"

"I have no idea, but I figured that with your wonderful sense of balance and awesome coordination this would be an experience whether you liked it or not."

He amazed me by pulling out two shiny bowling balls, one red, and one blue, again sized to match.

"I'm not that bad." I huffed, lifting the blue ball experimentally. "I'll have you know I'm quite good at bowling actually.

________________________________

Bowling was fun aside from Emmett showing off so much that we had a crowd around us for the last game. When we'd finished he'd sent me into the bathroom with the duffle bag to change. Inside I found a skirt and top that I was sure didn't actually belong to me and pair of shoes that I knew were Rosalie's. He really had thought of everything and despite the fact that dancing and I didn't get along, I wanted to give it a go for his sake.

Once I was done I found Emmett and discovered he'd swapped his t-shirt for a black button up. He eyed me critically for a moment before smiling and nodding to himself.

"Where exactly are we going then?" I asked hesitantly. I hoped it was somewhere small and dark where no one I knew would witness my lack of dancing skills.

"We're going to check out a club that just opened in town. It's called Sugar. Hopefully it will be a little better than most of the dives around here." He explained already dragging me back to the car. I'd never met anyone with less patience in my life. "Oh, you'll need this."

I took the little card he handed me and turned it over. It was a driver's licence with my picture on it. According to the information, I was twenty two, and called Isabella Alice McCarty. I now had a fake ID. Charlie would kill me if he found it. "When did you get this?"

"Me and Alice got Jasper to do it for your birthday, and we were going to take you out, but Edward found out and wouldn't let us give it to you. He said we were trying to corrupt you and get you into dangerous situations. But, he's not here now, and I promise not to let you get too corrupted."

I scowled at an imaginary Edward for a minute before cheering up again. "Why haven't I got my own name?"

"Well since it was from me and Alice, we wanted it to remind you of us too. Plus, Alice said that if we ever needed to use it in some sort of emergency, you could pass for my sister easily enough. You don't mind do you? I'm sure we could get you an Isabella Whitlock one too." He sniggered. I blushed and poked him.

Eventually we pulled into a lot behind a huge building on the outskirts of Port Angeles. Emmett was grinning and bouncing around like a little boy on a sugar high, while I was trying to think of a brilliant excuse for not dancing at all. Once again, he grabbed my hand and towed me to the front of the club, where a long line of people stood waiting to enter. Emmett glanced along the line, shook his head and walked directly to the bouncers at the front of the queue. I could almost feel the furious gazes of everyone waiting in line as I handed over my ID while Emmett slipped them some cash, grinning all the while. The formerly stoic men smiled back and stepped out of the way to let us in.

The club was mostly dark inside, the lights being trained on a huge dance floor, leaving booths around the sides dimly lit. I could feel the music pounding in my chest and wondered how anyone could stand it so loud. My first experience of a club was fairly overwhelming.

"Drink?" Emmett yelled in my ear. I nodded hopefully and followed him through the slowly building crowd towards the bar. I reached him just in time to see the bar tender set two multi coloured concoctions down in front of him. He picked one up, sipped it and set it in front of me, grimacing. He soon did the same with the other.

With no idea about what I was drinking and very little previous experience with alcohol I had to trust Emmett not to give me anything that would make me ridiculously drunk or give me alcohol poisoning. I drank the first fruity drink quickly, mainly for something to do. I felt uncomfortable in the club, and the more crowded it got the less I wanted to be there.

Emmett turned around the barstool I was sitting on so that I was facing the dance floor and put one arm around me. He was still grinning and looking like there was no where he would rather be so I made more of an effort to relax.

"Look at them all." He chuckled loudly. "You're about to witness something really special. Drunken humans are the very best kind, in about an hour's time most of them will be flailing about and thinking they can dance really well, and there'll be fights, people falling over, and everything. It's like one of those nature programmes only much, much better."

I sipped my drink and scanned the room. There were already quite a few people dancing worse than even I did. He was right; this was the best stage for people watching. Emmett laughed at girls trying too hard and guys not trying nearly hard enough.

In the first half an hour alone seven girls offered to buy him a drink, he turned them all down politely, until an attractive woman in her forties asked him to dance. I expected him to turn her down too, but after a quick glance at me he led her out onto the dance floor.

I couldn't take my eyes off them. Emmett was twirling her around the floor, almost taking out several other dances as they passed by. The woman looked at least ten years younger as she laughed wildly in his arms. I wondered what had made him agree to dance with her when he wouldn't even let anyone else buy him a drink.

I reached behind my to set glass down, and before I'd even turned around again a fresh drink was placed in front of me.

"What's this?" I asked the grinning bar tender.

"Your boyfriend told me not to let your glass get empty." She told me before moving along to serve someone else.

Boyfriend? The thought of me and Emmett as a couple had me giggling furiously. I looked around for him while I calmed down and tried not to choke on my drink. A hint of worry prickled along the back of my neck when I couldn't find him, but it was soon gone when he appeared at my elbow.

"Where's your friend?" I asked hoping he hadn't simply run away from her.

"She went back to her friends. She told me I should take my little sister for a spin." He held out one hand, grinning broadly. Little sister was more like it. "Ok." I agreed a little reluctantly. "But please don't spin me around like that."

Emmett pouted as we made our way out into the pulsing crowd. "That's the only fun way to dance." He whined loudly.

"But no one else is dancing like that." I pointed out, which was true.

"That has nothing to do with it." He grumbled. "You're not telling me you'd rather do the weird bouncy thing that they're doing?"

I followed his eyes to a group of girls that were doing exactly what he'd said, and to be fair to him, they did look fairly ridiculous. Besides, I'd learnt that it wasn't easy to change Emmett's mind if he was set on something, so I ended up letting him twirl me around the floor at sickening speeds.

We spent the next hour alternating between dancing and sitting out so I could have a drink and recover from motion sickness while Emmett fended off the advances of anyone who came in our direction. He was particularly good the few times I was offered a drink. One poor man had literally run out of the club when Emmett had growled at him.

I noticed that as the night wore on Emmett started watching me with an unguarded look of anticipation every time he handed me a new drink. I had a fair idea that he'd decided it would be more fun to watch a drunken Bella than any of these strangers. I felt fine though. Half an hour later I had to upgrade fine to brilliant. I wasn't sure whether it was the alcohol that had given me a sudden sense of confidence, or whether I'd just got used to the club, but I was feeling pretty inspired and strutted off into the middle of the dance floor to writhe with the masses to he beat of the latest song.

I had no idea where Emmett was, but that was ok, all was right with the world and I was sure he'd turn up soon er or later. It turned out to be soon, the minute I was joined by two men -who looked perfectly harmless to me- Emmett was at my side again. It didn't bother me in the least, I just wanted to dance, and it didn't matter if I was dancing alone or with someone else. He handed me the bottle of beer he'd brought with him and I drained it quickly as my thirst caught up with me.

"Want to make a scene?" Emmett whisper yelled at me. I'd just noticed that when the UV lights streaked across him you could just about make out the sparkles. People probably thought he was wearing body glitter or something.

I ignored Emmett as I had no idea what he was talking about and I was too busy laughing at his glitteryness to ask him to explain.

"Are you even listening?" He yelled over the music as I grabbed his arm to make him dance with me.

I shook my head and concentrated on moving my hips along with the beat. We should do stuff like this more often. Emmett pulled me over to the bar and handed me a disappointing glass of water. He waited until I'd drunk half of it before taking it off me. "Now listen carefully. I'm bored, and I want to see if we can get kicked out. I haven't been kicked out of a club for years. So I'm going to go and dance with someone, and all I want you to do is wait about a minute, and then come and pull me away from her, and then start shouting at me as loud as you can, k?"

I nodded and decided I'd do no such thing. I watched Emmett walk away and find a woman to dance with as I grabbed another drink. These cocktail things really did taste good. I downed it and wandered back on to the floor in the opposite direction from the one I'd seen Emmett take. I didn't want to be kicked out; I was having too much fun.

I wasn't alone for long, quickly finding a man to dance with. I briefly lamented the fact that Jasper wasn't with me. It would have been much more fun to dance with him, and I was sure I could have driven him mad. This guy would have to do, even though I couldn't dance with him the way I would have danced with Jasper. The guy put his hands on my waist in leaned in close to slur something indecipherable into my ear. His hot breath made me shudder so I quickly disentangled myself from him.

Both sides of where the DJ was I could see raised platforms with people dancing on them and one of them was free. I wanted to be up there. It took my nearly two minutes to wriggle through the crowd and climb up, but it was so worth it. I could see everyone in the whole club from up here and I could dance however I liked without anyone getting in my way.

Across the room I saw Emmett staring at me wide eyed as he was surrounded by a gaggle of women, all trying to get his attention. I stuck my tongue out at him and continued my energetic moves. I wasn't sure what I'd ever been worried about before, I was clearly a fantastic dancer. I was even gathering a little crowd of guys around the edges of my podium.

I looked for Emmett again, to make sure I could see how awesome I was and saw he was beginning to look a little desperate. With every step he took away from the girls more seemed to crowd in to fill the space. If Rosalie were here, she would have scared them all off or at least marked her territory. I felt a smile stretch across my face as I realised I could get rid of them for him.

I jumped back down the floor, amazed at myself when I only stumbled a little. The guys that had been watching me dance groaned and moved away as I strode towards Emmett. I pushed through the group maybe a tad rougher than I needed too and made my way to my poor, terrified brother and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Hi honey." I yelled. "Did you miss me?"

A few of the girls backed off, but most of them looked fairly persistent.

"Sure did Baby." Emmett shouted back, putting an arm around my waist to spin me around. A few more of the girls left, only three stayed nearby. He eyed the remaining women and grinned down at me. "We'll have to go soon or the babysitter will want more money." He added.

Their shoulders slumped. "I can't believe he's got kids." One of them grumbled as she walked away.

Oh that's nice, kids put them off, but when they thought I was his girlfriend that did nothing to get rid of them. The newly free and smiling Emmett walked me back over to the bar, asking me to yell at him all the way there. I tuned him out until he bought me a new drink; my last one had somehow gotten away from me.

"Did you see how good I was dancing up there?" I interrupted him.

"Yeah." He laughed. "Did you see the crowd of guys looking up your skirt?"

"What? Oh." I groaned. "I thought they liked my dancing." I tugged half heartedly at my skirt and scowled at my knees. "Can we go now?"

"We're not leaving unless we get thrown out." He told me crossing his arms.

"I'm tired." I tried. Actually, I was wide awake, I was just getting bored of this club and to be honest, I was a little embarrassed about the fact that a fair number of people in here had now seen my underwear.

"All you have to do is get us into trouble." He smiled gleefully. "You're a McCarty tonight Bells, play the game."

I glanced down at my drink and contemplated throwing it at him, but decided that would be a waste, so I finished it quickly and threw the glass at him, knowing it wouldn't hurt him but it would have a good effect. The glass hit his chin and shattered and I saw him grin for a second before he grabbed his jaw and yelled.

"How could you?" I screamed as loud as I could. "I hate you!"

"It's not my fault you're such a cold bitch!" He growled back. I had no idea what our fake argument was supposed to be about, but it was actually kind of fun. He picked up someone else's drink up and brought it to his lips.

I snatched it from him. "I think you've had enough! Why do you always have to get drunk and act like this when we go anywhere?" I slammed the drink down on the counter, red liquid sloshed over the sides of the glass and onto the floor.

"Me?" He roared waving his arms around like a maniac. "You're the one who was flashing your panties at anyone who cared to take a look."

Out of the corner of my eye I could see two huge men striding towards us, and decided that with one more little push we were sure to get thrown out. A crowd had gathered around us and the music seemed to have got a lot quieter.

I pulled my arm back, winked at Emmett and flung it forward. My fingers hardly touched his cheek as he threw himself into the club security as if I'd hit him with a baseball bat. The two men went down beneath him.

Emmett scrambled up and flung himself towards me one of the men grabbed his arms and held him back. "Enough." He shouted. "You two need to leave now." The other man grabbed my elbow and pulled me along behind Emmett who was pretending to struggle while he swore like a sailor.

I had a hard time trying not to laugh as I made my own poor attempts at getting away from the man who had a firm grasp on my arm. They made us have our pictures taken before they let us go, so that we would be recognised if we tried to come back. Emmett crossed his eyes and pouted while I stuck my tongue out.

Emmett and I shoved each other around a bit until we were out of sight, then broke into laughter as he swung me onto his back and galloped around the lot. "Wasn't that fun?"

"It was... an experience." I agreed as he tossed me into the car.

"C'mon, you know you enjoyed it. You should come out with me and Rosie sometime and see her in action. She likes the attention see." I spent most of the ride home trying to convince myself I wasn't drunk while Emmett prattled on about all the places he and Rosalie had been kicked out of. He also told me that Esme and Carlisle were never allowed to find out.

As soon as we were home I flicked the TV on, kicked off my shoes and made a sandwich while Emmett disappeared. Five minutes later he came back with twister under one arm, a bottle of something clear and pale yellow under the other and a deck of cards and two shot glasses in his hands.

Part of me was worried, but the larger, drunker part of me was excited. "What are we doing?" I demanded as Emmett sat crossed legged on the floor on the other side of the coffee table.

"Strip poker with shots, followed by drunken Bella twister." He announced.

"Nah uh, I am not taking any clothes off, and I can't play poker." Shots and twister sounded fun though.

"We'll see." Emmett laughed. "There's no one here but me anyway." He added as if that made me feel more comfortable about getting naked.

_________________________________________

At first I thought I was dreaming, but with every crash came an inexplicable throb of pain right behind my ears and eyes. Irritatingly jolly 'music' was playing somewhere nearby and I had the urge to smash whatever it was coming from if only I could be bothered to move. Something was digging into my hip and with every inhalation I could smell plastic and what might have been bacon. I also felt fairly sick, and I was sure I had never once been this uncomfortable in my life.

Reluctantly I opened my eyes and wondered why it was still dark for a moment before I realised I was lying on my stomach with my face pressed into the crook of my arm. I lifted my head slightly and something crackled all around me. I licked my dry lips and noticed my mouth tasted a lot like I'd licked the floor of a pub while I tried to work out what was going on.

After about a minutes struggling I unrolled myself from what turned out to be the twister mat. Deep red creases scarred my skin from where the folds of plastic had pressed into me. I was also wearing only my underwear. I rested my face against the cool, but broken coffee table while I tried to summon the courage to remember how I had ended up like this.

"Sleeping beauty awakes." Emmett said far too loudly from behind me. I jumped and my head throbbed again. I remembered his 'games' the night before and growled quietly. This. Was. All. His. Fault. I turned to face him very slowly, not willing to jeopardise my precarious grip on the contents of my stomach.

He was wearing only a pair of red boxers and a single green sock as he held out a bottle of water. I swallowed half of it and pulled myself onto the sofa while he laughed at me.

"I hate you." I grumbled as I remembered dancing on the coffee table wearing only what I had on now. He had taken a picture and called it insurance. Insurance meant blackmail material.

"You love me really." He chuckled, slumping beside me to continue a brightly coloured flashy game on his Xbox. That was where the horrible noise was coming from.

I leaned on his shoulder. The cold was helping with the headache.

Everything ached actually, and a quick inspection showed a few mild bruises, mostly on my knees, and two patches of something slightly shiny that wouldn't come off, one on my forearm, the other on my shin.

"What the hell is this?" I whined, trying unsuccessfully to scratch it off.

Emmett glanced down at my leg and laughed. "Super glue."

"What? Why?"

"The piano."

Something hazy was prickling at the edges of my mind, but I couldn't seem to grasp it. "What about the piano."

"I wanted to glue all the keys together because you said I couldn't beat Edward up remember? But you said that was too mean and actually wrestled the glue off me. Wrestling a vampire three times your size, only you would do that. The only reason you managed to get it away from me, by the way, was because I had to be careful not to squish you."

I walked on wobbly legs to the piano and pressed a few keys just to be sure Emmett hadn't done it after I'd fallen asleep. I still couldn't remember it happening at all. Emmett's shirt was on the piano bench so I put it on and decided to sit there instead of trekking all the way back to the sofa, which I was sure had deliberately moved further away while my back was turned. I rubbed my eyes and my fingers came away black with flaky mascara. I knew I must have looked as bad as I felt, and I didn't even dare touch my hair to see what sort of mess it was in.

"I hope you had to throw up a lot of tequila." I snapped when Emmett laughed at me again.

"Fair bit." He admitted. "Shame it didn't work on me though. I was pretty surprised you weren't sick actually."

I drank a little more water and found my bag under the piano bench. A mint would have to do until I could summon up the energy to go upstairs and brush my teeth. I also really needed to use the bathroom but I didn't think my legs were up to taking the stairs yet.

Something in the kitchen was burning, but I decided not to tell Emmett, he could figure it out for himself. I really didn't feel like breakfast anyway. Making him eat it might have been fun though. There was even smoke by the time he realised his cooking skills had led to disaster and he disappeared into the kitchen mumbling a string of profanities.

Someone knocked at the door, and I sluggishly got to my feet and went to answer it knowing Emmett was a little busy. Hopefully, it would just be a package or something quick so I could get back to recovering. I pulled open the door and blinked furiously at the sunlight, and worse than that, the shimmering vampire in front of me.

"Wow. You look like shit." Kate said as she pushed past me and into the house. "What have you been doing? Or is it _who_ have you been doing?" She asked tugging on the stolen shirt I was wearing. It occurred to me that I probably shouldn't have answered the door wearing only this.

I gaped at her as no answer formed quickly enough in my mind.

"Oh my god." She said half a second after Emmett came back into the room.

"I killed breakfast Bells and I'll have to repaint above the stove later." He announced, failing to acknowledge Kate. He had sooty patches on his face and bare chest.

"Damn Bella, you're joining the wrong coven. First Edward, and from the sound of his whining Jasper too, now Emmett. How do you do it?" She asked animatedly pulling me over to the couch. "We never managed to crack any of them."

I opened my mouth to explain but was cut off by Emmett's booming laughter. "Bella the succubus!" He crowed. "Oh Kate, you should come down here more often."

"There nothing going on between me and Emmett except too much tequila and a game of strip poker." I explained curling up in a ball at the edge of the couch. Kate looked a little disappointed.

"Watcha doing here anyway?" Emmett asked as he handed her a controller so she could join in.

"Alice said that Bella needed to be taken to a few places today." She shrugged.

"I don't." I grumbled. "I'm going to bed and not moving 'til Jasper comes home."

"Oh that's why." Kate exclaimed. "You really are with Jasper now. Edward thought it was just a onetime thing, but he did say you had some human boyfriend for now."

"That wasn't even a thing. And Edward doesn't know about me and Jasper yet. And there is no human. I'm going for a shower."

I heard them sniggering at my miserable mood as I dragged myself upstairs and into the bathroom. A quick glance in the mirror woke me up better than anything else had so far this morning. I really did look horrific, panda-eyes, nest-hair, the odd bruise and a shirt that looked more like a tent. It wasn't a good look, and I was sure that in a few years, when I'd finally recovered from the hideous hangover, I would find it in me to be embarrassed that Emmett and Kate had seen me in this state.

I stayed in the shower for almost an hour as my mind slowly filtered back. I made a firm resolution never to drink again. Actually, I was never going to go out with him again either. I can't believe he convinced me to stage an argument so that we would get kicked out of a club or that he made me dance. I shuddered and turned the water a little hotter as if that would somehow rid me of the humiliating memories.

I hadn't really done anything worse than make a fool of myself in front of a few strangers, and Emmett, who made a fool of himself on an hourly basis. It was that thought that convinced me to get out of the shower and get dressed. I wanted to see exactly where Alice thought I needed taking.

As far as I was aware there was nothing I needed, there wasn't even anything a wanted right now, and even if there was I could certainly manage to get it for myself. I liked Kate and didn't object to spending time with her, but I felt like I was being babysat. Why on earth had she come all the way from Alaska because of something that sounded fairly trivial?

I threw on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt I found on our bed. I wasn't too sure who it belonged to, but it was clean and that was really all that mattered until I felt better. My hair was a loss as far as I was concerned, so I put it up without brushing it, grabbed a hoody out of the closet and made my way back downstairs.

Emmett and Kate were still playing on the Xbox, but they were also talking about Edward and I wanted to know how he was doing. I reminded myself I'd promised to call him a week ago too, and I'd have to get around to that at some point.

"What, still?" Emmett asked as I plopped down between them.

"He's always been good at brooding, you know that." Kate laughed, "But this is the longest I've seen him mope over one thing."

"Is he at least hunting regularly?" Emmett liked to say Edward was an ass, and he did still want to 'kick the crap outta him', but he cared too. Edward was his brother, and while he enjoyed tormenting him and laughing at his expense, like all good siblings, at the end of the day he was still in his corner.

"Yeah, he hunts. He plays miserable music. He talks about Bella all the time and whines about Jasper. The usual." Kate shrugged, easily beating Emmett in their current game. I'd never seen him lose before.

"He's ok though, right?" Like Emmett, being mad at him didn't stop me from caring. And I couldn't pretend that I wasn't at least partly responsible.

"He's fine, just more miserable than usual. It's hard to tell the difference really." She laughed. "Are you going into town like that, or do you own any clothes that actually belong to you."

"I'm not going anywhere." I said again. "Where does she think I need to be taken anyway?"

"A salon, a lingerie store and a hardware store." She ticked them off on her fingers.

"Kate... that's a fairly odd combination, don't you think? Did Alice say what she thinks I'm going to be doing?"

"Nope, but I'm guessing she wants you prettied up for Jasper. Have I ever mentioned that this is a weird family? She wants her ex's new mate all primped for a night with him. Very odd." She rambled. "The hardware store is for solvent, she said something about glue? I wasn't listening. And Emmett needs to get some paint. And you should probably replace the coffee table too."

________________________________________

Five hours later, yep, that's right, a whole five hours later, Kate let me come home, said goodbye and ran off again. I had been trimmed, waxed and plucked to within an inch of my life. My hair was a little shorter and now came with snazzy new highlights, and I had single handedly given the sales assistant in the lingerie store so much commission that she had booked a holiday as I was leaving.

Well, Jasper had given her that much commission. Kate had brought his credit card with us. Another of Alice's instructions. I had of course protested, but I might as well have not bothered. Kate cut me off with a single growl and told me to suck it up. The clothes were for Jasper's benefit anyway. I didn't like it, but really, who am I to argue with an angry vampire.

Emmett, who had driven us to and from Port Angeles, raised an eyebrow as I waived away his offer to help with the bags. He knew exactly what I'd bought as Kate had told him though. On the way home, I'd had the 'Just because Jasper's been hunting doesn't mean its ok..." talk. Thankfully, it was obvious he wasn't being serious.

He seemed to have bought a lot of stuff too, the trunk had been full of paint and other stuff in bags, and there was something huge strapped to the roof of the jeep. It had started to rain and the cardboard it was wrapped in was getting soggy.

I went upstairs to put my new underwear away, all the while wondering about which of it Jasper would like, and what would happen when he got back. I had to wait until tomorrow to see him again, and I'd really started to miss him. I wasn't worried about him, and I knew he was coming back, but I missed the feel of him, and the smell of him, and I missed talking to him. Life just wasn't quite as bright when he was away from me.

Plus, since our first date, which couldn't have been better, I'd been dying to go further with him. The unexpected effects of him sharing his feelings had left me with a vague knowledge of what my body was capable of, and I was sure that doing more physically would make things even better.

Jasper had said he wanted us to go slowly, and I wondered if he thought we'd had enough practise yet. I wanted to make love. I felt my cheeks burning. Somehow, while I was actually with Jasper, nothing seemed too much. He was the first man that had ever seen me topless, and I hadn't been at all embarrassed, but thinking about it while I was alone made me feel all squirmy with nerves.

I sat down on the bed and watched the rain making patterns on the glass of the window while I listened to Emmett running up and down the stairs. I wanted to know what he was doing, but I was tired, and the lack of Jasper, along with my slowly fading hangover had put me in a bit of a bad mood.

A rumble of thunder in the distance reminded me of the way Jasper sort of purred when he was content, and then a louder, nearer one reminded me of his growls. I missed him more. Lightening streaked across the darkening sky and a thud sounded in the next room. Edwards. I hoped Emmett wasn't doing anything too bad in there.

Just as I was about to drag myself down the hall to check on him my phone bleeped at me. It was yet another message from Edward. In two whole months, not a single day had passed without a message from him, and they were really grating on my nerves. They were annoying, but worse than that they made me feel guilty, and I knew I shouldn't really. It wasn't like I'd deliberately stopped loving him. I just... had. I was sure if he could stop moping he would see that we really weren't right for each other, and then maybe he could find someone who meant as much to him as Jasper did to me.

This time his message was just four lines, and unusually for him, it wasn't poetry, or a quote from Wuthering Heights.

**Without you I am nothing**

**I love you Bella**

**Let me show you**

**Let me come home.**

I sighed. Stupid boy. He would be fine without me if he just tried to be. And I didn't want him to show me he loved me, I would much prefer it if he just stopped loving me all together. I tried to tell myself that I wasn't stopping him from coming home, but I knew deep down that I was. He had hurt me, and he wouldn't come back until I told him it was ok to. And I hadn't told him that. The main reason for me wanting him to stay away was that I didn't trust him not to try to hurt Jasper when he found out about us. My other reasons mainly involved not wanting to hurt him by displaying my new relationship to him, and I had no intentions of staying away from Jasper, so it was unavoidable.

A board outside the room creaked, alerting me to Emmett's presence. "Penny for your thoughts?" He asked from behind me.

"Do you have a penny?"

He came and sat beside me on the bed, rummaging in his pocket. "I don't know, let's see." He mumbled laying out what he found on the bed between us. "String. Bottle cap. A dollar. Elastic band. Clean white hankie. Cell phone. Swiss army knife." He said as he set down each item before turning to another pocket. "A half eaten humbug. Lint. AA pamphlet. Couple o' notes, shiny pebble. Wedding ring. Nope, no pennies. Would you accept a dollar and the shiny rock?"

I stared at the strange assortment of junk next to me. I couldn't even form a sentence for a few seconds. "Why?" I said eventually, internally praising myself for my incredible eloquence.

Emmett sighed. "Because I don't have a penny. I'm offering you this instead." He explained, holding out the pebble and the dollar.

"That's not what I meant. I'm wondering why you have all this stuff. Half of it is trash, and almost all of the rest of it should probably be somewhere else. Why are you carrying around a wedding ring?"

"Found it under the bed, I break them a lot so I have a few on hand."

"Ok, why do you have an AA pamphlet?"

"Some woman handed it to me today and I wanted to read it."

"Why didn't you throw the sweet in the bin?"

"I thought you might want it." He told me, pulling the lint off it and handing it over. I dropped it on the bed and inched away from him deciding I'd heard enough.

"No thanks. I'll take the pebble, you can keep the dollar." The little bluish stone really was pretty shiny.

"So what's on your mind? All I've heard for the last ten minutes are sighs, and we'll, you know, your heart beat, and your breathing and a bit of shifting around, but they don't count."

"I was thinking about Edward." I confessed. "He sent me another message asking me to _let_ him come home, and I was worrying about it."

"Let's see." He demanded, swiping my phone. His fingers seemed almost to vibrate as he found the message. A few seconds later he handed it back, grinning like an idiot.

"What did you do?" I asked fearfully.

"Replied." He smirked.

I found my outbox and saw that he had indeed replied to Edward.

**I thought that I could love no other,**

**That was until, I met your brother.**

"Have I told you I hate you today?" I groaned. "You do realise he's probably going to work out that I really am with Jasper now and come down here. What if he hurts him? Hmm? Did you think of that?" I slapped his shoulder; he only smiled while I hissed at the pain in my hand.

My phone played Debussy and I cringed. My thumb hovered over the reject button then moved to accept the call. I had never wanted to speak to anyone less. I pressed the button before I could chicken out and raised the phone slowly to my ear. Emmett snatched it away.

"Hello?" He said in an oddly breathless voice, all the while grinning at me evilly.

I couldn't hear Edward's reply, but I could hear something, which meant he was probably shouting.

Emmett's grin widened. "We're a bit... busy... right now..." He panted, pushing down on the mattress making it creak between his words. With horror I realised exactly what he was doing and lunged for the phone.

"Emmett!" I yelled, pulling it out of his hand.

I had to hold the phone away from my ear because Edward was yelling so loud. Emmett winked and bowed. I was going to kill him.

"Edward. Calm down." I snapped. The snarling cut off instantly.

"Bella? Are you ok? I'm on my way." He said frantically.

"Stay right where you are. Emmett sent that message, and he's being an ass. He's just trying to annoy you. Do you honestly think there's anything going on between me and him?" My headache was returning full force, and Emmett had moved from the position of big brother to the top of my hit list.

Edward talked at an indecipherable pace for close to two minutes before I cut him off and told him I hadn't heard a word.

"Edward please calm down. Emmett is still entirely with Rosalie, and has no interest in me in that way. I think of him like a big brother. Doing anything like that with him would be disgusting." I genuinely shuddered thinking about it. Emmett, who was still smiling widely as he listened in, mimed stabbing himself in the heart and flopped back onto the bed, pouting at me.

_You want me really_. He mouthed, waggling his eyebrows. I hit him in the face with a pillow and went to stand by the window where it was easier to ignore him.

"Bella? Promise me nothing is happening. Emmett is worse for you than _I_ am; he has almost no ability to contain his strength at all." Edward babbled, this time just slow enough for me to understand.

I thought of Emmett's hugs, while often a little painful, he'd never really hurt me. I thought about how easy he'd found it to apply makeup to my delicate eyes. Either Edward was blithely lying to me, or he just didn't know his brother. What the hell would he say when he found out I was really with Jasper? He wouldn't even have to lie there. Last time Edward had seen Jasper, he really had had massive issues with control, it was something he found easy now, but as far as Edward knew Jasper was still dangerous to humans in general. There was no point him trying to make me change my mind anyway; he had no hope of doing that.

"You know what Edward; it's really none of your business." I snapped. "You can't make decisions for me anymore; you couldn't even make them when we were together."

I watched Emmett's reflection in the window sit up and begin a silent round of applause. I forgave him a little bit without meaning to.

"I care about you. I love you. Can't you see that I'm only trying to protect you?" Edward whined. Had he whined this much before?

"You're trying to protect me from things I don't need protecting from, Edward." I sighed, exasperated. "What I do isn't your business anymore. If I want your advice I'll ask for it. Why don't you worry about yourself for a while? I'm happy Edward, you should try it."

"You're happy?" He said in a very small voice.

I wondered if he was upset by that. Did he think I was pining over him the way he seemed to be doing with me? The line stayed quiet for a few seconds.

"Yes, I'm happy." I said quietly, suddenly wishing Emmett would leave as my feelings towards Edward softened a little. "I wish you were too."

"How can I be when you're not with me?"

I had no answer for that. I tried to put myself in his position. How would I feel if I still loved him and he'd left me? If I was away from my family? Exiled. I wanted very much to tell him to come home, but selfishly, I also wanted a few more days of peace. Not to mention I was still worried about what he might try to do to Jasper.

"It will get easier." I said eventually, cursing myself for the stupid cliché.

Edward laughed flatly. "I very much doubt that Bella." He was quiet again for a moment. "Would you at least tell me the truth about Emmett?"

I bit my tongue for a moment to stop myself snapping. It was a moment too long.

"She can't get enough of me bro." Emmett said needlessly loud. "You're missing out man."

"Why, Emmett?" I hissed.

"Why? Because you want my sexy body." He grinned.

I dropped the phone on the floor and launched myself at him. Maybe his eyes weren't as durable as the rest of him and I could scratch them out. Of course, he caught me before I could do myself any damage, or attempt to do him any. With one hand fitted around each of my wrists he smiled innocently, and then stuck his tongue out at me, shaking with silent laughed.

Then he moaned. "Oh baby, yeah... just like that..."

My face burned and my whole body seemed to wilt with resignation. No way was Edward going to stay away now. Emmett abruptly let go of me, picked up the phone and handed it over. "He hung up." He said, sounding disappointed.

I was so angry I couldn't even form a coherent response. All that escaped was a growl.

"Don't look at me like that." He complained. "You know he deserved it. I was just teaching him a lesson."

I clenched my fists and closed my eyes. "When I'm a vampire..." I said slowly. "The first thing I'm going to do is beat you until you cry."

"You're telling me you didn't find that funny?" He said sounding almost offended.

"What do you think he's doing now Emmett? He's almost certainly on his way here. And what do you think he'll do to you when he gets here? And then what will he do when he finds out it's actually Jasper that I'm with?"

Emmett looked at me blankly.

"You just caused us an awful lot of trouble." I moaned.

"Sorry?"

"Sorry?" I growled. "Now you're sorry?" I had never wanted to hurt anyone more in my life.

Emmett shrugged. "Ten bucks says he calls Rose to tell on me instead of coming down here."

I felt a small prickle of hope but kept my glare steady.

A few seconds later, Emmett's phone, which was still on the bed amidst his other pocket junk began to ring. He winked, flipped the phone open and hit a button. I could clearly hear Rosalie's voice when she spoke.

"Hello sweetie, care to explain?"

Emmett winked again and sank back on the bed as if he was getting comfortable ready for a movie. "Explain what?"

"Explain why I just got a call from Edward, who seems to think you're having an affair with our little sister." Strangely, she didn't sound worried or angry, only a little resigned.

"Oh that." He said, bouncing slightly. "Some of my best work I think." He gave her a quick run down of his stupid behaviour, and included my attempt to attack him, and my promise to make him cry.

Rosalie laughed. "Serves him right." She said. "He was telling me that you must have dazzled her into it, as she'd never 'lower herself' to act that way otherwise." I knew she knew I was here, but she was still talking to Emmett as if I wasn't. "He's just called Carlisle, who's currently trying to talk him down."

"Do you think he'll come home?" I asked.

"I doubt it." She answered lightly. "Once Carlisle makes him see the truth, he'll probably start feeling like an idiot for falling for it. He'll stay in Canada to save face."

After a bit of mumbling in the background Jasper started talking. I snatched up the phone.

"I miss you." He said first. Emmett began to retch loudly.

"I miss you too. When will you be home? I need you to murder Emmett for me."

Jasper chuckled. "We'll be back before lunch tomorrow. Cut him a little slack, he could have told Edward the truth, which would probably have been worse."

"Don't you defend him." I pouted while Emmett smirked triumphantly at me. "You didn't have to hear him moaning and everything."

"I have to hear it for real often enough." He laughed, and I heard what I assumed was Rosalie slapping him. "At least you're not bored."

I couldn't argue with that, there hadn't really been a dull moment. "I guess." I could hear Rose clamouring to get back on the line so I said my goodbyes quickly. "I love you. See you tomorrow."

"Love you too angel."

"Can I speak to my husband please?" Rose said.

Within seconds Emmett was graphically describing what he would do to her when she got home and I made a hasty exit, heading downstairs and well out of earshot.

What I found in the living room baffled me. Edwards couch was upside down by the fireplace and the floor was full of boxes of CDs. His shelves had been taken apart and most of the pieces were simply scattered about the room.

I gave the boxes a cursory glance to make sure he hadn't smashed all the CD's or anything. Everything was fine. I wondered why he had moved everything out and cautiously went up to Edward's room. In the middle of the floor was the cardboard box I'd seen on the roof of the jeep. One little kick and the packaging fell open to reveal a princess bed, complete with turret and slide. A tool kit lay open next to it, presumably for Emmett to put it together.

There were also several pots of paint, brushes, rollers and trays.

He came into the room and gave me back my phone, smiling expectantly.

"What is this?" I sighed.

"You said I couldn't hit him, so I'm simply redecorating his bedroom. I haven't broken anything of his, so you're not allowed to object."

I'm not even all that sure how it happened, but I somehow got roped into painting while he built the bed, and then helping him with posters of Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers.

Hours later we stood back to survey our handy work. It was horrible. Every single thing in the room was either pink or purple, the bed was a monstrosity that looked like it would be more fun to play on than to sleep on, on faces of teenaged singers grinned down from almost all of the available wall space. Edward may well cry.

Emmett had even carefully painted 'Princess Eddikins' on the ceiling in glow-in-the dark pink. The lampshade had glittery tassels. He'd decided that Edward was now forgiven as long as he didn't do anything else stupid, and had promised me he wouldn't wind him up again. He'd also given me back the photos of me dancing on the table to make me forgive _him_ for being an ass.

It was three in the morning by the time we'd finished everything, so I brought my pillow downstairs to sleep on the sofa away from the paint fumes while Emmett tidied up the living room, installed the new coffee table and covered up the smoke marks above the stove in the kitchen.

By the time I woke up Jasper would be on his way home, and I had already roped Emmett into running me up to the cottage to surprise him. I couldn't wait.

**An: So, I'm really curious, did you enjoy the Emmett/Bella bonding time, or were you just annoyed that there was no Bella/Jasper? Let me know and I promise to put lots of Bella/Jasper goodness in the next chapter.**


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